MercyChild
Nov 27th 2008, 07:58 AM
Today is a very special day for me. I just reached 500 posts and are a daughter of the King for one full month today. So here goes a part of my testimony.
I was borne on Friday 13th. Funny that the old people believed that Friday the 13th was cursed. And there it happend I was born on Friday the 13th, and for many times I have been told that I am just a curse to life.
I was a unwanted child, born with the wrong sexuality and a very sick baby that was not suppose to be alive.
I was raised in a very dysfunctional family, and we were so many children, I was not always sure which child belonged to whom. My father was an alcoholic, and my mother use to have nervous brakedowns. One of my familys rules was that everyone in the house should make a stand till late at night, whereby we would curse each other and sometime assualted one another.
I never really saw much of my Dad, as he was spending most of his time in bars, and when he should come home he would shout so loud that all the children in the house should wake up. Sometimes he would chase us out of the house in the middle of the night, so that he could beat my mother.
I was always a hyper active child, and because of that I use to spend most of my time being locked up in a little room because it was hard for me to sit stil.
At the age of 6 I was raped by my mothers brother, who dissapeard into thin air afterwards. Because of what happend I had to see my mother trying to commit suicide on several occasions.
My brother was murdered when I was twelfve. He was my best friend. That same night he died, my mothers brother returned to show his condolence to the family. He told my parents that he gave his life to God and wanted to ask their forgiveness. Because of all the grieve, my parents allowed him back in our house. That same night I was raped by him for the second time.
It was really hard for me to accepct my brothers death. I was diagnosesd with compulsive reaction depression. I missed my brother so much and chilled with older children. On the age of 12 I already had my first cigarette, my first drink, pot, thinners, petrol, you name it, I used it. I basically just used anything I could get my hands on.
But they say that history repeats itself, and just after my 18th birthday my mother was murderd.
At age 21 I thought that I met the love of my life, a crack addict. Two weeks before the wedding I walked out of that crazy relationship, and discovered that I had a new addiction.I moved all around places, and due to my addictive behavoir it was hard to keep a job.
I than married the man of my dreams, and could not ever have made a better choice.
I decided to join the police to combat crime. I reasoned that I could protect and spare other familys of not getting hurt so much. I was good in my job.
After time it became hard. In one year I have lost 21 collegues. I got involved with drug lords, runners, dealers and everything that was on the wrong side of life. I was send to rehabs while in the force. I forced myself to resign at the force, as I became part of the crime statistics. I stopped combatting crime, and knew that this was not the reason I joined the Police. I became dishonest and decided that the best thing to do is to resign.
I ended up going from rehab to rehab, and nothing seemed to be helping me. Everything just got worse and worse, until I ended up using tie (herion.)
I tried to commit suicide 7 times before. I would cut my pulse, OD, and there were even a time (about 3 months ago) I even set myself on fire.
September 2008 was my last suicidal attempt. My therepist wanted to send me to a mental institute, but I refused to accept that I was going crazy. Because of using so much drugs your brain have a tendency to mess around with you. So I decided that I would rather find another outcome.
On 3 Oktober 2008 I found myself stuck in a foreign country (Hungary) staying with my sister. This was my only chance. I had no where else to go, she was the only one that was still prepared to give me one last chance. I really hoped that I could get a fresh start while I am here.
Soon enough I found out how hard it was to remain drug free without support. On 27 October 2008 I went on the internet searching for a NA group to join, when I landed on this forum. I was totally confused, depressed and lost. I just had nothing left. I lost my cars, my house, friends, family, selfrespect, character, I just lost everything. This very same night on this forum I was lead to Christ
I cried the whole night. I was told to start reading John, so I did. I was crying so much because I could not understand how these people in the bible could kill Jesus that loved me so much.
The following day I was still reading the scriptures looking for answers and weren't really sure what happend, but I knew that I could pray.
I asked God to please send me someone to help me understand this Word. On 13 November 2008 God lead me to an American missionary. She explained me the whole process of what happend, and I knew that I have really accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour.
That is why I now believe in the Trinity of God. I beleive that He loved me so much that He send His only son to die for my sins. And I believe that He allowed so much people to criss cross my path to teach me and support me. I know now that it was God's plan right from the start to end up in this foreign land, because this was the only way that He could reach me. I knew about Him before, I was told about Him before, but I was just ignorrant for so long. Today I am a child of God for one full month. I am drug free for 8 weeks. The longest period that I have been clean for 20 years. And I want to, by my testimony give Him all the glory, for what He have done in my life.
