by, Nov 15th 2007 at 09:07 PM (595 Views)
I am beginning to hurt big time. My concentration is shot and all my thoughts drift back to Kristen. I think of all the silly things we did together and I switch between numb, crying, and silly. I can't comprehend why she died like she did. I have gotten very angry that her life was cut so short. Her funeral and wake are soon and I don't know if I have the strength to get through them without being a mess. I don't know if she was saved or not.
I never told her how much I loved her, how much I cared about her, or how much I admired her.
I don't want to be a bad Christian, and I don't want to stray, but I am so sad and so hurt I don't know what to do. I keep hearing I am a bad Christian for hurting and asking God why she died. Why she was taken when she was at the apex of her life. She was about to be married!
I don't understand and I don't know if I have enough strength to get through this. My nightmares are scaring me and making me lose sleep. I have dreams about me dying and it scares me. I really don't want to die yet.
I'm scared and hurt and just an emotional wreck