Lynbob

May 23rd 2006, 12:56 AM



Today was my 15th wedding anniversary Eight months ago I didn't think I would still be married today. I am thanking God for my marriage and my husband and for every one of those 15 years. Even the ones that caused me great heartache

For every one of those heartbreaks I have moments of pure joy, love beyond measure and a gift of a miracle in my precious 9 year old 'baby' who by medical standards should not be here today.

I want to thank my heavenly Father for the blessings and lessons of marriage and for the healing he granted Bobert and me this past fall. Thanks to all who prayed for us, your prayers were heard and answered. I am eternally grateful for having found this board and you ladies.
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May 25th 2006, 02:35 PM

Thirteen years ago I was in a job I loved working for the local ambulance service. I was up in seniority, day shift, good pay but an opportunity to move to the county wide 911 center became available and I was torn at what I should do. If I left I would be out of my comfort zone, working 2nd or 3rd shift, learning all new equipment, procedures, less pay, bottom of the seniority barrel. I prayed and prayed on this decision. I knew what I was most comfortable with but where was I most needed? Where could I best be used? Where did God want me to be? That little voice inside me kept nagging me to make the change.

I had this same experience after my brother died and his children were taken into foster care. My niece showed up at Alex's school and that little voice started up again. I have posted how my husband and I had visitation and hoped to adopt the kids. We spent a lot of time with them and applied to become foster parents.

There were a lot of emotional and behavioral issues, understandably, considering the life style (both parents drug abusers) they had been subjected to. My husband and I made the painful decision to not bring them into our home full time because of the problems we were having with our own child at the time.

I tried to keep in mind that what was important was the best possible outcome for the kids, not my emotional stake. This is hard to do when emotions are running high. At some point it became an issue between me and the foster parents who had taken a serious dislike to me. My heart longed for these children, the mother in me wanted them in my arms. But I was no longer hearing my inner voice.

Things crashed this past August. Thats when Robert and I began having marital problems, we still didn't understand what was happening with Alex, our finances were bordering on disaster and I felt lost and alone. It took almost losing my marriage, my home and my sanity for me to listen for my inner voice again.

The voice told me that marriage is worth fighting for, that its a work in progress, hard work at that and God's divine plan. That if God could forgive me my sins who was I to withhold forgiveness? I stepped back from being so involved with the kids but kept in phone contact (court ordered because the foster parents didn't want me involved) so that they knew I was still here, still loved them and always would.

The first of year the kids were placed in a wonderful foster home with parents who were fully aware of the issues and equipped to handle them. For the first time the children were in a loving, structured home with well behaved children their own age. They were moved to another county, a new school system. A fresh start. From the beginning the foster parents said they felt moved by God to open their home to foster children but were not looking to adopt.

I asked them to just keep an open mind about adoption and have been praying that this placement works out and they decide to adopt. I am thinking this is the best case scenario. Loving home, broaden our family to include theirs and I can still be Aunt Lyn. Despite some school and behavioral issues, they have worked through them and have grown to love the kids. I thought my prayers had been answered, they do want to adopt them. Thank You Jesus!!

Meanwhile the state went back to court, not informing me or the grandma and terminated our visitation with the kids. But the kind hearted foster mom has bent over backwards to be hospitable, calling to let us know when they are in town, when their games are and an open invitation to their home. But the state has blindsided us again. Apparently the mother's sister in another state (who the children have never met) has applied for adoption stating she didnt want them going to strangers and the kids are being moved ( again ) to another state. It is my understanding that if the adoption doesn't go through the kids will then been in that states foster system and not returned back to this jurisdiction.

I am struggling with my inner voice, trying to pray on this and let God do what needs to be done. Maybe this will be the best placement for them. We can always go visit. I am trying to stay positive for the kids and trying to let go of the control. Let God do the driving here. I don't understand why that is so hard to do sometimes. Why do I have to keep reminding myself to let go and have faith.