I hope you can take the time to help

[chinacat]

I am seeking sincere guidance in a spiritual relationship I"m in. First of all, I love the Lord Jesus with all of my heart soul and mind. I seek Him and ask for His will to be put in me and mine to be removed, because I know there is no good with in me. I'm a sinner. I constantly frustrate myself. Soemtimes I try so hard and just disgust myself because I know that I am just sin. But grace be to the good Lord Christ, for I cannot save myself but God saves me.. And this is my belief. That only when we realize this - that we rely totally upon Christ to save us. We ask Him to remove our will to put His Holy and Good will in us. And this is truly what I desire.

That being said - I am truly much a sinner. I lie, I cuss, I'm just a sinner in every way I can be. Sometimes I try harder than others not to sin. Sometimes I don't feel like I try very hard at all. Often times my sin feels willfull. I'm ashamed of myself. I don't go to church very often. (I read a tiny passage of the Bible every night, I listen to radio sermons most days.. I pray daily..that's about it. I fall very short. ) But I can say I'm so sincere when I talk to God. I truly truly do LOVE God. At the same time my heart is so convicted, because I know that out of the heart the mouth speaks, and I know that my fruit is not good. My fruit is bad, because so much of my fruit is sin.


There lies my internal battle. My internal struggle. It seems so very much of Pauls "I do not understand my own actions because I do not do what I want to. But I do the very thing that I hate. … I can will what is right but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good that I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now, if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who does it but the sin that dwells within me. … Wretched person that I am. Who will rescue me from this body of death, from this life of sin? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Moving on to the relationship aspect - I have a boyfriend who goes to church several times per week - I've never attended with him because he just intimidates me. Also I do work a ton of hours (NO EXCUSE I KNOW. I should go to church more. There is no excuse for it. Im honestly mostly just intimidated by his behavior) He has this "holier than thou" attitude that I can't explain. He just has this way of making me feel so condemned sometimes that I fear going with him. I feel judged in advance and that I can't measure up. Last night I got so upset with him on the phone that I cursed at him.
I've been working on it a lot but I did do it. Today he sends me a text that says stuff such as that I love my job more than God (because I work a lot and don't go to church often) , (you are with the God you serve and love... your job) or (maybe if you spent as much time at God's house and in His presence as you do that job things would be better - when you want to talk like a mature woman of God, call me) etc etc.

I just feel the way he says those kinds of things is so ...pharasitical..? I'd really like your thoughts on everything. Where I fall short if I'm wrong for being bothered by his words? Tell me if you think I have no right to not like what he says. And again, I am a screw up. I do cuss. I do miss church most weeks. I really want you to convict me where I need to be convicted. I just want true honest opinions on the entire situation.

[moonglow]

Hi chinacat..welcome to the board! I think you will find this a really good place to be...I am glad you came to us to try to sort things out.

I have to ask you something...why are with this guy?

I heard not one positive thing from you about him...so why are you dating him at all?

I have to agree with you...he is being judgemental and driving you to sin! Not a good thing. The bible calls us to not to cause our brothers or sisters to stumble. We are to encourage and uplift one another. Second, no one ever scored points with God by going to church. That isn't why we go. It doesn't make us a good or bad Christian. We go for encouragement...support, prayers and to worship God with other believers...

You should desire a church that you can truly look forward to going too not going to church because you think you have too in order to 'be a good Christian'.

That being said...yea you aren't perfect...none of us are. It seems to be you are right to 'work' at being a Christian rather then let the Holy Spirit take over and do it for you. This was the point Paul was trying to make...on his own...he can NEVER be good enough...never fight his sin nature on his own...BUT through Christ this battle inside can be overcome.

You need to submit yourself to God..ask Him to take over and when you truly do many of those slip up will just stop. The desire to lie and cuss and so forth will leave you.


As for boyfriend...he needs to keep reading scriptures and quit being so condemning...

God bless

[chinacat]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my long spiel and respond it means a lot.

Well I'm with him because I believe he's sincere in his heart about his love for God. I think he feels he's so right it makes me question myself so much. I know that I know how sinful that I am, and that so much of my sin is so willfull and that I fall so short, I'm certainly no role model in terms of Christianity. In fact, as he tells me, - one wouldn't even know I was a Christian by the way I act- ......This knowledge breaks my heart, but maybe he's right. I fall short and fail God so much. i question how I can love God in my heart the way I do and yet behave the way I do.


