im just being honest

[westsidepearl]

well hello all

i dont have the time for punctuation or correct grammar because i had to come all the way to the library to type this- got three kids at home and a husband who got let go of his teaching position waiting on me

im tired

i went back to school to complete my bachelor's degree while pregnant with our third child, we have two older ones, we decided to have one more baby seeing that im getting older and just saw us with another one

well at the time of this baby making decision, it looked like my husband had long term stable employment- WRONG

now here we are, with a mortgage, one car and cant afford another one, had to snatch the kids out of private school because we cant afford the tuition, we are barely getting the mortgage paid and we have to go to court monday (even though we have NEVER defaulted on our mortgage) because we are still in danger of losing the house due to back assessments. we wouldn't have a problem paying the assessments if my husband had a job bringing in some real consistent money. now he does work his own business helping other ministries i dont want to be too specific, but that isnt enough

cant afford karate lessons for our son, cant afford ballet for our daughter

im tired, im angry, and im annoyed

its becoming more and more difficult for me to not get weary in doing well because in all the years of our doing well, all the years of our tithe giving and offering, and giving in service we are still barely making it, and the kids have to go to a free clinic

ur words of encouragement are needed because im feeling like i need to take control of the situation

maybe throw the baby in day care and get a job

Lord, help me

[moonglow]

First hello and welcome to the board..I am truly sorry your family is going through this difficult time...alot of people are right now with the encomy the way it is.

I will be sure to pray for you and your family...I am sorry you have had to give up so much. Yes you may have to work for awhile until you guys get back on your feet. I wish I knew what kind of advise to give you on this, but I really don't other then to keep your eyes on Jesus during this storm in your life. Things will get better...they always do.

God bless

[FaithfulSheep]

Hello there. I don't have children, but I can relate to your struggles. I too am a school teacher. For three years I played the hired/pink-slipped game due to budget cuts at the state level. (Many who were not tenured were pink-slipped. A few were hired back, but I was not one of those.)

It is so very hard when you are use to living on a specific income and that income vanishes. First of all on the job front, is your husband looking for a job elsewhere? Has he considered subbing? One year I ended up making a good sum of money subbing... because of the desperate need of substitute teachers I was able to work nearly everyday.

My best advise is to trust in the Lord. When there is nothing you can do on your own, you need to give it to the Lord. Come to Him with you requests. Let Him know your needs, and trust in His power. He never promised us that life will be easy for us, but He did promise that He will not leave us or forsake us - not ever. When you have nowhere else to go, go to your knees. Sometimes He will bring you out of a situation, and other times you must go through it, but either way, He will be there for you. :hug:

I will be praying for you. :pray:

[turtledove]

Hi wspearl, and welcome to bible forums. :hug::hug:You are among so many who are facing financial problems. Sounds like you are a prayerful person who is in fellowship too and that your husband besides having taught..does "ministries". It all sounds so familiar to me because I remember facing the same thing when I was a young mother with two small children (later three) when my husband was out of work. We lived in the great state of Alaska where boom and bust was frequent... especially then. His job was in construction so whenever a particular job ended he had to look for another. He tried his own business too but the overhead was too much even with me assisting him. I finally went back to work part time nights while he took care of the two little ones. I would have dinner in the oven for them while I left to teach night classes at the local community college.

Of course things like Karate or ballet lessons were not even considered.

Nor a nice new car, a plasma tv, computer (both of those no one had yet anyway :), nor trips, nor lots of things. We were both faithful churchgoers giving there too.

I think we learned how to lean on and trust God in those times. Something usually turned up and eventually I was able to stop working nights. Good thing too because I was then pregnant.

Then he would get a really good job lasting months sometimes and we would catch up on things again. Eventually we bought property and built a duplex so the rent on the other side helped pay the mortgage. And, in time, we were able to build our own house and just rent out both sides of that duplex.

It is so long ago and now we face the challenge of being retired (not in Alaska anymore) and living on a very limited income. We live in a double wide manufactured home in a senior park. (It is very nice) I still save by watching how much I spend; buy lots of needed things used, and don't drive a car which is new. But am pleased that all three of our kids got to go to college with some help from us and on student loans long ago paid off by all three of them. They are all now in successful careers. And in six or so years our first grand child will head for college.

No way could any of it happened without the Lord. My main advise is to believe that no matter how bleak things may look or get he will not leave you nor forsake you. Keep praying, keep trusting, and believing for His provisions.

I know how it feels. :help: and what is means.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

wiseoldowl ...praying for you :pray:

[Sold Out]

well hello all

i dont have the time for punctuation or correct grammar because i had to come all the way to the library to type this- got three kids at home and a husband who got let go of his teaching position waiting on me

im tired

i went back to school to complete my bachelor's degree while pregnant with our third child, we have two older ones, we decided to have one more baby seeing that im getting older and just saw us with another one

well at the time of this baby making decision, it looked like my husband had long term stable employment- WRONG


Lord, help me

Of course you are tired. Poor thing! All those kids and trying to make ends meet.

