Hey y'all!

Okay, I have this ridiculously huge crush on the youth minister at my church. He's young, single, fun to be around and insanely good looking. We're around the same age so we wind up hanging out together with the rest of "young adult" group quite a bit. The thing is, there's like this weird vibe or something between us. I mean, I know I like him but I can't tell how he feels about me. I've caught him watching me a few times like when I'm working with the kids, at church, or when we're all hanging out. We've had a couple of "moments"........you know, nervous/awkward laughter, a hand held too long, eye contact for longer than necessary, things like that. At the same time though, I always feel like he's being super careful or guarded around me. I don't know how to really explain it but it's like he isn't comfortable with me like his is with some of the other girls. Like he's trying not to get too chummy with me or something. I don't know. I mean, granted I'm a little on my guard too but that's because I don't want to be seen as another silly girl that's set her sights on him and I don't want to cause any gossip for either one of us.

I guess my big problem is that I'm so into him that I'm not even considering dating anyone else and yet, I have no clue how he feels about me. I've actually been praying about it recently (which feels kind of silly) and asking God to just remove him from my thoughts, etc. if there's no future for us and to show me a sign if there is. Unfortunately, nothing has happened either way yet. I mean, I really want to get married and while I'm hung up on him, I'm not thinking about anyone else. Am I just wasting my time carrying a torch for this guy? Is it totally inappropriate to even think about dating a minister at your own church? Should I spend less time around him and remove myself from the situation or more time around him so that I'm on his radar? Ugh.........this is so confusing. I haven't had a crush on anyone in years.

Thanks ladies!

Is it totally inappropriate to even think about dating a minister at your own church?

Why? They date, get married and have children too! They are human. He is not married, and you are around the same age, I say have fun. I would talk to him about your situation. I mean I would not say I have a crush on you, but would let him know you would be interested in going to dinner or a movie.

I agree with Sherrie. There would be nothing wrong with going out somewhere together.

Jeanne:)

I think that as long as he's single and you're not throwing yourself at him, there's no problem with crushing on him.

You never know what might happen, and at least you know he's a Godly man ;)

Keep praying though, and try not to shut out the possibility of meeting anyone else, hard as it can be when you really like someone.

It's agonizing, I know. But if he is interested, things will develop in time. Try to resist the urge to make things happen. :)

sounds like a pretty neat guy. I would think you have some things in common and you both lke to work with youth it sounds like.

I would talk to him about your situation. I mean I would not say I have a crush on you, but would let him know you would be interested in going to dinner or a movie.


I don't know about all that. I'm not a terribly bold person, esp. when it comes to dealing with men. Besides, I've always been taught that as a Christian woman I should let the man take the lead.

Your both young and single.....the time to worry is if one of you were married....and believe me, that situation happens and not just to the young. Lots of women "fall" for ministers....like men in uniforms...there's something specially attractive about them. But hey, maybe this is the right guy for you....like one of the other ladies said...he's human...good luck.

Go for it, what can it hurt? If you have the "strange feeling" he's probably got it to!

choir girl

the bible says a MAN that finds a wife finds a good thing.

It sounds like he is attracted to you as well, but maybe he is not ready for a relationship, he could be just avoiding the temptation of you. Wanting to focus more on his ministry.

You want more than an attraction from a man, you want a man that can become one with you. Don't sell yourself short.

In your prayers, and I believe strongly in believing prayers, pray that God gives you the strength to focus more on HIM, and the ministry God has given you, if this man is for you, he will be for you at that perfect time that God has ordained.

If this man is not for you, God has something better for you. It will not be the end of the world if it's not this one

Being one of the older women here, my advise is to let him do the "inviting". You see, I am of the opinion that the guy is supposed to be the one to call the girl, to ask her out, to make things happen. Many girls now-a-days step into that role, and go chasing the man. But, he is doing the right thing.

It appears he is trying to treat everyone the same. This is right, since he is the Leader of the group. He should avoid every appearance of evil and some folks could say he is making advances to the girls, even if he just zeros in on you.

As difficult as it may be, and I know it is difficult, but just let things go as they are going now. Time is a precious gift from God. Let time work things out.

And in the meantime, keep on praying. I have a gut feeling that he may be doing the same!

Hey y'all!

