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HisWill
May 30th 2009, 11:32 PM
I would just like to hear your thoughts on the topic of choosing a spouse.

I have always thought that God does not get involved in our choice of spouse. That is, if there is a choice of two Christian spouses, God will not assist in choosing one.

There is also the view that God has preordained one spouse.

Having said the above, I have had experience in the past, where I did not have peace about a potential spouse. I believe my peace comes from God and therefore, God was involved in my choice.

Also, apart from the above discussion, can you answer this question (and provide scripture if available): can you go against Godís will when you marry your (chosen) spouse?

Sirus
May 30th 2009, 11:56 PM
Does God choose your spouse?
Depends on if you choose or let God choose, doesn't it? I didn't 'look' for a wife, only praying for 3 years. When I was ready God put her in my life and made it obvious just as I asked. I could have looked and chosen anyone up until then but God knows best right, so I left it to Him.
I'll refrain from commenting on the preordain thing.

notuptome
May 31st 2009, 12:44 AM
If marriage is a serious matter I should think that those considering it would seek Gods counsel. If you have not it is because you ask amiss. God who knows the very number of hairs on your head probably is interested in you enough to help you select a mate that will glorify Him.

For the cause of Christ.
Roger

MarleVVLL
May 31st 2009, 02:03 AM
Yes and no.

There isn't 'the one' for you like most would fantasize. Because, if there was 'only one' for you, then if one person messed up, then the entire fabric of which that philosophy rested would lay in utter ruin.

However, there are many cases where God gives 'divine' hints in regards of a suitable partner. Humans still have choices - we aren't robots.

crossnote
May 31st 2009, 06:32 AM
Q. Who joins the two in marriage?

A.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
(Mar 10:9)

I can hear the prayers now, " Oh God, pleeze don't join that louse to me, yeech."

apothanein kerdos
May 31st 2009, 04:04 PM
I think if you listen to Him, He will pick the right person for you. Be forewarned - if you don't listen to Him, you still have to be with the person you chose.

Anecdotally speaking, though I'm not married yet, the woman He brought into my life He had to choose for me. She fits perfectly when I highly doubt that anyone else could.

kay-gee
Jun 1st 2009, 12:51 AM
I say NO. If God did the choosing, why would there be so many lousy marriages? Nothing wrong with seeking Gods counsel. You do that by His Word. To think He is some kinda of heavenly match maker...no, absolutely not! Also, I would like to add that the concept of "soul mate" is modern day pop psychology bunk!

all the best...

*Hope*
Jun 1st 2009, 12:52 AM
I say NO. If God did the choosing, why would there be so many lousy marriages?

Perhaps because so few actually listen to Him? :hmm:

MaddJack
Jun 1st 2009, 01:17 AM
Q. Who joins the two in marriage?

A.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
(Mar 10:9)

I can hear the prayers now, " Oh God, pleeze don't join that louse to me, yeech."


Now that last statement was funny, I don't care who you are. :rofl:

brdhggns
Jun 1st 2009, 09:13 PM
i would say no as in there isnt one specific soul mate or how ever you say this. i think we have a choice in it but we can be lead by God in it. God has a perfect will for everything

the reason i say we have somewhat of a choice in it is because of what paul said.

this isnt the exact words but its the just of it. paul said we would be better off to do as he did and not marry.

revrobor
Jun 2nd 2009, 03:09 AM
I say NO. If God did the choosing, why would there be so many lousy marriages? Nothing wrong with seeking Gods counsel. You do that by His Word. To think He is some kinda of heavenly match maker...no, absolutely not! Also, I would like to add that the concept of "soul mate" is modern day pop psychology bunk!

all the best...

The reason the divorce rate is as high in the Christian community as in the rest of our society is because many Christians run to the altar and ask God to bless THEIR choice rather than seeking God's guidance BEFORE going to the altar. Yes, God will give you a spouse if He wants you to marry and yes I believe a couple can marry outside God's will. Remember, "What GOD has joined together....".

