Please keep my son, Nate, in your prayers on this.

There is a group of boys around here that Nate has tried so hard to be friends with and fit in with for years now and while some of them are ok, many of them just don't have the values or morals we have and its caused alot of problems for Nate. He was playing with some of them over the summer almost daily but this one boy, I'll call Sam, would pick on Nate when Nate was over at his house and Nate finally got fed up with it and stopped playing with him. Well that is fine but the problem is all these other boys are friends with Sam and its nearly impossible to play with them without Sam there also. Or they can be as bad as he is. The only two Christian boys are close friends with Sam, which I don't understand that at all given how Sam can be. I don't know if their parents don't realize some of the things that go on or what. So that pretty much left Nate with no one to play with for months.

Then over the school Christmas break Sam showed up one day and they played together a few times but last night Sam said something to Nate on the phone that just made my jaw drop. He used a phrase that while it contains so cuss words is very vile and degrading to girls. Remember that DJ that got fired for using that word a year or so ago? Well this boy used that...Nate said he was waiting on a phone call from his girlfriend and couldn't go over to this boy's house and this boy said 'bro's before ****"' Nate told me what he said (he didn't know what the word meant) and my mouth just dropped open. This from a 14 year old boy! :eek::mad:

(Nate's girlfriend is a long time friend that lives many hours away...they don't date, nor even see each other btw...he is obviously too young for that..she used to live her and Nate got a huge crush on her then. They just talk on the phone or internet). Anyway I was so shocked, I told Nate I didn't think he should see Sam anymore. So Nate went and got his phone number and threw it away. He said well he liked to be able to give them a second chance..and I said that was good and fine and we should do that, but at some time we just have to draw the line.

At least this time he didn't cry. His expectation for being a real friend with this boy or the other boys is not so high anymore. I just feel so bad for him though as he rarely has anyone around here he can play with that he can trust you know? He said Sam treats girls terribly and he doesn't understand that. He asked me what that word meant and I told him. He was pretty angry then for awhile as it was directed to his girlfriend that this boy doesn't even know. I told Nate Sam needed to have some class...that girls needed to be treated with love and protection as the bible says. That is why God made boys and men stronger...so they could protect and love their wives...not bully and degrade someone smaller and weaker. I said how is that 'manly' putting down those that are smaller and weaker then Sam? Just make him look like a jerk. Made me mad.

Its been hard though for him. In our old neighborhood there were major problems with a boy he also couldn't escape..meaning he couldn't play with other kids without this boy being there...and here while the group of boys has changed here over time, its always the same situation. And Nate is very social too...he would rather be outside playing tag and riding bikes and having fun..getting fresh air and exercise...but not at this cost. So he stays inside and talks to his friends on the internet including this girl too. At least in that he has some kind of social outlet.

I just feel for him though. I don't understand why he can't have a few good decent friends to play with. Its just not right...:cry:

My sister in a big city...her two children have good neighborhood friends. They are so lucky in that.

Alot of time I feel like Lot and his family must have felt. :(

God bless

I know you're upset and being the mother of a teen I can relate. I don't know if I would forbid him to ever speak to that kid again though. Yesterday I dialed my son's phone and in the background I heard some teens cussing around him. I realize we cannot keep them OUT of the world but we can protect them as best we can. I asked him what was going on and he shrugged it off. I try to prepare him to get along with all types of people b/c frankly there are a LOT of Sam's in the world and it's better they get prepared dealing with these types of people now. Now my son is 16 going on 17 so he has some years on your son but when my kids face a difficult child or someone different from our family and values I try to get them to be an example of kindness.

Invite them to church etc. My daughter had one kid that had huge anger problems in her class. She would call my daughter's best friend the "B" word all of the time. Finally my daughter told he she needed to stop saying that and that she would not be her friend if she continued. The little girl started crying and said okay. She told me a few months ago that this girl, I'll call her Meg, "is really trying Mom."

I told her you never know what that kids home life is like so TRY to be a good friend but if they get abusive towards you all chances are over.

Yes, what your neighbor said is bad and inappropriate but you should tell your son that he will NEVER speak that way about girls. I tell my son that he has a sister, mother, Grandma etc and women are to be respected but to cut off their interaction may not be best. I would control their interactions- limited phone calls etc. but not competely cut it off. Just my 2 cents. Your son sounds so sweet and innocent. May God lead him in all areas of his life.

