Hi,

I would like honest opinion about my situation. I am currently divorced. I have been a Christian most of my life, my ex hasn' t. He was baptized as an infant but of his own decision rejected Christianity as an adult. I know that 1 Corinthians tells us not to initiate a divorce from a non-believing spouse, but he had drinking problems and was verbally and emotionally abusive. He refused to go to anymore counseling for himself or for us. Because of this, I asked for a separation and eventual divorce. I was so miserable and depressed and wanted to feel loved that as soon as I separated from him, I had an affair. I have since repented but here is my question. Some say that divorce from an unbeliever allows for remarriage, but what about my past adultery? What if I started the divorce because of his abuses? I am very confused.:confused

A lot of people / christians are very imature in how they will reply to you. They have issues of their own, and not enough love in their heart for the pain of others - I'm just warning you.

Firstly - I'm tempted to just say 'Take it to our Lord in prayer.'

I'd leave it at that if I thought others wouldn't reply.

Biblically. Jesus quotes Genesis 2:24 That's why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person.

Jesus also says at Matthew 5:32 But I tell you not to divorce your wife unless she has commited some terrible sexual sin.

So the only grounds for divorce, given by Jesus are these. It is disputed whether this means sex with another people or a marriage that should never have happened in the first place as it was between relatives that are too closely related - brother/ sister, aunt/ nephew and the like.

So to answer your question with a question of my own - Are you biblically divorced? I judge not, just ask the question.

Paul allows seperation/ divorce if a person comes to Christ and the non believing partner wants to leave. We must let them go. Again from the little you say, this was not the case, you initiated the seperation, and the divorce? even if on paper it legally says otherwise?

So if you were still married I'd have to say, unless there are more conflicting details - divorce was not possible under these circumstances. My advice would have been the seperation, like you say happened, but never a divorce.

Many Christians actually look to twist or use the bible to their own purposes (I'm not meaning you). I've even been told, 'I prayed and the Holy Spirit told me God had changed his mind!' Really! Where divorce is possible, it doesn't mean it has to happen.

Your pain is so understandable. The man you chose for life, let you down. In despair other things happened that were regretable, but you can be forgiven.

Abuse is not a grounds for divorce in our Lord's eyes. Noone should have to put up with it, and only you know how bad it was, and if living seperately was neccessary - it sounds like it was. But once safe from the abuse, the divorce was not neccessary?

I'm not judging. I'm just trying to share my biblical understanding. You need to read the bible chapters concerned, pray, perhaps talk to mature Christian women or a minister. Sadly churches are full in my area of divorced and remarried people who care little for what our Lord has revealed in the bible.

Do we believe God's way is best? Do we believe that God can do anything in our lives? Do we believe in the power of prayer? If not we'll make our own decisions and sadly :cry: God will let us feel the full pain of those decisions. SofTy.

First and foremost, you need to confess your adultery before God if you haven't already done so and receive Christ's promised forgiveness - 1 Jn 1:9. Remember, the blood of Christ cleanses you from a guilty conscience!

You also need to acknowledge before God that you acted unwisely in initiating the divorce yourself - you should have waited for your husband to do that, but your state of mind and presumably lack of counsel on the matter are strong mitigating factors. God understands and He will forgive if you acknowkedge that.

But SofTy is right - in God's eyes you are not released from your original marriage bond, so you must either remain unmarried or be reconciled to him. I totally accept that he would have to repent and show fruits of that first prior to any reconciliation - but miracles CAN happen!

In the meantime, you need to spend a lot of time growing in your walk with Christ and finding HIM to be the all-satisfying desire of your soul - He is ALWAYS enough for us and HE will never let you down! :pp

You have a worldy divorce, but not a biblical one that only can happen through adultry, but if you are to get that divorce you must remain unmarried or be remarried to your husband. For what the Lord joins together let not man seperate. Thats what you did when you had sex with him you became one body. Read the book of Hosea and all he did for his wife.

Hi,

I would like honest opinion about my situation. I am currently divorced. I have been a Christian most of my life, my ex hasn' t. He was baptized as an infant but of his own decision rejected Christianity as an adult. I know that 1 Corinthians tells us not to initiate a divorce from a non-believing spouse, but he had drinking problems and was verbally and emotionally abusive. He refused to go to anymore counseling for himself or for us. Because of this, I asked for a separation and eventual divorce. I was so miserable and depressed and wanted to feel loved that as soon as I separated from him, I had an affair. I have since repented but here is my question. Some say that divorce from an unbeliever allows for remarriage, but what about my past adultery? What if I started the divorce because of his abuses? I am very confused.:confused

I just wanted to tell you that I've had you in my thoughts and prayers. May your obvious pain be met by the loving arms of our Heavenly Father.