Yet he acts so by the book so much. I want to have the discipline he does. I feel he can help "set me strait". And sometimes he does act genuinly loving. So I don't mean to talk so badly about him. It's just that when I fall short and mess up he talks to me like I'm such a failure and that I must not love God etc etc.
And I Just feel that.. sure. I do mess up ALOT> , more than him . Absolutely in a lot of ways. But he seems to miss the grace and compassion that Jesus was so about.

I'm just so torn in my heart. Sometimes I wonder how his version of Loving God feels so loveless.

The Bible says, those who are forgiven much love much. and that's how I feel. When I sit and think of how scummy I am and how God still takes the time to love me.. wow. I'm dumbfounded. I'm so unworthy. so grateful. so beyond words it makes me want to cry. to me that is loving and worshipping the Lord , and knowing a love that I simply cannot feel for man.

[tt1106]

Hi, Your boyfriend sounds like he is very legalistic and judgemental.
All of us are weaned on spiritual milk. God does not expect we will be able to stand upright on our own in the beginning. Pray often and confess often.
Strap on the Belt of truth first. Then all things attach to it. What is the belt of truth. Look into the scriptures ot find it. The reason you feel bad is because the Holy Spirit is convicting you of sin which is a very good thing. You can't just know about God, you have to know God and the only way to do this is by reading the BIble.
You feel condemned and rightly so. So believe the Good news. Believe the PROMISE. Accept Jesus Christ and Go and sin no more. Honestly all have fallen short, so we need the help of fellow believers. Find an accountability partner that is not judgemental but who is supporting and encouraging.
It's not enough to go to church, you have to live as Christ commands us to live and your boyfriend could use a lesson in humility.

He may be planting seeds but he's also trying to reap the harvest.

Trust in Christ. Gently reproach your brothers and sisters. Walk as Jesus walks. Pray faithfully and repent often. It's not the falling down it's the staying down.

[moonglow]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my long spiel and respond it means a lot.

Well I'm with him because I believe he's sincere in his heart about his love for God. I think he feels he's so right it makes me question myself so much. I know that I know how sinful that I am, and that so much of my sin is so willfull and that I fall so short, I'm certainly no role model in terms of Christianity. In fact, as he tells me, - one wouldn't even know I was a Christian by the way I act- ......This knowledge breaks my heart, but maybe he's right. I fall short and fail God so much. i question how I can love God in my heart the way I do and yet behave the way I do.


Yet he acts so by the book so much. I want to have the discipline he does. I feel he can help "set me strait". And sometimes he does act genuinly loving. So I don't mean to talk so badly about him. It's just that when I fall short and mess up he talks to me like I'm such a failure and that I must not love God etc etc.
And I Just feel that.. sure. I do mess up ALOT> , more than him . Absolutely in a lot of ways. But he seems to miss the grace and compassion that Jesus was so about.

I'm just so torn in my heart. Sometimes I wonder how his version of Loving God feels so loveless.

The Bible says, those who are forgiven much love much. and that's how I feel. When I sit and think of how scummy I am and how God still takes the time to love me.. wow. I'm dumbfounded. I'm so unworthy. so grateful. so beyond words it makes me want to cry. to me that is loving and worshipping the Lord , and knowing a love that I simply cannot feel for man.

Ok...this is all I saw as your reason for being with him...one thing:
Well I'm with him because I believe he's sincere in his heart about his love for God.

So you have no romantic feelings about him at all? You are just with him to be taught and lead to having a closer relationship with God..is that it?

There are many, many men that are sincere in their heart about their love for God. So why him?

Sorry I am pushing this issue here...I am just trying to clarify some things as you mingle him along with how you are judging yourself as a Christian and your feelings about God....I am not seeing alot of separation with these three topics and they should be separated and defined apart from each other.

Do you think you possibly attached yourself to this guy in hopes of being closer to God and having a better relationship with God? Do you think of future plans at all with this guy such as marriage or anything at all?

I understand if you are wanting a mentor to teach you about Christ so you can be a better Christian but it won't work in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship...I mean yes the man IN a marriage should be a spiritual leader...but you two aren't married and obviously far from that. And frankly I just don't see him being good for you at all in growing closer to God.

I'm just so torn in my heart. Sometimes I wonder how his version of Loving God feels so loveless.

I think that says alot...I want you to read this parable Jesus told and tell me which one is you and which one is your boyfriend in it:

Luke 18

9 Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: 10 “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer[b]: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! 12 I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’

13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’

14 I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

God bless

[chinacat]

9 Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: 10 “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer[B]: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! 12 I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’

13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’

14 I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

God bless[/quote]



One of my very favorite parables in the Bible : )


I've used that one to him as well.



I also have some romantic feelings towards him. I guess I"m attracted to a "religious relationship" based on the painful experiences I've had with athiest/non religious people.

He seems so sincere I'm drawn in. He can be very sweet. Sometimes we're great. often we're not. it's a coin toss. bleh.

[moonglow]

9 Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: 10 “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer[B]: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! 12 I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’

13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’

14 I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

God bless



One of my very favorite parables in the Bible : )


I've used that one to him as well.



I also have some romantic feelings towards him. I guess I"m attracted to a "religious relationship" based on the painful experiences I've had with athiest/non religious people.

He seems so sincere I'm drawn in. He can be very sweet. Sometimes we're great. often we're not. it's a coin toss. bleh.[/QUOTE]

Ok...but you need to seperate your relationship with him and your relationship with God...you are mingling the two and I think that is what is causing alot of distress for you...

You know you are a sinner...you know Christ died for your sins and you are forgiven...you also realize you are a work in progress, correct? I think you first need to quit being so hard on yourself and also realize this relationship with this guy really doesn't seem to be doing alot for you spiritually or otherwise...

Maybe take a break from him and work on focusing on only God for awhile? Would that be an idea you would consider?

God bless

[turtledove]

Hi ChinaCat,

When I finished reading your last post here I was thinking of that old song. "Jesus loves me this I know..cause the bible tells me so..."

Yes, God loves you and despite your faults and failures too-- and even though there are times when you miss the mark and fall short of all He wants for you and all you want to be.

Jesus loves you so much that He died on a cross for your sins as He did mine and as He did your boyfriend's.

You can get right with God without the help of your boyfriend. Actually he sounds more like he is hindering your spiritual walk rather than helping it. Also it appears that, thinking he is doing the right thing, he gets overly critical and needs to let the love of God be shed apart more in his heart by the Holy Spirit. Pray for him.

And, to help your own walk with the Lord, I suggest you start by reading a different Psalm from the bible every day. Why not start with Ps. 40, one of my favorites?

Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

peace and blessings and a hug too. :hug:

wiseoldowl

[Makimbo]

First, you're unequally yoked. 2 Cor. 6:14 talks about this subject and warns believers against marrying unbelievers. Hear me out, I'm not saying either of you are not believers. What I am saying is that you are both at very very different places in your faith. This can never result in a healthy relationship because dependence can creep in from your side and pride can creep in from his side...and both seem to have happened here.

My husband always says, "You have to be a whole person before you can have a whole relationship." You have a terrible view of who you are in Christ and your boyfriend is not helping. It was the people who were supposed to be the most faithful to God that Jesus rebuked time and time again. Is this the way He called society's "sinners" to Him? People like Matthew the tax collector, the woman caught in adultery, or all of the people he set free from demons and healed from diseases. It sounds like you know all this, but then you did say that your boyfriend makes you feel condemned.

You said, "Sometimes I try so hard and just disgust myself because I know that I am just sin."

1.) If you are a Christ follower then "sinner" is NO LONGER YOUR IDENTITY and can be your excuse no longer!

2.) You are not a sinner, you're a SAINT THAT SOMETIMES SINS.

3.) In John 15:5 Jesus says, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Here's some statements of truth I'd encourage you to claim in your life. These are taken from Neil Anderson's "Steps to Freedom in Christ"

1.) "I believe that I am now a child of God and that I am seated with Christ in the heavenlies. I believe that I was saved by the grace of God through faith and that it was a gift and not a result of any works on my part." [Eph. 2:6,8-9, 1 John 3:1-3]

2.) "I choose to be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. I put no confidence in the flesh, for the weapons of warfare are not of the flesh but are divinely powerful for the destruction of strongholds. I put on the full armor of God. I resolve to stand firm in my faith and resist the evil one." [2 Cor. 10:4, Eph. 6:10-20, Phil.3:3]

3.) "I believe that apart from Christ I can do nothing, so I declare my complete dependence on Him. I choose to abide in Christ in order to bear much fruit and glorify my Father. I announce to Satan that Jesus is my Lord. I reject any and all counterfeit gifts or works of Satan in my life." [John 15:5,8, 1 Cor. 12:3]

4.) "By faith, choose to be filled with the Spirit so that I can be guided into all truth. I choose to walk by the Spirit so that I will not carry out the desires of the flesh." [John16:13, Gal. 5:16, Eph. 5:18]

5.) "I renounce all selfish goals and choose the ultimate goal of love. I choose to obey the two greatest commandments: to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and to love my neighbor as myself." [Matthew 22:37-39, 1 Tim. 1:5]



More than anything right now I'd say you need to get yourself to church. Here's the thing, followers of Christ ARE the church and the BODY of Christ. You're part of the body and there's no way you can tackle this life on your own, no wonder you're having a hard time with sin! Like somebody on here said, get yourself an accountability partner, or join a small group. In this setting you can confess sin and find encouragement, prayer, advice and support. 1 Corinthians 12 talks more about how the body is supposed to work together.

[Makimbo]

I can't tell you how excited I am how willing you are to hear advice and honesty. I thought these might also help...

Here's some more things from Neil Anderson's "Steps to Freedom in Christ"

"I renounce the lie that I am rejected, unloved or shameful. In Christ I am accepted. God says...

I am God's child [John 1:12]
I am Christ's friend. [John15:5]
I've been justified. [Rom. 5:1]
I am united with the Lord and I am one spirit with Him.[1 cor. 6:17]
I have been bought with a price. I belong to God.[1 cor. 6:19-20]
I am a member of Christ's Body.[1 cor. 12:27]
I am a saint, a holy one. [eph. 1:1]
I have been adopted as God's child. [eph. 1:5]
I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit. [eph. 2:18]
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.[col. 1:14]
I am complete in Christ."[col. 2:10]

"I renounce the lie that I am guilty, unprotected, alone, or abandoned. In Christ I am secure. God says...

I am free from condemnation [romans 8:1-2]
I am assured that all things work together for good [romans 8:28]
I am free from any condemning charges against me [romans 8:31-34]
I cannot be separated from the love of God [romans 8:35-39]
I have been established, anointed and sealed by God [2 Cor. 1:21-22]
I am confident that the good work God has begun in me will be perfected [phil. 1:6]
I am a citizen of heaven [phil. 3:20]
I am hidden with Christ in God [Col. 3:3]
I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and discipline [2 timothy 1:7]
I can find grace and mercy to help in time of need [Hebrews 4:16]
I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me [1 John 5:18]"

"I renounce the lie that I am worthless, inadequate, helpless or hopeless. In Christ I am significant. God says...

I am the salt of the earth and the light of the world [Matt. 5:13-14]
I am a branch of the true vine, Jesus, a channel of His life [John 15:1,5]
I have been chosen and appointed by God to bear fruit [John 15:16]
I am a personal, Spirit-empowered witness of Christ's [Acts 1:8]
I am a temple of God [1 Cor. 6:1]
I am a minister of reconciliation for God [2 Cor. 5:17-21]
I am God's coworker [2 Cor. 6:1]
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm [Eph. 2:10]
I am God's workmanship, created for good works [Eph. 2:10]
I may approach God with freedom and confidence [Eph. 3:12]
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me [Phil. 4:13]


and finally, here's a great quote I heard in a song..."I'm not who I want to be, I'm not who I'm going to be, but thank goodness I'm not who I was."

[chinacat]

Thank you so much for taking the time to help .. and to write out all of those quotes... it means so much.
Yes , I am quite sincere in wanting to be pointed in the right direction and mindframe.

I do believe I am a sinner saved by grace, and I believe this is where I will be until I die.

I guess my question is 2 fold.

1) Do you feel it is right/proper to talk to someone as harshly as he does me? I feel it's so off putting, not only to me as a Christian --it hurts and seems so terribly cruel and judgemental, but also, because I fear deeply t hat he carries that judgemental attitude outward and can really say the wrong thing to one who doesn't know Jesus with that attitude and could perhaps say the wrong thing to the wrong person and cause them to feel so unloved/rejected/outcasted that they'd never strive to know God. I've talked with more than one nonbeliever who says the overcritical, judgemental nature of Christians is why they feel so angered by Christianity, so it doubly hurts me.


2) I know I love the Lord with my heart and soul.. yet my fruit falls so very short. I know my acts can not save me, but I still wonder why my actions are still so heavily mired in sin. I am questioning if the Holy Spirit does the work for the person, Does the Spirit work simply by convicting the person of their wrong doing, does the person have to have more effort on themselves, -- so, I guess what I'm asking, what makes you do the good that you do when you do it? What has brought about the change in you. I feel more convicted on things, yet I still seem to so often do the wrong thing anyways. I know that our Lord is a Lord of free will, so I am going to safely assume that I will always have the option to sin,,,I guess I'm just internally so tangled up about this , (though am probably doing a terrible job wording it)

again I feel all of you have been a blessing to me. Thank you for taking the time to give me guidance.

[Sold Out]

That being said - I am truly much a sinner. I lie, I cuss, I'm just a sinner in every way I can be. Sometimes I try harder than others not to sin. Sometimes I don't feel like I try very hard at all. Often times my sin feels willfull. I'm ashamed of myself. I don't go to church very often. (I read a tiny passage of the Bible every night, I listen to radio sermons most days.. I pray daily..that's about it. I fall very short. )

Moving on to the relationship aspect - I have a boyfriend who goes to church several times per week - I've never attended with him because he just intimidates me. I've been working on it a lot but I did do it. Today he sends me a text that says stuff such as that I love my job more than God (because I work a lot and don't go to church often) , (you are with the God you serve and love... your job) or (maybe if you spent as much time at God's house and in His presence as you do that job things would be better - when you want to talk like a mature woman of God, call me) etc etc.

I just feel the way he says those kinds of things is so ...pharasitical..? .

Yeah, he should not have texted that to you...but I'm sure it is out of his frustration. He must have a lot of feelings invested in you if it bothers him that much that you don't share his spiritual fervor.

You are feeling the way you do because of what you said....infrequent bible attendance and minimal bible study. God speaks to you and transforms you through HIS WORD. If you are not feeding on a steady diet of scripture, you are starving yourself spiritually. Would you only eat a tidbit of food everyday and expect to thrive physically? Of course not! Not only that, you are not fellowshipping with God's people, so you are a 'dull' Christian. Proverbs 27:17 tell us that iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. You are not being 'sharpened' spiritually!

Take your boyfriend out of the equation and stop letting him bother you. This is between you and God....and you need to fix your relationship with your Heavenly Father. You need to get yourself on a spiritual schedule, and the easiest way to start is by getting these three things down pat:

1) Give God the first moments of the morning (bible study & prayer)
2) Give God the first day of the week (regular church attendance)
3) Give God the first 10% of your income (or whatever you purpose in your heart...just give God what's His and support a local church)

[Makimbo]

1.) You're boyfriend isn't going about presenting his case in the right way at all. And no, he's not right to talk to you like that. Like Sold Out said, take the boyfriend out of the picture, with this it sounds like you'll be much less confused.

2.) It's a team effort. Following Christ isn't easy and it takes a lot of effort sometimes.
1 Peter 3:11 says, "He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it."
1 Timothy 6:11 says, "But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness."
2 Timothy 2:22 says, "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

I can't stress enough how important going to church is, not just going but being active in the community. Do whatever you need to do and get off work and go to a good Bible believing church, get involved in a small group, meet with other believers, find a mentor who can hold you accountable and guide you in your faith.

Much of sin can be avoided by removing temptation. Get rid of the movies and music that have cussing and sex in them. Memorize scripture in order to get God's Word on your mind and heart instead of all the cuss words. Get rid of the destructive friendships, really think about what that lie will cost you, change your habits basically. Mark 9:43 says, "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out." Obviously not to be taken literally! : ) But it's exactly what I'm talking about, eliminating the things that are destructive to your walk.

Take small steps, keep your thoughts heavenward. Picture yourself as being a broken bone which takes time to heal, and give yourself time to heal without beating yourself down. And at the end of the day remember that Jesus said, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5).

and get yourself in church : )

[Gulah Papyrus]

Just to reiterate what has been said...live your life for an audience of ONE!