I am having a real hard time with our daugher Sarah. She is 8 years old and is beginning for the first time to challenge our way of life. I must say I feel real unprepared for this. I have realised that prayers alone will not be enough but I need the advice of some fellow ladies who seek to walk with the Lord. Please be kind as this is the first time I have posted on this board although I have read many words of wisdom here before.

I have always taught Lynette that her father is the head of our house as decreeed by the word of our lord. This is how my mother raysed me and it always felt so right. Lynette however has taken to challenging her father oppenly in front of our 2 sons Joshua and Ronald. 2 questions - How can i show Lynette the error of her ways? How will I explain to Josh and Ron that their roles are not really challenged by the waywardness of their sister?

It's completely normal for kids to test boundaries, and to push against them, and to challenge them, even in front of their siblings.

Before you feel threatened by that, I would submit to you that your daughter seems to have a mind of her own and is willing to create conflict to find out where the boundaries lie, and why they're there, and how far she can go before she bumps her nose into brick and gets bruised a little.

Again, totally normal.

The challenge to you and your husband is to a) stay on the same page and remain united behind your boundaries set by you for your children for the benefit of your family and b) acknowlege that you have a stubbornly free thinker on your hands with a personality that's a little rough around the edges, but created by God, and so you will have to work with that instead of trying to squelch it. Meaning, keep your boundaries firm and strong, but also talk to your daughter (who as the oldest is going to be the first one to prove herself testy as she forges a path for her siblings that they're going to be watching very closely). Be strong in discipline but strong in understanding, too.

We have a few headstrong kids of our own and ultimately, my husband's word is law and there are consequences for breaking it. We allow our kids to be who they are, but boundaries are boundaries. They're there for the entire family, and for good reason, and they are non-negotiable, no matter how much they complain about them or think that they're wrong. We're the parents, not them. When they have homes of their own that they pay for, then they can set their own rules. Until such a time, they [I]will abide by ours. And we've set them wide enough to allow for individuality and freedom, but close enough to make sure everyone can live peaceably together under the same roof and have rules they can trust in and count on (just like God does), because nobody is free to do whatever they want; not in our home, not in the world, not in God's Kingdom, and it's our job as parents to teach that concept to our children.

So you see, this isn't really a male/female issue. It's a kids/parent issue. Because your daughter may be challenging your husband as the ultimate authority in your home (under God) but you're her parent also and in authority over her, and as her mother, enforce the rules and make sure the kids abide by them. And, it's better that she openly take that up with your husband rather than trying to manipulate both of you and pit you two against each other (which kids are often wont to do).

On a side note, I've asked for a mod to remove your kids' names from your post in order to protect your privacy so don't be alerted when that happens (or just go ahead and do so yourself). :)

It's going to be ok!!! We, as parents, have all been tested. :thumbsup: Dani has offered you excellent advice. Try it and see what happens. Keep us posted.

God Bless!!!:)

if your daughter is challenging your husband...why isn't your husband dealing with it? It is not your job to be the authority. It is his just as you are teaching her. Her daddy is the head, let him deal with her and you continue to respect him and show her by example.
You could also ask her to sit with you and talk about why she feels this towards her dad. Pray with her and share your heart with her and your husband. Maybe he doesn't see what you see.

One point that my husband and I always agreed upon was that, yes, Dad is THE head of the house. We did, however talk things over. Always!

If my children wanted to go somewhere or do something, and if they came to me, to ask my permission instead of asking him, I would always say, "We'll ask your Dad."

I have had them, at one time or another, try to pull one over on me by saying, "Dad said he does not care if you don't." But I would NOT go against his decision. Or go on and decide on my own, without consulting him about whatever they needed permission to do.

It is extremely important that the TWO OF YOU, you and your husband, never disagree about boundaries in front of the children. Even though there were a few times I would ask him, "Why not let her/him go ahead and go (or do this or that) with their friends?" But even if he said only, "I'd rather she didn't go there." Then...the discussion was over. She/he wouldn't go, simply because Dad had not wanted that to happen. And it was up to me to relay the message to my child, and let them know that "Dad does not feel comfortable about your going there (or doing that)."

I found over the years that being a man, my husband was much more "street wise" than I was, and although his reasoning and mine might not have matched every time, he somehow had a kind of uncanny "knowing" of motives and of things that could happen that I never would have thought of!

What I'm saying, I suppose, is don't go behind his back or anything like that, and don't oppose his decisions in front of the children. EVER. They need to learn by example that he is the head of the home and that you support whatever his decisions are regarding them. Every time. Period.
No begging, no pleading, no going on and on...none of that should work. EVER.

if your daughter is challenging your husband...why isn't your husband dealing with it? It is not your job to be the authority. It is his just as you are teaching her. Her daddy is the head, let him deal with her and you continue to respect him and show her by example.
You could also ask her to sit with you and talk about why she feels this towards her dad. Pray with her and share your heart with her and your husband. Maybe he doesn't see what you see.

