For those who keep up with the prayer forum, you will be aware that I posted a prayer request a while back concerning the situation with my wife's recent bipolar mania episode and resultant hospital stay. Since moonglow suggested it, I thought I'd take a few moments to relate how that situation has affected me. For starters, I am VERY thankful that we were able to get her into Pine Rest, which is one of the top psychiatric hospitals in the country. I am also very glad and thankful that she didn't do anything to hurt herself or anyone else.

I am quite deeply affected by this in a negative way, however. As you may or may not be aware, the first episode occurred on our honeymoon when my wife and I got married just over 4 years ago. We were taking a road trip to New England, where we were going to take as quick a route as possible to Maine, and then take our time making our way back to Michigan, because we had taken two weeks off of work and neither of us had been on a real vacation in a number of years. Anyways, to make a long story short, we never made it to Maine, because my wife ended up having an episode in the middle of New York state and was placed in the psychiatric ward of St. Luke's Hospital in Utica, New York for three days. Her parents had to come get us because at some point in the midst of all the weird things that were going on, both of us misplaced our glasses. And, since we are both extremely nearsighted, it wouldn't have been terribly wise for either of us to drive. Besides, they had her so hopped up on drugs that she wouldn't have been able to, anyways.

Once we got back to Michigan, we stayed with her parents for a couple of weeks while the psychiatrist we were seeing just for the medication fine-tuned what she was taking. Then, we went back to our apartment, and things seemed to go back to normal. Because of some financial problems, we did end up having to move in with her sister and brother-in-law for what turned out to be a two-year stretch, but that was a good thing, because we were close to family and friends. Then, last year, we moved into our apartment here in Spring Lake, and it seemed like things were starting to go our way.

Fast-forward to three weeks or so ago. Renee has been seeing a psychiatric nurse practicioner named Diane in Grand Rapids about twice a year or so for the past couple of years or so, just to see how the medication is going and if her moods are stable. The one she was on at that time was lamictal, and she was originally at 200 milligrams, if I remember correctly. The last time my wife and I met with Diane was Wednesday the 3rd of this month, and at that time, we talked to her about possibly either reducing or getting my wife off of the drug completely, because we have been trying to get pregnant for a year now, and want there to be no complications due to my wife's medication. And, my wife had talked with Diane previously about reducing the dosage, and so she had gone down from 200 mg to 150, and then from there to 100. So, when we met with Diane on the 3rd, she suggested that, if my wife was comfortable with it, she could stay on the 100 for a while longer, and then if her moods were still stable, to go down to 50 mg, stay there for a while, and then go off of it completely. The thing is, my wife got overeager, because she was only on the 100 mg dose for a short while (a week or two, I believe), and then went down to the 50 mg dose, was only there for about half a week or so, and then went off of it completely. The abrupt drop-off was a shock to her biochemistry, and she started having symptoms a few days later. She then had a full-blown episode the morning of November 16th, which was the day before my birthday.

The thing that's tough about this situation is that, while the first episode happened in New York State, which is hundreds of miles away and I can never go back there again if I so wish, this one happened in our home. The place which is supposed to be a sanctuary and resting place from the stresses and pressures of the outside world is the place where my wife's sanity seemed to go out the window. Yes, it is true that the truly horrible symptoms didn't start happening until after we got her to the Holland hospital and checked into a room. But, I still can't help feeling a certain amount of stress and anxiety whenever I am home alone. And, while I am very much looking forward to getting my wife home in the very near future for a variety of reasons, I am also somewhat worried about something similar happening in the future. After all, as the first psychiatrist who were seeing explained to us, each successive episode makes it that much easier for another one to occur. I know they have her on medication, but what if it isn't enough to keep her from having another episode? I know it's a sin to worry, but it's difficult not to.

We (meaning her mom, her oldest sister Terri, and myself) are having a family session with her psychiatrist and case-worker tomorrow afternoon at 3:00, so please be praying that that goes well, because if it does, Renee will be able to go home immediately afterwards. If not, I guess she'll be staying there a bit longer. I would very much like to have her home for Thanksgiving, but more importantly, I want the Lord's will for her life to be fulfilled. Whatever that might look like. Also, be praying that we are able to get the counseling we need to figure out what Renee's triggers are, if there are any, and how to minimize or eliminate them, as the case may be. Also, please be praying for me, that I am able to work through any trauma/PTSD that may have come about as a result of dealing with this situation. I know God is still in the business of healing and restoring lives, hearts and bodies, and I'm looking forward to what He's going to do in and through this situation.

That's about all for now. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord!

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

I don't have any solutions for your wife.

But I do have two very close lady friends who were both diagnosed with bipolar. One almost didn't make it due to a manic episode that landed her disoriented on the side of the road (and in the psych ward) and then a depressive rebound that made her suicidal. The other one was suffering from depression for years and then became manic and ended up in the psych ward twice. One is now considered cured, the other has made a long recovery and is stable. Both are believers.