One thing I know for sure...God wants you to be home with your babies. I think it's great you went back and got your degree, but right now you are needed at home. Probably not what you wanted to hear.

I know you said you didn't want to go into specifics with your husband's work, but I think you two need to have a heart-to-heart talk with each other and God for the direction that your family needs to be headed in. God will use financial reversals to get our attention. He did that with my husband and I. I finally decided to become a stay-at-home mom after my third child was born, and God has blessed us ever since.

[westsidepearl]

I appreciate all your responses.

But, I am still disillusioned and upset. I literally cannot stop crying. I am ALREADY an at home mom.

I just dont get it. We are not newborn Christians. I became a believer when I was eighteen years old!

We gave and gave and gave, showed up when others wouldn't, gave our tithes when our bills weren't getting paid and here we are.

i dont even want to go to church anymore, because giving in service THERE hasn't gotten me one peg further.

I was preaching on the train when i was in my twenties, while my peers were going to clubs, i was at church or at some christian function

up at five o clock in the morning fasting all the time got married

and im no better off than my homosexual neighbor who has all kinda money or my sister in law whose husband gets a ten thousand dollar bonus every six months and they smoke weed in the house with their kids up

maybe i thought i was somebody special to God, that He had some grand job for me and had some grand things in store for my kids, im no special cookie

look at me

[mrsparks]

Westside, I can definitely relate. I felt exactly how you are feeling when I was with my ex-husband. In fact, our separation made me totally re-evaluate my faith. I thought we were doing everything we were supposed to. We tithed, were involved in our church, were teaching our children about Christ. Yet, we went through one financial difficulty after another. We had a van repossesed, lost a house, filed bankruptcy, & then ended up divorced. But I came through all of that with a stronger, deeper faith. I deeply hope that your husband finds a new job quickly. I agree that you & he should talk & devise a plan for if that doesn't happen. One way or another, God will absolutely come through for you!

[Vhayes]

I appreciate all your responses.

But, I am still disillusioned and upset. I literally cannot stop crying. I am ALREADY an at home mom.

I just dont get it. We are not newborn Christians. I became a believer when I was eighteen years old!

We gave and gave and gave, showed up when others wouldn't, gave our tithes when our bills weren't getting paid and here we are.

i dont even want to go to church anymore, because giving in service THERE hasn't gotten me one peg further.

I was preaching on the train when i was in my twenties, while my peers were going to clubs, i was at church or at some christian function

up at five o clock in the morning fasting all the time got married

and im no better off than my homosexual neighbor who has all kinda money or my sister in law whose husband gets a ten thousand dollar bonus every six months and they smoke weed in the house with their kids up

maybe i thought i was somebody special to God, that He had some grand job for me and had some grand things in store for my kids, im no special cookie

look at me
Hi Westside -

May I make a suggestion? And that's all it is, honest; a suggestion. Just stop. Stop where you are and tell God you can't do it. That you can't do anything - He has to tell you what to do because you are confused. You are feeling neglected and rejected and it hurts. If you are angry with Him, tell Him that (He knows it anyway). Tell Him you want to know what He wants you to do. Then listen.

You are special. There isn't a one of God's children that isn't dear to Him. We are all different but He loves us and knows our strengths and our weaknesses. He may be building one of your strengths right now or He may be polishing the tarnish off of one of your weaknesses. Whichever it is, whatever it is, He won't drop you. He does indeed love you.

As far as the things others have or don't have, I had a wise pastor tell me at one point in my life, "I think the Lord sends worldly rewards to the unsaved because He knows this life is the only pleasure they will have and He is such a loving God that He tries to give them as much as He can while they are here."

Take this terrible burden that you are bearing and hand to over to Jesus - He is more than willing to carry it for you.

Peace to your heart -
V

[turtledove]

You are understandably weary. I found a few scriptures which may encourage you.


Matthew 11:28 NIV (http://www.tniv.info/bible/passagesearch.php?passage_request=Matthew 11:28&niv=yes)
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Galatians 6:9 NIV (http://www.tniv.info/bible/passagesearch.php?passage_request=Galatians 6:9&niv=yes)
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.


Hebrews 12:3 NIV (http://www.tniv.info/bible/passagesearch.php?passage_request=Hebrews 12:3&niv=yes)
Consider him (Jesus) who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Revelation 2:3 NIV (http://www.tniv.info/bible/passagesearch.php?passage_request=Revelation 2:3&niv=yes)
You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

peace and prayers from "owl" :hug::pray:

[westsidepearl]

Hi Westside -

May I make a suggestion? And that's all it is, honest; a suggestion. Just stop. Stop where you are and tell God you can't do it. That you can't do anything - He has to tell you what to do because you are confused. You are feeling neglected and rejected and it hurts. If you are angry with Him, tell Him that (He knows it anyway). Tell Him you want to know what He wants you to do. Then listen.
Peace to your heart -
V

Thank you for all that. I am really experiencing an epiphany in all of this. Starting to accept that I am just a regular person. I am not in any special catagory because of all of the things I've done in the ministry and how I've lived my life open before God. Perhaps, this is what God is trying to get me to see- that I have felt like I deserved to just have things a certain way, or that struggle should be limited for me-because I'm so anointed or I have this or that to do in the Kingdom.

Maybe, I've not lived in the real world.

I'm desperate for change in my situation. I'm desperate to just be able to pay the bills and not have to go to free clinic. If God is trying to get me to humble myself, well here I am.

My husband and I are in agreement on this. It's time to come off our high horse and just "be".

I know God will get us through this somehow. I just don't know how.

Thank you owl, for the scriptures...

[Vhayes]

Thank you for all that. I am really experiencing an epiphany in all of this. Starting to accept that I am just a regular person. I am not in any special catagory because of all of the things I've done in the ministry and how I've lived my life open before God. Perhaps, this is what God is trying to get me to see- that I have felt like I deserved to just have things a certain way, or that struggle should be limited for me-because I'm so anointed or I have this or that to do in the Kingdom.

Maybe, I've not lived in the real world.

I'm desperate for change in my situation. I'm desperate to just be able to pay the bills and not have to go to free clinic. If God is trying to get me to humble myself, well here I am.

My husband and I are in agreement on this. It's time to come off our high horse and just "be".

I know God will get us through this somehow. I just don't know how.

Thank you owl, for the scriptures...
I'm so glad you posted again in reponse. I thought about you last night and actually fell asleep while praying for you.

I know you know this but it isn't about what you can do for God, it's all about what He has done and will continue to do for you and with you.

Your line here:

I know God will get us through this somehow. I just don't know how.

Yes, you are so right. He WILL get you all through this and He'll do it in the best possible way. Reach out and grab His hand - let Him lead you, step by step. It's a wonderful journey filled with excitment and lots of laughter and love along the way.

I've had issues in years past where I would ask God to be the driver in my life and then all of a sudden I'd think I was ok to drive again and I'd yank the wheel right away from Him. It has always ended poorly until I climb back in the passenger seat. :blush:

Blessings to you Westsidepearl!
V

[moonglow]

Thank you for all that. I am really experiencing an epiphany in all of this. Starting to accept that I am just a regular person. I am not in any special catagory because of all of the things I've done in the ministry and how I've lived my life open before God. Perhaps, this is what God is trying to get me to see- that I have felt like I deserved to just have things a certain way, or that struggle should be limited for me-because I'm so anointed or I have this or that to do in the Kingdom.

Maybe, I've not lived in the real world.

I'm desperate for change in my situation. I'm desperate to just be able to pay the bills and not have to go to free clinic. If God is trying to get me to humble myself, well here I am.

My husband and I are in agreement on this. It's time to come off our high horse and just "be".

I know God will get us through this somehow. I just don't know how.

Thank you owl, for the scriptures...

I am sure you know the scriptures where King David bemoaned how the wicked were rich and had such a good life and the righteous poor suffered...and how unfair it seemed....until you read further in those passages and see the wicked are headed for destruction. And of course you know the story of Job...he also did everything right and he wasn't spared being tested, and molded and refined to what God wanted him to be.

When I read all the things you had to give up...while I truly do understand how hard it was living a certain life style then losing it...these are things my son and I never had TO lose. I don't own a house...my son isn't in sports...I can't afford it. He always has gone to public schools. I go to a place for dental work that goes by income as I have no dental insurance. We have state medical cards and right now I am getting a little in food stamps. I am disabled but am trying to find some part time work so we can pay our bills. I tithed in church by giving my time...and a little money...but mostly through my time. I am also a single parent..divorced many years ago from an abusive adultery non-believing husband. There is no child support. Its always been a struggle but God has given us many blessings. I tell my son how lucky he is to have any medical insurance at all because many children don't and can't see any doctor if they get sick. In many countries there are no free clinics at all.

Still I could relate to your fears and worries because I have been going through the same things...just for me its putting food on the table and keeping the lights on. What I have left to lose is my internet connection and cable...those we don't need to live. I have less to lose then you do but I still understand the stress you are under in needing to provide for your children. Do what the others have said and lean on God in this storm. This is when you grown the strongest in Him.

