I really screwed up

[Forgiven Alaskan]

This really should be a sub-thread of my last post but I knew most people wouldn't see it there.

I have really screwed up people. Majorly. You've all read my other thread on here. Well for the past few weeks I've been doing really good. I have learned that the main reason I've had homosexual hookups is because I look for the "masculinity" in others I don't feel I have. That's the jist of it. Well it's like the lightbulb finally went of and I understood why I was acting the way I was.

But I screwed up majorly. I was defiant and rejected what I knew I should do and sinned anyway. I went out and looked for a hookup, and I eventually got it.

I must be hopeless! What the heck is wrong with me? How am I supposed to stop this behavior? This is detestable to God, and I just ignored Him and did what I wanted anyway. And when it was over I didn't want it and it didn't fulfill me.

Last Sunday school The Holy Spirit fell down strongly on my mom's womens group and one lady kept crying and saying "time was short" and "live your best for God" or something like that. And I feel like whatever time we have left before the Lord's return I am totally squandering. I feel like I am setting myself backwards and how can God put up with his much longer before I experience HIS wrath??

[gyrfalcon]

"Know this now--I can never pay God back for all He has done, is doing, and will do. He will always take me back, always love me, I WILL ALWAYS BE HIS CHILD. No one can take that away from me...He loves me today, tomorrow, and forever. He is with me and will never abandon me...This is true, and all the forces of air and darkness cannot change it. Know this now--I am a child of God."

We screw up. Big time. All the time. Spectacularly. God takes us back, forgives us, showers us with love, and we reject him. Over, and over, and over again. I know this from personal experience, from nearly ten years of addiction to perverted sexual fantasies. I know that feeling, that fear of freedom that makes us run for our prisons, embrace our chains because they're familiar, because no matter how much they hurt they can't possibly hurt more than this love that burns in us and sees us for what we are.

And He takes us back. And we hate ourselves because we know we don't deserve it, we know that our actions have earned us nothing but wrath. And yet He still takes us back. We still suffer the consequences of our actions, but He will never, not matter how far we run or how vehemently we despise ourselves, abandon us. Never. And that is the most terrible thing about our God. He does not leave us alone.

The quote above is from my personal statement of faith. I wrote it first three years ago, and I've transcribed it eight times since then, into the little notebooks I carry around with me. Alaskan, your shame is real. Your sin is real. But God is bigger than both of those. He's waiting with open arms, I promise you. But you have to chose to accept His forgiveness, knowing that you don't deserve it, knowing that you'll probably screw up again. Go to Him. Because every time you do, it becomes just a little bit harder to run back into bondage, and every time He wraps you up in His burning love the hope grows. The insane, unimaginable hope: redemption.

[livingword26]

Can you save yourself if you overcome your bondage? Or is Jesus sacrifice enough to save you? The condenmation and destruction that come along with sexual bondages can be very painful. God wants to set you free, and He will. Keep following Him. He will never leave you or forsake you.
Find a group of people you can share your struggles with. People that will support you and pray for you. God loves you and Jesus died for you. Keep following Him. He will never leave you or forsake you.
Pray for God to lead you to the right people to help you. There are annointed people out there that can help you with your bondages. Keep praying that prayer until you find them. God bless you.

[Scruffy Kid]

What was your name again? Oh yeah: Forgiven Alaskan!

It is very important to get clear of this kind of destructive behavior, but also important to dwell not in self-condemnation, but to realize the greatness of God's love for you -- for you!! -- and His transforming power in our lives. It takes a while to extricate yourself from the past.

It is important, it is urgent, for all of us. But being harsh with yourself is not the way to do it. Rather, thank God for Jesus and all He's done for us, for the forgiveness that God has given and is giving to you, and seek and plan to do better in the future.

Blessings on you!!

In friendship, :hug:
Scruffy Kid

[Forgiven Alaskan]

Thanks guys you've really helped me stay in focus. God's been showing me that I show remorse for my sin but not always repentance. And I just told Him "I don't even know how to repent!!"

[Literalist-Luke]

This really should be a sub-thread of my last post but I knew most people wouldn't see it there.

I have really screwed up people. Majorly. You've all read my other thread on here. Well for the past few weeks I've been doing really good. I have learned that the main reason I've had homosexual hookups is because I look for the "masculinity" in others I don't feel I have. That's the jist of it. Well it's like the lightbulb finally went of and I understood why I was acting the way I was.