What I do know is that one lady's relationship with her mom was very broken because of some stuff that happened when her mom left her dad and filed for divorce. Her recovery took place when she began to reconcile with her mom and today the two of them have a good relationship, and my friend is cured for all intents and purposes (at least has been for the past couple years or so).

The other lady comes from a childhood home with a very abusive stepparent and has also suffered other abuse of authority at the hands of a minister who broke her spirit. She's still learning to let go and forgive and move on but is still struggling with some fears and has a hard time dealing with stressful situations. Trust is also a big issue. But she's a wonderful woman of God and her and I are very close and I just love her to pieces and am rooting for her.

You know your wife. You know her background, her history and her broken relationships. I'm sure God will show you, other than meds and counseling, how all that feeds into her current mental/emotional state.

I don't know if that helps you any but there you go.

DaniH:

Thanks for sharing. Without going into all the gory details, my wife was basically sexually assaulted by 3 girls a few years older than herself when she was 9. She went through counseling at the time and was able to forgive them for what they did, but maybe there is still more there for her to deal with. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what counseling and the Holy Spirit brings forth. God bless, and have a great night in the Lord!

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

Then she may still be posttraumatic actually ...

P.S. I also removed her first name from your OP for privacy sake. If you'd rather have private counseling at some point, then let me know and I will move your thread to our private counseling section.

Hey I am glad you posted on here...though not glad you needed too of course.

First I wanted to let you know you aren't alone in this. There are many, many of us dealing with relatives with either bipolar or other problems like this. I have a thread on here too in fact about my nephew and the situation we are going through with him right now: http://bibleforums.org/showthread.php/217723-Dealing-with-a-mentally-ill-adult-in-the-family-resources-please?p=2561139#post2561139

He is bipolar too and hasn't been on medication probably since last summer or spring. And emotionally he is all over the place. Sadly while we tried to get him into the hospital the other evening he wasn't admitted because he wasn't suicidal or wanting to hurt others..though just as unstable as your wife. I suspect his insurance had more do to with him not getting admitted then anything. He probably has only a state medical card and it covers very little on mental health issues. :( I think you would be shocked at how many like your wife aren't admitted and turned away all the time. Its a real shame too.

So yes, be very, very thankful she is getting help. :pray: My sister also has two other adopted children (now all adults) and also dx with bipolar. Its been really hard...(of course you need to realize they all came out of foster care after being taken from their biomom's for neglect and abuse which of course plays a major role in their behavior too). But we have seen them manic and depressed and unable to stop talking and being totally out there...irrational and talking nonsense.

Yes its upsetting for sure and there were times they spend the night with me and did some off the wall things for sure...but it never took away my sense of 'home' like this is with you.

On a even more personal note my son was almost dx with bipolar when he was younger and had terrible outburst...rages...attacking me and others and trying to hurt himself. I dealt with this for years. Had him in therapy..in the hospital a few times, on medication which never helped because he isn't bipolar but in his case it was other issues causing these problems. For the sake of the topic I won't go into that. I brought it up so you would know that others have experienced shocking and painful and very upsetting things in their own homes and they did heal from these things.

I am not going to say I slept fine..or I wasn't jumpy..or that I didn't have bad dreams. I worried about my OWN son trying to hurt me...or himself. Now that was nerve wracking. There were many, many times I just wanted to leave my house! To get away from him..:(

But I never attached bad feelings to my home though. Not that that means anything..its just affected you in a different way then me.

I would suggest you think about all the good times you have had in your home...the joyful times, the times you two laughed together...snuggled together...picture those things in your mind and remember those good feelings. Don't let this one thing take away all those good and happy times that will come again.

Does that make sense?

God bless

Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife have had such a recent trauma... my mother was bipolar, and when she went manic it was truly frightening. But there were long periods of time, even without medication, when she was okay. I do know what it's like to be ashamed to show your face in the neighbourhood after a loved one has a bipolar incident. I hope that feeling will pass for you.

From what you wrote, I think I can see a potential trigger for your wife... she first became ill on your honey moon... that's a major life change. And this most recent problem occurred when you were planning and preparing for a baby. That's another major change that you are both contemplating. Maybe your wife needs support around major "life" issues... also, it doesn't help that she came of the meds so quickly.

I've got other thoughts knocking around in my head, but I'll leave them for now, since I don't want to tread all over your thread. But if you want to talk you can always pm me... I hope and pray that you and your wife are soon reunited, and that you will be able to leave your anxiety and shame behind you.