It's so easy to reply what the bible teaches or that this or that was done wrong. May we be friends and more than that, a loving family to you in the name of Christ Jesus. SofTy.

Wow, 3 posters, each giving hard, but Godly advice! I concur!

You did the right thing in separating from your husband in the face of abuse. This is what I always counsel people who feel they are on the edge in a marriage, primarily, because it often has a powerful affect on the abusing sposue to seek change in order to bring reconcilliation. But for all intents and purposes, separation is as far as you can get.

Thank you all for your replies. As far as the actual divorce goes, I felt I had to file for legal reasons only. To make sure that I protected my assets and children "legally." After I filed, he is the one who actually wanted it finalized. I would have been happy with it just being more of a legal separation, but he wasn't. In my state there is no such thing as a legal separation, you have to file a divorce to separate property, get financial assistance, etc, etc. If he turned to God and gave up the abusive habits I would take him back in a heartbeat! However, I have a hard time thinking about living the next 50 years of my life alone without a companion to love and enjoy life with.

However, I have a hard time thinking about living the next 50 years of my life alone without a companion to love and enjoy life with.

You have Christ, don't you? Isn't He enough.......? :hmm:

Hey bayoubutterfly.

Just trust God. As mentioned above, you do have God. And as a widow, I'm finding, strangely, benefits to my situation.

You may need time to learn to seperate from the need for man's approval anyway. If you have been stuck in an abusive relationship for a long time, what you need most is space and time to grow into the woman God wanted you to be, not warped out of shape by fear and anxiety. Let God grow you, and don't worry about the future so much. Sufficient unto the day are the evils thereof. :hug:

You have Christ, don't you? Isn't He enough.......? :hmm:


well yes, but unfortunately Jesus can't go on vacation with me, or out to dinner, or bring me chicken soup when I'm sick. LOL

well yes, but unfortunately Jesus can't go on vacation with me, or out to dinner, or bring me chicken soup when I'm sick. LOL

Apart from the last one, on the contrary - our fellowship with Him ought to be 24:7!

People are approaching this differently, but saying the same things. I have respect for both of my friends above.

You need to hear 2 things clearly.

1. Each of us loves you and wants to be with you in your pain and suffering, as our Lord Jesus Christ is.

2. That the Word of God reveals certain ways to behave, and we are not being critical mentioning them, rather gently pointing to them and saying God's way is obviously best.

I have been guilty, continue to be guilty, of not submitting every little thing in every area of my life to our Lord. I am stronger in faith in some areas of my life than some Christian friends and blatantly weaker in others - and have to listen to loving correction.

Could not God have protected your assets/ worldly material goods (if it was his Will) and your children? As for 'financial assistance' I know people who have lived by faith without any paid job or state benefits. The leader of my Alpha course is one who has in the past, a friend of mine till recently and another friend still is. They all tell me that the Lord provided/ provides for them.

It is wounderful to hear that you would take your husband back immediatly - but is it biblical to put the condition of him turning to God first? I don't believe so. SofTy.

People are approaching this differently, but saying the same things. I have respect for both of my friends above.

You need to hear 2 things clearly.

1. Each of us loves you and wants to be with you in your pain and suffering, as our Lord Jesus Christ is.

2. That the Word of God reveals certain ways to behave, and we are not being critical mentioning them, rather gently pointing to them and saying God's way is obviously best.

I have been guilty, continue to be guilty, of not submitting every little thing in every area of my life to our Lord. I am stronger in faith in some areas of my life than some Christian friends and blatantly weaker in others - and have to listen to loving correction.

Could not God have protected your assets/ worldly material goods (if it was his Will) and your children? As for 'financial assistance' I know people who have lived by faith without any paid job or state benefits. The leader of my Alpha course is one who has in the past, a friend of mine till recently and another friend still is. They all tell me that the Lord provided/ provides for them.

It is wounderful to hear that you would take your husband back immediatly - but is it biblical to put the condition of him turning to God first? I don't believe so. SofTy.

Sorry, SoftY, but I think it is - they're divorced and he's shown himself to be an unbeliever - 2 Cor 6:14 therefore applies. Also Amos 3:3.