Okay, I have this ridiculously huge crush on the youth minister at my church. He's young, single, fun to be around and insanely good looking. We're around the same age so we wind up hanging out together with the rest of "young adult" group quite a bit. The thing is, there's like this weird vibe or something between us. I mean, I know I like him but I can't tell how he feels about me. I've caught him watching me a few times like when I'm working with the kids, at church, or when we're all hanging out. We've had a couple of "moments"........you know, nervous/awkward laughter, a hand held too long, eye contact for longer than necessary, things like that. At the same time though, I always feel like he's being super careful or guarded around me. I don't know how to really explain it but it's like he isn't comfortable with me like his is with some of the other girls. Like he's trying not to get too chummy with me or something. I don't know. I mean, granted I'm a little on my guard too but that's because I don't want to be seen as another silly girl that's set her sights on him and I don't want to cause any gossip for either one of us.

I guess my big problem is that I'm so into him that I'm not even considering dating anyone else and yet, I have no clue how he feels about me. I've actually been praying about it recently (which feels kind of silly) and asking God to just remove him from my thoughts, etc. if there's no future for us and to show me a sign if there is. Unfortunately, nothing has happened either way yet. I mean, I really want to get married and while I'm hung up on him, I'm not thinking about anyone else. Am I just wasting my time carrying a torch for this guy? Is it totally inappropriate to even think about dating a minister at your own church? Should I spend less time around him and remove myself from the situation or more time around him so that I'm on his radar? Ugh.........this is so confusing. I haven't had a crush on anyone in years.

Thanks ladies!

Ministers have to get married too. Nothing wrong with going out with him.

I am in TOTAL agreement with Diggindeeper....Let God lead Him to you...I'm honestly trying to think if there is a positive relationship in the Bible where the woman chased the man and I can't think of one.



My two cents....

You don't need to wait for him to make the first move, girl. He may be a good match for you, and you say it already feels like there's some sparks a flyin'.

As a minister, he may feel a bit shy about approaching women he meets through that venue. There's nothing wrong with it of course, but you never know how he feels.

There's nothing wrong with a woman asking a man, "Hey.. would you like to watch a movie sometime?" That is nothing close to extreme, and I feel it's wrong for the women here to limit you in such a way.

Your sister in Christ,

Jane

Hi Jane,


I feel it's wrong for the women here to limit you in such a way.

When you say "it's wrong" do you mean you think the advice is unsound, unbiblical, or immoral in some way? :lol:

There are times when it is perfectly reasonable for a woman to pursue a man. Men who are shy for example, will need plenty of encouragement in the beginning to pursue a relationship. But a confident guy is more likely not only to be able to take the lead, but also he will prefer to take the lead. It's a manly thing. Someone who fits the description of the pastor above will probably have lots of experience with women throwing themselves at him. That's not very attractive. It is better to let him take the lead. Guys will pursue girls that interest them. If he doesn't, then he isn't interested, either in that person, or in any relationship at that point in time in his life. He might already be involved with someone else somewhere else.

Hi Jane,



When you say "it's wrong" do you mean you think the advice is unsound, unbiblical, or immoral in some way? :lol:

There are times when it is perfectly reasonable for a woman to pursue a man. Men who are shy for example, will need plenty of encouragement in the beginning to pursue a relationship. But a confident guy is more likely not only to be able to take the lead, but also he will prefer to take the lead. It's a manly thing. Someone who fits the description of the pastor above will probably have lots of experience with women throwing themselves at him. That's not very attractive. It is better to let him take the lead. Guys will pursue girls that interest them. If he doesn't, then he isn't interested, either in that person, or in any relationship at that point in time in his life. He might already be involved with someone else somewhere else.
You seem to have a very limited concept of the male species. I've known a lot of men that prefer to be the more submissive one in a coupling.

Sexism runs rampant in this messageboard, I've found.

I agree there are a lot of submissive men. Do you think the man described in the OP is a submissive type? Do you think it unreasonable to believe things will take the natural course unless the OP takes the initiative?

I agree there are a lot of submissive men. Do you think the man described in the OP is a submissive type? Do you think it unreasonable to believe things will take the natural course unless the OP takes the initiative?
Hehe, an attractive and Godly man like that?

I think it's a very good possibility that if she does not take initiative, another girl will.

You're assuming that he doesn't have it in him to take the initiative himself. If the mutual attraction is there, then things will happen in the natural way.

I think it's a very good possibility that if she does not take initiative, another girl will.