Thanks everyone for the input and prayers. They are very deeply appreciated. Moonglow, thanks for sharing and the suggestion about thinking about the good times. That is definitely something worth trying. Daughter, your insight about my wife's triggers possibly having to do with major life events is probably right on the money. That is something her sister and I talked about on the way home from checking my wife into the hospital this past Tuesday morning. Very definitely something worth bringing up in the family meeting tomorrow.

Another thing I am concerned about is our future children. If this is something that is genetic, what is the likelihood that one or more of me and my wife's future children will develop something similar down the road? Both of us very much want to have kids, and as I said before, have been trying to get pregnant for a year now, but it just hasn't happened yet. I know that it will in God's perfect timing. I just have a hard time not thinking about what might or might not happen down the road.

On a positive note, I did just get off the phone with my wife's sister, and when she talked to my wife a little while ago on the phone, she said that she is getting to be more and more like her old self. Which is a good thing. So, it'll be interesting to see what the doctor and caseworker have to say tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully, we'll be able to have all of our questions answered and concerns addressed. Please be praying it goes well, and that the Lord's will be done in and through this situation, whatever that may look like. I know what I want to happen, but that may not be what is best for my wife at this time. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. God bless, and have a great night in the Lord!

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

:hug:
Ben, because you are posting here in this thread, I want you to know that this is a place where you can talk about you. We understand what your wife is going through, and we are all praying. You need to be able to share how you are feeling as you go through this. We are here to pray with you and encourage you in any way that we can. If you decide you would like to talk to a man in private about your feelings, we can arrange for that as well.

Father,
I bring Benjamin before You. Lord, he is trusting you with everything that is in him, but at times it is so hard to understand and endure. Please give him peace in his heart at this time, and strength to handle whatever might lie ahead of him. I thank You Lord just in knowing that you care for him and that he is not going through this alone, but You are there in his midst.
I pray also for Renee. Lord heal her from the wounds of her past. Lord give her rest in her mind and in her body.
Bless them Lord as a couple. May they be able to use all that has happened to one day soon help others. Free Renee from this torment Lord. Thank You for hearing and for caring.
In Jesus Name, Amen
:hug:

The major trigger for my friend is definitely stress.

On a practical end, maybe you guys can put your heads together and come up with some stress coping strategies. Things she can do when she feels out of control with something or overwhelmed by it. It's all good that you're wanting to get to the bottom of things, but in the meantime, practical solutions are also definitely something y'all need.

Thanks everyone for the input and prayers. They are very deeply appreciated. Moonglow, thanks for sharing and the suggestion about thinking about the good times. That is definitely something worth trying. Daughter, your insight about my wife's triggers possibly having to do with major life events is probably right on the money. That is something her sister and I talked about on the way home from checking my wife into the hospital this past Tuesday morning. Very definitely something worth bringing up in the family meeting tomorrow.

Another thing I am concerned about is our future children. If this is something that is genetic, what is the likelihood that one or more of me and my wife's future children will develop something similar down the road? Both of us very much want to have kids, and as I said before, have been trying to get pregnant for a year now, but it just hasn't happened yet. I know that it will in God's perfect timing. I just have a hard time not thinking about what might or might not happen down the road.

On a positive note, I did just get off the phone with my wife's sister, and when she talked to my wife a little while ago on the phone, she said that she is getting to be more and more like her old self. Which is a good thing. So, it'll be interesting to see what the doctor and caseworker have to say tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully, we'll be able to have all of our questions answered and concerns addressed. Please be praying it goes well, and that the Lord's will be done in and through this situation, whatever that may look like. I know what I want to happen, but that may not be what is best for my wife at this time. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. God bless, and have a great night in the Lord!

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

While stress can be a triggering point...getting off meds clearly caused this..especially since she got off too quickly. I have heard of people going through major withdrawals just from regular antidepressants...it has to be done extremely slowly...slower then she was even told to do it. Read up on this please. And also realize she might not be able to get off of them at all...ever. Pregnancies can happen with close supervisor with drs. Do the research of whether this can be passed on or not...I think I have read it can be inherited. But I also notice that almost everyone dx with this suffered some terrible trauma in their lives...which makes me just being a lay person think its not really bipolar but has to do with the affects of the trauma. Which means (unless their is a history of bipolar in her family) this is something she can be healed from completely and wouldn't need the medication any longer.

In my bad round about way here I am trying to offer you hope...my son was suspected of being bipolar or schizophrenic because it runs on his dad's side of the family and he was acting that way. He is neither. All he has now is ADHD and an anxiety disorder. Anxiety can trigger horribly strange behavior all by itself! He is a billion times better now too. His dad's family also had a history of drug and alcohol abuse, abuse and neglect of their children...that alone can cause all sorts of major emotional problems. Sometimes I think the dx of bipolar is a catch all phrase slapped on people that simply have been deeply hurt in their lives.

