miepie

I am severely disabled, I can't walk or stand and some more things, and I am bedridden and most of the time a shutin......... I have been like this for a decade now, although in the beginning I was able to get out of bed easier and do things, which is now impossible...... 99% of the time I am in my bed now and the 1% that I do go out is to take a shower mostly or to get my bowels flushed....... once a week I am outside for an hour, as we do our shopping then...... my husband pushes my wheelchair (am not able to steer an electric wheelchair anymore due to armproblems) and we go downstairs (we live on top of a small shoppingcentre) and we do everything as quickly as possible, as it's very difficult for me to be in that wheelchair for long times (like an hour or so) and even then it's payback time with extra pains.......... Day in day out I get tormented with heavy pains, and doing things even as simple as sitting up can cause me hours of extreme pain later........ or at the same moment......

Ok, enough complaining here, it will be clear by now where I am coming from saying I have a difficult life......

I still find it worth living in spite of all the pain and disability........ BECAUSE God is in my life..... without Him, I'd give up immediately.......
Pain and disease are a part of living in this world...... and yes I do believe God could heal me instantly if He wanted to, but apparently He has a reason why He doesn't....... and I know at least one of them, but even though I didn't know those for a while, it still wasn't separating me from God anyway.......
Oh yes, I have been angry at Him for a while, but I realised also how empty and meaningless my life was without Him....... and turned back to Him, and He welcomed me back wholeheartedly...... and we have been a "team" ever since....... this was before I was completely bedridden......
To me it's not important anymore that God doesn't heal me....... to me it's important that He USES my disease to help other people...... for one thing I have a prayercard-ministry where I make cards that I pray over while making it and sending it out to the person I have been praying for....... I live in Europe, but my main area is the USA...... there's so much need for prayers that I am always running behind and have a waitinglist....... and like that there are more reasons why God can still use me...... He's been using me as an example to other people as well...... for different reasons.......
This all means that my disease has a purpose...... and I am not suffering in vain.......
Besides all of this, it is so helpful and comforting to know that God is in my life...... He shows His Presence on a regular basis in my life....... I have had experiences where He has taken away my pains for a short while or strengthened me..... it may seem like a coincidence, but I KNOW it is my Father doing these things.......
So shortly said, He took a life that became useless due to diseases, and made it into a life that is worth more than I can explain in words.......
I love my Father more than anything else in this world....... I will always love Him, no matter what happens in my life....... because of what He IS....... and not because of what He has DONE for me........ although I will always be grateful for what He did with my life and even more so for giving His Son to die on the cross so I can have eternal life...... that is THE most beautiful thing He has done for me........ and He did if for you too, whether you believe it or not........

Love you all,
Mieke