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Poetry4Me75
Mar 2nd 2009, 04:59 PM
Hi. I mostly just lurk around here but I wanted to post a question. Why does God allow miscarriages?
I don't understand why he allows the conception to begin with if the pregnancy is not going to survive.
I have suffered multiple miscarriages and there are no health issues underlying (that the Drs can find). It has caused quite a rift in my relationship with God.

Lori

techie4u
Mar 2nd 2009, 05:56 PM
I've had two misscarriages. One before having each of my children. If I wouldn't have had those then I wouldn't have my two "perfect" children. Trust me I know it is hard to go through but God does have a reason for everything. Another example is a friend of mine that also had multiple miscarriages, went through about 5 years of ttc and her and her husband eventually ended up becoming foster parents. They now have a girl 3 and boy 1 (they are brother/sister) that they are in the process of adopting. As hard as there experience was they would go through it all again.

Ninna
Mar 2nd 2009, 06:17 PM
I am so sorry you have been through this multiple times. I, too, suffered a miscarriage and asked some of the same questions.....my oldest daughter miscarried last month and I found this link:

http://www.gotquestions.org/miscarriage-Bible.html

We will never know why this side of Heaven - all we can do is trust God with all of our heart in those things we cannot understand. Talk to Him...mend that rift. My prayers are with you.:hug:

steelerbabe
Mar 2nd 2009, 06:20 PM
I too have had misscarriages -3 in total with one being ectopid:cry: I hope to see them in heaven someday. I drove myself crazy asking why and finally gave it to the Lord. He knew how sad I was but I trusted him and felt a sense of peace. Will be praying for you:pray::hug:

elle_kay
Mar 2nd 2009, 06:44 PM
Lori, I'm so sorry! We've lost three children to miscarriage, and your note reminds me of what my friend, Anna said after their 4 month (post birth) old daughter died...she was angry at the Lord, but she said,"What am I going to do? break up with Him?" She knew her feelings would eventually pass, as will yours.
I think it's natural to feel lost and have questions, and God is big enough to allow us this time. Don't give up on Him- especially because He alone can heal this pain you're feeling. He will heal this rift, truly. He really is amazingly faithful.

I could cite stories of friends who've been through this, give you happy endings, but I'm sure you know ladies like this, too. As to "why"...I know the feeling. Each of your dear children had a purpose to fulfill, and they did that. Doesn't take away your pain, but I hope you find the thought somewhat comforting. They were absolutely perfect just as they were created, and God's will was done in each life.

If you ever feel like reading the song, Christian artists "Watermark" recorded a song called "Glory Baby" on their "All Things New" album after experiencing the pain of miscarriage. I won't post the lyrics here out of respect for board rules, but you can find them here:

http://www.christianlyricsonline.com/artists/watermark/glory-baby.html

I'd send you the CD if I could, but I pray their hope brings some to you.

I will be praying for you.
Love because of Jesus- Lori
:hug:

Poetry4Me75
Mar 2nd 2009, 08:09 PM
I have had 5 miscarriages in all. I have heard many, many "happy ending" stories, seems everyone eventually gets their longed for child in some way. That is not to be for us. There will be no "happy ending" unless God chooses to perform a miracle, which he clearly has chosen not to. We have been TTC for 6 years and 9 months. After this long, I have lost hope for our happy ending. I have tried so hard to move on, I have begged God to erase the pain and give me peace. But it has not come. And just when I thought I had moved on, I had another miscarriage, after we were told we could never even get pregnant again. And I was stupid enough to think it was a miracle, that God had granted me a pregnancy against all physical odds. It had been 3 years since the last one, so I really figured there was no hope and yet there I was, seemingly miraculously pregnant. But God let it end, too. There seemed to be no point in ever praying again.

I guess I cannot see why God allowed FIVE pregnancies that were destined to fail. I wish the doctors could at least give me some answers like I have a misshapen uterus or something but since I have living children from my first marriage, I know that is not the case. It seems like God was dangling life in my face and snatching it away. There was progressively more and more time between my pregnancies. They cannot tell me why I do not conceive, and they have guessed why I miscarry. But it does not matter. Having a diagnosis does not change the fact that this all seems so cruel.

It just seems like every time I make progress healing, and I seem to be close to God again, it happens again. And in a world of unwanted pregnancies, people who abort their children, it just hurts too much.