When my son hit puberty I watched for signs of bipolar...he has been fine. And I think he will continue to be fine. All these other things have been ruled out in his case. So my point is I think your wife needs to be stabilized...needs healing before you even think about children.

Meanwhile you have got to have support for yourself...people to talk too if possibly. Time to unwind and relax. And talk to God...take some time to sit in a chair, lay on your bed, whatever and just be quiet...and talk to Him and then listen. Ask Him to help you get past these bad feelings. I am concerned you will have more anxiety then you expect when you bring her home and you don't want to be on pins and needles all the time.

Praying for you.

God bless

Just wanted to let you know I'm still praying. Hope to hear from you soon.:hug:

Thanks for the prayers, everyone. As I shared in the Prayer forum, they upped my wife's dosages yesterday afternoon, and it seems as though she is more and more like her old self with each passing day. I'm cautiously optimistic, because she is coming to terms with the fact that she might have to take medication for this for the rest of her life. Also, it is encouraging that she is learning about what kinds of things can trigger a manic episode, which range from refined sugar in her diet to needing to ask for forgiveness from others. She told me yesterday afternoon that one of the activities she did at her partial hospitalization program was write a letter to someone, and then read it out loud to an empty chair. It was specifically to her brother-in-law Aaron, who married her sister Lisa, asking for his forgiveness. Without going into a great deal of detail, Aaron was not and is still not, at least as far as we know, the only member of my wife's extended family that is NOT a Christian. And, while I'm sure he does love Lisa very much, the initial reason he married her was because he got her pregnant. So, he never got around to asking her father, my father-in-law, for his blessing. Will she ever actually give that letter to Aaron, or will she even need to? I don't know, but I do know she needed to write it for the sake of her own inner healing and restoration. One of the other things she mentioned was that, as a matter of last resort, they MAY have to resort to ECT, or electroconvulsive therapy. I highly doubt it would ever come to that, but if it did, it is a LOT more humane and under much more controlled conditions than it used to be in the old days.

Please continue to keep both of us in your prayers. As I also shared in the Prayer forum, tomorrow (Wednesday) might very well be the last day for my wife's partial hospitalization program, which would be a HUGE blessing, because, as I said, I was doing a heck of a lot of driving and that was very stressful and tiring. Please pray that as I take it easy today and tomorrow, since they are my days off from work, God would continue to move and work in my heart and life, healing me from the effects of the trauma I experienced during my wife's latest manic episode back on the morning of the 16th of this month. I love my wife very much, and want to be able to enjoy spending time with her without constantly worrying and stressing out that she might have another episode. I also would appreciate prayers concerning my relatively new ministry and related Facebook page. It deals with the issue of Christians being called to be peacemakers, and what that looks like in their daily lives. I normally post both an Old and New Testament verse of the day on the wall of the ministry's Facebook page, but because of all that's been going on lately, I've had a hard time finding the motivation to do so. So, please be praying I become more diligent concerning keeping up with that, and that it would be a blessing to many people as a result. Also, in a related matter, please be praying I am willing and able to continue to work on the book I am writing on the same topics, because this is an issue that is near and dear to my heart.

That's all for now. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord.

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

It's good to hear from you. I have been praying daily for your situation.:hug:

Thanks for the update...and yes it will be a day to day struggle for awhile. It seemed like things would calm down with my son then suddenly out of the blue he would be having some problem. It always startled me too..:rolleyes: I did learn to watch for warning signs myself that he was getting too stressed and maybe needed a medication adjustment. His was just anxiety but still, it can be rather shocking how an anxiety attack can affect a person. His meds need adjustment from time to time simply because he is growing.

On the ECT..I would advise her to wait as long as possible before trying this. There can be risk to it. As long as she is making progress, I don't know why they would even suggest this anyway. Its usually for those where nothing else is helping at all and they don't know what else to do. At least that is what I was told when I struggled with depression for years.

Take one day at a time. And I will pray on your money situation that I read in your prayer thread and also you might want to consider taking some bills off as automatically being paid like that because every time it goes through and the money isn't there you get a fee from the bank for it. Not a good thing. Pay when you know the money is there. I only have one bill on auto pay..the rest I pay myself online...or call in and pay through electronic check. Yes its more time consuming but this way I am not running up huge fees with my bank account either. I can't afford a 25$ every time something goes through and the money isn't there. :eek: To me that is money I can't afford to lose. I think that would help reduce some of your stress level too.

I will pray too that you can find uplifting bible verses to post on facebook too.

God bless

How close time-wise are this birth of that peacemaking ministry and your wife's most recent episode?

Remember we deal with spiritual things also and we do have an enemy out there who is extremely petty around the edges and who loves to attack us and/or our loved ones every time we get a breakthrough with God ...