You're probably right about that but she won't get very far because he doesn't really go for that. What some of the other ladies has said is true; girls are always throwing themselves at him, declaring some undying affection, slipping him their numbers, etc. It's distasteful and not appropriate behavior for a Christian woman but that's beside the point. I'm not as bold as them, never have and never will be. I've never made the first move and I really don't think it would go over well with him if I did.

I'm honestly trying to think if there is a positive relationship in the Bible where the woman chased the man and I can't think of one.

Ruth and Boaz, with the helping hand of Naomi? Although I certainly wouldn't recommend Ruth's method ...

I'd say to him 'Do you fancy going for a coffee sometime?' Calm, casual, puts the ball in his court - he can say 'Sure' or 'I don't think it's appropriate' or 'I'm really too busy right now.' And then you'll know one way or the other.

You're probably right about that but she won't get very far because he doesn't really go for that. What some of the other ladies has said is true; girls are always throwing themselves at him, declaring some undying affection, slipping him their numbers, etc. It's distasteful and not appropriate behavior for a Christian woman but that's beside the point. I'm not as bold as them, never have and never will be. I've never made the first move and I really don't think it would go over well with him if I did.

Honey, I totally agree with you! A man can spot discretion a mile away, and that is what men prize! Sometimes they may not even know what to call that quality. But they do appreciate a discrete lady. And throwing ourself at a man is definitely not discrete.

And you know what? I have a gut feeling that you have hit the nail on the head in saying you don't think that would go over too well with him. If I was a bettin' woman, I'd bet it would not go over too well either!

(I do kinda want it to eventually work out well with you two. I just somehow believe you could be a great asset to a Godly man and his ministry!)

Hey y'all!

Okay, I have this ridiculously huge crush on the youth minister at my church. He's young, single, fun to be around and insanely good looking. We're around the same age so we wind up hanging out together with the rest of "young adult" group quite a bit. The thing is, there's like this weird vibe or something between us. I mean, I know I like him but I can't tell how he feels about me. I've caught him watching me a few times like when I'm working with the kids, at church, or when we're all hanging out. We've had a couple of "moments"........you know, nervous/awkward laughter, a hand held too long, eye contact for longer than necessary, things like that. At the same time though, I always feel like he's being super careful or guarded around me. I don't know how to really explain it but it's like he isn't comfortable with me like his is with some of the other girls. Like he's trying not to get too chummy with me or something. I don't know. I mean, granted I'm a little on my guard too but that's because I don't want to be seen as another silly girl that's set her sights on him and I don't want to cause any gossip for either one of us.

I guess my big problem is that I'm so into him that I'm not even considering dating anyone else and yet, I have no clue how he feels about me. I've actually been praying about it recently (which feels kind of silly) and asking God to just remove him from my thoughts, etc. if there's no future for us and to show me a sign if there is. Unfortunately, nothing has happened either way yet. I mean, I really want to get married and while I'm hung up on him, I'm not thinking about anyone else. Am I just wasting my time carrying a torch for this guy? Is it totally inappropriate to even think about dating a minister at your own church? Should I spend less time around him and remove myself from the situation or more time around him so that I'm on his radar? Ugh.........this is so confusing. I haven't had a crush on anyone in years.

Thanks ladies!

Take a look at some of the ladies "input" on the thread below sis. I found it invaluable and it would have been nice to have more of a God-perspective on my "relationships" with the opposite sex yeeeeeeeeears ago, lol:)

God bless you, denise:) http://bibleforums.org/showthread.php?t=141053

. I'm not as bold as them, never have and never will be. I've never made the first move and I really don't think it would go over well with him if I did.

This is why you feel his is attraction to you, you are not like the others, Men are weird like this,

ChoirGirl, I sure hope you update us every now and then....

Also, I'd like to add that I'm praying for this young man. That our wonderful Lord keeps him safe and free of any and all temptations that could adversely affect his ministry. Real, genuine, Godly young men are few and far between now-a-days, and I want the Lord to protect him not only from all temptation, but from anything that could harm his ministry.

I agree with those who say men prefer to take the lead. Most men seem to prefer being the pursuer, rather than being pursued. This has been confirmed by many relationship experts, who are from different religious and cultural backgrounds. I think its perfectly okay for a woman to ask a man on a date, but it may not achieve the desired result for her.

Great posts! So now, it's year 2010. How did things work out? Has the minister found his wife??:hmm:"5"][/I]

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