I want to know why God would allow a pregnancy that had no chance of survival. If you knew how I prayed. How I called everyone I knew that would really pray and had them pray. I layed flat on my face for hours, day after day, crying and begging and waiting for test results to say this baby would live and it didn't. I trusted God to protect my unborn and he did not. How can I ever trust him again? How do I know he will not snatch my husband from me now? Or my living children? I cannot trust him. I do not know how to move on, spiritually, from this.

I really have accepted I will not ever have children again. But I cannot seem to have hope of gaining my relationship back with God. I do feel like we have "broken up", that I was betrayed. I wish I could just stop believing in God and then it would not hurt anymore. You cannot be angry with someone that does not exist, right? But I know He does exist and has chosen to let my babies die. I just am not sure I want a relationship with that God.

Lori

Dani H
Mar 2nd 2009, 08:51 PM
My best friend suffered a couple of miscarriages. Then she moved, and was able to carry the next baby to term. Turned out to be toxicity in her drinking water where she lived.

I understand we can be quick to blame God when we're hurting. It's also entirely possible that there is a physical reason, even though physicians can't readily put their fingers on it, because it's not rooted in a medical condition.

You will be in my prayers. :hug:

Poetry4Me75
Mar 4th 2009, 12:39 PM
We have moved three times since we started trying, so it is not that. Thanks for the prayers.

elle_kay
Mar 5th 2009, 06:38 PM
Lori, I am so moved by your posts- pardon my typos, but I'm crying as I type.

Why...the question of the ages. How many Bible writers posed this question- how many of God's people since have asked it? Only the Lord knows, although I do wish I had "the answer" for you.
We had close friends who experienced exactly what you're going through.
My dearest sister lost her husband and a year later her 9 yer old son.
I didn't know what to say...I still don't. But please know that just as I would rejoice with you, I do weep with you. (Romans 12:15)

Crying with my loved ones was the way the Lord chose for me to comfort them. I don't know if it will bring you any comfort, but please know my heart is broken for you.
I truly do believe the Lord wants to comfort you in your sadness. He is the friend of the wounded heart.

Isaiah 42:3
A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish.

Isaiah 53:3
He was despised and forsaken of men.
A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;...

I know you are the bruised reed, the dimly burning wick. You have this promise- I pray Jesus will give you the strength to cling to it.

My friend Sue always reminds me, when I am broken of heart, that when Jesus fed the 5,000 there was the little boy who offered his lunch.
And Jesus took it, and blessed it, and broke it...and used it. I find it comforting every time.

I can't answer your heart's question. :cry: I've dealt with trust issues with God many times- I don't know how I got over them, only that I didn't "break up with Him", and somehow He healed me.

Do you have "in person" Christian friends who you can talk to about this? Someone at your church, perhaps? Someone who can hold you, cry with you, tell you they know this stinks but God is still faithful?
You are a part of our body, and when you hurt, we hurt.

I'll offer you this:

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
(Matt. 5:4) NASB


(1 peter 1) NASB
3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

4to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you,
5who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
6In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials,
7so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

(1 peter 4) NASB

12Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; 13but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.



These are verses I have clung to like oxygen. It's sometimes painful at a time like this to consider it, but the Lord has a purpose for you...your salvation, and to conform you to the image of His Son... (Romans 8: 28-29)

28And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 29For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren

More than anything I know this to be truth:
(Romans 8:37-39)
But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

He loves you, Lori. He loves your husband and your babes. Sometimes it's a scary thing to be in the hands of our God, but I know it's better than anyplace else. I continue to pray for you.

I love you, too, because Jesus made it so- Lori

moonglow
Mar 5th 2009, 07:16 PM
Hi. I mostly just lurk around here but I wanted to post a question. Why does God allow miscarriages?
I don't understand why he allows the conception to begin with if the pregnancy is not going to survive.
I have suffered multiple miscarriages and there are no health issues underlying (that the Drs can find). It has caused quite a rift in my relationship with God.