God bless

[westsidepearl]

wow. well, i truly appreciate having come here. another day has passed, and i got another brocure in the mail from the village showing all the extra curricular activities going on in the neighborhood- that i of course cannot afford for the kids.

before i started to mope about it, i just put the brocure away. my husband got a couple job leads... one for a day care center.

of course the devil said to me immediately in my mind, " humph. so he finally gets a call back and its to be a day care worker around a whole bunch of young single women"

i figure this, if he ends up working at the day care, so be it. especially if it will keep the mortgage paid and prevent us from losing the one car we are still holding on to and

i dont need to worry about him working around other women, because i cant live my life worried about whether or not he will be committed

i just want things to get better. in light of all of this, the reality of all the service is still like chlorine stinging me in my eyes... just knowing that it didn't put me ahead and all the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars we gave didn't result in our miraculous financial breakthrough i thought we would get if we just kept on giving

and giving in time? let me not even get started on that one

im just bitter i guess bitter for all the confidence i put in doing things and allowing people to pump my husband and i up to thinking we were so much and that our expectation from God should be soooooo great

i dont know what to expect anymore. i mean, look, im sitting here trying to be enthuisiastic about my husband getting ajob at a day care

this is really a time of deep contemplation

forgive me if i sound cynical, i am but i still love God though.

[moonglow]

wow. well, i truly appreciate having come here. another day has passed, and i got another brocure in the mail from the village showing all the extra curricular activities going on in the neighborhood- that i of course cannot afford for the kids.

before i started to mope about it, i just put the brocure away. my husband got a couple job leads... one for a day care center.

of course the devil said to me immediately in my mind, " humph. so he finally gets a call back and its to be a day care worker around a whole bunch of young single women"

i figure this, if he ends up working at the day care, so be it. especially if it will keep the mortgage paid and prevent us from losing the one car we are still holding on to and

i dont need to worry about him working around other women, because i cant live my life worried about whether or not he will be committed

i just want things to get better. in light of all of this, the reality of all the service is still like chlorine stinging me in my eyes... just knowing that it didn't put me ahead and all the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars we gave didn't result in our miraculous financial breakthrough i thought we would get if we just kept on giving

and giving in time? let me not even get started on that one

im just bitter i guess bitter for all the confidence i put in doing things and allowing people to pump my husband and i up to thinking we were so much and that our expectation from God should be soooooo great

i dont know what to expect anymore. i mean, look, im sitting here trying to be enthuisiastic about my husband getting ajob at a day care

this is really a time of deep contemplation

forgive me if i sound cynical, i am but i still love God though.

westsidepearl...I have to ask...what kind of church did you attend that taught you if you gave tons of money you would have some big financial breakthrough? There is nothing in the bible that says that. I know now a day there are many preachers that say this...but its simply not true. In fact Jesus speaks against storing up treasure on this earth and against wanting to be rich. I don't blame you for being bitter if this is what they were teaching you! Cause this is wrong teaching! The bible only promises the things we need...not the things we want...

I am praying for you on this!

God bless

[westsidepearl]

I am still hanging on guys... but by a thread....

Still crying at night... still angry, sometimes with God. Sometimes with myself, and sometimes at my husband...who is stil looking for a job...still getting turned down for regular old jobs like a garbage man or a tow truck driver because he is overqualified

getting turned out for jobs he could get b/c he doesnt have a degree

wants to finish school but couldnt come up with the money to pay off a very small student debt

cant pay off the small student debt b/c he doesnt have the money

doesnt have the money because he still doesnt have a job

and here we are trying to be positive, and im still dealing with the fact that I have suffered so much my whole life, have given so much in service to God and the church, have tithed up the wazoo when we had money coming in

and look at us, I have been struggling to keep my focus on God, but it is sooooo hard when things continue to be so darn bleak

[Vhayes]

I am still hanging on guys... but by a thread....

Still crying at night... still angry, sometimes with God. Sometimes with myself, and sometimes at my husband...who is stil looking for a job...still getting turned down for regular old jobs like a garbage man or a tow truck driver because he is overqualified

getting turned out for jobs he could get b/c he doesnt have a degree

wants to finish school but couldnt come up with the money to pay off a very small student debt

cant pay off the small student debt b/c he doesnt have the money

doesnt have the money because he still doesnt have a job

and here we are trying to be positive, and im still dealing with the fact that I have suffered so much my whole life, have given so much in service to God and the church, have tithed up the wazoo when we had money coming in

and look at us, I have been struggling to keep my focus on God, but it is sooooo hard when things continue to be so darn bleak
This will be an unpopular view (I think) but if you really are struggling as badly as you say, (and I believe you are!) it is time for the church to step in and help you and your family while you get back on your feet.

Talk to your pastor today and see what can be worked out. The church should be the ones taking care of the needy, not the government. Everyone, at one time or another needs a helping hand or at least a shoulder to lean on.

V