Sep 28th 2007, 09:27 AM
by, Jul 26th 2008 at 05:39 AM (230 Views)
Thank you Father
I long for your embrace Lord
Lord I am so very tired. Thank you for my strength
When I feel I can not go on Lord thank you for carrying me
When I feel so alone in this world, thank you for listening to me and answering my prayers.
Thank you for my many blessings especially my family here who has prayed for & cried with me over the last year.
Sep 28th 2007, 11:23 AM
I am so very tired today. I have been at the end of my rope trying to get Robert to sign this quit claim deed so I can refinance the house. He has refused, he has blustered, he has promised to and changed his mind.
Finally yesterday I had taken off work for a few hours to meet him at the bank to have it notorized and witnessed. He didn't show.
By the time I got to work my hands were shaking from the emotional turmoil and my R.A. had me in knots from the stress. I was miserable. I felt beaten. I took a break to pick up lunch for everyone and prayed all the way to McDonalds
"Lord please, please help Robert to do what is right. If it is Your will Lord, touch his heart, open his eyes to the pain and hurt he has caused us. Especially Alex who loves his daddy but is continually hurt by his neglect."
When I got back to work I was doing sheriff department dispatch. One of the deputies is an older man who I have great respect for. He has been married to the same woman for 30 years and still loves her and respects her. He is the kind of officer who you know will give the public the best service he can. He heard my voice on the radio and sent me a message over the computer.
"How are you today hon? You don't sound too good"
I had to laugh because one day when I was so terribly down he had sent me a similar message and although I don't often talk about my troubles at work I just blurted out to him! I asked him how he felt about divorce etc.
That is when he had told me about his own marriage. How it was work every day, with ups and downs. That over the last 30 years they had grown, changed, not always together but always coming back to the common bond of making a life and family together. They have 4 grown children and lots of grandbabies and lots of love.
I told him what was going on with Robert. He said, call the Post Commander because they work 12 hours shifts and are Notary Publics. So I called and Diane was on duty. She agreed to notarize and witness the quit claim deed if I could manage to get Robert to do it. And best of all she was there until 6 pm.
I called Robert. I told him my arrangements. He said he wanted to talk to me first and named a place to meet after I got off work. I was nervous and didn't want to break down and cry.
At first he said he wanted to talk and then just froze. I was afraid to look at his face but when I did I could see he was really struggling to maintain his composure.
Dare I hope? Was the Lord working on him? I began a silent prayer for Robert. We talked for an hour and a half. Robert waffled between being contrite and still blaming me and everyone else. I could tell it was very hard on him.
Guess what! Remember my prayer at lunchtime? Robert said he had been moved to go to Alex's school today. He had gone to Alex's homeroom classroom and spoke to his teacher. Introduced himself, put himself on her email list for the class newsletter and paid a party fee that Alex still owed. He then went to the school cafeteria and put $100 into Alex's lunch account. He did not see Alex or tell him he had been there.
This was the first time in 2 years he had set foot in Alex's school. What do you think? I think God is Awesome
As we talked I broke down crying and he actually reached out to pat me and say, honey please don't cry. He has not had a kind word for me in two years. My tears have been met with stony silence and indifference. I believe the Lord has a crack chisled in that hard heart.
Now, in no way am I ready to say everything is ok and go back to the way things were. I don't feel we can ever go back. I am not saying never but time will tell. I truly feel this is the beginning of Robert moving forward and growing in his faith. I again invited him to come to church with us.
The kids and I have started going to a wonderful new church that feels like home and is so loving and alive. Alex actually begs to go to church. It is so exciting. Robert promised to think about coming to church. Then he said he didn't want to mislead Alex into thinking we are getting back together.
I said 'you don't have to sit with me, just come to Wednesday night bible study and just listen'.
Please pray for Robert
Oh my! I almost forgot ahahaha. After we talked Robert followed me to the Command Post and signed the quit claim deed. It has been sent overnight to the mortgage company and I hope to hear something soon.
As I drove away from the Command Post my cell phone rang. It was Robert.
"Hey, your right back tire is low, you need to stop and air that up"
That is the Robert I used to know