Lori

First let me say I am truly sorry you have gone through this. I personally don't believe God causes miscarriages. As the link stated the Momof5 posted, the baby most likely wasn't developing right and unable to survive...or for some women their body is unable to carry a child. Death came into the world due to Adam and Eve's sin and as a result everything is affected...even our DNA...and this is why some children are born so very handicapped they can't live at all...or can't live without great medical assistance and some don't make it long enough to be born. As we read in Genesis when God created Adam and Eve and everything else He called it 'good'...for God to call anything good it had to be totally perfect...a very high standard. He didn't build into us defects...our choice to sin caused defects and death. And now this is why we have diseases, earthquakes, animals that attack and kill each other and so on...every single thing is affected by sin and corrupted by it. One day God will set it all right again and their will be no more death or miscarriages like this.

Isaiah 65

17 “Look! I am creating new heavens and a new earth,
and no one will even think about the old ones anymore.
18 Be glad; rejoice forever in my creation!
And look! I will create Jerusalem as a place of happiness.
Her people will be a source of joy.
19 I will rejoice over Jerusalem
and delight in my people.
And the sound of weeping and crying
will be heard in it no more.

20 “No longer will babies die when only a few days old.
No longer will adults die before they have lived a full life.
No longer will people be considered old at one hundred!
Only the cursed will die that young!
21 In those days people will live in the houses they build
and eat the fruit of their own vineyards.
22 Unlike the past, invaders will not take their houses
and confiscate their vineyards.
For my people will live as long as trees,
and my chosen ones will have time to enjoy their hard-won gains.
23 They will not work in vain,
and their children will not be doomed to misfortune.
For they are people blessed by the Lord,
and their children, too, will be blessed.
24 I will answer them before they even call to me.
While they are still talking about their needs,
I will go ahead and answer their prayers!
25 The wolf and the lamb will feed together.
The lion will eat hay like a cow.
But the snakes will eat dust.
In those days no one will be hurt or destroyed on my holy mountain.
I, the Lord, have spoken!”

Its sin you need to direct your pain and anger towards, not God...I pray one day you will eventually be able to see this.

God bless

moonglow
Mar 6th 2009, 03:44 PM
This article was posted by another member on another thread that I thought might benefit you: Are You Mad At God? (http://www.intotruth.org/dev/angry.html)

Though it doesn't address miscarriages and it may seem like it doesn't apply to you, I think it does in feeling angry towards God.

God bless

Poetry4Me75
Mar 6th 2009, 06:30 PM
What good is prayer then? God gave us prayer. But prayer seems useless. If it all chalks up to sin, fine. But what does that have to do with it, when God has the power to overcome it, the power to heal, and he sits idly by and does nothing? Tells us to pray for healing but never answers those prayers? And don't tell me stories of answered prayer. I won't believe them. I have NEVER seen one.

I have read many books on being angry with God. I STILL pray for reconciliation. I pray God will change my perspective and that I will see this in a different way, one that will allow me peace and acceptance.

But according to what you are saying, I am right and there is no trust to be found in God. If God does not stretch his hand out to stay the effects of sin, then I CAN'T trust Him to keep my children safe, or my husband, or anyone else I love and there is no point in praying for it. All I can hope for is death. No wonder people commit suicide if our only comfort lies after death!

So I am just supposed to spread the gospel (the Great Commandment) and take whatever Satan feels like throwing my way (like Job) and love God even tho He does nothing to help or intervene apart from salvation?

Still searching for the purpose of prayer here....seems rather like giving someone the power of communication, say through a computer, but then denying the electriciy to run it, so it is impotent. Like "Oh here, pray your heart out, I'll hear ya but don't expect results because sin is sin and I won't stop the consequences because of free will".

It is just bad luck that sexually immoral people conceive children they kill or throw away but a serving Christian couple conceive children they desperately want to give life to that an unseen force kills? BAD LUCK?? Come one, who believes in that. Where is Divine Providence?

Here's a bit of info, the doctors told us he can conceive with other women, and me with other men, but we cannot have children together. Hmm. That seems rather like a curse. Both of us faithfully serve God through ministries and have spread the gospel, I have seen many people saved but yet we are cursed as a couple? I do not think a man and wife could love each other more than me and my husband. Do you know we have NEVER had a fight? Not once! It seems ours is a marriage made in heaven but that we are stricken childless. Anywhere in the Bible, that is seen as cursed of God. Who controls the womb? So do not say this is all a consequence of sin. Is God, or is He not in control? So he has orchestrated this. I must disagree with your statement that God doesn't cause msicarriage.

And don't think I have not prayed for God to show me my sin, in case I have some lifestyle sin I am ignorant of. Why else would we be cursed? What on earth have I done to deserve this?

Forget the pregnancies. Where is the comfort I have sought and prayed for? The peace that passes understanding? Who avenges my tears when I lay crying to God "God, please take my sorrow, take my bitterness, restore me to you, show me how to reconcile! Help my unbelief! God, let me feel your Presence, give me the peace that passes understanding, comfor my heart and stay my tears! God show me how to not be angry with you. Give me divine perspective so I can set myself apart from this and see your greater will!"

And nothing, NOTHING ever happens except that my sorrow is renewed in the silence and, oh yeah, more miscarriages.

Yes, I am angry at God. Not just for my babies, but refusing to comfort me. For leaving me hopeless. And STILL I serve Him. STILL I beg for Him to comfort me and forgive me and show me my sins that I may repent. STILL I read His Word. Being faithful to Him hasn't gotten me anywhere!

All I really want, truly and really, is to believe God cares about me. Because I cannot see it, my life certainly has evidenced against it. I see a God who saves souls but then laves us on our own until after death. I do not see a God who cares for my heart. I see a God who ignores my cries for comfort and watches me drown in my tears!

Ninna
Mar 6th 2009, 07:03 PM
I wish I could talk with you face-to-face and try to give comfort.:hug:

We can't answer why but we do know that prayer is NOT useless. Sometimes the answer to what we ask for is "no" or "not now." We cannot understand why, but we must trust that God has a plan and whatever He does will be done for His glory.

moonglow
Mar 7th 2009, 12:31 AM
What good is prayer then? God gave us prayer. But prayer seems useless. If it all chalks up to sin, fine. But what does that have to do with it, when God has the power to overcome it, the power to heal, and he sits idly by and does nothing? Tells us to pray for healing but never answers those prayers? And don't tell me stories of answered prayer. I won't believe them. I have NEVER seen one.

I have read many books on being angry with God. I STILL pray for reconciliation. I pray God will change my perspective and that I will see this in a different way, one that will allow me peace and acceptance.

But according to what you are saying, I am right and there is no trust to be found in God. If God does not stretch his hand out to stay the effects of sin, then I CAN'T trust Him to keep my children safe, or my husband, or anyone else I love and there is no point in praying for it. All I can hope for is death. No wonder people commit suicide if our only comfort lies after death!

So I am just supposed to spread the gospel (the Great Commandment) and take whatever Satan feels like throwing my way (like Job) and love God even tho He does nothing to help or intervene apart from salvation?

Still searching for the purpose of prayer here....seems rather like giving someone the power of communication, say through a computer, but then denying the electriciy to run it, so it is impotent. Like "Oh here, pray your heart out, I'll hear ya but don't expect results because sin is sin and I won't stop the consequences because of free will".

It is just bad luck that sexually immoral people conceive children they kill or throw away but a serving Christian couple conceive children they desperately want to give life to that an unseen force kills? BAD LUCK?? Come one, who believes in that. Where is Divine Providence?

Here's a bit of info, the doctors told us he can conceive with other women, and me with other men, but we cannot have children together. Hmm. That seems rather like a curse. Both of us faithfully serve God through ministries and have spread the gospel, I have seen many people saved but yet we are cursed as a couple? I do not think a man and wife could love each other more than me and my husband. Do you know we have NEVER had a fight? Not once! It seems ours is a marriage made in heaven but that we are stricken childless. Anywhere in the Bible, that is seen as cursed of God. Who controls the womb? So do not say this is all a consequence of sin. Is God, or is He not in control? So he has orchestrated this. I must disagree with your statement that God doesn't cause msicarriage.

And don't think I have not prayed for God to show me my sin, in case I have some lifestyle sin I am ignorant of. Why else would we be cursed? What on earth have I done to deserve this?

Forget the pregnancies. Where is the comfort I have sought and prayed for? The peace that passes understanding? Who avenges my tears when I lay crying to God "God, please take my sorrow, take my bitterness, restore me to you, show me how to reconcile! Help my unbelief! God, let me feel your Presence, give me the peace that passes understanding, comfor my heart and stay my tears! God show me how to not be angry with you. Give me divine perspective so I can set myself apart from this and see your greater will!"

And nothing, NOTHING ever happens except that my sorrow is renewed in the silence and, oh yeah, more miscarriages.

Yes, I am angry at God. Not just for my babies, but refusing to comfort me. For leaving me hopeless. And STILL I serve Him. STILL I beg for Him to comfort me and forgive me and show me my sins that I may repent. STILL I read His Word. Being faithful to Him hasn't gotten me anywhere!

All I really want, truly and really, is to believe God cares about me. Because I cannot see it, my life certainly has evidenced against it. I see a God who saves souls but then laves us on our own until after death. I do not see a God who cares for my heart. I see a God who ignores my cries for comfort and watches me drown in my tears!

I lost a baby due to a horrible birth defect years ago...the top of his skull did not close and parts of his brain were actually floating outside this opening (this was seen on the first sonogram)...what brain there was that is. The only functioning part of his brain was the brain stem which controls the heart rate, breathing and so forth. The only thing keeping him alive was my body...as soon as he would be born, he would die. Though he didn't live that long. No infant with this type of birth defect lives...if they could they would be a non functioning limp human being...aware of nothing or anyone. For them its a blessing they die and go on to be with the Lord.

I went through the same emotions you are going through...very angry at God for not healing my baby. I got a book that helped me alot..I sure wish I could remember the name of it so I could pass it on to you. But I can't so all I can do is share my story. I think I spend the first couple of weeks trying to stay drunk because it hurt so bad. This was before I became a born again Christian...though I did believe in God...obviously, since I blamed Him for it. Eventually though I just had to deal with it...and mourn...and be angry at God. I went through all the same questions you did. In my situation though eventually I realized I couldn't put the blame of this on Him and we came to an understanding. In my case I was doing alot of sinful things...alot. Now whether those had a thing to do with the birth defect there is no way of ever knowing for sure.

As you pointed out their are women doing truly horrible things and having perfectly healthy babies...so it doesn't make sense to say its the mother or even the father's fault in regards to them sinning...that is not what I was talking about..I was talking about how WE choose to sin and sin has spread through this world like cancer and it pops up in the least expected places...

You hear stories of people taking excellent care of themselves all their lives come down with lung cancer....yet they never smoked...never were around it...did nothing to cause it. Then you have someone who abuses their bodies with drugs and drinking and lives to be 90...

Cancer really does pop up in strange places in the human body at times and for no apparent reason...sin does the same thing. When Jesus was with His disciples and they saw the blind man the disciples asked if this man was blind due to some sin he did or his parents did and Jesus said neither. Sin by them...hadn't caused the blindness. Sin in the world however, does.

It sounds like from what you said the doctors told you..you carry a certain gene and your husband carries a certain gene that when combined causes the baby to not be able to develop right...and it seemed a miracle you even conceived at all due to this. And they probably told you the chances of two people getting together and having these genes that caused this were a billion in one..something like that. I have heard of the Jews carrying a gene that caused this kind of problem or the children are born with major birth defects. Jews are a race of people..not a religion but an actually race and some carry a gene that causes this.

What I don't understand is you said its been three years and you are still this angry and hurt...you have not healed...not thought about foster care or adoption...but are demanding God fix this for you?? Have you ever asked Him what He wants you to do? Ever asked Him if He even wanted you to have children? Are you putting the desire of having children before Him?

I know this is going to sound uncaring and even mean on my part but over the years I have seen so many women making the need for children into nothing short of idol worship. It consumes them. This is all they think about 24/7 and it utterly ruins them. Its a terrible thing to see. They are women like you that either can't conceive or suffer one miscarriage after another and just won't stop. I know what its like to lose a baby and the desire to have one..I do know...but this I don't understand when women go to this extreme and don't let go and move on to either adopt or at least do foster care for the many children out there that so desperately need loving parents. I also know I probably am making you very, very angry but honestly...why should God grant you your prayers when you put the desire for something else above Him?


Matthew 10:37
He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.