Either way, while you focus on your wife's mental health, be sure to cover you both with prayer and if necessary fasting and stand in the gap for her as her protector and guardian and spiritual head of your home. Read the Bible to her, out loud, pray together, focus on God together, play lots of worship music, do lots of praising when you get back home, etc.

It's good she's releasing forgiveness. That will go a VERY long way and help her heal. Unforgiveness is just simply the pits and does all kinds of things to us spiritually and mentally and emotionally.

Dani H, I started the peacemaking ministry back in the beginning of October, if memory serves. And, my wife's most recent bipolar manic episode was November 16th, the day before my birthday. I think something else that might have contributed to her stress level was that we were planning on having my dad and step-mom over for lunch at our apartment on the day of my birthday (Wednesday the 17th), and there was still some cleaning that needed to be done in order to make our apartment presentable. She was excited about them coming over, as was I, since it is an hour or so drive from where they live in Greenville, and we only get together with them once or twice a year. It was kinda disappointing to tell my dad we would have to reschedule our lunch when he called during the day of the 16th, but he totally understood when I explained the situation to him. On the other hand, when I called and told my biological mom about what had happened, the first thing that came out of her mouth was, "Why is she so high-strung?" When I explained things more thoroughly to her, she got it, but my wife is NOT high-strung. She does have an outgoing, bubbly, sociable temperament and personality, but not high-strung. The thing is, my mom doesn't know my wife the way I, or even her family, does, so she can't be expected to totally understand what's going on. Besides that, she is not a Christian, so she can't possibly understand the spiritual side of this situation. As a matter of fact, none of my family members, with the exception of an aunt and uncle on my dad's side who both live in Texas, are Christians. So, please be praying that many of my family members come to know the Lord as a result of this whole situation.

Moonglow, I am totally with you as far as the automatic payments of bills goes. The thing is, my wife was in charge of our finances before all of this went down, and she is the one who set up the automatic payments to come out when they did. That is because she didn't know and couldn't have predicted that we would be down to only one paycheck coming in for a period of time. So, when the payments came out, our bank balance very quickly went into the negative, which threw everything else off, as well. So, please be praying that God provides just what we need, right when we need it. He has already done so in remarkable ways. For instance, after my wife got out of her partial hospitalization program this past Friday, we went over to a friend's house in Grand Rapids, and they were gracious enough to fill up our gas tank and feed us dinner. We were planning on having dinner with them, anyways, but we desperately needed the gas because our car was pretty much running on fumes when we pulled into their driveway, and it is an hour or so drive from their house to our apartment in Spring Lake. Then, on Saturday, my wife went over to the mall on their end of things and hung out with them again, and another married couple from our old church blessed us with five big reusable grocery bags stuffed to the gills with pantry items. What a blessing! So, at least for quite a while now, all we will need to stock up on when we go grocery shopping are perishable items like eggs, bread and milk.

That's about it for now. Please be praying for my wife today, as we got the first snowfall of the season during the overnight hours, and she is driving by herself both to and from her partial hospitalization program in Grand Rapids. I'm sure she will be fine, since she grew up driving in Michigan, but a little extra prayer here and there never hurts. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord!

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

That is why I don't like those auto billing things because the unexpected will happen...always does cause that is just life. If her or you can, as soon as possible take those off and pay them yourself instead. I have only one thing on auto billing and that is my insurance, the rest I pay myself. That way I am in control and if something happens where I find myself short and can't pay a bill I can delay paying it or use my credit card. Those bank fees add up really fast!

I will be praying she has a safe drive in the snow today and things all go well. That is so neat how God has provided for you guys. :) Continuing to pray for you both.

God bless

How are you doing?.......

Karenoka27:

Thanks for asking how I am doing. I posted an update in the prayer forum, as well as a thread in the praise forum, thanking and praising God for His faithfulness in the midst of everything that has been going on in me and my wife's lives. I am well. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord!

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

The more I think about it, the more I realize that the bad feelings I have regarding my wife's bipolar manic episode in the middle of last month are not connected to our apartment, but to our workplace. After all, that is where she called me three times the night we took her to the hospital. It was really bad last night towards the end of my shift last night. Of course, I WAS quite tired and hungry from pushing a multitude of shopping carts through the snow in my workplace's parking lot, so that might have been a contributing factor, as well. I guess there's a part of me that worries each time a certain phone at work rings, "Well, what if it's wife, letting me know she is having another episode?" To be totally honest, if she does any time in the near future, I don't know if I would be able to handle it. I mean, I know that God only gives us what we can handle with His help, but it would be extremely difficult seeing her the way she was on the night of the 15th of November. I love my wife very VERY much, and would never leave her; I'm just trying to do my best to be honest about how I feel. I honestly don't know why the Lord has allowed so much heartache and suffering into me and my wife's lives, both individually and collectively. I know He loves us very VERY much, and disciplines and chastens those He loves. I just don't know how much more stretching I can handle. I guess all I can do is take each day as it comes, which is what I've been doing. I just would like to very much know when all the pain, suffering and heartache will end so that we can go about the business of truly enjoying life. Don't get me wrong. I understand, believe and know that suffering is a part of every Christian's life, and God can use it all for good, no matter how bad it gets. I just would like a little reprieve every once in a while. I think we are in one right now, since my wife's moods seem to be pretty stable, largely thanks to her medication, but it would be nice if we didn't have anything to stress out about or worry about, such as bills, debts and car repairs. I know that God provides just what we need, right when we need it. It just would be really nice if someone were to plop a huge sum of money in our lap and say, "Here. Go pay off your debts and buy yourselves a nice little house to boot." I know all our worries wouldn't all go away at that point, because a whole new set of problems would probably come in to take the place of the old ones. It just would be nice to be debt-free and in our own home.