TrophyofGrace
Jun 2nd 2009, 05:15 PM
Perhaps because so few actually listen to Him? :hmm:


:amen:. God is concerned with every detail of our lives! In my experience the difference between my choice and God's is the difference between "good" and "best." Why wouldn't I want Him to give me His best as far as husbands go?

What I will say is that when you let the Lord choose your spouse, He's liable to join you to someone you'd never imagine choosing for yourself.

We have, I think, our own preconceived notions of the type of person we think would be best for us. Our ideas are based on our own background and experiences - education level, social or economic status, etc.

God is not limited by our notions. As with anything else, His choice of mate for us may not line up with societal expectations. If we let Him do the choosing, we must be willing to step outside the box, so to speak.

kay-gee
Jun 3rd 2009, 04:40 AM
Just curious...How exactly does God choose a spouse? Does He draw the right person out of a line-up or something? not trying to be funny. I just don't get it.

all the best...

manichunter
Jun 3rd 2009, 04:41 AM
Most of the time, no, but He wants to...........

Lefty
Jun 3rd 2009, 07:18 AM
:amen:. God is concerned with every detail of our lives! In my experience the difference between my choice and God's is the difference between "good" and "best." Why wouldn't I want Him to give me His best as far as husbands go?.

I'm wondering; what might be the difference between a "good" and "best" spouse? Is the "best" the one you think brings you more happiness than another might have? If not, then what?

Say, a person married young, the first one that came along, now they're not happy and things are a mess. They think "I picked a dud. I should have listened to God more closely and gotten his best." That would be a dangerous thought. Wouldn't the one they're married to, whoever they are, be God's "best" for them, whether they're happy or not?

TrophyofGrace
Jun 3rd 2009, 01:45 PM
I'm wondering; what might be the difference between a "good" and "best" spouse? Is the "best" the one you think brings you more happiness than another might have? If not, then what?

Say, a person married young, the first one that came along, now they're not happy and things are a mess. They think "I picked a dud. I should have listened to God more closely and gotten his best." That would be a dangerous thought. Wouldn't the one they're married to, whoever they are, be God's "best" for them, whether they're happy or not?

That's a great question Lefty, and one that I can't answer as a generalization when I had my own specific circumstances in mind as I wrote my first post.

In your example though, you're right that that would be a dangerous thought. Once we're married though, the Lord would prefer that we didn't divorce.

Oswald Chambers, in his My Utmost For His Highest devotional explains "good vs. best" in the general sense in the entry for May 25:


As soon as you begin to live the life of faith in God, fascinating and physically gratifying possibilities will open up before you. These things are yours by right, but if you are living the life of faith you will exercise your right to waive your rights, and let God make your choice for you. God sometimes allows you to get into a place of testing where your own welfare would be the appropriate thing to consider, if you were not living the life of faith. But if you are, you will joyfully waive your right and allow God to make your choice for you. This is the discipline God uses to transform the natural into the spiritual through obedience to His voice.
Whenever our right becomes the guiding factor of our lives, it dulls our spiritual insight. The greatest enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but good choices which are not quite good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best. In this passage, it would seem that the wisest thing in the world for Abram to do would be to choose. It was his right, and the people around him would consider him to be a fool for not choosing.
Many of us do not continue to grow spiritually because we prefer to choose on the basis of our rights, instead of relying on God to make the choice for us. We have to learn to walk according to the standard which has its eyes focused on God. And God says to us, as He did to Abram, ". . . walk before Me. . ." ( Genesis 17:1 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+17:1) ).



http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/05/25/devotion.aspx

danm
Jun 3rd 2009, 05:56 PM
Just curious...How exactly does God choose a spouse? Does He draw the right person out of a line-up or something? not trying to be funny. I just don't get it.

all the best...

My darling wife was introduced to me by my friend's sister ,I was 16 she was 14 we married 6 years later, that was 40 years ago,God has blessed us with 3 children and 6 grandchildren.
Yes,I'm pretty sure God had a hand in bringing us together and we will always be together in this world and the next.

God bless.

revrobor
Jun 3rd 2009, 10:39 PM
What I find puzzling is many of those who profess to have a relationship with God seem to have no idea how to communicate with Him. God will tell you in a way you will understand what it is you want to know from Him. But you must ASK and then expect and answer. He will tell you if you have made the right choice in a potential mate, job, house, car, school, whatever.