You have a worldy divorce, but not a biblical one that only can happen through adultry, but if you are to get that divorce you must remain unmarried or be remarried to your husband. For what the Lord joins together let not man seperate. Thats what you did when you had sex with him you became one body. Read the book of Hosea and all he did for his wife.

Exactly, no future marriage will be recognized by the lord.

Bayou, if you have repented, the Lord has forgiven you. Don't let others discourage you. I am divorced as well & have never regreted it or felt guilty or condemned about it for a second. I came to truly understand God's grace b/c of the sins I committed during that time though. And my relationship with Him and appreciation of the cross is better b/c of it. Also, I am remarried to a wonderful man that God sent into my life. We nor our marriage is perfect, but we do love each other & God deeply & have been nothing but blessed since God brought us together.

Hey bayoubutterfly.

Just trust God. As mentioned above, you do have God. And as a widow, I'm finding, strangely, benefits to my situation.

You may need time to learn to seperate from the need for man's approval anyway. If you have been stuck in an abusive relationship for a long time, what you need most is space and time to grow into the woman God wanted you to be, not warped out of shape by fear and anxiety. Let God grow you, and don't worry about the future so much. Sufficient unto the day are the evils thereof. :hug:

There is some wisdom here. Bayou, you probably do need to take some time to just be alone & let God help you through the hurt you have suffered b/c of the abuse, rejection (b/c he wouldn't go to counseling, etc.), sense of failure over the divorce, guilt over the affair, etc. You will be much more prepared for a new healthy relationship or whatever else God may have planned for your future. It’s also important for your children that you are healthy, physically, emotionally, & spiritually.

You have Christ, don't you? Isn't He enough.......? :hmm:

So you would be willing to spend the rest of your life alone? If not, you're a hypocrite.

So you would be willing to spend the rest of your life alone? If not, you're a hypocrite.


There's no need to be so nasty to people...

Different people have different callings in life. Likewise, due to different actions, some people have to forgo being in a relationship. That's just the way life is.

If God called me to be single, then yes, I certainly would be single. He hasn't - but He has called others, so we must leave that option open.

I was not being nasty. Just stating a fact. You can't give people advice that you're not willing to obey.

So you would be willing to spend the rest of your life alone? If not, you're a hypocrite.

I have thought long and hard about it since I changed my views two summers ago and, yes, I believe I would be ready to do so. It would take a miracle of grace, but God never calls us to do anything that He does not enable us to do.

Bayou, if you have repented, the Lord has forgiven you. Don't let others discourage you. I am divorced as well & have never regreted it or felt guilty or condemned about it for a second. I came to truly understand God's grace b/c of the sins I committed during that time though. And my relationship with Him and appreciation of the cross is better b/c of it. Also, I am remarried to a wonderful man that God sent into my life. We nor our marriage is perfect, but we do love each other & God deeply & have been nothing but blessed since God brought us together.

I agree with this assessment of your situation. Getting remarried after a divorce is not unforgivable and I believe if God wants you with someone else he will lead you in that direction. But you must wait and pray for his timing, I have waited seven years so far and don't want to jump the gun.

I agree with this assessment of your situation. Getting remarried after a divorce is not unforgivable and I believe if God wants you with someone else he will lead you in that direction. But you must wait and pray for his timing, I have waited seven years so far and don't want to jump the gun.

I'm sorry to hear you have been waiting for so long. Rest assured that if God brings someone to you, it will be well worth the wait.

Hi,

I would like honest opinion about my situation. I am currently divorced. I have been a Christian most of my life, my ex hasn' t. He was baptized as an infant but of his own decision rejected Christianity as an adult. I know that 1 Corinthians tells us not to initiate a divorce from a non-believing spouse, but he had drinking problems and was verbally and emotionally abusive. He refused to go to anymore counseling for himself or for us. Because of this, I asked for a separation and eventual divorce. I was so miserable and depressed and wanted to feel loved that as soon as I separated from him, I had an affair. I have since repented but here is my question. Some say that divorce from an unbeliever allows for remarriage, but what about my past adultery? What if I started the divorce because of his abuses? I am very confused.:confused

I respect the advice above, but have some different things to say.

I agree that it was a sin for you to initiate a divorce. Separation, for your own protection (and the protection of your children) was common sense, but divorce was not necessary. It was obviously sinful for you to have an affair. I feel safe in assuming that your line "I have since repented" refers to both of these serious sins. So your question is, rightfully, not a question about your salvation, but about your freedom to get married in the future.

The question of whether one is free to marry is both simple and complex. Anyone who is TRULY single is free to marry, though marriage may not be that person's calling or may not be the wise decision to make. So the question becomes are you TRULY single in God's eyes. In the governments eyes you are, no doubt, single. But as Christians we are most concerned about our status before God.

When you initiated a divorce with your unbelieving spouse, you were not TRULY divorced b/c that is not legitimate in God's eyes. Nor did having sex with another man mean that you were truly divorced in God's eyes. From your point of view, alone, you are still married to your first husband. From your point of view, alone, you are not free to re-marry for the simple reason that you are still married in God's eyes. BUT we have to add your husband's perspective before we decide a final verdict in answering your question.

A line in your 2nd post is actually, in my opinion, very important in answering your question...


After I filed, he is the one who actually wanted it finalized. I would have been happy with it just being more of a legal separation, but he wasn't. In my state there is no such thing as a legal separation, you have to file a divorce to separate property, get financial assistance, etc, etc. If he turned to God and gave up the abusive habits I would take him back in a heartbeat!

If it is true that your husband wanted the divorce finalized and has no desire to reconcile with you, then this is very significant. You have the option of attempting reconciliation with your husband. If you attempted such a thing, you'd be honoring your obligation to God and, in the truest sense possible, repenting of your past sins.

Your husband would then have a few options:

1) He could say that because of your adultery he ended up wanting a divorce too. Divorce due to adultery can be legitimate in God's eyes despite the fact that it is so far from ideal. In essence, then, he would be saying that if HE is presently insisting that the divorce is real on the grounds of unfaithfulness. In this case, the divorce is legitimate in God's eyes. As soon as either (or both) of you has truly confessed your sins before the Lord, you would both be free to get married for the simple reason that you are truly single at that point.

2) He could say he doesn't want to reconcile w/o mentioning the adultery (maybe he doesn't even know about it). In this case, this would be an unbeliever refusing the marriage and, thus, initiating a valid divorce. If he did this, the divorce is real in God's eyes. And this creates to really single people.

3) He could accept your repentance and become a better man, even a believer. This would be ideal.

4) He could accept your repentance and remain an abusive person. In this case, you'd obviously need to separate again (for your safety). And then you could attempt to make the argument that his abuse is a visual/verbal evidence that he is an unbeliever seeking a divorce (after all, what is more evidential: a piece of paper or abuse?). This would be an argument that many Christians would disagree with, but others would accept.

In scenarios 1, 2 and possibly 4, you become a truly single people. Truly single people (in God's eyes) are free to get married. The verses in the Bible used against re-marriage are addressing those who are STILL MARRIED in God's eyes, but you wouldn't be married.

So I would suggest that, in addition to repenting before God (Which you have already done), you specifically repent to your husband and determine whether he wants to reconcile or if he doesn't want anything to do with you. If the latter is the case, it is quite possible, in my opinion, that God would accept you getting married a second time.

Bayou, if you have repented, the Lord has forgiven you. Don't let others discourage you. I am divorced as well & have never regreted it or felt guilty or condemned about it for a second. I came to truly understand God's grace b/c of the sins I committed during that time though. And my relationship with Him and appreciation of the cross is better b/c of it. Also, I am remarried to a wonderful man that God sent into my life. We nor our marriage is perfect, but we do love each other & God deeply & have been nothing but blessed since God brought us together.


Ditto. I divorced my first husband because of abuse (I suspect there was infidelity, but couldn't prove it). Despite what others may say, I will not believe for one minute that our Lord wants us to endure abuse from the one person who is supposed to love and protect us.

I am also remarried to a wonderful, Godly man, that I KNOW God brought into my life.

Apart from the last one, on the contrary - our fellowship with Him ought to be 24:7!

Although this sounds a bit.... unfaithful. I gotta agree with her on that. While we must have a great relationship with God. It will still be human to want an intimate relationship with another person-ie marriage. So you really can't tell a single , lonely person that their relationship with Christ is enough to fill the gap that a husband or wife would take. Didn't Adam have a great relationship with God before Eve was created??? But still God decided that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone so he created a help meet for him(Genesis 2 :18)
Its acompletely different type of relationship.If it would why bother getting married at all???

Although this sounds a bit.... unfaithful. I gotta agree with her on that. While we must have a great relationship with God. It will still be human to want an intimate relationship with another person-ie marriage. So you really can't tell a single , lonely person that their relationship with Christ is enough to fill the gap that a husband or wife would take.

So what about widowed folks? Or single folks waiting for the right one? Or those with the gift of singleness? Christ clearly isn't enough for any of them either in your book! Think through why Jesus said to Paul that His grace was sufficient - now is it sufficient for EVERY situation or isn't it?


Didn't Adam have a great relationship with God before Eve was created??? But still God decided that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone so he created a help meet for him(Genesis 2 :18)
Its acompletely different type of relationship.If it would why bother getting married at all???

Marriage like everything else is intended to glorify God - but it's not God's will for some folks to be married - in fact, Paul tells us we can serve God better if we're single! But it was God's will for the human race to cover the Earth - He willed for that to happen through procreation and His will for the vehicle for that was and is marriage. Not to say that all couples MUST have kids - some clearly are not able to - for them - and for all singles (by whatever means), Christ IS sufficient for all their needs.

Comment Withdrawn.

So what about widowed folks? Or single folks waiting for the right one? Or those with the gift of singleness? Christ clearly isn't enough for any of them either in your book! Think through why Jesus said to Paul that His grace was sufficient - now is it sufficient for EVERY situation or isn't it?



Marriage like everything else is intended to glorify God - but it's not God's will for some folks to be married - in fact, Paul tells us we can serve God better if we're single! But it was God's will for the human race to cover the Earth - He willed for that to happen through procreation and His will for the vehicle for that was and is marriage. Not to say that all couples MUST have kids - some clearly are not able to - for them - and for all singles (by whatever means), Christ IS sufficient for all their needs.


Widows can remarry. Single people are, if God wills going to be married eventually, when he wills it. Persons who are to stay single would most likely learn God's will and get content with it. What you were doing was telling a person who had a bad experience and wishes to move on and not live alone for the rest of their life- Oh you've got God that should be enough,if not, tough. While i'm not saying that God will a play huge role in the believer's life, there still are needs for other people. We are made to be social beings, again I use Genesis 2:18. If God's presence was sufficient for a person, why did He create Eve in the 1st place?? Adam would have no need for her.

Marriage will glorify God but it also provides certain benefits for the husbands and wives involved. Children is one of them but it's not THE reason for marriage. If it was, barren men and women would have no reason to be married would they.

Sometimes we gotta understand what people go through before we give them rigid advice or make declarations. If you went through what she did, and then said- I realised God was sufficient for me, then I'd understand. That's like how i heard some women get abused and run to others for help and peopls who've never been thru abuse tell them to go back to their husbands and try to work it out.
My thing is-It's easy for you to say, you're not the one getting beat up are you????

Comment Withdrawn.

Saw the original in my emails and glad you reconsidered!

Widows can remarry.

But what if they don't? Is Christ enough for them then?


Single people are, if God wills going to be married eventually, when he wills it. Persons who are to stay single would most likely learn God's will and get content with it.

Agreed.


What you were doing was telling a person who had a bad experience and wishes to move on and not live alone for the rest of their life- Oh you've got God that should be enough,if not, tough.

I'm disappointed you somehow feel that having Christ is somehow not enough for people. In what way is He inadequate?


While i'm not saying that God will a play huge role in the believer's life, there still are needs for other people. We are made to be social beings, again I use Genesis 2:18. If God's presence was sufficient for a person, why did He create Eve in the 1st place?? Adam would have no need for her.

Yes, God makes us social beings - and we can have close friends if we're single (probably more than if we're married) - but God orders our steps and means for us to find our sufficiency in HIM in whatever set of circumstances He determines for us - otherwise, we start to feel we have a right to DEMAND a spouse - and to make an idol of them once we're married - don't you think? :hmm:


Marriage will glorify God but it also provides certain benefits for the husbands and wives involved. Children is one of them but it's not THE reason for marriage. If it was, barren men and women would have no reason to be married would they.

I did make reference to that, if you re-read my post.


Sometimes we gotta understand what people go through before we give them rigid advice or make declarations.

So my advice might not apply if the circumstances were really terrible? God would then be obligated to provide the person with a new spouse and, if not, He could be justly criticised, right?


If you went through what she did, and then said- I realised God was sufficient for me, then I'd understand.

What makes you think I haven't? And why would I need to? Does only personal experience validate advice? Is there no objective authority in the word of God?


That's like how i heard some women get abused and run to others for help and peopls who've never been thru abuse tell them to go back to their husbands and try to work it out.
My thing is-It's easy for you to say, you're not the one getting beat up are you????

I never said that - to suggest I did is to parody my advice. And for the record, I wouldn't counsel that - please confine your comments to the OP.

Hi,

I would like honest opinion about my situation. I am currently divorced. I have been a Christian most of my life, my ex hasn' t. He was baptized as an infant but of his own decision rejected Christianity as an adult. I know that 1 Corinthians tells us not to initiate a divorce from a non-believing spouse, but he had drinking problems and was verbally and emotionally abusive. He refused to go to anymore counseling for himself or for us. Because of this, I asked for a separation and eventual divorce. I was so miserable and depressed and wanted to feel loved that as soon as I separated from him, I had an affair. I have since repented but here is my question. Some say that divorce from an unbeliever allows for remarriage, but what about my past adultery? What if I started the divorce because of his abuses? I am very confused.:confused

I do not put my Faith in the physical union of man and wife....simply b/c it is a union that is put together by man. But I do put my Faith in a Spiritual union between a male and female as Our Lord did from the very beginning.

And I will leave things at that.

But for advice I will give you this.

Seek God on how He wants you to live the rest of your life for His Glory and stick with it. If what you seek is remarriage.....then God will bless it....as long as it is done for His Glory.....and not for your own benefit.

God is Good....All the Time.....God is Good.

So do not be discouraged with what folks say....just stay focused On Our Lord...and He alone will led you unto all righteousness.:)

God Bless,

Dave

So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Mk 10:11-12 NKJV

So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Mk 10:11-12 NKJV

Yeah.....I know.

And in Matthew 7:13-15 NKJV...... Jesus tells us this:

"Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it"

This inner gate to the Kingdom can only be entered by the most faithful disciples of the Light, which would be those who desire Truth over man made doctrines and traditions. The secrets to overcoming our divided nature is learned when husband and wife immerses themselves in the Pattern of Divine Marriage where the two become One Flesh.

That is.......One Flesh in Spirit and in Truth. Not One Flesh in Body alone.

I will not get into much more then this on this thread with this issue. Simply b/c I will not interrupt our fellow sister in Christ, when her heart is crying out for help from Our Lord and His Followers. It would more then likely be more info then what she is able to handle right now anyway. So I will just agree to disagree with you on this subject at this time.:)

Maybe sometime we could go down the road of what the scripture calls a Marriage....before we say that one is doing wrong by getting a divorce. But that may be more then what you are willing to hear also.;)

God Bless,

Dave

You have Christ, don't you? Isn't He enough.......? :hmm:

Adam had God and God said "It is not good for man to be alone".

That doesn't mean there are not times God desires us to be single or that he desires folk to be single their entire life. But it does mean, God's judgment is that being single is not good for many people, including Adam who was without sin and had an uninhibited relationship with God.

Was God enough for Adam? Not according to God. His grace is sufficient in those areas he has called us to. That's why we have the verse "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".

Ditto. I divorced my first husband because of abuse (I suspect there was infidelity, but couldn't prove it). Despite what others may say, I will not believe for one minute that our Lord wants us to endure abuse from the one person who is supposed to love and protect us.

I am also remarried to a wonderful, Godly man, that I KNOW God brought into my life.


You are so correct on this. To think that He would want us to endure abuse from the person who is supposed to love and protect us is an insult to the very precious character of Christ...

My God is not cruel like that...

Adam had God and God said "It is not good for man to be alone".

That doesn't mean there are not times God desires us to be single or that he desires folk to be single their entire life. But it does mean, God's judgment is that being single is not good for many people, including Adam who was without sin and had an uninhibited relationship with God.

Was God enough for Adam? Not according to God. His grace is sufficient in those areas he has called us to. That's why we have the verse "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".


Couldnt say it better myself.

Adam had God and God said "It is not good for man to be alone".

That doesn't mean there are not times God desires us to be single or that he desires folk to be single their entire life. But it does mean, God's judgment is that being single is not good for many people, including Adam who was without sin and had an uninhibited relationship with God.

Was God enough for Adam? Not according to God. His grace is sufficient in those areas he has called us to. That's why we have the verse "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".

Right, but many christians miss the whole message in that scripture verse. Adam was NOT looking for a mate, he was not even AWARE that he needed one. Its not like he was sitting around saying, " oh how I desire to have a mate" I believe he was content and happy with the Lord, then God said, GOD SAID, it is not good that man should be alone. Then viola! Adam woke up married:)

I think alot of christians use that scripture verse as an excuse to go looking for a mate or date someone whom the Lord has not chosen for them.