I know you're upset and being the mother of a teen I can relate. I don't know if I would forbid him to ever speak to that kid again though. Yesterday I dialed my son's phone and in the background I heard some teens cussing around him. I realize we cannot keep them OUT of the world but we can protect them as best we can. I asked him what was going on and he shrugged it off. I try to prepare him to get along with all types of people b/c frankly there are a LOT of Sam's in the world and it's better they get prepared dealing with these types of people now. Now my son is 16 going on 17 so he has some years on your son but when my kids face a difficult child or someone different from our family and values I try to get them to be an example of kindness.

Invite them to church etc. My daughter had one kid that had huge anger problems in her class. She would call my daughter's best friend the "B" word all of the time. Finally my daughter told he she needed to stop saying that and that she would not be her friend if she continued. The little girl started crying and said okay. She told me a few months ago that this girl, I'll call her Meg, "is really trying Mom."

I told her you never know what that kids home life is like so TRY to be a good friend but if they get abusive towards you all chances are over.

Yes, what your neighbor said is bad and inappropriate but you should tell your son that he will NEVER speak that way about girls. I tell my son that he has a sister, mother, Grandma etc and women are to be respected but to cut off their interaction may not be best. I would control their interactions- limited phone calls etc. but not competely cut it off. Just my 2 cents. Your son sounds so sweet and innocent. May God lead him in all areas of his life.

Thanks for understanding. :)

I didn't forbid him not to have anything to do with this boy...just suggested it...I know how that kind of thing can backfire sometimes. The more the parents say no, the more the kids fights against it and will sneak around to see that person. (though Nate isn't really like that..at least not yet anyway). No it was totally Nate's choice to stop all contact. Now I realize later he might try again...after laying some ground rules like not tolerating that kind of talk from this boy..which I seriously doubt this boy would care enough to do what Nate asked. This is what I am talking about...the lack of respecting others feelings at all. These boys don't care...they have their own little group where they all act like this and see it as acceptable. Well its not acceptable for us.

God bless

We've had to cut off ties with a neighborhood kid because he came over, locked my son out of his room and promptly surfed the internet for questionable web sites. The two of them had never really gotten along that well and that was just the icing on the cake to politely show him to the door and bid him adieu for good.

The kid goes to a Christian school.

That one just really left me speechless. Do parents just not supervise their kids and teach them right from wrong themselves anymore?

I'm not in need of parental controls because our kids just simply know better. My husband and I ARE the parental control, and I refuse to lock down our computers for other people's children. They're going to be told once, and after that, bye to them if they can't abide by the rules. :)

I feel kinda bad for my son because the only kids he really connected with in the neighborhood, moved away a few months ago. But he also has his brother and sister, and my girlfriend's kids, plus a playgroup, so really, he's fine. It's not about quantity of friends. It's about what a friendship really means and what it should look like. And I think it's important for kids to understand that, even at an early age. Somebody who trash talks your girlfriend like that, is not really your friend. Somebody who locks you out of your room because all he's interested in is your computer and not you, is not your friend.

It's a blessing for our kids to learn these lessons early. Sure it's a bit painful now, but it'll spare them a lot of pain later. Even now, I only have a handful of friends. But I know who they are and I can rely on them. It's about quality, not quantity. And it's better to be alone than settle for something less than a blessing and invite in trouble just because you're craving some company. :hug:

We've had to cut off ties with a neighborhood kid because he came over, locked my son out of his room and promptly surfed the internet for questionable web sites. The two of them had never really gotten along that well and that was just the icing on the cake to politely show him to the door and bid him adieu for good.

The kid goes to a Christian school.

That one just really left me speechless. Do parents just not supervise their kids and teach them right from wrong themselves anymore?

I'm not in need of parental controls because our kids just simply know better. My husband and I ARE the parental control, and I refuse to lock down our computers for other people's children. They're going to be told once, and after that, bye to them if they can't abide by the rules. :)

I feel kinda bad for my son because the only kids he really connected with in the neighborhood, moved away a few months ago. But he also has his brother and sister, and my girlfriend's kids, plus a playgroup, so really, he's fine. It's not about quantity of friends. It's about what a friendship really means and what it should look like. And I think it's important for kids to understand that, even at an early age. Somebody who trash talks your girlfriend like that, is not really your friend. Somebody who locks you out of your room because all he's interested in is your computer and not you, is not your friend.