That's about it for now. Sorry for rambling on, but I thought it was important to be honest about what I'm dealing with and going through. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord!

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

I honestly don't know why the Lord has allowed so much heartache and suffering into me and my wife's lives, both individually and collectively.


Hi Benjamin,
I can give you at least 1 reason why He does that (usually there is more than 1 reason). Its because then you will be forced to lean on Him. You will be forced to trust Him. Only when one is able to lean and trust Him, then can one really let the Holy Spirit work in one's life both to change one to become more like Jesus and to be used by God mightily. Then also, can we stop relying on our own strength, our own wealth, wisdom etc to do things for ourselves and things for God. Also, only then can we really love God.

As humans we all want to be secure in our future--have enough $, food, no worries on that. Do not like to be stretched etc. But when we sign up as Christ's followers, we lose all this rights. Leonard Ravenhill once said that when you are nailed to the cross--you lose all your rights. Its true--you lose all your rights, all your rights in being treated fairly, seeking justice/comfort for ourselves etc. Instead, we learn to rely on God's mercies. We learn to rely on His words and obey His word. His mercies are new everyday.

Its hard. Terribly hard. We die to ourselves when we carry our cross. But God knows how much we can bear--a bruised reed He will not break. He will provide the relief--its just in His timing. But He will sustain you and your wife especially in the darkest moment.

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to share how you are feeling personally. I'm going to share some Scripture with you and it is important to me that you know that I have a situation in my life that is at times very difficult as well.
Mark 8:34-"Whosoever will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."
The thing is we don't know what the cross will involve. It is different for each of us. I agree with saved11 in that our difficulties cause us to lean on the Lord because there is nowhere else to go. We may think we can run from the situation and things would be better, but I've watched as people have tried to do that only to find themselves in another one and then they wish they had not run in the first place.

Another verse that came to mind is:
Philippians 4:11-"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."(NIV)
This is a very difficult verse, especially in a situation like yours. How are you to be content in your circumstances? Only through who Christ who can strengthen you to do all things. Philippians 4:13-"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
I know it doesn't seem possible. Sometimes and our faith might even weaken at times, but you have to learn to take only one day at a time. Do not look at tomorrow. When you learn to do this, you will find contentment.
When I start to get stressed about things, money and other things, I stop and I ask myself...How am I this very minute? I think about it, and realize I have had food today, I have clothes on my back,and I have a roof over my head. What did the Lord promise us?
Matthew 6:31-"Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things."
He also promises us this:
John 16:33-"In this world you will have trouble." (NIV)

Sometimes when things get overwhelming to me, I stop and I stay still for a moment, and I realize that my head is stressed with worry and concern but in my heart I have peace. I have learned to live in that peace in difficult circumstances. It's not easy but you can do it.
The Lord loves you. He loves your wife. Though we do not understand why He allows these things to happen we can know that He is there to see us through...and He will.

Praying for you.
John 14:27-"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Thank you, saved11 and karenoka27, for those words of wisdom and encouragement. I know the Christian life is one of self-sacrifice and suffering. It's just tough sometimes. I will do my best, with the Lord's help, to take each day as it comes and not worry about the future. That is tough for me, though, because I am very much one of those kinds of people who likes to plan ahead and know what's going to happen before it happens. I like routine, because I find the regularity soothing in this chaotic and confusing world. Change is something that scares me very much, even if it's change for the better, because of the fact that it involves not knowing how everything will turn out or work. I'm a pretty laid-back and mellow kind of person most of the time, though, so that has helped a great deal in all of this. I just hope and pray something positive will come out of all of this mess, something that will bring glory and honor to God, and blesses many people as a result. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord.

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

I just hope and pray something positive will come out of all of this mess, something that will bring glory and honor to God, and blesses many people as a result.

Believe that good will come out of this. When God leads/allows you to difficulties, He will bring you through it. Also, your presence here has blessed me. The way you write and handle this brings glory and honor to God. And 1 thing I believe is true ie when you honor God, God will lift you up in due time.:hug::pp

Thanks, saved11. I appreciate it. It is only by the grace of God and through His empowerment that I am able to do anything that is pleasing or honoring to Him. I'm glad you have been blessed by what I have to say. I just do my best, with God's help, to express through the written word the modicum of wisdom and discernment God has graciously granted me as I continue to walk with Him through the storms of life. All praise, honor and glory belong to Him, because He is the only one that truly deserves it. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord!

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

It is only by the grace of God and through His empowerment that I am able to do anything that is pleasing or honoring to Him. All praise, honor and glory belong to Him, because He is the only one that truly deserves it. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord!Benjamin
As I read this post I thought of the song "Your Grace Still Amazes Me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNClAJO2tnQ

Awesome song, karenoka27!

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

@Benjamin,

I wonder how things are going since the New Year. Is your wife better?

I was married to a woman who was diagnosed with Bi-polar II. (As opposed to Bi-polar I) The scars I have from that marriage are deep and much of it was self-inflicted in my case. But I wanted you to know I understand your predicament and will say a prayer that the two of you can find your way through this. The outcome of this will depend a great deal on family support, the right therapists and doctors and your desire to forgive the trauma of going through these episodes as an innocent bystander. It sounds like you have all of those things going for you.

In my case, I had trouble distinguishing between the illness, the effect on me, what was in my own heart, and just plain old bad behavior by both of us. We had known each other for a long time, but living with someone that has this illness is a lot different than just knowing them. She ended up on mood stabilizers withing a few weeks of marriage and in a hospital within 12 months. I had just lost a job - which was probably a trigger for her. However, a few months later I found another job, but right after I went back to work she ended up in the hospital again.

To our credit we spent a lot of time with counselors and doctors, but she had precious little support outside of me and a couple of friends. Her family didn't help and most of them lived 1000+ miles away. Her mother committed suicide when she was in her early 20s and her father had moved halfway across the country. Most of her friends tried to be supportive, but she relied mostly on her personal therapist who convinced her I was the cause of her illness. I am not sure I was of much help now that I look back on it.

I am a big believer in Christian Therapy. Both for the afflicted person and for the spouse. Sometimes injury occurs and we don't even know it is happening. A good and wise Christian counselor to walk alongside you will help you learn to cope - and you have to learn to cope.

Hi Ben. Thinking of you and hoping you are doing ok. I found this site and thought you might like to check it out:
http://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/support/supporting-someone-with-bipolar-for-family-and-friends/menu-id-67/
(http://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/support/spouses-of-bipolar-sufferers/menu-id-67/)

Thanks for the expression of concern, as well as sharing your testimony, peyret. My wife is doing well. She is fine as long as she stays on her medication, which she is very good about doing now that she understands how serious the consequences can be if she goes off of it too quickly, like she did this past November. I'm just thankful she is able to see a Christian counselor here in our area on a regular basis to work through the issues contributing to and triggering her disorder. I should probably go with her at some point so I can deal with how it is affecting me. Overall, I'm doing pretty good. I'm doing my best, with God's help, to be strong for both her and myself. To be honest, there are times when I struggle with wondering why God would allow something like this into our lives, but I know that He will bring something wonderful out of all of this. I just wish there was something - anything - I could have done, either before we got married or since to prevent this from happening, because it was really hard watching the woman I love go through the intense spiritual and psychological warfare she was dealing with two months ago, and not be able to do anything to relieve or eliminate the suffering she was obviously going through. I just want to be able to put all of this behind us, once and for all. Hopefully, with counseling, tons of support from family and friends (which I am VERY thankful to say we have), and the proper medication, we can. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord!

Yours in Christ,

Benjamin

Thanks for the expression of concern and the link, karenoka27. I greatly appreciate it. As I told peyret, I'm doing okay. I could be better, but God is getting me through it, one day at a time. Hope you are well, also. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord!

Yours in Him,

Benjamin

Hello, all! I just thought I'd come on here and give you a little bit of an update as far as how things are going with my wife and I. She has been going to a Christian counselor here in our area for quite a while now, and that seems to help her out quite a bit. So, I'm very thankful for that. I've just been struggling lately, today especially, with completely and totally letting go of the past and being able to live in the present. There's a part of me that wishes that time travel existed so that I could go back in time to just before our honeymoon, and tell my younger self what to do to avoid all of the bad stuff that happened back then. I know, understand and realize that's not possible. I just wish there was some way I could've headed this off at the pass, so to speak, in order to avoid all of the pain and anguish we've both been through as a result. Sometimes I feel like God had this amazing future all planned out for us, and we were headed down the highway of life towards it, when all of a sudden, we got off on the wrong exit, and now we're on some country road somewhere without a map or a clue as to how to get back to where we are supposed to be. Can anybody empathize with what I'm saying here? How do I move past this, and realize God really does know what He's doing, and that I haven't screwed things up so bad that He can't fix it or use us anymore? I just so much want to have a good, happy, healthy marriage that honors and glorifies Him. I just sometimes wish it didn't involve so much pain and heartache. Anyways, any advice, counsel, wisdom or helpful hints would be greatly appreciated, along with your prayers. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord!

