broken engagement (moved from Comfort and Encouagement)

[sparky]

My fiancee asked god for a sign and the sign told him that we shouldn't get married now. We were due to get married this week. I am in horrible pain. He thinks that because we had pre-marital sex we need to repent. He says he loves me very deeply and on some level I know he wants to get his head on straight so we can get back together. I'm not sure what I think about all of this. My non-Christian friends don't have this type of craziness go on, how come in faith comes all of this pain.?

What should I do

[Bethany67]

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry - praying for you:(

[livingwaters]

Your non-Christian friends don't have "all this craziness going on, cause they live in sin, without the cleansing of the BLOOD~~~~~~

You are the exception to the rule.....you are a Christian, right??!!!!! So, how do you feel about the premarital sex?

We must obey the Word, no matter how we feel...When we fall short, yes, we must repent and mean it with all of our hearts!!!

God Bless....I hope you understand this.:)

[Soulangel]

I can understand that you both need to repent with all your heart as per the word, however surely this could take place before the wedding date? and allow the wedding to go ahead as planned?However I'm assuming that it's only a small burden. If your fiance feels that the burden is large and needs more than a week to work through it however than you really do have a problem i.e. you'll have to postpone the wedding.

I think the important factor here is COMMUNICATION. Without it you won't know which way is up or down, left or right. You need someone you can both talk to about the size of the burden and someone you can confide in to help you both repent. From there you should be all systems go:thumbsup:
:pray: for you both ~ Soulangel

[Literalist-Luke]

Your non-Christian friends don't have "all this craziness going on, cause they live in sin, without the cleansing of the BLOOD~~~~~~

You are the exception to the rule.....you are a Christian, right??!!!!! So, how do you feel about the premarital sex?

We must obey the Word, no matter how we feel...When we fall short, yes, we must repent and mean it with all of our hearts!!!

God Bless....I hope you understand this.:)I'm sorry, but I have to (partly) disagree. But first, I do agree that repentance is essential, that much is for certain. However, I don't see how postponing the wedding is going to contribute to "repentance". What is this guy accomplishing by postponing the wedding, which will only increase the temptation to repeat the sin that was committed in the first place? :o Does he think that by "suffering for Jesus" that God will be more inclined to "forgive him" for his dastardly deed?

See, this kind of religious demonstration is what gives Christianity a bad name. People who do "religious" things to try to "prove something" to God (or to themselves/each other?) are just wasting their time. If we had anything to prove to God, then He wouldn't have needed to sacrifice His Son on the cross. We're worthless without Him. The only thing we need to do is agree with that and then try to live the lifestyle that Jesus modeled for us, but when we mess up and then truly repent, punishing ourselves for it accomplishes nothing.

I'm really sorry for your pain, sparky, truly I am. I'd be furious if I was in your shoes. I can only pray for you that your fiance decides it's time to get on with life and to quit trying to prove something to whomever.

[Rocking horse]

Wow....a week before your wedding....and I bed you've already spent a fortune on preparations and wedding dresses and catering and invitations etc etc. And I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. I had a broken engagement once, and it was long before the wedding date was set and it was terribly painful. However, I must say this, that for whatever reason you are given for him breaking the engagement....it's far better to do it now, than wait till after you're actually married and maybe there is a child on the way, or you have a couple of children and it's a marriage breakup instead. That's probably not much consolation for you now.....I'm sorry, you are in pain and I feel for you. But maybe this guy really isn't the right one for you after all.

Good luck,

Rocky.

[turtledove]

I can only imagine how hard this is for you and the emotional toll it is taking. It may have been equally hard for him to make the decision to call it off. Perhaps he just needs more time, but, if he is determined not to marry, you have to go on with your life. I wouldn't think it good to go on with him, however, unless you go together for Christian counseling and work this out.

It can be uncertain guidance when they ask for a sign and move on that alone..there has to be more involved in a decision this big..e.g. circumstances, peace, scriptures, and, in this situation, the receiving of good counsel to help confirm the decision. Sounds like he acted with only the sign to guide him. :(

praying for you this morning...:pray:

[Beloved by God]

.....:pray:

Psalm 34:17 The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.
18 The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.

[sparky]

for the encouraging words. I do believe in my heart that he loves me and wants to be together, but that he wants to fix this. It is so terribly painful I cant even tell you. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if its the pre-marital sex or if its something else. We have had a great relationship and he always says how compatible we are. I'm not sure if I believe in signs. I've had many Christian counselors/pastors say different things. This sign though sounded very powerful, but I keep saying that I thought Christianity was about love and loving one another. I can't understand why we can't figure out together instead of apart. The worst part is my friends/family don't know all of this, they think he was nervous therefore I called it off. They all are angry at him and woudn't understand anyway, so I feel like if we do get back someday, everyone would hate him. I know its my life and I should decide how to live it, but it's so hard with all of these other influences telling me different things.

He wants me to pray and read the bible to help find answers. He says that if he is the only one doing this then it won't help us. I am trying hard to do this but I get so frustrated. I feel like God wont cut me a break in this life. Before this happened. I prayed to God all the time to keep this relationship together and to bless the marriage and my prayers were not answered. It makes me question my faith and where i went wrong. All the non-Christians I know don't go through turmoil and pain like this.

I could use any help I can get now. Thank you for listening. Right now this is my only outlet.

[Ta-An]

Are the two of you unequally yoked?? :hmm:

[sparky]

I don't think we are. He was a christian and brought up that way he is whole life. while I was brought up christian as well, I can't say that I came from a very religious upbringing. However, I have come to know God over the last few years, but I guess I'm not at where he is and I do questsion things all the time. But everyone says faith is a journey. So I keep trying and keep trying to understand.

[moonglow]

for the encouraging words. I do believe in my heart that he loves me and wants to be together, but that he wants to fix this. It is so terribly painful I cant even tell you. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if its the pre-marital sex or if its something else. We have had a great relationship and he always says how compatible we are. I'm not sure if I believe in signs. I've had many Christian counselors/pastors say different things. This sign though sounded very powerful, but I keep saying that I thought Christianity was about love and loving one another. I can't understand why we can't figure out together instead of apart. The worst part is my friends/family don't know all of this, they think he was nervous therefore I called it off. They all are angry at him and woudn't understand anyway, so I feel like if we do get back someday, everyone would hate him. I know its my life and I should decide how to live it, but it's so hard with all of these other influences telling me different things.

He wants me to pray and read the bible to help find answers. He says that if he is the only one doing this then it won't help us. I am trying hard to do this but I get so frustrated. I feel like God wont cut me a break in this life. Before this happened. I prayed to God all the time to keep this relationship together and to bless the marriage and my prayers were not answered. It makes me question my faith and where i went wrong. All the non-Christians I know don't go through turmoil and pain like this.

I could use any help I can get now. Thank you for listening. Right now this is my only outlet.

I am sorry you are going through this but I honestly don't believe your nonChristian friends had always had things going great with no problems ever! That just doesn't happen to anyone...regardless of their beliefs or nonbeliefs. Non-Christians have loved ones die just like us...they have break up's just like us...they lose jobs, just like us..they lose homes, get sick, cars break down, etc, etc, just like us. They aren't magically protected somehow from life! You are either not seeing the heart aches and struggles they have gone through in their lives or they are telling you a story...

Being a Christian doesn't mean we are protected from hard time either..not anymore then nonbelievers:

Matthew 5

.....for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

We are all human beings and ALL of us go through good times and bad times regardless of our faith! The difference is we have something to hang onto in those hard times...the nonbeliever have nothing at all to hang onto.

Don't blame God for what your future husband did! Or blame God for you two doing something that caused him such guilt he is needing to step back a bit from things....people can and do things on their own all the time...usually leaving God out of it.

You need to talk to him and find out how stopping the wedding is suppose to help? If he wants to repent of his sins, then do it! It doesn't take months or years or even days to ask God for forgiveness....you just do it! He simply needs to repent and let God know He is number one in your marriage...and mean that. But to stop everything...I don't see the point unless there is more going on...

God bless

[ServantofTruth]

Are the two of you unequally yoked?? :hmm:

I don't think we are. He was a christian and brought up that way he is whole life. while I was brought up christian as well, I can't say that I came from a very religious upbringing. However, I have come to know God over the last few years, but I guess I'm not at where he is and I do questsion things all the time. But everyone says faith is a journey. So I keep trying and keep trying to understand.


Perhaps he has read the bible more, been to more churches/ services, prayed harder or worshipped louder?

If you are both on your knees at the foot of the cross of Jesus Christ each day - you have a hope for the future in marriage together.

I would go to him and tell him your true faith and if that is not enough for a life time together - then you are better apart. Love SofTy.

[beckisted2004]

I think the important factor here is COMMUNICATION.

I think this is a huge factor in this situation. I'm so sorry you're feeling so much pain! I'm sure that a week before the wedding, that news would be a shock to anyone! :hug: Is this sign that was shown to him only regarding pre-marital sex? Or could there be other things going on?

I broke off an engagement about 6 months before the wedding, but it was for multiple reasons and it was after lots and lots of thought and prayer. The more I prayed, the more conviction I felt about the areas that were far too weak in our relationship to build a marriage from.

I highly suggest you just talk to him about it. Maybe it is just the pre-marital sex issue that is bothering him greatly, but just maybe there could be more that caused him to call off/postpone the wedding? It's so great that you're trying so hard to understand his thinking and reasoning. He's right! It definitely takes both of you to work on a relationship, but that all starts with you both being on the same page.

