Sorry for the downward emotion in this message, but to be honest, it kinda sucks. I want a woman, and I know what God's will is but I am so impatient. I want a girl NOW. I don't want to make women an idol and I'm trying to get what I need from God but the well sure seems dry sometimes.

I am in so much dire need of love and affection and in the past I bought the lie of false intimacy and things, and sought out to be filled in this way by breaking God's will, which I am sorry for and which only caused me and others pain.

I think on the beauty of a committed relationship and just knowing someone intimately, and I find myself hopeful, but I also recognize my NEED of emotional intimacy and physical, you know, release, and the pressure is positively overwhelming sometimes.

I believe there is a huge hole in my heart that yearns for affection and love and IF God would fill it, I wouldn't even care, but honestly there is no filling, I just feel empty.

I've been crying out to God for a long time to fill this hole in myself but very little if anything has happened. It just makes me frustrated and to be quite honest, very cynical and depressed.

Anyone else went through this, anyone else found the solution?

I know I'm being kinda crybaby about this but seriously bros, it's HARD.

It's good to wait though.

story of my life man.
i don't even want to get started right now. past couple days i want to punch life. not stolked right now either.

Look...here is the deal.

You want a girl...then go to church...put on a nice smile.
Engage in meaningless conversations about interesting things. Hold your end of the conversation up. Tell a few jokes and laugh when someone else tells theirs...even if it sucks.

Be committed to Christ. (don't be a wacko about it either) Just a quiet strong type of Christian. (you ain't got to be Mr. Know it all when it comes to bible knowledge...but be astute at the same time)

You will have to beat the women off with a stick...a really big one too.

There ain't that many of us committed Christian men who have a personality, sense of humor, and want something other than a one night stand. (One night stands are usually found at Charismatic churchs for some odd reason...dunno..just what I seen)

IN other words...just be content and make friends engaging in social events with your singles group at church. You will find that very very quickly you won't be alone. If you follow my advice you will have a girlfriend inside of a year's time...don't pressure any girl...don't chase any of them. (They will chase you though so be picky) Clean shaven is a good thing...mustache OK..beards ain't OK. And it is OK to occasionally (but not on a sunday) to show up unshaven.

Smell good, don't smoke, no body odor unless outside and hot while working. Calouses on your hands are always a good thing. (ain't figured that one out yet...but it seems to work)

I just came off the single's scene about a year ago. I did this formula and inside of one year I not only had dates and girlfriends I had women wanting to get hitched. So...if you are sans girlfriend then...there is a problem with your formula for being social. CHANGE IT IMMEDIATELY or else stop whining about it. :rofl:

I hear you man. Single life is a struggle.

JohnDB does have a point though. Sometimes its about us going out and getting things done, rather than waiting for God to shoehorn us something... if that makes any sense. Since we live in a society where our parents don't arrange marriages for us, we're forced to create our own opportunities for courtship. That means finding where the single women are, and putting our best foot forward. Or as an old colleague used to call it "Putting yourself in harm's way".

So what are you currently doing to meet single women?

Did I miss something or did JohnDB suggest going to church to pick up women and then tell him to laugh when something isn't funny???

:o

Did I miss something or did JohnDB suggest going to church to pick up women and then tell him to laugh when something isn't funny???

:o

yes...you missed something.

Well help me out here...

Geez, Louise, now I've seen it all.

Three single (lonely) guys sitting around singing the blues about "Ain't Got No Woman" and not a beer can in sight... :D

If you're posting from a wireless source in the cab of your pickup with a dog sitting in the front seat, you should write a country song.

Come on, guys. Get real.

Be yourself. If "yourself" is not sufficient, then change. Be the man that God wants you to be and IF he wants you to have a wife, you'll find her.

You can't go to church just to pick up women. Fakes are spotted by them a mile away. I seen a few of them around...and the women can't stand them.
They get the worst of the lot too for girlfriends...never a good one. Who would want that?

You have to be going for yourself and worshipping God and take the small group bible studies seriously. Learn something while there...sure we can learn on our own from our own private studies...and I highly reccomend that a person does this...but not learning something from those in leadership at a local congregation is a sin too...and show a real character flaw within yourself.
Being apathetic towards anything going on in the assemblies is going to show right through to everyone who is paying attention to you. And instantly you are going to be flagged as a wolf looking to fleece the flock.

Also being such a sourpus when someone tells you a joke that you can't laugh at all isn't going to be attractive either. It is going to make that Robot (as in the movie, "Lost in Space") say DANGER DANGER DANGER. Women will be scared that if they get in a relationship with you that physical violence or a real lack of joy is going to be prevalant in the relationship.

Geez, Louise, now I've seen it all.

Three single (lonely) guys sitting around singing the blues about "Ain't Got No Woman" and not a beer can in sight... :D

If you're posting from a wireless source in the cab of your pickup with a dog sitting in the front seat, you should write a country song.

Come on, guys. Get real.

Be yourself. If "yourself" is not sufficient, then change. Be the man that God wants you to be and IF he wants you to have a wife, you'll find her.

OK...well I don't know as this would make for a country song.
I drive a ford f150.
Wife is on a missions trip to brazil
Step son has the dog in KY and I'm in TN
I don't drink much beer. Scotch and wine are my vices of choice.
last time I tried to get this website on my blackberry it was too tough to read so...I do this at home.

Close enough!!!:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Also being such a sourpus when someone tells you a joke that you can't laugh at all isn't going to be attractive either. It is going to make that Robot (as in the movie, "Lost in Space") say DANGER DANGER DANGER. Women will be scared that if they get in a relationship with you that physical violence or a real lack of joy is going to be prevalant in the relationship.

So is being dishonest. Laughing when something isn't funny is at best flattery, which the Bible calls lying too.

Be yourself. Be honest in EVERYTHING. It is the only way.

Assuming the truthful answer is yes, then you should respond accordingly.

Does this make me look fat? Yes.

Do you think she is as pretty as I am? Yes.

Were you looking at her? Yes.

Honesty is the only way to fly...

Agreed.

And the bruises will heal.

My wife knows better than to ask a question that she does not really want to know the answer to...

So is being dishonest. Laughing when something isn't funny is at best flattery, which the Bible calls lying too.

Be yourself. Be honest in EVERYTHING. It is the only way.

Assuming the truthful answer is yes, then you should respond accordingly.

Does this make me look fat? Yes.

Do you think she is as pretty as I am? Yes.

Were you looking at her? Yes.

Honesty is the only way to fly...

Solomon also had some words of advice about these situations.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
And Jesus said that a soft answer turneth away wrath.

So when the two verses are put together...

LIeing to save a life (your own) is considered acceptable to God...Look at Elisha/Elijah when them soldiers came after him to arrest him. He lied to save his life. I don't think it is much different in this case either. :pp

Solomon also had some words of advice about these situations.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.


That cannot be found in scripture...;)

Lying to save your life may be a question for ethicists...

Lying to save yourself from a well-deserved beating is just chicken...

:lol::lol::lol:

That cannot be found in scripture...;)


Billy of Stratford-on-Avon, right?

You completely lost me again...

So is being dishonest. Laughing when something isn't funny is at best flattery, which the Bible calls lying too. i'm not saying to lie, but if i would have answered my wife of 20 years the below answers 20 years ago we would not be married today.


Be yourself. Be honest in EVERYTHING. It is the only way. i agree this far


Assuming the truthful answer is yes, then you should respond accordingly.

Does this make me look fat? Yes. better answer...it does not make you look skinny if that is what you are trying to do. Yes just sounds like you don't even care about pleasing her


Do you think she is as pretty as I am? Yes. better answer...you can't compare yourself to other women, God created you differently and made you just right for me. (if this is an honest answer)


Were you looking at her? Yes. your caught, admitting is best but don't just leave it at yes. Tell her something else!


Honesty is the only way to fly... Agreed here. Just remember to say everything with love or at least showing you care. Even if it's for selfish reasons.

Good call on just getting out there and doing it. I don't think God is just going to magically drop a woman in my lap. I'm a good looking, affectionate, capable man, I'm gonna get out there myself. :cool:

You completely lost me again...

I was trying to be clever and attribute "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" to William Shakespeare, from Stratford-on-Avon, but I overwhelmed myself with my disremembering the reality of the factualization.

It is actual a quote from a play by William Congreve....

Pr 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Pr 21:19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

These are the only two I could find that came close...don't know where the other one comes from...maybe the book of Hezekiah...you know...the one quoted so much in 2Paul in the New Testament.

But I did find this one for when it is time to kick her to the curb

Pr 22:10 Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.

and of course this one.
Pr 21:23 He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

and Like I said...when asked..LIE to save your own life. Elijah did.

Good call on just getting out there and doing it. I don't think God is just going to magically drop a woman in my lap. I'm a good looking, affectionate, capable man, I'm gonna get out there myself. :cool:

OK...maybe...but I hate to say this to you...and I don't want you to get your feelings hurt...

But I have never seen a good looking guy in my entire life...

Nothing personal you understand.

Thank goodness!

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

i'm not saying to lie, but if i would have answered my wife of 20 years the below answers 20 years ago we would not be married today. i agree this far better answer...[/B][/I]it does not make you look skinny if that is what you are trying to do. Yes just sounds like you don't even care about pleasing her better answer...[/B][/I]you can't compare yourself to other women, God created you differently and made you just right for me. (if this is an honest answer) your caught, admitting is best but don't just leave it at yes. Tell her something else! Agreed here. Just remember to say everything with love or at least showing you care. Even if it's for selfish reasons.

You haven't met my wife...:D

She would call you out on those "politician's answers" so fast it would make your head spin.

My wife is 5'11" and wears a size 11 shoe... not someone I would want to make mad. She asked for total honesty and that is what I give her. I gave her the choice when we started getting serious. I asked her if she wanted me to tell the truth to her or lie to her. The conditions of that was if I lied, I got to choose when, but if I told the truth, I would do so all the time. She chose the truth.

You haven't met my wife...:D

She would call you out on those "politician's answers" so fast it would make your head spin.

My wife is 5'11" and wears a size 11 shoe... not someone I would want to make mad. She asked for total honesty and that is what I give her. I gave her the choice when we started getting serious. I asked her if she wanted me to tell the truth to her or lie to her. The conditions of that was if I lied, I got to choose when, but if I told the truth, I would do so all the time. She chose the truth.

I don't see them as lies or "political" answers at all. They're considerate answers because my wife is precious to me (as I'm sure yours is to you). That kind of dynamic may fly in your house, and that's great. In my house though, "Do these jeans make my butt look fat" is the next best thing to screaming "I'm stressed and taking it out on my body image".

If you don't want to know the answer, then don't ask the question...;)

If you don't want to know the answer, then don't ask the question...;)

The question being asked has nothing to do with what is really on the mind or weighing the heart.

Anyone else went through this, anyone else found the solution?

Yep, and now the solution asks me questions I dare not answer.
That said... If she does, I'm very honest. She knows that if she asks... She's getting it like it is.

The question being asked has nothing to do with what is really on the mind or weighing the heart.

I am one of those people that means what I say and say what I mean. I expect others to do just that. It is called honesty. Honest with others and honest with myself. It is the single most liberating thing I have ever done.

I refuse to buy into the social contract that says that I am obligated to give flattering words or a non-answer to someone who is fishing for a compliment because they are having feelings of low self worth. It is both non-productive and dishonest on every level.

Eph 4:15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

This is talking about how we should grow together as a church. The marriage is a great place to start. You can say things that encourage when you speak the truth or you can boldly slap the truth to anyone. It is your choice. I think the truth in love is the example we should not only set in our job place, churches, and on the streets but first in our homes.

I am one of those people that means what I say and say what I mean. I expect others to do just that. It is called honesty. Honest with others and honest with myself. It is the single most liberating thing I have ever done.

I refuse to buy into the social contract that says that I am obligated to give flattering words or a non-answer to someone who is fishing for a compliment because they are having feelings of low self worth. It is both non-productive and dishonest on every level.

So are you implying that I'm a liar or dishonest for not giving my wife the blunt "yes" if she asks if her butt looks big?

I am saying that if her butt DOES look big (I base that on thin air because I have no knowledge of your wife's butt:D), and you answer with anything other than an affirmative answer (worded however you like) then, yes, it is dishonest.

I believe that a lie is "any statement or action that leads someone to believe something other than what is exactly the truth."

I am also painfully aware that not too many people hold to that position.

Personally, if I ask you a question, I expect an honest answer. I would consider it an insult to my intelligence if someone gave me a politician or a non-answer.

Scenario -

Me - Do you like my new cowboy boots?

Politician Answer - I don't like them as much as your other boots, the other ones are just you 100%

Non-Answer - Where did you get those?

It only requires a one word answer "yes" or "no".

I enjoy the other answers about as much as I like going into a restaurant and asking if the have Mt. Dew and the waitress replying "We have Mellow Yellow." That is not what I asked. A simple "no" would suffice, be the honest response and save time. I don't substitute Mellow Yellow for Mt Dew, EVER.

I am saying that if her butt DOES look big (I base that on thin air because I have no knowledge of your wife's butt:D), and you answer with anything other than an affirmative answer (worded however you like) then, yes, it is dishonest.

I believe that a lie is "any statement or action that leads someone to believe something other than what is exactly the truth."

I am also painfully aware that not too many people hold to that position.

Personally, if I ask you a question, I expect an honest answer. I would consider it an insult to my intelligence if someone gave me a politician or a non-answer.

Scenario -

Me - Do you like my new cowboy boots?

Politician Answer - I don't like them as much as your other boots, the other ones are just you 100%

Non-Answer - Where did you get those?

It only requires a one word answer "yes" or "no".

I enjoy the other answers about as much as I like going into a restaurant and asking if the have Mt. Dew and the waitress replying "We have Mellow Yellow." That is not what I asked. A simple "no" would suffice, be the honest response and save time. I don't substitute Mellow Yellow for Mt Dew, EVER.
okay :cool:

How do you define a lie?

not the truth (shortest and most to the point i could get :P)


edit- i'm just playin with ya. Many of us guys are like you and prefer direct and to the point answers but through many years of counseling couples i have learned that they (females) are not like us. I would be one of those guys that could would think that my wife should know i love here because i told here 20 years ago when we got married and i should not have to say it again. If things change, then i would let her know. But they (most of them, not all) need to hear it regularly, it's the way they are. We on the other hand don't need to hear the same things but we need to know that they respect us. One way i show my wife i love her is to take the time to beat around the bush when i'm giving her a compliment and drag it out some. she has come to realize i could go all day on Saturday's not speaking more than 20 words and be happy but because i love her i will try to join in with some small talk.

I hope that makes sense.

While being brutally honest, I do all of that "sensitive guy" stuff. I tell her she is beautiful, I tell her daily how much I love her, I bought her 3 dozen roses on MY birthday, I take her away for romantic bed and breakfast retreats, blah, blah, blah. I just happen to respect her enough to be brutally honest...:P:D;)

Most people's first impression of me is a total... ummmm... hind end. But once they get to know me, they would have me any other way. My mother in law is my biggest fan. No one ever has any doubts about the way I feel about something if they have asked me...

No one ever has any doubts about the way I feel about something if they have asked me...
i resemble that remark :lol:

I am saying that if her butt DOES look big (I base that on thin air because I have no knowledge of your wife's butt:D), and you answer with anything other than an affirmative answer (worded however you like) then, yes, it is dishonest.

I believe that a lie is "any statement or action that leads someone to believe something other than what is exactly the truth."

I am also painfully aware that not too many people hold to that position.

Personally, if I ask you a question, I expect an honest answer. I would consider it an insult to my intelligence if someone gave me a politician or a non-answer.

Scenario -

Me - Do you like my new cowboy boots?

Politician Answer - I don't like them as much as your other boots, the other ones are just you 100%

Non-Answer - Where did you get those?

It only requires a one word answer "yes" or "no".

I enjoy the other answers about as much as I like going into a restaurant and asking if the have Mt. Dew and the waitress replying "We have Mellow Yellow." That is not what I asked. A simple "no" would suffice, be the honest response and save time. I don't substitute Mellow Yellow for Mt Dew, EVER.


Maybe you like yes and no answers and you wife might like them, but some people (especially women) want you to soften your blow if its going to be something they might not want to hear. Or else you just come off like a jerk. Sometimes people want to look past the actual answer and see how you respond to things.

^^Did that sound really feminine? I gotta stop hanging around my girl.:P

Yes it did.:D

It really is simple. If they are honest, and don't play some Cosmo inspired mind game trying to lead you like a little puppy dog into the response they are looking for, but truthfully ask the question they want the answer to, all is good. The problem comes in when they are so scared of the answer, they ask another stupid question trying to elicit a "proper" response in some kind of Salvador Dali-ish, surreal version of the Socratic Method. I answer what I am asked. Don't want the answer? Don't ask the question.