But I screwed up majorly. I was defiant and rejected what I knew I should do and sinned anyway. I went out and looked for a hookup, and I eventually got it.

I must be hopeless! What the heck is wrong with me? How am I supposed to stop this behavior? This is detestable to God, and I just ignored Him and did what I wanted anyway. And when it was over I didn't want it and it didn't fulfill me.

Last Sunday school The Holy Spirit fell down strongly on my mom's womens group and one lady kept crying and saying "time was short" and "live your best for God" or something like that. And I feel like whatever time we have left before the Lord's return I am totally squandering. I feel like I am setting myself backwards and how can God put up with his much longer before I experience HIS wrath??Read here (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2015:11-32;&version=72;) the story of the Prodigal Son. Note that you are the Prodigal Son and see how your Father in heaven responds when you are genuinely sorry and sincerely return to him. Notice also that Jesus did not put a limit on how many times this can happen.

Please continue in your striving to not sin, but remember, if you are really claiming Jesus' death on the cross as the payment for your sins, then your eternal destiny is assured, even when you mess up, just as the rest of us also mess up. Perhaps instead of trying to avoid the sin, you should instead concentrate your efforts on immersing yourself in being Christlike. Replacing something negative with something positive is usually more successful than simply removing the negative.

(And by they way, homosexuality is no worse than any other sin, in spite of what a lot of fundamentalist fools will tell you. ALL sins are equally successful at sending us to hell, so just reject those thoughts I'm sure you're having that "Most Christians don't botch it as badly as I do." Horse hockey. We're all equally condemned, and likewise, we're all equally forgiven. For somebody to compare your sin to somebody else's sin would be like comparing the size of two ants next to an elephant. It's ridiculous.)

[gyrfalcon]

Perhaps instead of trying to avoid the sin, you should instead concentrate your efforts on immersing yourself in being Christlike. Replacing something negative with something positive is usually more successful than simply removing the negative.

(And by they way, homosexuality is no worse than any other sin, in spite of what a lot of fundamentalist fools will tell you. ALL sins are equally successful at sending us to hell, so just reject those thoughts I'm sure you're having that "Most Christians don't botch it as badly as I do." Horse hockey. We're all equally condemned, and likewise, we're all equally forgiven. For somebody to compare your sin to somebody else's sin would be like comparing the size of two ants next to an elephant. It's ridiculous.)

That. Exactly. Yes. (sorry, I have no more constructive comments but to emphasize this)

[turtledove]

Hi, Forgiven Alaskan. A friend once told me to always remember how wide and great the mercy of God is...as we confess our sins and weaknesses before him.

See these scriptures:
Psalm 28:2
Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help, as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place.
Psalm 28:6
Praise be to the LORD, for he has heard my cry for mercy.
Psalm 30:8
To you, O LORD, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy:
Psalm 31:22
In my alarm I said, "I am cut off from your sight!" Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help.
Psalm 40:11
Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me.
Psalm 41:4
I said, "O LORD, have mercy on me; heal me, for I have sinned against you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alaskan, we can also rest assured the same of His love.

Psalm 118:29
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And His righteousness and faithfulness.
Psalm 112:9
He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor, his righteousness endures forever; his horn will be lifted high in honor.
Psalm 117:2
For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alaskan, continue to pray for strength. In him you can find it. See the scriptures below:

Psalm 22:19
But you, O LORD, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.
Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

peace and prayers, :pray:

wiseoldowl

[Sold Out]

Thanks guys you've really helped me stay in focus. God's been showing me that I show remorse for my sin but not always repentance. And I just told Him "I don't even know how to repent!!"

It's interesting that you noted those two words - remorse and repent. In the bible, remorse is sometimes translated as repent, but with a different meaning.

Metamellomai (repent) - remorse
Metanoeo (repent) - a change of mind

There is a difference! When Judas betrayed Jesus, and it says he repented, it is the greek word metamellomai (remorse). He didn't repent for salvation, he was only sorry that he betrayed an innocent man!