Eventually I did get what I wanted..I got a baby boy...now you are thinking ok well she got her baby...so she doesn't know what it feels like...but you need to hear the rest of the story...how the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Sure I had the cutest little Gerber baby ever...that never slept...that cried all the time and threw fits...how I suffered for months going on little sleep...how he only slept two hours at a time...how I started hearing him crying when I would be about to doze off because it happened so much of the time...it was like being tortured mentally and emotionally and physically. I lost so much weight so fast I was nearly passing out ...all due to exhaustion and the demands he put on me.

I had to hold him constantly or he would start crying. I couldn't get dressed, take a shower, go to the bathroom without him crying. How at six months the ear infections started...him waking up in the middle of the night with 103 temp screaming...and the dr just kept putting him on one antibiotic after another...then other illnesses and constantly catching everything under the sun...how he went three months with a sinuse infection his dr refused to treat saying it was just allergies. How all of this turned out to be due to food and air borne allergies which weren't dx until he was four and only after I kept seeking out doctors that would find out what the problem was.

Oh and so much much more. Him being dx with a sensory integration disorder, ADHD, delays in his fine and motor skills, a learning disability...not too mention the emotionally behavioral problems and his allergic reactions to so many medications...and this was the easy stuff....the other stuff it horrible and long and complicated and would take a book to explain. I will just say this...I have been to hell with my son many times..many times.

In other words its been hard. I wished for years I had stayed single and childless...hate to say that but he was that hard. I love him of course...but when he was six months old I had my tubes tired. He was all I could handle and still is all I can handle though he is doing much better now. Sometimes when we ask God for something....He does answer...just not in the way we want. One thing all this did in regards to my son, is draw me ever closer to God. I would have never survived this without God as my rock! And now I have to get through the teen years with him. I could have stayed single or at least childless...and continued a calmer more peaceful life...though probably pretty boring.

Years before my son I lived in Wyoming with a man and we went into Yellowstone and Jackson and camped, and hiked and went fly fishing and collected junk...we were real yuppies. Those days are like another life to me...a whole another lifetime. To be able to take off and do such things when we wanted too. Now I am disabled, a single parent and struggle many times just to get through a day at home around here...yet I wouldn't trade my sinful 'fun days' for how I live now...while its no fun in the mountains...but living in windy flat lands with a child I never know what is going to happen from one minute to the next...I have my redeemer. My old boyfriend in Wyoming is long dead from some rare type of cancer...I still miss him though.

Jesus tells us to seek the kingdom of God first! Then everything else will be added to that.

So after my ruined marriage, I finally sought out God...really and truly and completely gave my life to Him. And inspite of how it sounds I have received one blessing after another. If it wasn't for God my son would be living in a mental hospital by now...that is how bad things were for a number of years..thanks to his abusive dad. :( Sometimes God does let us have what we want and it can turn into a nightmare...other times He is trying to spare us that...

The Lord may want you to have children...just not in the way you want. You cannot hear His answers though through your anger.

Of course prayer makes a difference. Jesus came to set us free from sin..from the bondage of sin and it can make a huge difference in our lives...including healing...but healing of the spirit always has to come first and may be the only healing you ever receive. Will you love God if He grants you your prayer request and you carry a perfect baby? Then all will be forgiven and you will love and believe in Him and believe prayers are answered? you are demanding He performs a miracle for you to keep your loyalty and to stop your anger?

I don't know that we can expect God to do what we want just to make us feel better.

God bless

LadyinWaiting
Mar 7th 2009, 02:11 AM
I just wanted to address miracles, because they do happen. Maybe you didn't personally see it, but I have (both my parents being alive after colon & uterine cancer-mom/lung cancer - dad, dad's 3 heart-attacks and 1 failure where he was clinically dead for almost 10 minutes...had it not been for Mom...he would be). Perhaps God wants you to fill this hole with reliance upon him.

The anger you have is a human emotion. It's normal and rational. However, you're also equating your service with entitlement to be protected. My sister had similar situations - she had one daughter and a step-son. She kept hoping for another child, hubby wouldn't consent. Their son is about to be a senior in high school, and hubby was starting to possibly cave - my sister's health went downhill fast, and she ended up having a hysterectomy. She's only 33...all hopes of another child are 0 for her biologically. She did nothing "wrong" to cause it - she teaches choir, mission friends, faithfully attends church, adult choir, etc. It still happened. My dad's best friend was a faithful deacon, faithful to his wife, served the church, was there for everyone, wonderful father and grandfather -he died an excruciating death from pancreatic cancer slowly eating his body away.

So often we think that if our prayers aren't being answered that we're not being heard, that God isn't protecting us or doesn't care. Far too often, He has another plan that we don't understand. There are no answers because we cannot see the big picture.

My thoughts are that potentially the desire to have children is one you're supposed to have - not to bear biological children, but maybe to take all that love in you and pour it into one of those children who others have cast away for some reason as a foster or adoptive parent. Some people are hand selected by God for this, I truly believe, due to their strong desire to love and care for another person, to raise the child as only a Christian parent can.

Perhaps God is molding you to work in a crisis center or with other women who have had these issues in a support group.

One of my friends is in her mid-30s and had 3 or 4 miscarriages before having her first baby. She was told if she got pregnant again, it would likely kill her. Thank God, it didn't. When she talks about it (which she does every performance with a musical group...world-wide), she mentions that had she not known what the loss was like, she wouldn't have felt this same thankfulness for her children (she was 4-5 months with two of those I believe).

Why am I telling you these things? Because I think God's allowing you to keep the desire for children alive because He has a plan for you. I've seen people who couldn't have kids suddenly be able to (as in I know them) and I've held my friends hands as their young children were found out to have diseases or disabilities and comforted some of them after they watched a sonogram picture that had two precious little heartbeats stop beating and they were told they'd have to have a technical abortion because both the girls were gone...and she couldn't naturally miscarry since they were conjoined twins.

Just because you may not be able to pass on your genetics doesn't mean God doesn't want you to pass on your love. Your heart is so big...and so broken over all these losses. I don't have an answer as to why. I just know that the answer apparently right now is to wait and heal so that you can give your whole range of motherly skills to a baby who needs them desperately. I don't know what God's plan is for you exactly, but when He allows one path to close off, it's always because He has one that is better. As hard as it is, and as angry as you and your husband must be...it does sound more like you want your will above His will. His will is by far better, but you have to choose it, and keep choosing it...no matter how difficult.

We love you, sweetie. We know you're angry. Like I said, I think we all know it is perfectly normal for a human, a woman especially. You need, and deserve, time to go through all the stages of the greiving process. Since you're still consistently trying and hoping for a child, I think you're stuck in the "bargaining" phase (making deals with yourself to try to change it). I personally think you should give your body a break and your spirit a chance to heal.

elle_kay
Mar 7th 2009, 07:20 PM
Lori-

I know I can't top what was just posted, but I was speaking with my sister last night (thank God for the phone!), and we prayed for you together. I got permission to share her story-

Her husband died after a long illness 5 years ago. Not quite two years later, exactly 7 days before Christmas, her 9 yo mentally retarded son left the house at 4:30pm...she was upstairs changing the beds, and came down 15 minutes later to find him gone.
She phoned the police right away...there was an enormous search for Logan. People from a 3-4 county wide area devoted their time during perhaps the busiest week of the year to look for my nephew. I drove to PA instantly. We had a police liason in the house 24 hrs a day in case of news. Logan's disappearance made national news.
It was a very cold December...temps at night in single digits with wind chills well below zero, and he had jeans, a long sleeved tee, socks and slippers on.

My sister went to bed four times not knowing where her son was, with no husband to comfort her.

We stood at a window about 20 hours each day. Her youngest was 5- a girl, and she has three older daughters. On the 22nd I was upstairs with my 5 yo niece and heard my 13 yo niece wailing- knew instantly Logan had been found. He died alone, of exposure. The police said he hadn't been the hands of a molester, but Carol knows they'd have said that regardless.
She has since remarried and had 2 miscarriages...and although they were painful, it's her opinion, and she knows better than I hope I ever will, there's no comparison.

Not that personal pain can be compared, (sorry, I don't mean to do that to you) but my precious sister has gained immeasurable wisdom through her trials. These are things she wanted me to share:
1.) Be thankful for your living children. She knows without them she would not have made it through sanely. She does constantly worry about where her youngest is, because, as she says, "I literally lost Logan." She also understands now there's no guarantee the Lord won't choose to take another of her kids. I don't know how she even lives with that, let alone continue to love and serve God, but she does.


