View Full Version : Im depressed
Oct 14th 2008, 10:29 PM
Long story short
I am a married mother of 4kids. I have been married since 1997. I have 3 sons and one daughter. My husband and I married young, me 18 and him 20. He joined the military before we got married and is currently still in the military. We had a very rocky marriage from day one and it was hell. There were physical fights, mental and emotional abuse. Affairs and all of that. I knew that that was not the environment I wanted my kids to grow up around but I felt trapped. Time goes on and things are not getting any better. So he receives orders to Korea and I move to Florida b/c I was offered a job there. So while in Fl, I began to feel like I had finally gained control of my life once more. I was taking care of myself and not having to beg no man for a box of tampons. I was taking care of my kids, had my own place and all of that. When he left, we both knew that the marriage was hanging from a thread. So to get to the point, I had an affair. And it was just not a one night stand, I had a relationship with this man. He would come to my house, spend time with me and my kids and I began to feel better about myself. He treated me good, always said good things to me, never put me down, none of that. We were together for about a year and I told my husband what I did. I was gonna try to work it out with my husband but after going back with him, it just reminded me that things would always be the same. I feel like a *****. I should have never gotten involved with this guy and now Im in love with him and I have filed for divorce from my husband (which was gonna happen whether this guy was in the picture or not). While my husband was gone, he had more affairs as well. I just think the marriage is over and this other guy still wants to be with me. But Im confused. I am depressed. I have not slept with my husband in almost 3 years. I have no desire to. This whole situation is crazy. I have lost 30 lbs. I look awful. I just feel so stupid. And I always worry about what people are gonna say if I end up with this other man. I know that it is wrong but I never felt better than I have than when I was with him. Please pray that God guides me and give me a clear head.
Oct 14th 2008, 11:52 PM
Theres a movie that just came out that might help you get a start its called "Fireproof".
Ill tell you what, This man that you think loves you?, what kinda of man do you think sleep with a married woman w/4 kids? Do you think this man has morals? Do you really think he will be better for you, especially after knowing he has no problem commiting adultery? How was your marriage when you first met your husband? Most likely you were madly in love, now all of a sudden your madly in love (or so you think) with another man, the relationship would be even worse because now you are broken from the current marriage(trust me, it will hurt bad) and you would have shown your kids that you are weak, that you dont trust in the Lord, that you should give up on everything, etc.
When a man does drugs like heroine it feels really good at first, but later on the seed he sowed payes off, he loses his money, he loses his friends, he loses control, and ends up in jail or dead.
Ditch this scum bag your dating and get your marriage straightened out, for you, for your husband, for your children, and most of all for the Lord.
Oct 15th 2008, 12:38 AM
1 Samuel 16:14 (http://bibleresources.bible.com/passagesearchresults.php?passage1=1 Samuel+16:14&version=51) (Whole Chapter) (http://bibleresources.bible.com/passagesearchresults.php?passage1=1 Samuel+16&version=51)
[ David Serves in Saulís Court ] Now the Spirit of the Lord had left Saul, and the Lord sent a tormenting spirit [ Or an evil spirit; also in 16:15, 16, 23.] that filled him with depression and fear.
Depression, as you will read in this chapter, is an evil spirit!! You said that you were able to support yourself and children without your husband..so, why not try to be alone and stay in the Word of God and see where HE leads you!!!! We are always too quick to jump into something we did not pray enough about. Then when it backfires, we let satan in with all of his "buttons!!"(fear, depression, hard heart towards the ones we once loved, bitterness, thinking the "new broom" will sweep cleaner!!!!! The Lord never said that the cross would not be heavy and the hill would not be hard to climb!!!!
If your marriage isn't going to work, then let time tell, with God's wisdom. All I know, since I've been saved, is that God has a very high opinion about being in a marriage and about getting a divorce!!!!
Hope this will lead you to :pray:pray more and read the Word. That is the key to EVERY problem!!!! I will pray for you, too!!! Prayer works!!!!:pp
God Bless you and your children and your life!!!:hug:
Oct 15th 2008, 02:56 AM
I understand your confusion. It appears that you have gone from one extreme to the opposite; but there is something troubling you about this. As quoted earlier, as a God fearing man, the new guy should have instructed you to try to work things out with your husband or to close that door before you opened another one. I want to make this perfectly clear, I am not blaming you nor condemning you for anything that happened; but I feel you are worried just about that... how others are going to view you. How are you going to view yourself? I don't know how long you have walked with the Lord; but everything you are seeking is in His word. God is not for divorce; but one is allowed under adultery. I try to stay away from instructing people whether or not they should divorce someone or not. That is a decision that is going to have to come from you; but I will advise that if he is going to be hitting on you and possibly exposing you to the risk of a std, I would pray long and hard about this.
Hope this help.