I say all that to show you how intuitive it was that you noticed the difference. A difference that can make all the difference. When you repent for sanctfication (becoming Christ-like), you change your mind about your thoughts, desires, actions and align them with what God's Word says - that is repentance. You, in effect say, "God, I'm wrong, you're right, enough said."

As Christians, we will do this for the rest of our lives. It's a growing process. So stop agonizing over this and just resolve to do better. If you asked for forgiveness, then you have it. Now that you know better, God will hold you accountable for knowing better. Just learn to obey what you know is true!

[ConqueredbyLove]

Dear soul,

Have you ever asked God to give you Godly repentance - a deep sorrow for your sin?

[Literalist-Luke]

Have you ever asked God to give you Godly repentance - a deep sorrow for your sin?Sorrow and true repentance are two different things. They often go hand in hand, but not necessarily.

[ConqueredbyLove]

Sorrow and true repentance are two different things. They often go hand in hand, but not necessarily.

I did not post what I posted to debate with you what true repentance is. I posted what I posted to begin to lead this dear soul to behold Christ, more than they ever have before.

The Lord says ~Look unto me and be ye saved~ in Isaiah. That word saved means, amongst other things "get victory".

This soul needs victory. Not a debate in what is true repentance....

[Ravenwspr]

I agree with gyrfalcon and God loves you :)

Romans 7:19-23 says:

(akjv)For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do
Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwells in me.
(gwt)So I've discovered this truth: Evil is present with me even when I want to do what God's standards say is good. I take pleasure in God's standards in my inner being. However, I see a different standard [at work] throughout my body. It is at war with the standards my mind sets and tries to take me captive to sin's standards which still exist throughout my body.

Romans 7:24,35 (akjv) O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

Romans 8:1-2 (akjv) There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus made me free from the law of sin and of death.

Romans 8:3 (gwt) It is impossible to do what God's standards demand because of the weakness our human nature has. But God sent his Son to have a human nature as sinners have and to pay for sin. That way God condemned sin in our corrupt nature.

Romans 6:6 (nasv) knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin.

Romans 6:11-13 (nasv) Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God

Yes God has the grace and mercy and love for us and we are told to not give in to sin (but we do) so there must be a point where we make a choice, sometimes moment to moment, so we do have options when sin presents itself. We are not condemned for that, but we are not supposed to give up trying either I believe.

[ConqueredbyLove]

Literalist-Luke,

I am so sorry for jumping all over you yesterday in my post. I hate it when I am like that, because it is so unChristlike...

Will you forgive me?

[Literalist-Luke]

Literalist-Luke,

I am so sorry for jumping all over you yesterday in my post. I hate it when I am like that, because it is so unChristlike...

Will you forgive me?Truthfully, I wasn't worried about it, so yes, I certainly "forgive" you. This was really nice of you to say. :hug:

Now don't worry about it and get back to what you were doing. :D

[ConqueredbyLove]

Truthfully, I wasn't worried about it, so yes, I certainly "forgive" you. This was really nice of you to say. :hug:

Now don't worry about it and get back to what you were doing. :D


Thanks :hug:

I am having an incredible Spirit-led study on being set free from sin. It is awesome how the Lord is leading me and revealing things to me. One of the best studies I have ever had...

So I am going back now to my study corner :) Me loves to study :idea:

[Forgiven Alaskan]

Part of me sometimes wonders if I've gone past the point of no return. He gave me more than once chance to sin, I heard his voice and while it moved me and I still went off and sinned anyway. I feel like I have grieved the Holy Spirit! At least un-Christians do not know Him, but I do and felt I was very close to Him and I still turned away. It seems I have eternally blew it!

[ConqueredbyLove]

Part of me sometimes wonders if I've gone past the point of no return. He gave me more than once chance to sin, I heard his voice and while it moved me and I still went off and sinned anyway. I feel like I have grieved the Holy Spirit! At least un-Christians do not know Him, but I do and felt I was very close to Him and I still turned away. It seems I have eternally blew it!

Absolultely not!!!!

Never, never, never, give up!

It you had eternally blown it you would not be concerned about it!!!!

I'll be back. I'm going to go look for a post for you :hug:

[moonglow]

Part of me sometimes wonders if I've gone past the point of no return. He gave me more than once chance to sin, I heard his voice and while it moved me and I still went off and sinned anyway. I feel like I have grieved the Holy Spirit! At least un-Christians do not know Him, but I do and felt I was very close to Him and I still turned away. It seems I have eternally blew it!

Be thankful you are still hearing that voice...the danger comes when you don't hear it at all anymore...then you have gone too far...

I want you to think about something. I am a straight lady...I am able to withstand temptations like these. A homosexual should be able to also withstand them too...provided you were actually born this way (don't want to get into that whole debate). So my question is why can't homosexuals resist sexual temptations just like heterosexuals can resist them? I have asked this of homosexuals before and they say well the sex is part of being gay....but that makes no sense. I can be straight and not be in a sexual relationship. It doesn't change the fact I am straight. Its not part of being straight....you see what I mean? Of course heterosexuals can get involved in sexual sins...terrible ones too! And struggle as you are and be in the same place you are. You are caught in the trap of lust...but you can get out of it. You can rebuke those desires in the Name of Jesus and pray He breaks the chains that are binding you to this. Before I became a born again Christian I was trapped in that cycle of sexual sin...the desire is always there. Its like a drug..you feel you have to have it...but its never enough...so you need more and more and more but meanwhile the emptiness grows and grows and grows inside of you.

Once I truly gave up my life to God and said, I give up...you run my life because I can't...it was then I was filled with the Holy Spirit and that desire just simply left me...literally it went poof and was gone. you need to give God this part of your life...all of your life. I was giving God only parts of my life thinking...oh well I can run this part of my life just fine and we are going to sin anyway...no one is perfect, so its ok if I mess up in this part of my life as long as I do ok in the rest of it. That is how I justified it. This just isn't the way it works though. You have to give ALL your life to Him!

I wasn't even trying to fight against this sin like you are either...as ashamed as I am now to say that....but God still removed it from me. I believe He can do that for you if you just give that part of your life to Him. Rebuke those sexual feelings in the Name of Jesus then ask Him to take control of that part of your life...and mean it...really ,really mean it. God IS patient....but if you don't start taking these steps and keep ignoring His warnings...I just don't know how long it'll be before you don't hear anything warnings at all from Him anymore.

God bless

[ConqueredbyLove]

Your victory, dear soul, is dependant on God's faithfulness! God is a faithful, faithful, faithful, God and He will bring you through!!!!! :hug:

Jesus Christ is very great. Where is the darkness that He cannot vanquish? Where is the life He cannot heal and save? Where is the impossible He cannot do?

Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war." (Revelation 19:11)

Today, right now, right where you and I live, God is faithful. Jesus will make a way. In fact, it's better than that. Jesus is the way.

Remember the people in the Gospel stories? There were people born blind, people with shriveled hands, people with useless legs, people with leprosy, people whose lives were in the very hands of demonic spirits. Many of these folks had lost every hope -- until Jesus came along. And some of them had little hope that even Jesus could really help them out.

But you know what? When Jesus spoke, the dead woke up. When Jesus touched a life, everything was set right. Nothing was impossible for Jesus. And right now, in your life, nothing is impossible for Jesus.

Jesus is the ultimate pivoting principle that saves the world. He is the faithfulness of God at work. Jesus will make things make sense. Wherever you are in your life and walk, remember what God has said. God will not fail to do all that He has promised. Whatever God has said, God will do.

Don't lose hope. Don't waver when the going gets difficult -- and then impossible. When the days grow dark and the storm rages overhead, we will be kept by Him who keeps us. Even if we should perish in this world, we will stand in robes of righteousness at the throne of Him who died to save us. He is our King, our Shepherd, our Life and our unfailing Hope. He is our Savior and Lord. His Name is Jesus. All praise and honor and glory belong to Him forever. Amen and amen.

~Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,
To the only wise God our Savior, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen~

~So~

Take heart, all who are struggling with battles that have already been won; awake, all who have fallen asleep from loads too heavy to bear; see, all who have been blinded by the flames of disappointment; hear all who have been deafened by the roar of defeat; arise, all who have become lame from wounds unjustly earned; get up, yes, get up all who have been felled by the broken sword of satan's lies; for joy, joy unspeakable is in our midst.


You are sooo loved...:kiss:

[Forgiven Alaskan]

thank you everyone. I feel I am getting victory in this area as I've just had an intense cry out to God, not to let me be overcome by this sin. And He is healing my heart.