She says most of her anger at God happened when she was first dealing with the fact that he wasn't "normal". She cleaned up messes (like when he'd reach into his own dirty diaper and fingerpaint the walls with it) screaming at God- "How does this help anyone??!!?? Why did you make my son this way???!!?" We talk 3-4 times a week and visit as often as possible, and so many times I'd hear her say so sweetly, "Logan, did you pour the bottle of Tide all over the wood floor?" "Logan, did you color permanent marker on the new carpet?" The patience that woman had! Before her husband died he was an over the road truck driver, so Carol pretty much raised her kiddos alone.

2.) Anger at God comes directly from the fact that we know God can stretch out His hand to stop something and chooses not to. His power is limitless, and Satan is His tool, not the other way around. Death entered the world through sin, but death touches everyone whether caused by sin or not. Even the book of Job shows that Satan could only do what God allowed him to do...he is "on a leash", so to say.

These ladies are right- anger is a normal human emotion, but Carol also says-

3.) Prolonged anger is the very definition of holding a grudge, and just as we have to forgive those around us, as silly as it may sound, we have to offer forgiveness to the Lord. I know this may sound like heresy, but what she means is that this sort of bitterness hurts the holder of it, not the one against whom it's directed. You must forgive the Lord, because He commands us to forgive and for your own sake.

4.) The Lord our God is Sovereign over all! And just as others have said, so says Carol- we must want God's will. Jesus perfectly modeled that for us in Gethsemane...please take this cup from me! Yet not my will, but yours, Father.

Jesus had certainly never done anything to "deserve" his death, just as you say you are a good person and don't feel you deserve the way God has treated you. But deserve is a dangerous word, or feeling. Praise God, I don't get what I do deserve (mercy) and I do get what I don't deserve (grace).

Our friend Greg used to say God answers prayer 4 ways...yes. no. not now. I thought you'd never ask! I think it's safe to say God did indeed hear you, dear one! But you didn't like His answer. And I understand that, I really do.
But, sweet child of God, you must be willing to let this go. You have his answer in terms of more living children...don't make it more important than any other thing. Thank Him for the many blessings you have recieved from Him.
He cannot heal hurt you will not let go of. I know that sounds trite, you feel you'd love to let go if you could. There have been many times I've had to pray, "In faith I give this to you, forgive this person, etc." because I sure didn't feel it! Pray in faith; you can safely expect God to bring the feelings in due time.

You have suffered terrible losses, and it has brought you to a real crisis of faith, but it never made God one bit smaller or less good. Prayer, I often feel, is mine to change me. Through my dialogue with my Abba I change, I learn who He is, I stop worshipping the idol of who I think He is and learn better who He really is.
This may not be any kind of "magical, get what I want" prayer, but I find it much more giving, ultimately. I honestly don't know what to say about the verses that "promise" things, but I do know He tells me to seek first His kingdom, and to ask all things according to His will...

I'm sorry, honey. I know these replies hurt. But I really believe you are hurting yourself so much more. I hope I have "spoken truth in love" because I do love you.

I'm gonna keep praying for you, and would be open to listening to any kind of thing you feel you need to say. I hope Carol's story can help you...she pours wisdom into my life almost daily- I really think she has earned the right to be listened to, and her words are seasoned with love and truth. In that spirit do I pass it on.

Yeah, you have no guarantee God will not choose another difficult thing for you...none of us do. It's His total right- we chose to put our ear to the door and become His servant forever, just as slaves did in O.T. times. We belong to Him; should we be surprised to receive His will? His will IS good; it's what's best for us. My kiddos at 2 didn't appreciate being scolded when they played in the road or spanked for direct disobedience, but my motives were LOVE- choosing what was best for them over never making them mad.
I'll be lucky to see the day I'm as grown up a child to God as a 2 year old most days...lol.
But I am His. With all that entails.

Peace, my sister Lori. Peace to you.

Love, Lori

elle_kay
Mar 7th 2009, 10:53 PM
Sweetie- one other thing...you've been through so much physically- have you spoken to a doc about the possibility of maybe some kind of "post-partum depression"?
I agree your body's been through a lot and just thought maybe a doctor might be able to address any underlying health issues...vitamin deficiency, PPD...I don't really know. I know this wouldn't be the be-all-and-end-all of things, but it could be something helping hold you in a bad place?

God bless you to the absolute Nth!!
-Lori

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