Hi everyone,

I'm planning on proposing to my girlfriend soon and want to read a book on how to be a good Christian husband. Are there any books you recommend?

Thanks!

The Bible..............

The Bible..............

yup..... ephesians chapter 5 is a good camping spot :)

The first response in my head was the Bible also. I recently participated in a bible study with my group on the book "Love and Respect". Though we're a group of women, it pertains to both men and women, and I think it has a lot to say about biblical marriage and how to be successful at it. I highly recommend it for anyone.

There are so many good places to look, but I would like to add; while you are at it, look at good teachings for being a Godly father as well.

I have to stop at my local Christian book store - they are taking advance reservations for the Courageous DVD. That is a great movie to put in the collection.

http://www.amazon.com/Courageous-Novel-Randy-Alcorn/dp/1414358466

If I were going to help one of my children today - who are planning to get married and start a family - I'd get this for them:

http://www.christianbook.com/fireproof-facing-giants-and-flywheel-pack/alex-kendrick/pd/685685?item_code=WW&netp_id=903361&event=ESRCG&view=details

I'd say take all the time you would have spent reading and sit down with your wife for a bit.

Where do you feel you're lacking that you need a book to educate you?

I think Max is an awesome guy and just wants to do everything he can to become a great husband! and if doing some reading helps him so be it!

Did you really like "Love and Respect" NewInHim? We did it in our cell group and disliked it- both males and females. We found it pretty sexist. check out some Amazon reviews like this one <written by a man> http://www.amazon.com/review/R25S65UVLU3115/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#R25S65UVLU3115 most of the other reviews are the same! i hated how the author wrote the husband AND wife are to be blame for the husbands cheating! The author excuses sinful behavior constantly! No offence but I would personally stay away from that.

My suggestions? I asked my dad and he liked these ones best "A Husband After God's Own Heart: 12 Things That Really Matter in Your Marriage" and "Becoming a Godly Husband: The Hardest Thing a Man Will Ever Do Is Really Love His Wife"

He said "Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know" is good but don't read it until your married LOL. Awkward dad!

Hey Max great to know you want to be a good husband. Honestly the main thing that will determine whether you will be one, is simply the kind of person you are right now. Are you selfish, lazy, self-indulgent, fearful, insecure, unwilling to sacrifice, stubborn, requiring a lot of external factors to be right to be content etc? If so, you will be a bad one. If you're hard working, honest, ambitious, courageous, confident, willing to learn, adaptable and don't spend much time in front of the computer or tv, you will make a great one. If you really prize having control over your own time and determining what activities you do and when, you will probably have a very hard time. But if you love giving up your time to serve others or be with people, I suspect things will go nicely.

Most people are very fragile in early marriage, and with experience you learn a lot and get better. I think the Love and Respect course that was mentioned above is a good suggestion. Many people I know highly enjoyed it.

Did you really like "Love and Respect" NewInHim? We did it in our cell group and disliked it- both males and females. We found it pretty sexist. check out some Amazon reviews like this one <written by a man> http://www.amazon.com/review/R25S65UVLU3115/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#R25S65UVLU3115 most of the other reviews are the same! i hated how the author wrote the husband AND wife are to be blame for the husbands cheating! The author excuses sinful behavior constantly! No offence but I would personally stay away from that.

Yes I did and my group seemed to get a lot out of it! :pp I am aware of the negative reviews, I've read a lot of them. I had read them before we did the study, actually. I don't agree that it's sexist. Men and women are different, and I don't think it's sexist to point that out. It may not be politically correct, but I believe it to be true. As for the cheating issue. If a husband cheats, the woman is not guilty of adultery. However, she may have been contributing to problems in the marriage. Is this always the case? I don't know, but I can imagine it is a lot of the time. If my husband cheated on me, I would understand that he chose to sin (and I would be devastated). But I would also examine myself. I know there are things I can do RIGHT NOW in my marriage to make it better, and to lessen the inside pressure of temptation to adultery. I may not be able to control my husband, or outside forces, but I can be in control of myself, and do what I can to strengthen and safeguard my marriage. If adultery happens in spite of that, I can stand before God knowing I was doing what He called me to as a wife. (Which by the way, I hope to be able to attain to someday. It's hard being married! With children! But I am very thankful, and am glad God hasn't given up on me yet!) As a woman, I was not offended by Love and Respect. I think the Eggerichs do a good job of pointing out some of the differences in the two genders and how to deal with them, in a respectful way. With humor. Anyhow, no offense taken. :) It's ok to disagree.

Yes I did and my group seemed to get a lot out of it! :pp I am aware of the negative reviews, I've read a lot of them. I had read them before we did the study, actually. I don't agree that it's sexist. Men and women are different, and I don't think it's sexist to point that out. It may not be politically correct, but I believe it to be true. As for the cheating issue. If a husband cheats, the woman is not guilty of adultery. However, she may have been contributing to problems in the marriage. Is this always the case? I don't know, but I can imagine it is a lot of the time. If my husband cheated on me, I would understand that he chose to sin (and I would be devastated). But I would also examine myself. I know there are things I can do RIGHT NOW in my marriage to make it better, and to lessen the inside pressure of temptation to adultery. I may not be able to control my husband, or outside forces, but I can be in control of myself, and do what I can to strengthen and safeguard my marriage. If adultery happens in spite of that, I can stand before God knowing I was doing what He called me to as a wife. (Which by the way, I hope to be able to attain to someday. It's hard being married! With children! But I am very thankful, and am glad God hasn't given up on me yet!) As a woman, I was not offended by Love and Respect. I think the Eggerichs do a good job of pointing out some of the differences in the two genders and how to deal with them, in a respectful way. With humor. Anyhow, no offense taken. :) It's ok to disagree.

Your post has brightened my day! It is great to know that there are ladies out there that understand as you do.

Love and Respect is hands down the #1 marriage based book I'd recommend other than the Bible. Really did help my marriage and we've bought copies for friends and one of our kids too. Because it really hammers home on why God wants husbands to unconditionally love their wives and why God wants wives to unconditionally respect their husbands. It's foundational teaching about the difference between men and women and the differences between the roles of a husband and wife in a marriage covenant. For that alone it's priceless because you would be surprised how many problems are caused in marriages by this one principle being violated in a million different ways, and spouses wondering why their marriages continue to flounder. As a woman, I was offended until I began to fully understand, and then it was like "well, duh, why didn't I see that sooner?!" I just didn't "get it". Because nobody ever taught me these things. Until God started to open my eyes. Then I started acting on it, and my husband started acting on his side of the deal, and ... magic happened. Or God actually backed us up because we were doing it HIS way. You decide which. ;)

So many women out there think "if I can just love my husband more then all will be better." I was one of those women and couldn't understand why things weren't getting better. Until I learned about unconditional respect in a day and age where respect is demanded to be earned. I struggled with that because it required some de-programming and letting go of some things but our marriage is exponentially better off because of it and has been getting better all the time. I do suggest spouses (or would-be spouses) read it together and use it as a basis for conversation with the goal in mind to obtain greater understanding of God and each other and the dynamics in your relationship. Because aside from a few ground rules, there's a lot of wiggle room, and ultimately your marriage is going to be exclusively yours and unique.

Having said all that ... if you want 100% perfection out of any man-written book you're going to have an empty book shelf on your hands because no such book exists other than the Bible.

We all see through a mirror darkly until we know like we are known, and until then, we are bringing individual pieces to the puzzle so we can enrich and help each other grow in God.

My motto when it comes to books is "eat the chicken and toss out the bones". I get out of it what God wants me to learn, and forget about the rest.

Just out of curiosity, what is the name of the author of "Love and Respect," so that I can add it to my wishlist on www.bookmooch.com (http://www.bookmooch.com) and/or look for it the next time I am in a Christian bookstore? While me and my wife's marriage is pretty good, there is always room for improvement. And from what Dani H and others on here have said, that book would be a good place to start. God bless, and have a great day in the Lord!

Yours in Christ,

Benjamin

Emerson Eggerichs. There is a book. There is also a group study with DVDs and a workbook. I've done the study with DVDs, but I know people who've just read the book, and gotten a lot out of it.

Emerson Eggerichs. There is a book. There is also a group study with DVDs and a workbook. I've done the study with DVDs, but I know people who've just read the book, and gotten a lot out of it.

Thanks, NewInHim. I appreciate it.

Yours in Christ,

Benjamin

My motto when it comes to books is "eat the chicken and toss out the bones". I get out of it what God wants me to learn, and forget about the rest.

Seems like a good motto when dealing with books and many other things in life.

Thanks. I'll remember that.

Thanks for all the responses everyone. I really appreciate it.

A lot has been written in here about the book Love and Respect. I read some reviews about it awhile ago and although I haven’t actually read it, I have to go against the majority in here and say I agree with ImABeliever. From what I read it sounds like it focuses more heavily on what wives need to do rather than what husbands need to do. I’d prefer a book only for husbands.

It sounds like the author constantly blames wives for the things husbands do or for problems in a marriage and doesn’t blame husbands anywhere near as much. To blame a husband’s infidelity on his wife is ridiculous in my opinion and I can’t respect anything any author says if that’s what he believes. It doesn’t matter what my girlfriend does, if I cheat on her, it is my fault and only my fault. I’m the only one who controls me. We need to be fully responsible for our own actions.

Anyway, ImABeliever, I had considered A Husband After God's Own Heart. Becoming a Godly Husband looks really good too! I found one called Loving Your Wife as Christ Loves the Church (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/088469304X/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_g14_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-3&pf_rd_r=06QAZVHB1ENPXJC1NAFK&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938811&pf_rd_i=507846) What does everyone think of that one? Anyone read it?

Sorry I haven’t replied to you in my other thread ImABeliever. I have been crazy busy planning this proposal. I have been literally (and I do mean literally) spending every spare moment I have planning it. It’s exciting! I’ll try to update you at some stage, but everything is going well.

Whatever you want to believe is up to you. If you think that your wife's actions will have nothing to do with your choices, I hope to find it to be correct for you.

It is not for everybody, and I hope you realize that not everybody is made the way you are.

The Aposlte Paul understood the differences between people:

1 Corinthians 7: Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

I have known in the last year a couple men who ended up with huge problems - and they both had wives who had decided that there would be no more intimacy in their marriages. Had the couple lived according to scriptures, the situation may have been very different. When one violates the marriage as God ordained it, one can no longer claim innocence. That goes for both the husband AND the wife.

Just remember it's not a one size fits all. Your marriage is unique. Understand the basic principles and put them into practice, and you'll find there's a ton of wiggle room.

Honestly, rather than a book of how-to's ... find a godly couple you both know and admire that's been married for a long time and ask them how they do it. Books are books, and life is life. Always best to get your inspiration from real people in real marriages. :)

Boo I find that sickening to be honest. my mom had treatment for breast cancer for five years and in that time (my parents were very open with me) my mom and dad could not sleep together as she was 1. sick and 2. going through severe menopause symptoms due to the drugs she was on. You could argue she could technically still "fufill her wifely duties" or whatever sexist phrase people use, but she did not. Did my dad want to sleep with her, and her him? of course! Did their marriage fall apart or did my dad cheat? No. Because he is a better man than that with more self control. he honored his marriage vows, as did she and they loved and cherished each other regardless. Yes, sex is great in marriage but lack of it should be met with love and understanding, not cheating and blaming. Jesus taught us to love 100% even if we are given 0% love back in return! The same should stand in a marriage, you should love 100% regardless of what the other party "gives" you. If they turn their back on you, lie, whatever, you should just keep on loving 100%. yes, that is extremely difficult but it is what we are called to do.

i'm with Max here. Your choices are your own and while someones behavior may impact yours to a degree you still have to take ownership of your decisions and choices.

great advice Dani! I look at my parents marriage and how wonderful it is. i hope my future marriage can be even half as happy as theirs. :)

NHL Fever I absolutely adored what you had to say. wonderful!

Max give me an update when you can! I'm so excited for you!:) The book you posted looked good why dont you give it a try.

Boo I find that sickening to be honest. my mom had treatment for breast cancer for five years and in that time (my parents were very open with me) my mom and dad could not sleep together as she was 1. sick and 2. going through severe menopause symptoms due to the drugs she was on. You could argue she could technically still "fufill her wifely duties" or whatever sexist phrase people use, but she did not. Did my dad want to sleep with her, and her him? of course! Did their marriage fall apart or did my dad cheat? No. Because he is a better man than that with more self control. he honored his marriage vows, as did she and they loved and cherished each other regardless. Yes, sex is great in marriage but lack of it should be met with love and understanding, not cheating and blaming. Jesus taught us to love 100% even if we are given 0% love back in return! The same should stand in a marriage, you should love 100% regardless of what the other party "gives" you. If they turn their back on you, lie, whatever, you should just keep on loving 100%. yes, that is extremely difficult but it is what we are called to do.

i'm with Max here. Your choices are your own and while someones behavior may impact yours to a degree you still have to take ownership of your decisions and choices.

great advice Dani! I look at my parents marriage and how wonderful it is. i hope my future marriage can be even half as happy as theirs. :)

NHL Fever I absolutely adored what you had to say. wonderful!

Max give me an update when you can! I'm so excited for you!:) The book you posted looked good why dont you give it a try.

We are given scriptures from God to edify us. I did not write the scriptures, and this discussion was not about anyone whom you know personnaly.

As I put in the first response - we are all different. Tha Apostle Paul was different and he never married at all, but he recognized that some people are not like he was, so he gave instructions on how to live either way.

You don't have to like it, but you really do need to see the truth in it. When we deny that others have needs different from yours, it is a problem; but when you are married to someone and deny their needs, it can become a huge problem.

Perhaps we should all ask ourselves if we think we understand all things. If we don't, perhaps we should accept the things we are told by God as true; even if we don't like it.