I have been going to a new church for a couple of months now. Before going to this church, I went to a church that a friend from high school pastors. I didn't stay at his church because it was a small church without any possibilities to outreach to the community or to even become involved within the church. Those were a couple of things that I was looking for when I began searching for a new church. It's been five weeks since I've been to his church. I haven't talked to him or his wife since then, but I did email his wife last week, but she didn't respond. That's not unusual though because she's very busy with college, work and church.

I'd like to send them both an email thanking them for all that they have done for me and explain to them why I haven't came back to their church. I also want to ask them if we can get together this Sunday for lunch after church because I would like to continue the friendship with them. They knew that I was also going to my current church for evening services while I was attending theirs on Sunday mornings. But I don't really know how to say it. I wrote a rough draft below, let me know if that's what I should say or if I shouldn't mention all of the good things about my current church. I'm not mentioning the part about asking them for lunch because I know what to say on that.

I would like to begin by saying thank you both for giving me a ride to and from church and for allowing me to go to church camp with you all. I really enjoyed your church services and I think everyone there is so friendly. But one of the reason that I began searching for another church a few months ago was because I felt the Lord telling me to get involved in outreach and different ministries within the church. I just didn't see those possibilities in your church.

I've also enjoyed being at the Well and have grown a lot in my spiritual walk while being there. I'm hoping to become involved in the children's church on Sunday mornings soon. I'm also thinking about joining the nursing home ministry within the next few weeks. They are also starting special classes on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights that I'm going to join. These classes cover evangelism and prayer. The pastor is also having a class on Tuesday nights called Understanding Scripture that I'm going to take.

I will continue to keep you both and your church in my prayers. I will also come and visit occassionally. Let me know if there is anything that I can do for you.

My humble opinion: if it's that important to you, I don't think you should email them. Call first. If after a few tries they don't pick up, then email them.

I had thought about calling, but I don't really like calling people. They both know that, so they wouldn't be surprised if I chose emailing over calling. I also don't know when a good time to call would be or which one I should actually call. I know the guy better because we went to school together and I've only known his wife a few months now.

Actually, in order to do things correctly, you really should have gone to them personally for a meeting before you stopped attending the church. I would think that would be better than to just stop attending. They might be offended and not knowing why you left.

I think it would be a matter of common courtesy to have a meeting with them, explaining why you felt you were being led elsewhere. I'm sure they would have appreciated knowing why you left.

I probably would try to get in touch with them personally first and foremost. Then a handwritten letter to them. To me, email would be very impersonal for such a matter.

God Bless.

I wish I would have thought of things that way. Now I'm feeling bad about leaving their church. But I only went to their church for a few weeks and I didn't go every Sunday during that time. I also told them right up front that their church may not be what I'm looking for. So they knew that from the beginning. Actually my friend's wife and the youth pastor both told me that I should continue looking into other churches until I found one where I felt like I belonged. My friend also commented that it was okay if I go to the other church as long as I come and visit them sometimes.

Now it is going to be awkward if we did get together for lunch this Sunday because I'd need to explain why I decided to leave their church. My plan was to get together with them and invite a couple of others that my friends also know to join us for lunch, but that would be awkward explaining things to them with others there. I guess that's why I was thinking of explaining things in an email. That way they'd know and hopefully things wouldn't come up during the lunch. But I think I'm going to send them an email asking them if we can get together for lunch and just leave it at that, then explain things to them in person somehow.

I wish I would have thought of things that way. Now I'm feeling bad about leaving their church. But I only went to their church for a few weeks and I didn't go every Sunday during that time. I also told them right up front that their church may not be what I'm looking for. So they knew that from the beginning. Actually my friend's wife and the youth pastor both told me that I should continue looking into other churches until I found one where I felt like I belonged. My friend also commented that it was okay if I go to the other church as long as I come and visit them sometimes.

Now it is going to be awkward if we did get together for lunch this Sunday because I'd need to explain why I decided to leave their church. My plan was to get together with them and invite a couple of others that my friends also know to join us for lunch, but that would be awkward explaining things to them with others there. I guess that's why I was thinking of explaining things in an email. That way they'd know and hopefully things wouldn't come up during the lunch. But I think I'm going to send them an email asking them if we can get together for lunch and just leave it at that, then explain things to them in person somehow.

Well, you have clarified a lot of details about what happened, and I think I misunderstood exactly what the situation is. If you only went there a few times, then it's different. I got the impression from your original post that you had made that your church home. Don't worry about it. Go to lunch with them, and don't feel awkward at all. Also, if you told them up front that their church may not be what you were looking for, then you covered all the bases to start with.

Go to lunch with them, enjoy their company, don't worry about any of this stuff. They might bring up the subject of the church you are now attending, and if they do, you can tell them why you feel that the kind of outreach the new church has is so important to you. There are churches all over that have no community outreach opportunitities, and to tell you the truth, they should expect that folks who want to minister through their church family won't stay there for very long. Maybe hearing about the opportunities you are experiencing will help motivate them to try to get out into the community themselves.

I still don't like the email thing, though. I think a nice card, handwritten and mailed, would be better.

God Bless.