What can I do?

[Maverick57]

Any advice anyone can offer would be most appreciated. I want to start by saying that my girlfriend and I are going through a difficult time in our lives though to me this feels like an understatement. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months now and have tossed around the idea of getting married in the future. I say this to give folks an idea of the direction of our relationship. The problem we have is that when we first started dating we submitted to our carnal desires and have continued to live in that fashion ever since up until a couple a weeks ago. I personally am someone (like so many) that has struggled with carnal sin for a very long time. It's been a battle and I've made mistakes, but I believe that each time we fall, the Lord lifts us up to be stronger in order to overcome these temptations. Well I've wrestled with the descision to stop having sex until we are married for several months now, but finally said "We have to stop. I dont think this is right." a couple of weeks ago. I explained to her my feelings on the subject and also explained that I want to be certain of love for one another going deeper than just the physicallity of it. We are both people who I think are growing strongly in spirituality, but I may be wrong. Because when I made this descision she completely shut herself off from me emotionally. She said that's how she knows to show someone that she loves them is by having sex and that she doesnt know how to show it anyother way. Now ever since everything has become my fault in the relationship and I'm toting alot of the blame. I'm a big enough person to take responsibility for the things I know I should have done, but I cant help but feel this is a little one sided on the blame issue. Now to complicate matters she told me last night that she is in the stage of her life where she wants to have a baby, with me or by medical procedure. There are all kind of red flags going up for me on all this. If you could offer any advice i'd be most grateful and any prayers that you may have.

Thanks

[D in Georgia]

You have made the right decision. Continue to behave in a loving way but she is in control of her actions. If she withdraws, as painful as it is, you can't control that. I will pray for you and her. Bless you for dealing with this sin. Maybe in the long run, she will learn and grow from this. Give God the glory!! D

[turtledove]

It is good you have seen this now and called it to a halt. You'll have to keep praying and be strong not to go back to the way it was. You do sound determined so my prayer is that you will stick to it even if it means this ends your relationship.

There are many ways to show and give love besides the sexual intimacy she seems to insist on having as central to your relationship. I feel sad for anyone who thinks that it's the only way.

Prayers for you both.

[1 Thess. 4:3-4] It is God's will that you should be holy; that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, ..."

[Sold Out]

Any advice anyone can offer would be most appreciated. I want to start by saying that my girlfriend and I are going through a difficult time in our lives though to me this feels like an understatement. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months now and have tossed around the idea of getting married in the future. I say this to give folks an idea of the direction of our relationship. The problem we have is that when we first started dating we submitted to our carnal desires and have continued to live in that fashion ever since up until a couple a weeks ago. If you could offer any advice i'd be most grateful and any prayers that you may have.

Thanks

When my husband and I were 18, we deluded ourselves into thinking it was ok to have s*x, because we were getting married anyway. I ended up pregnant, and I had to get married at the justice of the peace in a maternity dress.

We struggled a lot after getting married, and I know it was because we didn't honor God first and wait until marriage to have s*x. Galatians 6:7 says we reap what we sow....and boy did we reap. So I say all that to encourage you to stand strong in your convictions for the sake of your possible future marriage with this young lady. In time hopefully she will respect you all the more for putting God first, and you will be blessed as a result. Good luck.

[longtooth]

You are very correct in seeing all kinds of red flags.
When she tells you the only way she knows how to show someone she loves them is s*x, that is only a way to control & manipulate you.
If that is the only way she can convey love:
How does she show love to parents, ciblings, Christian Kingdom love of the brethren. She is using it to control you.
Wanting to have a baby is also control. She is not at all ready for parenthood.

If s*x is the only way she can convey love then your Marrage (if you do marry her) will be in deep trouble if something happens to physically make either of you unable. Back trouble, nerve damage, several different cancers, long term illness, all can hamper or stop your ability.

She is definately not behaving Christian. That is not a judgement of salvation but of behavior. You know it is wrong & she shows no thought of it being wrong.

Marriage is never the solution to relationship problems before marriage. Marriage will magnify them. She wants to control now she will be a dominating, controling, my way all the time after marriage.
I find that often the control point often changes after marriage. Before it is s*x. After it is withholding & from there often leaving.

You have seen clearly the red flags. that is very good. Distance yourself from this until you see long term change in her attitude & behavior. Who knows God may just open your eyes to one He has chosen instead of the one that interests you.

My .02cents & some think it worth about half that.

[Pinewoods]

I don't know about her just trying to control you, but I am more often wrong than right so.....

She may have some emotional issues, I would just do your best to reassure her of your love.

[Maverick57]

Thankyou all for your advice and comments. Hopefully this will all work out the way the good Lord intends for it to.