Amen.

Being a father, I can tell you, the most difficult thing is to teach your children to be submissive to authority while allowing them to be their own selves. If mother interferes with this role in a way that the child may perceice as being insubmissive, the cause is lost - she will follow the mother's example.

Talk to your husband in a submissive way (i.e. do not shout "it's your job!" and do not accuse "you're not doing your job!") and ask him what he wants you to do in this situation. Ideally talk in private about the kids.

Remember - the daughter models behaviour of both of you.

Also be careful not to differentiate between the boys and girls. They are ALL to be submissive under the authority of the father.

I found that praying together works well. Somehow everything just falls in place... Also read Eph 5. And do not confuse submission to domination.

God bless,
Anton

I didn't grow up very feminine at all. I was all tomboy all the time, and at the age 54, I'm still that way more than not, and I'm pretty happy. :D

But other than that observation, I'll refrain from offering parenting advice, since others here have much more experience with that.

Amen.

Being a father, I can tell you, the most difficult thing is to teach your children to be submissive to authority while allowing them to be their own selves. If mother interferes with this role in a way that the child may perceice as being insubmissive, the cause is lost - she will follow the mother's example.

Talk to your husband in a submissive way (i.e. do not shout "it's your job!" and do not accuse "you're not doing your job!") and ask him what he wants you to do in this situation. Ideally talk in private about the kids.

Remember - the daughter models behaviour of both of you.

Also be careful not to differentiate between the boys and girls. They are ALL to be submissive under the authority of the father.

I found that praying together works well. Somehow everything just falls in place... Also read Eph 5. And do not confuse submission to domination.

God bless,
Anton

I fully agree with letting your husband teach her in this matter. She has to learn to respect him by your example but he also has to do the correcting when it comes to certain things.:)

It will all work out fine. God bless.

I don't believe it's up to you! I believe that is for your husband to enforce.

Ephesians 6

1Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;
3That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 4And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

“Rebellion” means opposition to an authority.

Your husband must assert his authority, but with patience understanding but as the governing factor of the home. Examples must be made

I am having a real hard time with our daugher Sarah. She is 8 years old and is beginning for the first time to challenge our way of life. I must say I feel real unprepared for this. I have realised that prayers alone will not be enough but I need the advice of some fellow ladies who seek to walk with the Lord. Please be kind as this is the first time I have posted on this board although I have read many words of wisdom here before.

I have always taught Lynette that her father is the head of our house as decreeed by the word of our lord. This is how my mother raysed me and it always felt so right. Lynette however has taken to challenging her father oppenly in front of our 2 sons Joshua and Ronald. 2 questions - How can i show Lynette the error of her ways? How will I explain to Josh and Ron that their roles are not really challenged by the waywardness of their sister?

Simple, you explain it in front of everyone that it's not correct to challenge you (it's ok to ask why you do something in a respectful way, but not to yell and try and discredit) and then you apply an appropriate punishment for the crime, for her age. Maybe take away some toys or play time etc. If the boys do it, do the same thing.

I didn't grow up very feminine at all. I was all tomboy all the time, and at the age 54, I'm still that way more than not, and I'm pretty happy. :D

But other than that observation, I'll refrain from offering parenting advice, since others here have much more experience with that.
So was I. ;)
I can understand about the stuff about backtalking the dad, but what is 'trying to make her more feminine?' Is that like trying to get her to like 'girl stuff?' :confused

I am having a real hard time with our daugher Sarah. She is 8 years old and is beginning for the first time to challenge our way of life. I must say I feel real unprepared for this. I have realised that prayers alone will not be enough but I need the advice of some fellow ladies who seek to walk with the Lord. Please be kind as this is the first time I have posted on this board although I have read many words of wisdom here before.

I have always taught Lynette that her father is the head of our house as decreeed by the word of our lord. This is how my mother raysed me and it always felt so right. Lynette however has taken to challenging her father oppenly in front of our 2 sons Joshua and Ronald. 2 questions - How can i show Lynette the error of her ways? How will I explain to Josh and Ron that their roles are not really challenged by the waywardness of their sister?

What does that last sentence I bolded mean? They are children too so also have to obey their dad just like their sister does. :confused If they are allowed to get away with more simply because they are males then yea she is going to rebel. The bible in no way says boys get to do things the girls don't...not when they are children. They should all be treated the same because they are children.

I thought you were going to say she wouldn't wear a dress or something from your title. :confused

I think we all need more information about what is going on. Since dad is the head of the home he needs to correct her..send her to her room for back talking or whatever you guys normally do when the kids disobey.

God bless

I just noticed she hasn't been on here since May 29th...:( That is too bad...

Especially is this poor child really is being treated badly simply because she's a girl.

Especially is this poor child really is being treated badly simply because she's a girl.That is what I am wondering too. :hmm:

It sounds like this person's family is entering into patriarchialism.