It's a blessing for our kids to learn these lessons early. Sure it's a bit painful now, but it'll spare them a lot of pain later. Even now, I only have a handful of friends. But I know who they are and I can rely on them. It's about quality, not quantity. And it's better to be alone than settle for something less than a blessing and invite in trouble just because you're craving some company. :hug:

Sorry I didn't see this sooner! Glad you understand. These boys have totally no respect for my son or his feelings. It wasn't just this comment that ended things...it was more. He just bullies Nate when no one is around...makes vile comments and Nate is finally learning that he doesn't have to put up with that. Its been a very hard lesson for him to learn though. There were so many times he just kept going back to play with kids like this then ended up so hurt...:cry: He just wanted to have someone to play with..to the point he was putting up with alot of terrible things. He endured alot of bullying just to have kids to play with. I have had to forbid him to play with kids before when he was younger due to the abuse they were dishing out on him and him just taking it. It was causing far too many problems. Nate was emotionally fragile for many years due to the abuse he suffered from his dad. I think he learned at a young age (thanks to his dad) to endure verbal abuse.

Of course he would get angry at them and rant and rave at them but they would take that and use it to mock him and upset him more. He thought if he got upset enough...they would 'see' and care he was upset. They don't care. Bullies thrive on that. :(

He does have two kids he can play with...one is quite a bit younger then he is though...the other doesn't live close by so its hard to get together during the school week. But at least he has someone.

I know these boys will come around this summer when we open the pool up wanting to suddenly play with him...not sure yet how I am going to deal with that. I just feel like they use Nate for things like that...the pool and when they are bored cause no one else can play. Sadly he knows it too. :cry:

thanks for understanding.

God bless

Hi there - this thread caught my eye, and I am glad it did. I was talking to my daughter on the phone today, and she told me (yet again) about how lonely my eldest 10-year old grandson gets, since it is impossible for him to play with the other kids living in their gated community.

The problem is that his younger brother (now 8) is autistic, and the neighbourhood kids love teasing him, and being nasty to him. This really hurts the eldest, and he is forever having to protect the little one. My daughter has already spoken to the children and their parents, trying to explain the problem the younger one has, but they just couldn't care less (my son-in-law works in a Central American country, and they live there). It is really sad, since the eldest is (used to be) very social, and the youngest also loves playing with other kids.

(As I was reading your posts in this thread, a thought crossed my mind - could it perhaps be that this younger generation of Christian children are already being prepared for the hard times many Christians will face in the possibly not too distant future? Preparing them for the tribulation, so to speak. I wonder ...)

Hi there - this thread caught my eye, and I am glad it did. I was talking to my daughter on the phone today, and she told me (yet again) about how lonely my eldest 10-year old grandson gets, since it is impossible for him to play with the other kids living in their gated community.

The problem is that his younger brother (now 8) is autistic, and the neighbourhood kids love teasing him, and being nasty to him. This really hurts the eldest, and he is forever having to protect the little one. My daughter has already spoken to the children and their parents, trying to explain the problem the younger one has, but they just couldn't care less (my son-in-law works in a Central American country, and they live there). It is really sad, since the eldest is (used to be) very social, and the youngest also loves playing with other kids.

(As I was reading your posts in this thread, a thought crossed my mind - could it perhaps be that this younger generation of Christian children are already being prepared for the hard times many Christians will face in the possibly not too distant future? Preparing them for the tribulation, so to speak. I wonder ...)

That is sad to hear...:( Couldn't the older one just go to these other kids houses without his younger brother or play outside with them? Of course then that leaves the younger one alone...no easy answers there...:(

I don't know (concerning the rest of your post)...I started thinking about this again yesterday, wondering if I have been missing something more in all of this. I was trying to think of some examples in the bible of some that were rejected by others...I thought of Joseph...his own brothers rejected him. Since they lived far from others the only other 'kids' he had to play with were his brothers who hatred him. :(

For years I have prayed for God to give Nate a friend or two around here he could trust and play with...his bike just sits in the garage most days having no one to ride bikes with...no one to run around and play with outside. Its really sad you know. Then it doesn't help on TV where they talk constantly about how kids need to get outside and play (due to them sitting in the house too much eating junk food and getting over weight)...and they show kids outside playing with other kids. Well that sounds good...but in real life it doesn't always work that way... :( Nate isn't over weight but still of course he would rather be outside running around playing...

