stuck between a rock and hard place

[Lyndie]

Hi everyone.

My brother and his wife are getting a divorce due to infidleity on her part. My brother had no clue it was going on till she told him. He was devastated. My brother is only immediated family I have left, so I am very close to him. I still babysit for thier kids, when she works on inventory night or on Thursday due to his schedule at work, here and there if they ask. I do it more for the kids than anything, I feel its important they have as many people as they can around that love them.

Here's the issue. My brother and his ex are doing things I do not agree with,(fighting in front of the kids, even a physical altercation) and today he put me in a situation I am quite angry about. He came to get my nephew for soccer and as I was getting my nephew's stuff my brother walked around her apt. looking at different things. Something he saw got him mad.She is still seeing the guy she cheated with so I'm sure it has something to do with that, a pic or something. He left. If he confronts his ex about what he saw she will know he was wandering around, and then she will be upset with me for letting him. I feel he took advantage of the situation.

Here's the kicker. My brother complains about how awful my sil is, but, he is seeing a married woman who still lives with her husband. I wanted to call him on his celll and say what are you mad at? You're sleeping with so and so??? I just don't know if I should continue to help them and the kids or what. Should I say anything or let it go?

[Lyndie]

Anybody? I have to babysit again and am debating bringing it up.

[Timshel]

Dear Lyndie,

My two aunts babysitted for us when we were kids. That is what's important, today whenever I see them I'll kiss their feet if I have to, I am very grateful to them. I remember every little detail about them being there for us, because my parents were very busy.

As for your brother, he is hurt right now. And I understand you are mad at him for acting up when he is doing things he shouldn't be doing. He was devastated, it takes time to get over that and makes us do silly things in the process.

He needs you now, don't let your anger make you turn your back on him.

[livingwaters]

:pray:Stay in it for the kids, Lyndie!!!! You are probably the highlight of their day....Hey, try some fun "Jesus" stuff with them...tell them about Jesus, and what HE did for them and all of us....they need to know our Lord so they can call on HIM through these rough times, not to mention the most important reason, their eternal salvation...Children have no control over their situations, most of the time.

We,(including me) as adults, can be real stupid, sometimes(their parents). We think of ourselves too much!!!!

Pray about it...God will lead you, if you seek HIM!!!!:hug:

[Makimbo]

Definitely stay there for the kids, they NEED a good influence in their lives and like livingwater said, they need to hear about Jesus, as does your brother and his ex! I'd say keeping quiet about the other details is wise. There's no point in getting all caught up in their battles. But really, those kids need you now more than ever.

[Lesa]

You are being a type of mediator. Be for the kids. They need stability. If your brother can't respect the privacy of his soon to be ex-wife then maybe you can keep the door locked until the kids are ready and meet him at the door on your way out also. Or arrange to meet him some place else.Then he won't have the opportunity to browse into things he should not.
Which (I hate being so harsh but honest) if you are in there when he is doing these things ...makes you an assesory to what he is doing even though you don't condone it. So therefore if anything legal comes up about it ..you could be in trouble to. If your sister-in law trusts you then please pray about that trust and I am sure you will recieve answers on how to handle this situation.
On the part about them fighting in front of the children .. is there any way that you can take the children for a walk when they begin these arguements? If not, pray that their(mom and dads) hearts be softened and then go speak with them about how it affects the children.
Physical altercations are serious business. I pray that if you observe those actions that you might take steps to assure that the altercations do not bleed over to the children. They are easily frightened and may try themselves to intervene which in turn may get them hurt.
IF the children are telling you of these altercations then damage has of course, already been done.
Speak with your pastor I am sure he will have good advice. If not then you can make and anonamous call to some agencys in your area that will councel you on what the approprate steps would be to help in these matters.
Do the children go to church? If they do their youth counselor (if seasoned) can assist in these matters. Some churches have youth group leaders that will actually try to keep children like these busy with activities and offer overnite stays while parents go through these things.
At anyrate, I pray you have the patience to be a impartial mediator for the children. You have a very sensitve situation on your hands.
Just don't give up on the kids. THEY need you. And as the others said they need bible based teachings to help them through these things.
I guuess what I am saying is ..the MORE you can get them out of the situation..the better. and if you can get them and take them to your home or on weekend trips maybe the nasties will be worked out by their parents while the children are out with you.

Much love to you

[Lyndie]

Well, it happened again. Apparently my brother and the woman he has been seeing were hanging out at his home when his ex drove by to get thier son from school. She saw the car and came barging in the door and attacked my brother again and bit him. I have to watch the kids today, and was told to tell my brother that if it happens again, I will have to take the steps to make sure his kids are safe, since he is saying "there's nothing he can do about it." I asked him what he is going to do when she starts taking her rage out on the kids. He didn't answer. Please pray for me, on how to respond, and what to do.