For me, after I messed up a number of relationships, I realized I needed to do that and told God I would not even date again unless HE sent me the woman. Almost immediately I met my wife and after knowing each other for a month we were married KNOWING that God gave us to each other. This past January we celebrated our 39th anniversary. Has everything been perfect ? No. But making God the center of our marriage we have the resources to work things out.

Lo-Lo
Jun 3rd 2009, 11:30 PM
I personally believe that God honors your choice and it is obedience to God that enriches one's marriage. Disobedience is the main reason for divorce. As soon as the marriage gets a little tough, people find reasons to dissolve the marriage. The act of relying on God through the rough patches actually draws the spouses even closer making their marriage stronger and more fullfilling.

Just my 2 cents!

revrobor
Jun 3rd 2009, 11:50 PM
I personally believe that God honors your choice and it is obedience to God that enriches one's marriage. Disobedience is the main reason for divorce. As soon as the marriage gets a little tough, people find reasons to dissolve the marriage. The act of relying on God through the rough patches actually draws the spouses even closer making their marriage stronger and more fullfilling.

Just my 2 cents!

The Bible teaches us to surrender our lives to the Lord. I believe that means all areas of our lives not just some. While obedience is critical in our walk with God it is seeking HIS choice for a mate that makes a marriage God-ordained. I also believe couples that marry without seeking God's guidance regarding a mate are being disobedient and are the primary reason for divorce in the Christian community. I don't recall reading the verses that teach us God will honor our decisions (on anything).

kay-gee
Jun 4th 2009, 01:00 AM
What I find puzzling is many of those who profess to have a relationship with God seem to have no idea how to communicate with Him. God will tell you in a way you will understand what it is you want to know from Him. But you must ASK and then expect and answer. He will tell you if you have made the right choice in a potential mate, job, house, car, school, whatever.

For me, after I messed up a number of relationships, I realized I needed to do that and told God I would not even date again unless HE sent me the woman. Almost immediately I met my wife and after knowing each other for a month we were married KNOWING that God gave us to each other. This past January we celebrated our 39th anniversary. Has everything been perfect ? No. But making God the center of our marriage we have the resources to work things out.

But I've known people to have long satisfying marriages, who were completely outside of the Lord. I think success in marriage relationship is more about what people put into it and what they expect out of it and working at it. I'm not convinced that God CHOOSES spouses or job or cars. People ultimately choose!

all the best...

D in Georgia
Jun 4th 2009, 01:25 AM
I am certain that God does have a perfect plan for us and will lead us to the right choices if we will seek his guidance.

That said,

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Even when we stumble along in life and mess up by making our own decisions without Him, he is still there to be glorified, sometimes seeming to make lemonade out of lemons.

D

GiL
Jun 4th 2009, 01:46 AM
I think the best analogy I have seen for these kind of questions is this:

God has a map of our lives laid out. He knows exactly where we will start and end. He also has HIS perfect route planned, but we humans have our "perfect" route planned too. Sometimes these may coincide, other times the won't. However when we finally realize that God's path is better, it is then that we ask: "God which way do I go?" And he will show you which way to go.

SO, can people have successful marriages outside of God's will? Of course...but no guarantees. Being with and seeking God will lead to exactly what that map has listed for us.

Us humans can choose to wander wherever we want and God can see exactly where we are going on his little map..(no pun intended, its probably huge :D) we can't see the map but we can always ask which way to turn.

BadDog
Jun 4th 2009, 02:46 PM
I would just like to hear your thoughts on the topic of choosing a spouse.

I have always thought that God does not get involved in our choice of spouse. That is, if there is a choice of two Christian spouses, God will not assist in choosing one.

There is also the view that God has preordained one spouse.

Having said the above, I have had experience in the past, where I did not have peace about a potential spouse. I believe my peace comes from God and therefore, God was involved in my choice.

Also, apart from the above discussion, can you answer this question (and provide scripture if available): can you go against Godís will when you marry your (chosen) spouse?
HisWill,

You have an interesting moniker when one considers your OP. :P

Just FYI, an excellent book on God's will is one by Gary Friesen entitled, Decision Making and the Will of God. I think you will find that he voices many of the ideas you have expressed above.

Just FYI, when I was engaged and early in my marriage (I have been married 21 years) I told my wife that IMO (based on Friesen's book) we were free to buy whatever car, marry whomever (assuming they are a believer), etc.. I essentially told her that IMO there were several people whom I could marry and God would prosper the marriage. (I know... very romantic!)

Anyway, as time has flowed under that bridge, I have found myself changing in my view. I am absolutely convinced now that God led me to my wife and that it was His will for me to marry her! And I am so glad this was His will. She is perfect for me.

Now, OTOH, I do also believe that if I had (from my human perspective) "chosen" someone else, that this would have worked out well. But you see, I believe that we have a free will and that God elects as well - at the same time.

Take care, and have fun unraveling this one! :D

BD

JVM
Jun 23rd 2009, 02:04 AM
Q. Who joins the two in marriage?

A.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
(Mar 10:9)



God will not give you anything he doesn't want you to have. God will not bless anything that is not according to his desires.

So if you get married to someone that God does not want you to be with I believe God with not join together. If you get joined together it is the work of you and the devil not God.

revrobor
Jun 23rd 2009, 03:02 AM
God will not give you anything he doesn't want you to have. God will not bless anything that is not according to his desires.

So if you get married to someone that God does not want you to be with I believe God with not join together. If you get joined together it is the work of you and the devil not God.

Amen and amen!! The truth will set you free (from the error of picking your own spouse).

superwoman8977
Jun 24th 2009, 07:09 PM
My 1st marriage was awful. After it was finally over (he cheated and he filed for divorce) I wasnt looking for anyone when i met my Mr. right. I tell everyone that I ordered him from God because he is everything I would want in a mate, everything I prayed for years for, and now I have it and when we finally get married (commitment issues) I will be so happy. I do believe that God is supposed to pick put who we marry if WE LET HIM

timmyb
Jun 24th 2009, 07:18 PM
From my standpoint... i would rather he pick it for me... he knows my frame and he knows what i like and what i want and need better than I would ever know. He always seems to know how to relate to me and he's so humble in bringing things down to my understanding... I can say I trust God to bring the woman of my dreams to me just like he did for Adam when he brought the most beautiful sight he had ever seen before him...

my pastor says that Moses misspelled Woman... he says there should be another w in there... like Wowman WOWman.. cause that's all i would have the capacity to say should i see the woman of my dreams before me...

alfa
Jun 26th 2009, 11:47 AM
I would just like to hear your thoughts on the topic of choosing a spouse.

I have always thought that God does not get involved in our choice of spouse. That is, if there is a choice of two Christian spouses, God will not assist in choosing one.

There is also the view that God has preordained one spouse.

Having said the above, I have had experience in the past, where I did not have peace about a potential spouse. I believe my peace comes from God and therefore, God was involved in my choice.

Also, apart from the above discussion, can you answer this question (and provide scripture if available): can you go against Godís will when you marry your (chosen) spouse?
Hi, PROVERBS 18:22 says whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
PROVERBS 19:14 says house and riches are the inheritance of the fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.
EPHISSIANS 5:25 says husbands love your wives, even also as Christ loved the church,and gave himself for it...
1PETER 3:7... ye husbands, dwell with them (wives) according to the knowledge, giving hhonour unto to the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayer might not be hindered.

Evidently God has to do with our ideas all the way in our implementation of them till we die, i mean in this case.

Keturah
Jun 26th 2009, 12:03 PM
Does God choose your spouse?
Depends on if you choose or let God choose, doesn't it? I didn't 'look' for a wife, only praying for 3 years. When I was ready God put her in my life and made it obvious just as I asked. I could have looked and chosen anyone up until then but God knows best right, so I left it to Him.
I'll refrain from commenting on the preordain thing.

Like Sirus said........If we allow him to, he will......and desire him too also.
Same goes for us girls.

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