Its hard for them for sure.

What makes it worse is when we did go to church, the other parents didn't like Nate playing with the one other boy there his age as they both got too hyper and that family was not very accepting of us anyway. In another church we tried for awhile that did have an active youth group there are always those that well...don't act any better then kids from nonChristian families and upset Nate very much. That I think gets to me more then anything...when these kids from Christian families are as bad, if not worse, then then these other kids...:( Its very disappointing for sure..

God bless

As a family we are not great mixers - a lot because of the autism of our eldest 2 sons and problems I've had? We've moved a lot, 13 times? in as many years.

I guess it's more differcult with a single child? With 5 they can usually find someone to play with, at least sometimes. Although the other side is arguements and fighting constantly to be sorted out.

2 houses we lived in, the worst areas of my town, we did have to seperate ourselves from local children. Not totally a young girl use to come to our house, her mother was single and she was lonely. As long as she did things by our rules in our house it worked. There were some problems though.

I'm sure you know, that doing things as a family helps. Going to zoos or theme parks, or just the local park together. Shopping for food or general shopping in town. If you keep children busy and have a routine (so important with my autistic children) they have little time to be bored and think what other friends are doing.

I don't feel I've contributed much, but I hope it helps just a little. :hug: SofTy.

As a family we are not great mixers - a lot because of the autism of our eldest 2 sons and problems I've had? We've moved a lot, 13 times? in as many years.

I guess it's more differcult with a single child? With 5 they can usually find someone to play with, at least sometimes. Although the other side is arguements and fighting constantly to be sorted out.

2 houses we lived in, the worst areas of my town, we did have to seperate ourselves from local children. Not totally a young girl use to come to our house, her mother was single and she was lonely. As long as she did things by our rules in our house it worked. There were some problems though.

I'm sure you know, that doing things as a family helps. Going to zoos or theme parks, or just the local park together. Shopping for food or general shopping in town. If you keep children busy and have a routine (so important with my autistic children) they have little time to be bored and think what other friends are doing.

I don't feel I've contributed much, but I hope it helps just a little. :hug: SofTy.

Yea thanks. Of course I have always taken Nate to the park, zoo, (when he was younger..he is growing out of those things), to the nature center, movies, out to eat...we like doing the downtown events when they have them. Like the chili contest (go around sampling the chilli and soup and vote on it) and the art fair...things like that. So its not like we just sit at home all the time. I can't ride bikes with him though...first I don't have one...and my back can't handle it either. Extremely painful. I also can't climb his tree to help work on his tree house! lol Plus there is a huge generation gap between us...like 35 years! Though I have stayed young at heart and we enjoy doing alot of the same things (so far..he just turned 13 so getting more interested in annoying music that I can't stand...ugh...and talking on the phone...:lol:). And well I don't have the energy I used too...being older and all...:rolleyes: We also do alot of family events (extended family ..my sisters, his grandparents, etc) which he really enjoys. But still as fun as I might be...ha!..he of course wants to be around kids his own age and have his own life in that respect...which I totally understand.

God bless

When we first moved into the neighborhood, my daughter was under the mipression that she was a thug from Los Angeles. She was clearly more evolved than the neighborhood children and promptly went about dismantling friendships between other kids. She was very manipulative and mean spirited. Anybody she did not like, she was able to turn the group against that person and break apart those friendships. She was 13 and her father had been an atheist for something the better part of his life.
Eventually her Dad (me) was broken and fell at the foot of the cross in shame. Shame, not just for living the life he lived but for undoing the years of christian training his devoted wife was trying to instill in his children. Once he was reborn, his whole life changed including his 13 year old daughter who is now 16. And what a Butterfly she has become. A radiant daughter of Christ, filled with the indomitable spirit of Christ. She is a beautiful young lady who cares for others and has mended fances. She has a storng sense of identity and a compassion for her fellow teens.
She wears a much more mature faith now, then I thought possible for either of us two years ago.
I apologize for the length of this post. I think two things are in order.
prayer for the other boy, his family may not know Christ.
Prayer for all our youth who are in a very fallen world and will undoubtedly undergo persecution at the hands of other children.
I will also say that there is a purpose to God placing this boy back into your son's life at this moment, if for no other reason than to have him be or not be his friend, the Lord reaps what we sow.