I don't know if I'd say my heart was hard, but it often didn't feel right. I would feel semi-fake or emotionless. Are those signs of a hardening heart? I am praying for God to soften and break my heart.

[Literalist-Luke]

Part of me sometimes wonders if I've gone past the point of no return. It seems I have eternally blew it!That's impossible. There's no such thing so long as you are able to repent and make up your mind to change your ways.

Consider the Apostle Paul's words in Romans 7:14 - 8:1 -

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Does that sound like something you can relate to? :thumbsup: And this is none other than the Apostle Paul himself! If he struggled like this, then maybe you need to cut yourself a little slack. :yes:

[Literalist-Luke]

thank you everyone. I feel I am getting victory in this area as I've just had an intense cry out to God, not to let me be overcome by this sin. And He is healing my heart.

I don't know if I'd say my heart was hard, but it often didn't feel right. I would feel semi-fake or emotionless. Are those signs of a hardening heart? I am praying for God to soften and break my heart.Repentance is not about emotion - repentance is a choice, not a feeling. Feelings of remorse will often accompany repentance, but not necessarily. The choice is what matters, not your feelings about what happened.

[Literalist-Luke]

Be thankful you are still hearing that voice...the danger comes when you don't hear it at all anymore...then you have gone too far...

I want you to think about something. I am a straight lady...I am able to withstand temptations like these. A homosexual should be able to also withstand them too...provided you were actually born this way (don't want to get into that whole debate). So my question is why can't homosexuals resist sexual temptations just like heterosexuals can resist them? I have asked this of homosexuals before and they say well the sex is part of being gay....but that makes no sense. I can be straight and not be in a sexual relationship. It doesn't change the fact I am straight. Its not part of being straight....you see what I mean? Of course heterosexuals can get involved in sexual sins...terrible ones too! And struggle as you are and be in the same place you are. You are caught in the trap of lust...but you can get out of it. You can rebuke those desires in the Name of Jesus and pray He breaks the chains that are binding you to this. Before I became a born again Christian I was trapped in that cycle of sexual sin...the desire is always there. Its like a drug..you feel you have to have it...but its never enough...so you need more and more and more but meanwhile the emptiness grows and grows and grows inside of you.

Once I truly gave up my life to God and said, I give up...you run my life because I can't...it was then I was filled with the Holy Spirit and that desire just simply left me...literally it went poof and was gone. you need to give God this part of your life...all of your life. I was giving God only parts of my life thinking...oh well I can run this part of my life just fine and we are going to sin anyway...no one is perfect, so its ok if I mess up in this part of my life as long as I do ok in the rest of it. That is how I justified it. This just isn't the way it works though. You have to give ALL your life to Him!

I wasn't even trying to fight against this sin like you are either...as ashamed as I am now to say that....but God still removed it from me. I believe He can do that for you if you just give that part of your life to Him. Rebuke those sexual feelings in the Name of Jesus then ask Him to take control of that part of your life...and mean it...really ,really mean it. God IS patient....but if you don't start taking these steps and keep ignoring His warnings...I just don't know how long it'll be before you don't hear anything warnings at all from Him anymore.

God blessThat's a powerful testimony. :yes:

[ConqueredbyLove]

thank you everyone. I feel I am getting victory in this area as I've just had an intense cry out to God, not to let me be overcome by this sin. And He is healing my heart.

I don't know if I'd say my heart was hard, but it often didn't feel right. I would feel semi-fake or emotionless. Are those signs of a hardening heart? I am praying for God to soften and break my heart.

No, it is not a sign of a hardening heart. When we are still in sin, we want to hide from God and we do feel semi-fake. That is natural.

But, God wants us to come to Him with our sin and talk to Him about it. He never condemns us or rejects us about it. But we feel shame and/or guilt and want to hide from Him.

Have you ever intensely studied His ways with sinners in the the Gospels? His ways with sinners are beautiful ways of acceptance and not rejection, hope and not despair....

[Literalist-Luke]

God wants us to come to Him with our sin and talk to Him about it. He never condemns us or rejects us about it. But we feel shame and/or guilt and want to hide from Him.