Right, but many christians miss the whole message in that scripture verse. Adam was NOT looking for a mate, he was not even AWARE that he needed one. Its not like he was sitting around saying, " oh how I desire to have a mate" I believe he was content and happy with the Lord, then God said, GOD SAID, it is not good that man should be alone. Then viola! Adam woke up married:)

I think alot of christians use that scripture verse as an excuse to go looking for a mate or date someone whom the Lord has not chosen for them.

He began looking when God told him to start looking. There are other passages that suggest men should look for a wife. Abraham took the initiative to go and find a wife for Isaac. Jacob took the initiative to go and find his own wife. Jesus took the initiative to find his bride.

I could go on and on. Scripture is full of examples of men going and "finding" a wife.

And it is a very strong, strong, strong statement when God said of the perfect, sinless, man in relationship with God, Adam "It is not good for you to be alone". I don't see where God ever changed his opinion on being alone. I think God still says "It's not good for man to be alone". There's tons of other scriptures that say similar things.

Grace and peace,

Mark

And it is a very strong, strong, strong statement when God said of the perfect, sinless, man in relationship with God, Adam "It is not good for you to be alone". I don't see where God ever changed his opinion on being alone. I think God still says "It's not good for man to be alone". There's tons of other scriptures that say similar things.

Grace and peace,

Mark

Granted, but what about Paul's stress in 1 Cor 7 of singleness being a gift, that frees one to serve Christ more fully?

This is just my point of view. Hopefully it will bring you some peace.
Yes, it is true what all the scriptures say about devorce, but lets take it form another angle.
In Joh 8:1 - 11 Jesus is tested in much the same way you are. What's interresting is his answer, whom nobody expected...they already had the stones ready in their hands to stone her to death!
"I do not condemn you, go and do not sin again."
Isn't that the whole point of His crucifiction? To save us from our sins? To give us redemption? (Not exception, mind you).
Yes, you have repented, and that's the right thing to do. So remember, when you have repented, meant it and believe that God will forgive you, the blood of Jesus will do just that...wash you clean as snow...as white as wool...Isaiaha 1:18 - 19.
I heard a very interristing preaching today at church. The preacher said: It's not how much we try to love Him, for we fail(not that we shouldn't try), but it's about how much He loves us. It's an unconditional love that we could hardly start to understand.
And as for your husband, it is expected of a man to love and cherrish his wife. Should he not do that, or replace her with something else i.e drinking, isn't he the one that commited adultry? Yes, I know adultry is usually used in context with the marrige, but isn't that what adultary is about, replacing your spouse with somebody or something else?
In my opinion, what's done is done, you know better now and has learned from your bad experience...go forth and sin no more...for God so loved mankind that he sent his only Son to die for our sins...John 3: 16 - 17:kiss:
Be blessed...and keep faith.

Granted, but what about Paul's stress in 1 Cor 7 of singleness being a gift, that frees one to serve Christ more fully?

Don't you think that certain persons God will need for a greater calling than other and this calling will require more of their time and effort that a family or marriage will take away??
maybe a missionery who'll always be on the move or in a dangerous country. But for others who'll be more grounded ie a pastor or deacon their job/workload would be a bit less demanding so they'd be able to settle down.

He began looking when God told him to start looking. There are other passages that suggest men should look for a wife. Abraham took the initiative to go and find a wife for Isaac. Jacob took the initiative to go and find his own wife. Jesus took the initiative to find his bride.

I could go on and on. Scripture is full of examples of men going and "finding" a wife.

Hi Mark,the point I was trying to make is that if its God's will for you to be married, don't you think He already has that person picked out? and that He can bring that person into our lives when it is His time? If we are single, I don't believe it is good to worry or fret about finding a spouse, but to be busy with the Lord's work, if we go out looking when it is not His time, we may end up with someone who was not meant for us.


And it is a very strong, strong, strong statement when God said of the perfect, sinless, man in relationship with God, Adam "It is not good for you to be alone". I don't see where God ever changed his opinion on being alone. I think God still says "It's not good for man to be alone". There's tons of other scriptures that say similar things.

Grace and peace,

Mark

Oh yes, I agree when God said that it is not good for man to be alone, he definitely means it! but not all single people are alone Mark. I'm not, I have young children, family, friends, church and people that are in life, and I am content in the state that I am in right now.

There are some who are alone... no family or friends, they live alone and don't have others they can talk to or trust, close friends and just other people to be with. That is not good. God said it's not good for man to be alone, He didn't say it's not good for man to be single/ without a husband or wife. What do you think?