Again, I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling right now. Try to use this time to draw nearer to the Lord. "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever." -Psalm 30:11-12

[turtledove]

Hello all: I moved this one from Comfort and Encouragement for further counseling..

wiseoldowl :)

[sparky]

Does anyone feel that God sometimes tell us to wait? My ex-fiancee feels that God is telling him to wait on us. He has his theories why, but he isn't telling me. I don't think he wants to tell God what he wants, but he wants God to tell him (even though he has said, he feels God put me in his life and he feels God wants us to be together). This is all so confusing, I went to a Christian counselor (who was Catholic) and he says this doesn't have anything to do with God ,that he just has anxiety about marriage and thats it and that God gives us free will to make our choices. So which is it, does God give us the free will to make choices and sometimes he tells us to wait on those choices or is it one or the other?

I read so many Bible passages about how God tells us to wait, so that seems to make sense to me, but than other points of view can sometimes be different.

[turtledove]

So which is it, does God give us the free will to make choices and sometimes he tells us to wait on those choices or is it one or the other?

I read so many Bible passages about how God tells us to wait, so that seems to make sense to me, but than other points of view can sometimes be different.

Hi sparky, Not either, or.. but I think it depends on the situation..and sometimes it is both. Surely we DO have free will and we can choose. And sometimes using that free will to decide to wait is what we do. But, our conscience should be clear in these decisions..

Hopefully he will realize he needs to work things through and talk more with you about this.

My prayers..

owl

[Emily]

This is just one reason why its better not to have pre-marital sex in a relationship. Once you cross that barrier you (as a woman) can never go back, because you have created a bond that is MEANT to be in a marriage. For men its easier to detach after pre-marital sex, men are more cold, but women are more emotional. And, if something goes awry and the relationship ends, you will be very sad and will miss the person but there won't be that feeling of devastation. Not that this advice is any help now :rolleyes: but if your relationship here doesn't work out, you might want to keep it in mind for the future. I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, we have never done anything beyond holding hands, hugging, and closed-mouth kiss and while I love him very much and intend to marry him, if we broke up, I would be sad but life would go on! :cool: Don't let the door hit ya dude, See ya!! :lol:

My opinion ... I think that this man isn't for you. It seems to me to be extremely cruel for your fiance to cancel your wedding the WEEK OF. Unforgiveable and a deal breaker in my opinion. Its made even worse that you've had sex, not because you had sex, but its like he got what he wanted and he's okay to move on WITHOUT making it right by God and marrying you. Now he is trying to blame his decision to cancel the wedding on God. That's just wrong. How does cancelling a wedding, which in this case would be righting a wrong, abide God's Word? True repentance would INCLUDE not preclude the marriage, in my opinion. Seems to me he got what he wanted, got cold feet, and is now leaving you at the altar holding the emotional baggage. In a word, cruel. Forget this guy and move on with your life. You deserve better treatment than this. My two cents.

[IPet2_9]

My opinion ... I think that this man isn't for you. It seems to me to be extremely cruel for your fiance to cancel your wedding the WEEK OF.

Many people go on and get married who don't particularly want to for that very reason. I don't think it was "cruel", per se, to cancel the week of, but it could very well have been a case of wimpitis on his part. And not necessarily cold feet--he could have been a wimp not to break it off earlier.

It also could have been he just wasn't sure. A relationship change either way is not one of those moves you want to make unless you're SURE. Constantly breaking it off and getting back together can really cause a lot of mind games and roller coasters.

I went through a broken engagement myself. And that was exactly it: I wasn't sure. I never was. In the end, though, that was the deciding factor. I just had to bite the bullet and break it off, after a long time dating. Extremely painful. But we went through a recovery period, one time, and moved on. We're both married now (to other people).

[*Hope*]

Does anyone feel that God sometimes tell us to wait? My ex-fiancee feels that God is telling him to wait on us. He has his theories why, but he isn't telling me. I don't think he wants to tell God what he wants, but he wants God to tell him (even though he has said, he feels God put me in his life and he feels God wants us to be together). This is all so confusing, I went to a Christian counselor (who was Catholic) and he says this doesn't have anything to do with God ,that he just has anxiety about marriage and thats it and that God gives us free will to make our choices. So which is it, does God give us the free will to make choices and sometimes he tells us to wait on those choices or is it one or the other?

I read so many Bible passages about how God tells us to wait, so that seems to make sense to me, but than other points of view can sometimes be different.

One of the major problems here is he's not telling you anything and you're left to assume and wonder. I think it's unfair that he has called things off and then leaves you hanging with all of these unanswered questions. He needs to open up and express how he really feels, even if it might hurt you. You deserve to know what's going on. He owes that to you at the very least.

[Duane Morse]

My fiancee asked god for a sign and the sign told him that we shouldn't get married now. We were due to get married this week. I am in horrible pain.

Mt 12:38 Then certain of the scribes and of the Pharisees answered, saying, Master, we would see a sign from thee.
Mt 12:39 But he answered and said unto them, An evil and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign;

Personally, it sounds to me like he got cold feet and was looking for some excuse to forestall or cancel the wedding.