Have you ever intensely studied His ways with sinners in the the Gospels? His ways with sinners are beautiful ways of acceptance and not rejection, hope and not despair....You listen to ConqueredbyLove, you hear now? :D

[Bullrider]

Hi Forgiven Alaskan...I extend warm greetings to you from north of the border. You are my beloved brother in Christ, and I would not have it any other way.

Please know that I was touched by your posts on this topic. I am a new member and I need to get to my 10 post limit and 7 day stretch. When I have that under my belt I will return here and I would dearly love to correspond through pm's. I know what you are going through, how difficult this thorn in the flesh can be and how it manipulates our emotions like no other!

I want you to know that I have a genuine warmth in my heart when I ponder communicating with you. I honestly believe that God is at work here. I have a joyful anticipation of things to come.

Please be patient and I promise that, God willing and I firmly believe He is, we will share on a level that we will be both comfortable with and God blesses.

The reason I know..? I was once involved in homosexuality myself.

Hang in there Forgiven Alaskan...God is in this for you, for me--and for the Church. Jesus is our living Hope--this hope can not die. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick". If Jesus is alive--our hope remains alive forever. We can fall, we all do, but we need not surrender to this darkness--not when we have the Light of the World.

Please respond to this post. I dearly wish to hear from you.

Your Canadian bro',
Michael

[Forgiven Alaskan]

I look forward to talking with you Michael. And it's cool to hear that we our neighbors! I can't wait to share with you and I am looking forward to tearing down some walls!

[Bullrider]

I look forward to talking with you Michael. And it's cool to hear that we our neighbors! I can't wait to share with you and I am looking forward to tearing down some walls!

Thanks Neighbour...I'm looking forward to chatting. And you are so right about those walls--I have often said in jest to some that I should have been a construction worker--I am great at building walls. :rofl:But seriously the Lord is working in my life and helping me to knock them down. This is an ongoing process. Sometimes I feel like it is one step forward and two steps back--but you know what? I am constantly moving in the direction the Lord desires to take me. He has me by the hand and never lets go--never mind what my feelings tell me sometimes. He is working out His will for me in my life and it is one ride that I am glad to take.

Take care Forgiven Alaskan...I look forward to being able to fire on all cylinders here. We'll chat then. Get your sledge hammer out my friend. Those walls are going to come down!

Oh, when I post to Americans they are usually south of the border. I just realized that isn't the case with Alaska. So...way north west, I guess?

Bye for now,
Michael

[ConqueredbyLove]

Hi Forgiven Alaskan...I extend warm greetings to you from north of the border. You are my beloved brother in Christ, and I would not have it any other way.

Please know that I was touched by your posts on this topic. I am a new member and I need to get to my 10 post limit and 7 day stretch. When I have that under my belt I will return here and I would dearly love to correspond through pm's. I know what you are going through, how difficult this thorn in the flesh can be and how it manipulates our emotions like no other!

I want you to know that I have a genuine warmth in my heart when I ponder communicating with you. I honestly believe that God is at work here. I have a joyful anticipation of things to come.

Please be patient and I promise that, God willing and I firmly believe He is, we will share on a level that we will be both comfortable with and God blesses.

The reason I know..? I was once involved in homosexuality myself.

Hang in there Forgiven Alaskan...God is in this for you, for me--and for the Church. Jesus is our living Hope--this hope can not die. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick". If Jesus is alive--our hope remains alive forever. We can fall, we all do, but we need not surrender to this darkness--not when we have the Light of the World.

Please respond to this post. I dearly wish to hear from you.

Your Canadian bro',
Michael

My dear brother, Michael,

I just wanted to share that this is such a beautiful post....I see it as coming from a heart full of compassion and genuine caring for our brother. You also communicate very well and, have you ever considered that the Holy Spirit may have given you the gift of prophecy? Not forth-telling but the gift of encouragement, comfort and exhortation??? :hug:

[Bullrider]

I look forward to talking with you Michael. And it's cool to hear that we our neighbors! I can't wait to share with you and I am looking forward to tearing down some walls!

Hi again Forgiven Alaskan...this is "Forgiven Canuck"!:lol:

How are you doing today? I hope you are well for all intents and purposes. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. I look forward to chatting. I wrote a bunch of stuff on another Christian forum and I am trying to determine how to approach this subject here. I might end up repeating myself but I guess that's okay. I am thinking of posting a story about how I got into that stuff. It's a frank, honest story. I do not beat around the bush. I do not try to shock people or provoke anyone but I do write from my heart and that means telling it like it is.

When it comes to the issue of homosexuality in my life I often think of it as an iceberg--there is that tip that some people might know but underneath the surface of the water is a huge mass of ice--the variables of the many issues, histories, the deep rooted reasons for SSA, the fears, the...well, the list goes on, doesn't it? That might be an awkward way of putting it. I am tired as I write this and probably not firing on all cylinders right now. I just wanted to touch base with you and let you know I am thinking and caring about you.

Just for the record...you know that there are 'triggers', right? I was listening to an old 70's disco hit "Shame". I always loved that song. But the thing with disco music is that there is no other music that can rip me away from God as surely and decisively as disco music. I was deeply involved in the lifestyle in the 70's and that music to me, in my mind, is the music I danced to in the gay bars and dance clubs back then. When I hear disco I think 'gay'--every single time. It was "our music" back then. I can listen to a variety of music and get by without any problems or conviction of sin but not that kind--it is spiritually deadly to me! Know what I mean?

So yes, today I have had a real struggle in my mind. It pulls at me like no other. It gets its hooks in me and a wall invariably springs up between God and myself. Old memories flood back, taunting me, it's almost as if my gay past is personified and jealous--it demands attention! It is hard some days. Very difficult. The mind, the emotions--it can be tough stuff, eh?

Oh, enough about that. I know I shouldn't post when I am fatigued! But for what it's worth, that's my two cents for today.

On a serious note, take care FA. I am praying for Prodigal Son also. I hope he's okay. You're both on my mind. I hope I am on your prayer list, too. "A three stranded cord is not easily broken."

Bye for now FA.

Michael

[Bullrider]

My dear brother, Michael,

I just wanted to share that this is such a beautiful post....I see it as coming from a heart full of compassion and genuine caring for our brother. You also communicate very well and, have you ever considered that the Holy Spirit may have given you the gift of prophecy? Not forth-telling but the gift of encouragement, comfort and exhortation??? :hug:

CbyL...sorry for the delay in acknowledging your post. I have been told by other Christians that they see this in me. I thank God for His tender mercies towards me. If I was to write my autobiography it would raise some eyebrows. But God has blessed and used me despite me being me!

But then again, He has bestowed upon all of us who are His gifts and talents--all to be used for His glory. Amen!

Michael

[MyGod]

"Know this now--I can never pay God back for all He has done, is doing, and will do. He will always take me back, always love me, I WILL ALWAYS BE HIS CHILD. No one can take that away from me...He loves me today, tomorrow, and forever.

Sometimes a post just sticks out to me. I just started reading this thread, haven't gotten beyond yours gyrfalcon but I 100% agree. Amen!

Forgiven ~ I posted in your other thread earlier tonight. Just pray and ask God to help you submit to His will. As Donnie McClurkin says "we fall down, but we get up." Just keep gettin up. "A saint is just a sinner who fell down." I was going to say, "stop being so hard on yourself" but I won't. You don't need to call yourself names and degrade yourself but repeatedly remind yourself of your sinful acts. God bless you!

[MyGod]

Be thankful you are still hearing that voice...the danger comes when you don't hear it at all anymore...then you have gone too far...


I know that's right! Lol. Amen. When you're not hearing that voice (the Holy Spirit), somethings wrong. We all struggle daily (well, at least I do, lol) fighting our old man. Even if it's something small like having road rage. We struggle. I'm happy I hear that voice after I've screamed some not so nice words saying, "now you know that wasn't cool." :D

[EaglesWINGS911]

Hey Forgiven Alaskan, I just want to encourage you not to give up. There is NO chain to hard for God to break. I am going through some struggles myself right now and I will be keeping you in my prayers.
There are a couple of books that I'd like to recommend that I really think would help you.
Destined to Reign By: Joseph Prince
& In the Grip of Grace By:Max Lucado

Both of these books have helped me gain perspective on God's grace and my sin and how God sets us free and enables us to walk in that freedom. Take heart, keep the faith, the Son has set you free and you are free indeed!

[gyrfalcon]

Hey there, darling! Not much new to say, just wanted to let you know I'm still thinking of/praying for you. *hug*