On 9/11/11 my husband of 13 years (together for 19) walked out and left me with our four kids, 5 acres, 2 horses, and 3 dogs. Five years ago we bought a foreclosed house in between both of our jobs. It needs a ton of work still, it's really a mess. I had no idea anything was going on, I was blindly in love with the man who promised to love me forever.
Over the course of the next couple of weeks I found out he moved in with another woman he had been seeing for about 3 weeks. He has never 'felt like this before' about anyone. His heart is torn towards her. He moved 1.5 hours from me and his kids.
He's in the military and about to be a warrant officer. I've been there through everything. Through deployments, training, drill (when he apparantly met her). Now, when he's about to find success, he leaves. I was supposed to drive the kids 11 hours to see him graduate from school, and then we were going to disney. Obviously those plans are totally scratched.
He finally saw the kids this morning because he leaves monday for WOC school for a month. I found out he's taking her on a romantic overnight trip tonight to a nearby town.
I need desperate help. I'm not handling any of this well at all. I only found out about the other woman through phone records and a mutual friend, who confided in me what my husband was telling him. My husband has never admitted anything to me.
I need God more than I ever have in my life. I feel so alone. I pray, and I pray, and i pray. But my life feels so hopeless and empty. Both of our families live 5 hours away, and I don't have a lot of close friends. My husband and kids were my life.

I don't know what to do. If I didn't have my kids, I would want to die. I can't eat, I've lost 13 pounds and am down to 108. I can't sleep. I can barely breathe. How can God help me through this??? Every day is worse than the one before.

You need local support. Contact your family, call friends, find a pastor/pastor's wife or another qualified person and get counseling. Find someone you can open up to. When you pray, open up to God and let Him know how you feel. Allow yourself to feel the shock, and the anger, and the pain, and the grief. You will get through this. It will get better. Been there, done that, through worse, and I know God is faithful.

Get legal help and file for support, because regardless of how anyone feels, your kids deserve support and so do you. See your military legal counsel or whatever it is they make available to you so you can start taking practical steps to make sure y'all are taken care of.

Get. Help.

It's crucial. Do it. Don't put it off.

Thanks for the advice.
I actually already filed for legal seperation to protect myself and the kids. he was spending 'our' money on an apartment with her.
2.5 weeks after my husband walked out we were legally seperated. The issue of child support, etc gets worked out when he gets back from WOC school.
What's crazy is that I can't FIND an open counselor. I have tried and tried, but they are all booked. One lady was open but not at a time I could get in. That was through military channels. I went for a consult at another one yesterday, but they didn't have anyone available after I went through the consult. There is one local in my town, but they didn't have anything for two months.
I'm going to try through local churches next, to find a support group. Or something.
I'm crying out to God, but the pain just keeps getting worse. I want to sleep for 6 months until the pain isn't so severe. I did talk to the pastor at my church, and he made me feel better. I might have to set up another appointment soon.
The grief is swallowing me!

I hope I do get through this. There currently is no light, but I'm praying hard God shows me just a glimmer.

I've been where you are and I understand how dark it gets. That's when you have to look to Jesus for light. But it does get better, and the more you lean on God, the more strength He will give you.

Grief doesn't have the power to swallow us. Because God can bring life from every death there is. But I understand the pain and the depression and the fear and the anxiety and the anger and the self-pity and all of what we go through. Until finally there is acceptance and then thanksgiving and then you move on because you realize that one human person isn't your life, can't be your life, can't fill that role that only belongs to God. Jesus is your Life. The death you feel is that of the dreams and expectations and hope for the future you had with this person, but what will still be alive are your children and your place in their lives as their mother and your place before God as a woman and someone created with purpose, and greatly loved by Him

For your Maker is your Husband; the Lord of Hosts is His name. :hug:

Read Isaia 54 and let God speak hope and healing to you. :hug:

Thanks for the advice.
I actually already filed for legal seperation to protect myself and the kids. he was spending 'our' money on an apartment with her.
2.5 weeks after my husband walked out we were legally seperated. The issue of child support, etc gets worked out when he gets back from WOC school.
What's crazy is that I can't FIND an open counselor. I have tried and tried, but they are all booked. One lady was open but not at a time I could get in. That was through military channels. I went for a consult at another one yesterday, but they didn't have anyone available after I went through the consult. There is one local in my town, but they didn't have anything for two months.
I'm going to try through local churches next, to find a support group. Or something.
I'm crying out to God, but the pain just keeps getting worse. I want to sleep for 6 months until the pain isn't so severe. I did talk to the pastor at my church, and he made me feel better. I might have to set up another appointment soon.
The grief is swallowing me!