Oct 15th 2008, 04:26 PM
Thanks everyone for their candid responses! For the person that asked if the "scumbag" really loves me and what kind of morals does he have...well, I didnt tell him I was married. He just recently found out and we barely speak but he did say he would wait for me while I figured out what I was gonna do. I know it is STILL wrong but he has not and would not touch me now KNOWING I am married. I dont know, like I said, I am confused. See, I was arrested one day while at the store with my sister and spent 46 days in jail. My sis and her friends were stealing from Target and even though on camera I had not taken anything and it was my first time in trouble, I was guilty by association. My mom contacted my hubby b/c she now had my children and he told her he didnt care. This guy contacted my mom and paid my bills while I was in and made sure my kids had everything they needed.He still did not know I was married. Every visit he was there, and he paid for the attorney to get the charges dropped. But like I said, I will continue to pray about this.
Oct 15th 2008, 06:04 PM
i am sorry to hear of your state, but i must tell you my dear you are not the 1st or the 2nd person to be in such a state, but what makes the difference is how you handle it.with your story, i cna say you do not know what you want, you only think you do.. let me ask you how long have you known this new guy, is it longer than when you and your husband dated and knew eachother before you got married? Bottom line is do not fall victim a 2nd time. You can actually achieve anything you want and live the life of your dreams. Do you know that the kingdom of heaven is withn you? This mean you have more power than you can imagin, so why suffer or live in pain?The bible says if you have faith and you belive you can have anything you want. So the question is what do you want?Do you know how to use the power of belief to achive anything you want? well i found these sites sometime ago and they were reallly helpful to me and to members of my church, also the e-book.. i live in dominion now.it was great check it out and remeber what st Paul says,you are going through this so that when you overcome, you can use the help you get now to help others in time of their need. Remain blessed.
here it is www.keeping-family.blogspot.com (http://www.keeping-family.blogspot.com) and www.get-the-right-spouse.blogspot.com (http://www.get-the-right-spouse.blogspot.com)
Oct 16th 2008, 08:19 AM
I'm sorry your life has been so hectic. My only true advise for you is to pray and let God guide your decisions. I have made many mistakes in my relationships due to my insecurities and not wanting to be alone and many times if I had continued to pray and stay close to God, instead of being impatient and rushing back into something that may or may not have been the right thing to do, I would feel much better about myself today and my kids would see me as a much stronger woman, while being a much better example for them by trusting in God. Focus on your kids and get into a relationship with God, everything will fall into place later, and if this man is truly the one, he'll still be there.
Oct 16th 2008, 05:09 PM
I'm posting to say that I'm very sorry your life has been so difficult so far. Like you, I have put myself in situations that weren't right - I had a lesbian relationship when I was younger, and slept with my sons father before we were married. And yes, it ended in divorce. The first time I was arrested was for shoplifting. (I really empathise with your comment about begging a man for a box of tampons. My first marriage was like that. But I didn't just shoplift necessities, and I'm not trying to blame the man involved. Shoplifting was compulsive and fun, till I was caught.)
What I want you to know is this - the only thing which made things better was getting to know Jesus. In my life I've done some very silly things. I've attempted suicide in the past, I got into witchcraft, and I can imagine how sorrowful you feel about this whole mess.
I did meet a good man, and we got married, and things were much better than before... but the one thing that saved my life from complete ruin was Jesus. My husband died. No matter who you are with, you can't expect them to be your all and all. Some situation will always arise that shows our need for someone greater than ourselves (or our loved ones.) It was only the fact that Neil and I got to know Jesus in the last year of his life that showed me that life, no matter how bad it can get, is worth living, because someone always loves you, always has your back.
Please forgive me if I'm mistaken here, but I think you need to accept that your life is out of control. I'm not going to call your lover or your husband names. I don't know them, and if I made an assumption about them it would be "bearing false witness." It does sound as though your lover had a raw deal, not knowing you were married, and he does sound like he cares about you. It also sounds like, although you weren't seen on camera stealing, you know in your heart that you were guilty. You don't say that you didn't steal anything... you say it wasn't caught on camera.
Everyone who ever lived, with the exception of Jesus, has been a sinner. We've all stolen, we've all lied, we've all lusted in our hearts, we've all coveted, we've all been so angry and full of hate that if our thoughts could kill we'd be murderers.
We've all broken the ten commandments, and we're all guilty under the Law.
Do you know how to come to Jesus, and ask Him to wipe out your sins? Do you know what He did, so that you wouldn't have to bear the burden of your guilt anymore?
All your other problems (and I know how bad they are) can come into focus and be sorted out if you first come to Jesus. All your other problems exist in time, and will not be with you forever.
If you die without knowing Jesus, that's an eternity of loneliness, and the things of time won't weigh nearly as heavy on your heart as the loss of heaven.
What I'm saying is, do you know Jesus personally?
Oh, and please don't be offended. I love you, whereever you are.
Oct 16th 2008, 05:52 PM
Hi Little lady;
Welcome to the board, enjoy Bible Forums.
Well there is a verse which says God himself will provide Gen 22:8.
And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Luke 11:9-10.