Yours in Christ,

Benjamin

It's hard, very hard, to let go of the past, and the hopes we had for the future. It's almost as though you're grieving, mourning not just the past but the future you had thought would be yours. I can't think of anything helpful to say, other than I'm glad you're giving this to the Lord. May I ask, if you don't mind... do you regret having married your wife? I can't quite tell from what you've written about wishing you could go back before your honey moon, whether you mean there was a trigger there you may have avoided if you'd known, or if you just wish you hadn't got married? Either would be difficult emotions to deal with. I hope and pray that you and your wife keep well, and please forgive me if I've stepped over a line with my question.

daughter:

No, you haven't stepped over any lines by asking the question. I do NOT regret having married my wife. She is a wonderful, amazing, loving, godly woman, and I love her more than you can possibly know. There are just times I wish I could've been more aware of the warning signs and done more to keep all the bad stuff that happened on the honeymoon from occurring. I know, I know. Hindsight is 20/20, and it's easy to say, looking back, that I should've done this, that or the other thing. I mean, there were things my wife said and did as early as the day after we got married that struck me as a bit strange at the time, but I figured they were just a result of excitement over being newly married and going on a well-deserved vacation. So, I tucked them in the back of my mind, and didn't give them much more thought. Until things continued to get worse, and my wife ended up spending three days in the psychiatric ward of Saint Luke's Hospital in Utica, New York. I just struggle sometimes with knowing why God would allow something like that to happen to people He loves very much. I know that He will end up bringing good out of it in the end. It's just hard to believe that when you're in the middle of it. That's about it for now. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord!

Yours in Christ,

Benjamin

I just wanted to add a note for clarification. I think the reason I'm really struggling with regrets about the past, especially and specifically when it comes to me and my wife's honeymoon, is that I truly want and desire to put all of that completely and totally behind me once and for all, so that I can move forward into the amazing future God has for me and my wife. So, Satan's doing everything he can to keep me from totally committing this to the Lord by trying to get me to wallow in the past, as well as my feelings of insecurity, incompetence, and failure. Well, he's not gonna stop me from doing what God has called me to do!

Right now, in the mighty name of Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of the living God, I commit all of myself, all of my time, all of what has happened to me and my wife both in the past and in the present, all of who I am, to You, Lord, and I ask that You would help me, on a daily basis if need be, put my past, especially and specifically my honeymoon and my wife's subsequent bipolar manic episode this past November, totally and completely behind me so that I can move forward into the amazingly awesome future You have for me and my wife. Help me, Lord, to trust that You always know exactly what You are doing, even and especially when it doesn't seem like it. I forgive You for allowing the honeymoon to happen the way it did, and I thank and praise You for keeping my wife and I safe from harm. I forgive myself for not recognizing and acting on the warning signs that my wife was portraying as early as the day after we got married. There is no way I could've known ahead of time what was going to happen before it did, so I forgive myself for not doing enough to keep what happened from happening. Help me, Lord, be merciful, understanding and compassionate towards myself and others like You are, so that I don't fall into the trap of being less forgiving and loving than You are. I come against and bind any and all Satanic forces that are arrayed against my wife and myself in an attempt to thwart God's good plans from being manifested in our lives. I plead the blood of Jesus over our hearts and lives, and ask, Lord, that You watch over, protect and keep us safe as we humbly walk with You each and every day of our lives. Open our hearts, eyes and ears to see, hear and know You and Your immense and unconditional love for us. I pray all of these things in the mighty name of Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of the living God. Amen and amen!

Yours in Christ,

Benjamin

Benjamin, the fact that you are still hanging in there and that you have stayed together is wonderful to hear. Too many people give up and walk away. On some level your wife probably understands what you have had to endure and is doing everything she can to keep you from enduring any more.

Letting go of the past is difficult. It is something I struggle with every single day. 100s of regrets that I hang onto like an old pair of blue jeans; if only I had done this or that - I lay awake at night wondering how things might have been different had a I chosen differently. I am beginning to wonder if obsession with the past is just another way of expressing fear of the future. In my case, it is probably depression and anxiety.

Anyway, didn't mean to hijack this thread, but I did want to say that on a good day I recognize that all of my guilt, worries and anxieties are a constant reminder of how much I rely on God for every breath I take.