I've learned a lot. I need to work on some things!
:pray:

Metalwolf, is patriarchialism another way of saying something like "male chauvinist"?

I think I know what you are saying. In fact, I have a friend who has 2 daughters and a son, all grown now. Her husband has always, always insisted that his land, his home, his electrical business...EVERYTHING...goes to the son. His reasoning (if you can call it reasoning) was that the girls would marry and their husbands would provide for them. Therefore, it all goes to the son. Period. No questioning allowed when it comes to any decision HE makes.

To make a long story short, he became disabled. Didn't die, but could not do his business any more. So, he immediately signs over everything he owns to the son.
Daughters got nothing. o. Not one dime. Not 1/4 acre. By the way, my friend and this male chauvinist are now divorced.

And, the son? Turned out to be a drunk. Won't work half the time. Very unstable.

Does anyone wonder why? I offer that there was too much difference made between him and his sisters, both now divorced and struggling on their own.

Metalwolf, is patriarchialism another way of saying something like "male chauvinist"?
Yes, essentially. Except it's the more insidious form of it, and 'sanctified' by the Bible.
Women are not allowed to work outside the home, the woman must 'die to self' when she marries because her primary/sole reason to exist is to serve her father and later be a 'helpmeet' to her husband, and to submit (not submit, but SUBMIT) to her husband because he is lord of the household.
Plus God is male. The female is a 'derivative' of man, who is made in God's image, and often times females must dress 'modest,' that is, full dresses with long sleeves.

Pretty much it's the militant athiest's dream come true, because s/he can point to this 'version' of why Christianity is an oppressive sexist religion.

I appreciate your post, I sometimes forget that I as a husband must SUBMIT to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I must die to myself and love my wife as Christ loves the church, setting my selfish ambitions aside and serving my family. I wonder sometimes if I'm supposed to be a helpmeet to Jesus, "baptizing all nations in the name of the Father , the Son and the Holy Spirit" and following where ever He wills. I don't think He really NEEDS me to do anything for Him, maybe it's just to see if I will be obedient. So much easier I have it to trust in Jesus as my shepherd, where as my family tries to trust me as I try to follow Christ. Where is Plan B?

If you use a person as a doormat, they won't be able to get up and help you as well when you need it.

I've learned a lot. I need to work on some things!
:pray:

Firstpeterone, we ALL have things to work on!!! You are not alone in this! The key point is to seek God's wisdom and guidance in everything we do...if we do it wrong, we ask for forgiveness and go about it a different way...the best way is how God's Word says to do things...of course, to follow the scripture, we need to ask for revelation from the Lord to understand what it is the scriptures are saying!!!

It's a work in progress till we leave this place, which is not our home, to go and be with our Lord and Savior in HEAVEN!!!!

ALLELUIA...ALLELUIA...WE PRAISE YOU LORD!

May God bless you and grow you in your walk with HIM!!!:hug:

Sounds like this child may have to have a chat with the 'board of education'.

Well, honestly - what does all that look like? I'm the wife of a truck driver. What about the wives (or husbands) of military personnel or anyone else's husband who makes a living that takes him away from home frequently? We manage a biblical home in despite of this.

Someone said that the family will realize that the father/husband is leader of the home by example. That is perfect. No need to sit the kids down on a routine basis and state so. If it's as it should be, no matter what, it will be an unsaid and understood thing. If it needs to be said and explained - there's trouble and it's not on the kids behalf.

if your daughter is challenging your husband...why isn't your husband dealing with it? It is not your job to be the authority. It is his just as you are teaching her. Her daddy is the head, let him deal with her and you continue to respect him and show her by example.
You could also ask her to sit with you and talk about why she feels this towards her dad. Pray with her and share your heart with her and your husband. Maybe he doesn't see what you see.

She is well within scripture to be teaching her own daughter...

Titus 2:3-5 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Proverbs 31:26-28 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

Scince your daughter has been challenging your husbands authority I think you should be asking why this is, try to understand her but don't make excusses for her.
Has she picked this behaviour up from school, if you think she may have I would advise homeschooling.
If your husband has been impatient with her I would advise giving her plenty of oppurtunitiesto state her mind in a respectful manner, but do draw a line and don't let her step over it.

And may I add a good listening ear. I've had humbling moments for myself and grew from it by listening to my kids. It's hard to remember that they do indeed grow up into their own person with their own thoughts and if you don't know what they are you can't guide that. ;)

At this age..she needs to learn to be respectful and, at the same time, be given guidelines and boundaries. But she sure sounds pretty normal to me. My kids started their testing, etc..when they were younger and also when they came into their teens. And now that they are all adults in their late 30's and 40's..they still test the waters at times. They keep me accountable. :D

Teach her respect. Tell her to respect her Daddy and that's not appropriate. She may be too young to fully understand. I wasn't very feminine until I was 12....

I think the OP is long gone.