I was borne on Friday 13th. Funny that the old people believed that Friday the 13th was cursed. And there it happend I was born on Friday the 13th, and for many times I have been told that I am just a curse to life.
I was a unwanted child, born with the wrong sexuality and a very sick baby that was not suppose to be alive.
I was raised in a very dysfunctional family, and we were so many children, I was not always sure which child belonged to whom. My father was an alcoholic, and my mother use to have nervous brakedowns. One of my familys rules was that everyone in the house should make a stand till late at night, whereby we would curse each other and sometime assualted one another.
I never really saw much of my Dad, as he was spending most of his time in bars, and when he should come home he would shout so loud that all the children in the house should wake up. Sometimes he would chase us out of the house in the middle of the night, so that he could beat my mother.
I was always a hyper active child, and because of that I use to spend most of my time being locked up in a little room because it was hard for me to sit stil.
At the age of 6 I was raped by my mothers brother, who dissapeard into thin air afterwards. Because of what happend I had to see my mother trying to commit suicide on several occasions.
My brother was murdered when I was twelfve. He was my best friend. That same night he died, my mothers brother returned to show his condolence to the family. He told my parents that he gave his life to God and wanted to ask their forgiveness. Because of all the grieve, my parents allowed him back in our house. That same night I was raped by him for the second time.
It was really hard for me to accepct my brothers death. I was diagnosesd with compulsive reaction depression. I missed my brother so much and chilled with older children. On the age of 12 I already had my first cigarette, my first drink, pot, thinners, petrol, you name it, I used it. I basically just used anything I could get my hands on.
But they say that history repeats itself, and just after my 18th birthday my mother was murderd.
At age 21 I thought that I met the love of my life, a crack addict. Two weeks before the wedding I walked out of that crazy relationship, and discovered that I had a new addiction.I moved all around places, and due to my addictive behavoir it was hard to keep a job.
I than married the man of my dreams, and could not ever have made a better choice.
I decided to join the police to combat crime. I reasoned that I could protect and spare other familys of not getting hurt so much. I was good in my job.
After time it became hard. In one year I have lost 21 collegues. I got involved with drug lords, runners, dealers and everything that was on the wrong side of life. I was send to rehabs while in the force. I forced myself to resign at the force, as I became part of the crime statistics. I stopped combatting crime, and knew that this was not the reason I joined the Police. I became dishonest and decided that the best thing to do is to resign.
I ended up going from rehab to rehab, and nothing seemed to be helping me. Everything just got worse and worse, until I ended up using tie (herion.)
I tried to commit suicide 7 times before. I would cut my pulse, OD, and there were even a time (about 3 months ago) I even set myself on fire.
September 2008 was my last suicidal attempt. My therepist wanted to send me to a mental institute, but I refused to accept that I was going crazy. Because of using so much drugs your brain have a tendency to mess around with you. So I decided that I would rather find another outcome.
On 3 Oktober 2008 I found myself stuck in a foreign country (Hungary) staying with my sister. This was my only chance. I had no where else to go, she was the only one that was still prepared to give me one last chance. I really hoped that I could get a fresh start while I am here.
Soon enough I found out how hard it was to remain drug free without support. On 27 October 2008 I went on the internet searching for a NA group to join, when I landed on this forum. I was totally confused, depressed and lost. I just had nothing left. I lost my cars, my house, friends, family, selfrespect, character, I just lost everything. This very same night on this forum I was lead to Christ
I cried the whole night. I was told to start reading John, so I did. I was crying so much because I could not understand how these people in the bible could kill Jesus that loved me so much.
The following day I was still reading the scriptures looking for answers and weren't really sure what happend, but I knew that I could pray.
I asked God to please send me someone to help me understand this Word. On 13 November 2008 God lead me to an American missionary. She explained me the whole process of what happend, and I knew that I have really accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour.
That is why I now believe in the Trinity of God. I beleive that He loved me so much that He send His only son to die for my sins. And I believe that He allowed so much people to criss cross my path to teach me and support me. I know now that it was God's plan right from the start to end up in this foreign land, because this was the only way that He could reach me. I knew about Him before, I was told about Him before, but I was just ignorrant for so long. Today I am a child of God for one full month. I am drug free for 8 weeks. The longest period that I have been clean for 20 years. And I want to, by my testimony give Him all the glory, for what He have done in my life.