I hope I do get through this. There currently is no light, but I'm praying hard God shows me just a glimmer.

I was grieved by a child of mine about 4 years ago and ended up bailing on life and spending about 3 years in my bed. Having walked with Jesus Christ for almost 5 decades, I thought my faith was at an all-time low. After wallowing in my grief, and asking God to take care of me and the situation, He did. After some recovery after reconciliation, I was repentant, and regretted that my faith was so weak. The Lord spoke to me immediately and said, "I am pleased with your faith.", to which I said, "What? How can you have been pleased with my faith?" The Lord answered and said again, "I see your faith and I am pleased with it." I realized then that it wasn't gone--it was there all along, where others may lost or abandoned theirs, I held fast to it---even though I became inward and didn't speak to God in my depression as often as before. God knows the workings of grief and He is not taken aback by it in His children.

From this experience, I learned to choose to be a woman of faith no matter what the circumstances. I urge you to choose to have faith in Jesus Christ over anything or anyone else, and to choose to wait on Him, the God who will always come through for you, even at the eleventh hour. He is never too early, nor is He ever late.

From now on, no matter what anyone does to me---it is the enemy's attacks, actually---I will never give up. It is a choice---I have put Satan on notice! You can get through this and come out of this a shining example of courage and strength. Jesus Christ is our defender and protector---if we let Him be. He is always with you--always going before you, making the crooked places plain and the rough places smooth!

Isaiah 40:4
Every valley will be lifted up and every mountain and hill will be brought down. The turns in the road will be made straight and the bad places will be made smooth.



My husband used to sit at my bedside and read the Psalms and other scriptures to me. This passage in Isaiah helped me heal and comforted me like no other---I offer it to you:

Isaiah 43:1-2

The Savior of Israel
1 But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
2 When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.

Dear momof4kids,
So very sorry you married a man that turned out to be a crumb. Although not the same type of situation as yours, I did lose someone once that I loved very much and it hurt deeply. That experience really helped me to realize that God never abandons us and has the best plan for our future. While you do your best to forgive your husbands adultery, seek out an attorney that will rake him over the coals in court. God bless you dear.

Originally posted by Desperaux
I urge you to choose to have faith in Jesus Christ over anything or anyone else, and to choose to wait on Him, the God who will always come through for you, even at the eleventh hour.
Nicely put. (15spots)

Oh dear sister:hug: how it pains me to read your post, for I too know the pain you speak of. It is still very fresh in my heart, but those who have posted before me have spoken the words of truth and life to you. My wonderful 18 year marriage came to a similar shocking end. There were no warning signs, my lovely Christian husband just changed one day, very suddenly. He became very abusive to me and my daughter.Within weeks of this change, I found out I had cancer, yet this just made him worse. Like you, my family lived a distance away from me. In fact they lived in the U.K, as did most of my friends. My husband stole my car and my bank cards, so I couldn't even see a doctor or go anywhere.Even in this dark time, the Lord was still moving on our behalf and He will be right there with you.When my husband stopped feeding us, my daughters school teachers brought food every day! Someone I barely knew offered to drive me to the doctor and pay for the visits.In in the end ( this all took a few short months) the Lord opened a door for us to flee to a wonderful Christian family in another state,and provided a pro bono lawyer to force my husband to pay us money to live on! It was only then that I found out that it was all about another woman. He wanted to force us out of the house so she could move in! I lost everything but my God, my daughter and my life.

While I was so overwhelmed and grief stricken, my blessed Saviour was still making a way where there seemed to be no way.While I lamented like Job did, had lost all hope, He was carrying me. I couldn't see it at the time, I felt abandoned by my husband and my God, but now that things are calming down, I look back and see His foot prints in the sand. I share this with you dear sister, because I can tell you from this recent experience that God will do all He says He will. He hears you cry and catches each tear you shed. Take one day at a time. Trust Jesus to give you the strength for tomorrow. Your heart is shattered, but He will heal it in time. It won't happen overnight, how I wish I could say that. My heart is stronger than it was, but I still have to get to where these other posters are. All I know is that my God is faithful and He will continue to be faithful. On that truth I cling.

Our God is a God of mercy and love. He loves you so much. I know you don't understand, but He will show you that, just cling to the truth of who He is and let Him carry you through this fire.

I am praying for you :pray:

blessings to you :hug: