Hey everyone, I am quite confused on the definition of courtship. Is there a definitive answer as to what courtship is? I ask this because I find different answers from different Christians. However, there is one thing they all agree on including myself. Courtship is designed for those who want to get married in the long run(or seeking potential life partner), and its a slow gradual process in which the person takes the time to get to know each other on a deep level and remain sexually pure. I read a few definitions that says a Courtship is where you build a friendship with someone first. If this is the case, how does that differ from building other friendships with the opposite sex? Is courtship an act of exclusive friendship?

I ask these questions because there is a woman in my life in which I am very interested in. I mentioned courting to her, and she freaked out. She says she just wants to build a friendship first. That confused me because as I stated above, courtship IS building a friendship.. So whats the deal? :confused


edit: She says her friends who are now engaged, became friends for a few years before they even considered courting. But I know there situation was different than ours? How so? Well thats because when those two first met each other, one was very interested and the other one not so much. So it would make sense for them to not seek courting in the first year of knowing each other(after all the woman in that relationship had no interest in the guy and surprisingly she did begin to seek courtship when she did like him).

I've always compared it to what we know as dating. Just back in the old days, it was a sophisticated dating. so it used to be meet, friendship, courtship, engagement, marriage. now it's more like meet, friend, date, engage, marriage.
Dating could be merely going out with one another and spending lots of time or as the world does these days, dating involves moving in with each other, and testing the waters to see if marriage could ever be in the question. Dont go that route. lol Keep it pure.

So i guess, courtship is more than friends, less than engaged.

I've always compared it to what we know as dating. Just back in the old days, it was a sophisticated dating. so it used to be meet, friendship, courtship, engagement, marriage. now it's more like meet, friend, date, engage, marriage.
Dating could be merely going out with one another and spending lots of time or as the world does these days, dating involves moving in with each other, and testing the waters to see if marriage could ever be in the question. Dont go that route. lol Keep it pure.

So i guess, courtship is more than friends, less than engaged.

Thanks for informing me! I am getting use to building a relationship the biblical way(this is new to me). The girl and I both went into the relationship the wrong way, so she said she wanted to take a few steps back and do it the right which would be building a friendship first. I guess I'm a little worried because you know how men and women these days use the "lets just be friends" excuse. I hope she is being sincere and really does want to build all of this God's way and she isn't just saying that as a way out.

I believe "dating" has a more secular conatation. To most of the secular world dating includes sexual intercourse before marriage. To me, courtship is where you follow a relationship as if that person is a potential spouse. That means that physical contact is kept to a minimum. Some couples chose to save a kiss until they're married, others do not. I feel that if you do decide to kiss, then it should only be a very brief on the lips only. Anyway, courtship to me means you find activities that are fun, but where you don't have opportunities for temptation and to grow in the Lord together.

God bless

Thanks for informing me! I am getting use to building a relationship the biblical way(this is new to me). The girl and I both went into the relationship the wrong way, so she said she wanted to take a few steps back and do it the right which would be building a friendship first. I guess I'm a little worried because you know how men and women these days use the "lets just be friends" excuse. I hope she is being sincere and really does want to build all of this God's way and she isn't just saying that as a way out.


Have you talked to her about it? asked her? If it's one thing not to feel in any kind of relationships it's insecurity.

Courtship is a more old-fashioned form of relationship that some people are re-adopting today, because they respect the high standards, deeper commitment, and stronger lack of temptation it provides. It's not exactly the same as dating. If you're 'courting' someone, it prettymuch means that although you're not engaged, you've got marriage in mind, and you're getting to know the other person more deeply so as to figure out whether or not marriage would work for you. Courtship often used to be chaperoned, although it doesn't tend to be, now. It might be a little more 'formal' even now, though.... and courtship might be seen, even today, as several arranged meetings for the purposes of talking, having some fun, and trying to match one personality to another.

Dating, these days, sometimes implies a casual connection depending on who you talk to. And that's the key, I think.... Keep context in mind. If someone says "I've been dating X for 3 months and we're moving in together", then "dating" really means "sex" along with being boyfriend/girlfriend. But if someone else were to say "I'm dating Y and we go out to the movies or to a museum occasionally", then "dating" really is just "going somewhere on a date".

The terms 'dating' and 'boyfriend/girlfriend' are different in a lot of ways for people who don't know Christ versus people who do, because these days, a sexual overtone seems to be at least somewhat assumed -- when people 'date', many people (not all) assume they're sleeping together. Which isn't the case, and it's a mistaken assumption. Of course, non-Christians DO just go 'on dates', but there's nothing prohibiting or encouraging them to NOT have some kind of sexual contact with one another eventually.... it's so entrenched in our society, that a LOT of young people give in early.

It's interesting that I HAVEN'T heard non-Christians use the word "courting" at all. It's not part of standard vocabulary these days..... and I think for that reason, if for no other, some Christians have re-adopted it.

Just my 0.02!

You'll heard the word "courting" about as often as you'll hear the word "chivalry" these days, sadly.

You'll heard the word "courting" about as often as you'll hear the word "chivalry" these days, sadly.

It is sad, yes. Both words, and what they imply, have good solid value, I think. :)

Have you talked to her about it? asked her? If it's one thing not to feel in any kind of relationships it's insecurity.

I am going to have to ask her about that. She originally stated that God told her that I will be her husband one day. ( I'm not too sure if that's legit, I mean does God really tell people that kind of stuff?). Anyways, the problem is she gives off mixed signals. It's best if I talk to her about it because she could be giving off mixed signals and not realize it. Miscommunication is always a killer to relationships :(

I am going to have to ask her about that. She originally stated that God told her that I will be her husband one day. ( I'm not too sure if that's legit, I mean does God really tell people that kind of stuff?). Anyways, the problem is she gives off mixed signals. It's best if I talk to her about it because she could be giving off mixed signals and not realize it. Miscommunication is always a killer to relationships :(

Yes that is very true. One of the main key elements in a relationship is communication. If you don't have that, then you can't have much of anything else.
As for her saying that God showed her, yes I believe God can and will and has done that for people. I know He has spoken to me about some things in my life and it always ended true or well. Basically, maybe you're getting mixed signals because you don't see her portraying the same love for you or as much. If that's the case, then you need to talk to her and tell her that specifically. But also be open with her. She may just be going through things.
But more importantly, pray buddy.

Yes that is very true. One of the main key elements in a relationship is communication. If you don't have that, then you can't have much of anything else.
As for her saying that God showed her, yes I believe God can and will and has done that for people. I know He has spoken to me about some things in my life and it always ended true or well. Basically, maybe you're getting mixed signals because you don't see her portraying the same love for you or as much. If that's the case, then you need to talk to her and tell her that specifically. But also be open with her. She may just be going through things.
But more importantly, pray buddy.


Wow! You are absolutely right! That's exactly how I feel, I will admit my faith has been tested lately, at least when it comes between the relationship I have with this woman. At times I feel we are totally opposite of one another. There are times when I cannot possibly see how God would want us to be together, but maybe this is all apart of his plan. I'm guessing he put us in each other lives so we can grow. I learned recently in my church that God will put you out of your comfort zone to take you to new heights. Just a thought.

Wow! You are absolutely right! That's exactly how I feel, I will admit my faith has been tested lately, at least when it comes between the relationship I have with this woman. At times I feel we are totally opposite of one another. There are times when I cannot possibly see how God would want us to be together, but maybe this is all apart of his plan. I'm guessing he put us in each other lives so we can grow. I learned recently in my church that God will put you out of your comfort zone to take you to new heights. Just a thought.

Well Ruffio, you not feeling the love, so to say, could be a result of a few things. I don't know how long you two have been together, but if it's been more than a year, it could be the "puppy love" wearing off. This would be when the true test of your love for each other really comes to light. This is where agape (ah-gah-pey) love comes into play. Agape love is the love that isn't a feeling or an emotion. It is the verb of love. It is an action. This is when you will know true love from puppy love. Sticking it in there. Dealing with your doubts with prayer. Still being there for each other. This is when, perhaps, that wart on her nose that you used to think was so cute, but now looks ugly: you stay with her. When she used to tell a bad joke you thought it was so cute, but now you're annoyed and impatient: that agape shines forth. Those of course are just made up examples, but I think you understand the point.
By the way, those doubts you mentioned, you may not be the only one having them. But doubting isn't totally bad. Doubting, in some situations, helps a person grow because, if they choose, they seek. Seek and ye shall find right?
You two might be opposites but, then again, would you marry yourself? Probably not. You would get on your nerves. Let me explain something, when God created Eve, it wasn't for Adam's entertainment. He created Eve for what Adam lacked. Meaning, that they were likely opposites. You have a bad temper, your girlfriend, possibly future wife, may be very patient. You may tend to be a bit hard hearted, she is soft hearted and sympathetic. (again, these are made up but I think you get my point.) Don't let being opposite bring doubts into your mind, but let her, as she is, compliment you. Remember, "the woman came from a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved." Know, Ruffio, you care for Father's little princess there. He only wants whats best for her. He isn't going to allow her to be with someone not good for her. He has to prepare you. Help you become a spiritual leader, a protector, a provider, a husband. If you love her, work on those things. And mind you brother, there is no end to becoming better.

Well Ruffio, you not feeling the love, so to say, could be a result of a few things. I don't know how long you two have been together, but if it's been more than a year, it could be the "puppy love" wearing off. This would be when the true test of your love for each other really comes to light. This is where agape (ah-gah-pey) love comes into play. Agape love is the love that isn't a feeling or an emotion. It is the verb of love. It is an action. This is when you will know true love from puppy love. Sticking it in there. Dealing with your doubts with prayer. Still being there for each other. This is when, perhaps, that wart on her nose that you used to think was so cute, but now looks ugly: you stay with her. When she used to tell a bad joke you thought it was so cute, but now you're annoyed and impatient: that agape shines forth. Those of course are just made up examples, but I think you understand the point.
By the way, those doubts you mentioned, you may not be the only one having them. But doubting isn't totally bad. Doubting, in some situations, helps a person grow because, if they choose, they seek. Seek and ye shall find right?
You two might be opposites but, then again, would you marry yourself? Probably not. You would get on your nerves. Let me explain something, when God created Eve, it wasn't for Adam's entertainment. He created Eve for what Adam lacked. Meaning, that they were likely opposites. You have a bad temper, your girlfriend, possibly future wife, may be very patient. You may tend to be a bit hard hearted, she is soft hearted and sympathetic. (again, these are made up but I think you get my point.) Don't let being opposite bring doubts into your mind, but let her, as she is, compliment you. Remember, "the woman came from a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved." Know, Ruffio, you care for Father's little princess there. He only wants whats best for her. He isn't going to allow her to be with someone not good for her. He has to prepare you. Help you become a spiritual leader, a protector, a provider, a husband. If you love her, work on those things. And mind you brother, there is no end to becoming better.

Thanks alot! Your words are encouraging and I understand. I feel kinda silly because I have only known this lady for 4 months. We both made the mistake and rushed into being "boyfriend/girlfriend" which led to the puppy love and all that nonsense. I plan on building a friendship with her first before even bringing up courtship.

Thanks alot! Your words are encouraging and I understand. I feel kinda silly because I have only known this lady for 4 months. We both made the mistake and rushed into being "boyfriend/girlfriend" which led to the puppy love and all that nonsense. I plan on building a friendship with her first before even bringing up courtship.

Awesome. Stay in prayer. Even along with her.Some of the best things to do with a friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, fiance, wife husband is to sit down, and study the Bible together. No means of being closer.

;) Ive heard the adult version advice about puppy love :rolleyes:

and it was real to the puppy :cry: :giveup: on asking a girl to be my girl :blush: but I believe she still likes me more than her other friends :hmm: what does the puppy do now :confused
asking is not so easy :B how is a the gentleman supposed to ask with out getting put on the fathers target practice list :eek: :help: :note: