Random thoughts

Life has been difficult lately. Lots of pain on my part and Charles' throat infection, were enough to keep us from sleeping. Furthermore, my parents are both struggling with their health; My mom with her joints and my dad has the first signs of prostate cancer. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The study that I'm doing to learn to pray more efficiently got stuck when I had to pray God's will for my life. It took me a few days but then I could pray "Your will Daddy, not mine." ...

It seems that the sicker I get, the more challenging my life becomes and the more I want to study. It always seems that I'm running out of time and that I want to do so much more before I pass away. I received some great books for my birthday. One is to learn more about heaven, another is to learn to pray better and the third is a study on the book of Proverbs. I'm studying the book about heaven together with Charles, the prayer book on my own and the Proverbs study together with an online friend. ...

Sometimes I don't understand why I have to suffer and I get rebellious and angry that this disease is happening to me, especially after a dream where I can do a lot of things..... it happened to me the other day..... I was riding my bike, running at the beach and woke up to see I was still confined to my bed and depending on Charles to get me things...... getting out of the house is a problem, let alone going to the beach...... so I was a bit depressed yesterday......

Then He gave ...

We've had a difficult time for a few weeks now..... not being able to sleep well, not being able to do much in the daytime..... Charles is doing ok once he starts moving, although he's hurting, but I just can't get myself to do much at all...... I usually sleep the day away because I am just too tired to do anything....... so I felt quite blessed at Christmas when I could embroider for a while, and about a week ago I could embroider a little bit again......... The last week was very rough on me ...

I have no problem with Christmas, but I have a problem with New Year's Eve......
With my disease I get sicker and sicker each year...... no wonder that I don't like looking back and even much lesser like looking forward, hence my problems with New Year's Eve.
I am a shutin, can do lesser and lesser and my husband who is my main caretaker has his own healthproblems. We are not the typical family (can't have kids), and it's just the two of us with our cats and birdies......
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