-Blessings. Take Heart, in this life he will have troubles.....

-Todd

When we first moved into the neighborhood, my daughter was under the mipression that she was a thug from Los Angeles. She was clearly more evolved than the neighborhood children and promptly went about dismantling friendships between other kids. She was very manipulative and mean spirited. Anybody she did not like, she was able to turn the group against that person and break apart those friendships. She was 13 and her father had been an atheist for something the better part of his life.
Eventually her Dad (me) was broken and fell at the foot of the cross in shame. Shame, not just for living the life he lived but for undoing the years of christian training his devoted wife was trying to instill in his children. Once he was reborn, his whole life changed including his 13 year old daughter who is now 16. And what a Butterfly she has become. A radiant daughter of Christ, filled with the indomitable spirit of Christ. She is a beautiful young lady who cares for others and has mended fances. She has a storng sense of identity and a compassion for her fellow teens.
She wears a much more mature faith now, then I thought possible for either of us two years ago.
I apologize for the length of this post. I think two things are in order.
prayer for the other boy, his family may not know Christ.
Prayer for all our youth who are in a very fallen world and will undoubtedly undergo persecution at the hands of other children.
I will also say that there is a purpose to God placing this boy back into your son's life at this moment, if for no other reason than to have him be or not be his friend, the Lord reaps what we sow.


-Blessings. Take Heart, in this life he will have troubles.....

-Todd

Oh your post isn't long at all! Just look at mine! :lol: That is a wonderful testimony...thanks for sharing it with us. :)

This boy, Sam, has two Christian boys he plays with all the time and has been to their church many times. These are the boys my son would like to play with but cannot escape Sam. Sam is no longer part of Nate's life..as I said, Nate has finally learned to set boundaries. There is no benefit from either side when Sam is only going to continue bully Nate and Nate suffers from it. Its Nate's choice to not see him. Sometimes we have to say no instead of just allowing anyone in our lives...something I had to learn myself too! Nate has suffered enough in his life from abuse and doesn't need to have it constantly dished out by so called friends. Its only slowed down his recovery from the abuse he went through with his father...kept him from developing self confidence and kept him in the bondage of fear and low self esteem. Its not worth him sacrificing himself for...Christ already did that for Sam and all those like him.

I am glad your daughter has changed...I hope one day Sam changes like that too and those other boys that follow his lead..

God bless

Oh your post isn't long at all! Just look at mine! :lol: That is a wonderful testimony...thanks for sharing it with us. :)

This boy, Sam, has two Christian boys he plays with all the time and has been to their church many times. These are the boys my son would like to play with but cannot escape Sam. Sam is no longer part of Nate's life..as I said, Nate has finally learned to set boundaries. There is no benefit from either side when Sam is only going to continue bully Nate and Nate suffers from it. Its Nate's choice to not see him. Sometimes we have to say no instead of just allowing anyone in our lives...something I had to learn myself too! Nate has suffered enough in his life from abuse and doesn't need to have it constantly dished out by so called friends. Its only slowed down his recovery from the abuse he went through with his father...kept him from developing self confidence and kept him in the bondage of fear and low self esteem. Its not worth him sacrificing himself for...Christ already did that for Sam and all those like him.

I am glad your daughter has changed...I hope one day Sam changes like that too and those other boys that follow his lead..

God bless
I agree completely. I hope from my post you did not get the impression that I thought you and your son had not done everything possible.
Sometimes, the only answer is to stop seeing them and continue praying for them. Nate sounds like a wonderful child with a wonderful, caring parent.
Blessings to you as well.

I agree completely. I hope from my post you did not get the impression that I thought you and your son had not done everything possible.
Sometimes, the only answer is to stop seeing them and continue praying for them. Nate sounds like a wonderful child with a wonderful, caring parent.
Blessings to you as well.

Thank you. :) Yea he has given Sam several chances to change his ways...it just seems to be getting worse though. We'll see if Sam wants to hang around here again this summer though. His mom and step dad work full time so he is home alone all day and would spend many of those days over here, which I was glad to do. Its better then him roaming the streets getting into trouble...but our kindness and influence apparently didn't make much of a dent in him I guess...:(

God bless