View Full Version : But Thou
Oct 26th 2008, 01:11 AM
My heart overwhelmed with sorrow would be,
But Thou, oh Lord, art such comfort to me.
Fear comes once more to grip my heart,
But Thou, oh Lord, my Peace Thou art.
The journey seems bitter, the journey seems long
But thou, oh Lord, replace all with sweet song.
Hopelessness threatens, despair would abound,
But Thou, oh Lord, my beauty and my crown.
Of Your loving-kindness, of tender mercies so kind,
Now I see You, when once I was blind.
Once glimpse again, of Your sweet Face
All pain forgotten, all fear erased.
Oh, Lord, My name in Your wounds I see,
Mercy still free, while I cry, why me?
Lifted once more to glorious realm
And Thou, Oh Lord, still my joy and my crown!
Oct 26th 2008, 03:27 AM
Tremendous, truthful poem!
Oct 26th 2008, 04:19 AM
No words, simply good poem!!!
Oct 26th 2008, 05:17 PM
Thank you, both so much!
Yes, indeed. When we get our eyes back on the Lord during difficult times it does change everything doesn't it?
~Looking unto Jesus~
That scripture has been much on my mind this beautiful morning. I so like what Robert Murray McCheyne (sp?) said...."It is the look that saves. It is the gaze that sanctifies"
Is that not too lovely???
Oct 26th 2008, 05:40 PM
It is a really beautiful poem. But as a Brit, can I ask that you stick either to "Thou" or "You"?
It was refreshing to read a poem where "thou" was used correctly. You have no idea how rare that is. (I've heard people make horrible mistakes where, for example, they say "booketh" for the plural of a noun, rather than the ending of a verb - as in "thou loveth".) In the UK people fall into two groups, those who read and understand Elizabethan English, and use it correctly, if at all, and those who think saying, "hey, thou have big mightieth armeths, cooleth" makes them sound medieval.
The result is that when you use "thou" in a poem, the first group cringe waiting for a mistake, and the second group chuckle, waiting for the punchline.
Generally speaking, in church, people use "KJV" speak to sound more pious, but don't quite get it right. I've cringed through quite a few prayer meetings, and know it makes it hard to relax and actually pray.
In your case, however, grammatically your use of thou was fine... but then you switched to "You", which was a jolt.
There is nothing wrong with using "you" throughout. The poem is just as beautiful and tender, whether you use obsolete pronouns or not. And equally, you could use "Thou" throughout to just as good effect. But it would take people who'd been exposed to modern gobbledy gook a second reading to relax and realise that.
I am sorry, and I hope I don't sound too snappy, but this is something that bothers a lot of people, who keep their mouths shut from fear of offending. I'd sooner make sure that your poem reads smoothly - if I were you, I'd use "You" throughout. Because hardly anybody anywhere in the world uses "Thou" as an affectionate pronoun anymore, and therefore calling God "Thou" no longer sounds tender and intimate, but formal.
Oct 26th 2008, 07:03 PM
I appreciate your comments and you do not offend me. I do not consider myself a poet and so rarely write poetry.
I will consider your comments but you are asking something that is extremely difficult of me :)
For you see, I am an American and sometimes use American slang. But, I have used the KJV for years and I have read Spurgeon's writings for years! So, I am a cross of both :hug:
Your critique is the most I have had in years. I had one done professionally once and I almost quit writing :eek: I did however attempt to do what she said.
But you know what, when I strictly applied what she advised, it was not "me" and it did not flow. I only write when moved by the Holy Spirit and, I am certain He takes my individuality and weaves that into the message He gives me.
So, once again, I will consider your statements, but if it disrupts the flow of the Holy Spirit's message through me I would not be able to proceed accordingly....
I am certain you understand :hug: And, I thank you for taking the time to read and critique.
Oct 26th 2008, 08:12 PM
That's okay. I don't normally critique poems in this forum... generally they have lovely intentions, but they make me cringe, because they don't scan, or the rhyme is off, or they're just plain chocolate box schmaltzy. Your poem was none of these things. It was really lovely.
I have studied poetry in depth, and won a scholarship to study poetry under Seamus Heany (a poet Laureate) so maybe I'm fussy. Poetry is no longer an art form that people generally care about, hence why it's generally so poorly done.
Your poem was far above the standard of poetry I expect from someone whose not been published, and I'd encourage you to continue writing. I'm glad you weren't discouraged by what I said. The single best advice I could give you for "growing" your poetic gift would be reading poetry (and of course the Bible. My best poetry recently has been written after Bible study... and yes, it's been KJV too.) Since you have a gift for poetry, and don't seem intimidated or confused by the language of the time, can I suggest Milton? I think Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained are some of the greatest poems ever written.
Oct 26th 2008, 10:07 PM
Well, thank you for your encouragment :hug: I never have thought of myself as having a poetic gift. I write devotionals mostly and have been published (without my seeking after it) writing those. I love to write but have not written much the past few years.
I love to write about Jesus and share Him with others and He has brought me through soooo much :kiss: I love to share His story with anyone that might read!
So, if He has given me that gifting, I guess I better work on improving it and using it for His glory :hug: :hug: :hug:
Yes, I will pick up Milton and learn. I am currently parked in the Psalms and am sooo excited about that and I long to combine the beauty I find there with my writings.
And, yes, I get my writings during or right after my Bible Study. I also get alot of them in the shower as I love to take long showers just like my forum friend, Ashley :)
Thanks again and I would love to see some of your writings and, if I get up the courage I might ask you to critique a couple of mine :eek:
It really is true that others see a gifting in another Believer before the Believer sees it themself. This is the second time this has happened to me. God is so good to me!