Oh I wanted to share something else that I thought was interesting, theres a man who goes to our church, who was in prison for ten years, he said that of all the horrible things that go on in there, the absolute worst you could do to a man is put him in solitary confinement, totally alone, no sound and no one else around, he said it is torture and most men go crazy or would rather die than to be in solitary confinement for a long period of time. Makes sense and very true that our Lord would say, it is not good for man to be alone.

Granted, but what about Paul's stress in 1 Cor 7 of singleness being a gift, that frees one to serve Christ more fully?

I believe that whole heartedly. But if you don't have the gift, it's better to marry. Each has his own gift and calling. We should not encourage people to remain single if they are not gifted to walk in that way. Each has a calling and that is what Paul was referring to.


1 Cor 7:7-9

7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.

9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
KJV

Hi Mark,the point I was trying to make is that if its God's will for you to be married, don't you think He already has that person picked out? and that He can bring that person into our lives when it is His time? If we are single, I don't believe it is good to worry or fret about finding a spouse, but to be busy with the Lord's work, if we go out looking when it is not His time, we may end up with someone who was not meant for us.

I think what you say is very good for women. Men should be listening to God. When God says "Go find her" then go find her. Till then, dwell next to Beerlaharoi like Isaac did. (IOW, dwell and live like you know God is a God who sees.) No need to fret. God didn't bring a wife to Isaac. He sent Abraham's servant to go get her. Same with Jacob. Same with Jesus. But I do agree that we need to wait on God and not fret.


Oh yes, I agree when God said that it is not good for man to be alone, he definitely means it! but not all single people are alone Mark. I'm not, I have young children, family, friends, church and people that are in life, and I am content in the state that I am in right now.

That is awesome! But that's not what God was referring to when he said it wasn't good for man to be alone. He didn't make Adam just a friend. He created a spouse for him. There's a difference. Also, some are called to be single, i.e. Paul. They are gifted for such a calling.


There are some who are alone... no family or friends, they live alone and don't have others they can talk to or trust, close friends and just other people to be with. That is not good. God said it's not good for man to be alone, He didn't say it's not good for man to be single/ without a husband or wife. What do you think?

I disagree. Had he made Adam only a friend, I might agree. Also, we must look at the overall scriptures and how God views marriage. He encourages it repeatedly.



Oh I wanted to share something else that I thought was interesting, theres a man who goes to our church, who was in prison for ten years, he said that of all the horrible things that go on in there, the absolute worst you could do to a man is put him in solitary confinement, totally alone, no sound and no one else around, he said it is torture and most men go crazy or would rather die than to be in solitary confinement for a long period of time. Makes sense and very true that our Lord would say, it is not good for man to be alone.

It's not good for man to be without friends. No doubt. Nor is it good for him to be single, if he is not called to be single.

Again, God didn't just make a friend for Adam. God wasn't speaking of friendship when he said "It is not good to be alone". he was speaking of a helper that Adam would be married to.

But God also speaks of friendship and companionship in scripture. We know that a man with friends is blessed and that God created man to live in community.

Don't you think that certain persons God will need for a greater calling than other and this calling will require more of their time and effort that a family or marriage will take away??
maybe a missionery who'll always be on the move or in a dangerous country. But for others who'll be more grounded ie a pastor or deacon their job/workload would be a bit less demanding so they'd be able to settle down.

Agreed - the point I'm trying to make is that, as Brother Mark rightly said, God gives us the strength for whatever circumstances He calls us to - for most (but not all), that will be marriage - but if we treat it as a need that God MUST meet, then surely we are demanding something from God that He has NOT promised to give to everyone? Surely, like Jesus, we should always say "Not my will, bit YOURS be done"?

I believe that whole heartedly. But if you don't have the gift, it's better to marry. Each has his own gift and calling. We should not encourage people to remain single if they are not gifted to walk in that way. Each has a calling and that is what Paul was referring to.


1 Cor 7:7-9

7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.

9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
KJV

But he clearly makes no allowance for remarriage - for Jesus says it is adultery - let's not forget that that is THE main reason why God does not will it and will be sufficient for the divorced spouse if they cast their burden on Him.

It has been brought to my attention that the Original Poster of this thread hasn't posted in it for some time. That being the case I am going to close this until such time as they want to start in again. I do not, however, wish to close off the discussion, should you wish to continue. Feel free to start the discussion up in a new thread if you wish to continue. I would suggest that Bible Chat would be the best forum for the discussion that has been going on here. God bless.

Cloudwalker
Facilitator for Families in Christ