Testing.........1.......2 ..........3

I don't know why I'm particularly annoyed right now. Ive been meaning to write in this for a day or so now and I just haven't. i feel the need to be writing out my thoughts again which is good and bad. I got a new keyboard today because my computer crashed and then we needed a usb keyboard and didn't have one...etc. so, its kinda slippery and i haven't been working on it all day. so here i am. i just finished going through all my emails and now I am just hanging out trying not to get a headache though I already have one. stupid screens are too small, like the writing, not necessarily the screens themselves. so the other nite i was thinking about work and how stupid. work in general is stupid, not just magic yellow, but the whole world. whats the point. really? push some paper? make some money? so then we can not spend our money on other people instead we hoard it for ourselves purchasing things that we don't need? why? life seems just so freaking vain and pointless. as much as i love school and i love learning about God, really whats the point? It just seems dumb and I'm gonna rant about it. Christian pointed out that we shouldn't suffer just because others in the world suffer. why now? Why should they be able to go hungry and go without food and i can over eat? He said that they would trade spots with us in a second. and i know that it was going down the track of well they wouldn't care about you anyway. so? who cares. i have the ability to make at least one persons life better. Why don't I take that opportunity? And I really just want a hug because yea.

Another point that Christian brought up today was that we really have some great bosses. I mean I really do nothing here all day everyday, I buy Christmas gifts, check email, mod the forums and much more and I still work and manage to get payed. Some would call that skill and sometimes I do, but really, they are too nice.

Yet another point. I asked Christian if he had to describe me to Steve, what would he say and he said religious, funny, caring...blah blah. And it hit me. What exactly do I want to be known for? I mean he sees God in me somewhere but I have no idea what to do. And I know that I can't change peoples perceptions of me but it makes you think.