A mixed marriage as an unequal yoke [Archive] - BibleForums Christian Message Board and Forums

Olddad

Sep 14th 2008, 04:25 AM

Kahtar

Sep 14th 2008, 04:35 AM

Many become Christians after they are married, and as such, are 'unequally yoked', but, as you pointed out, should not seek divorce, but rather to hang in there and perhaps lead their mate into a relationship with Christ.
But for those who are not yet married, and Christian, they are exhorted to not get married to an unbeliever, for with or without the attitude you described, their marriage will be filled with discord. This has been proven out to be true countless times.
As to the text being undeterminate, try reading it. It's meaning is clear.Why assume Christians 'run to a negative text'?

RoadWarrior

Sep 14th 2008, 04:35 AM

Hi OldDad, and welcome to Christians Answer.

I am curious as to how this subject affects you, it sounds personal?

We have a forum for unequally yoked Christians here on the board. There are many of us in that circumstance. We look at all of scripture, not just a verse or two here or there.

If a Christian is already married to an unbeliever, then we do not counsel them to leave. Those of us who are married to unbelievers hold fast to scriptures that comfort us in the relationship, and seek to be silent witnesses of the grace of God, to our spouses; or to speak God's word to the spouse when we feel led.

If an unmarried Christian asks us the question, we advise against marrying an unbeliever. Of course, there are always those who do not listen. But a Christian is much happier if they marry someone they can share faith with. It is very hard to want your spouse to pray for you, when they don't believe in God and therefore cannot pray for you. That is just one example of the problems we have as unequally yoked marriage partners.

Olddad

Sep 14th 2008, 05:12 AM

Thank you to the two posters. I regard the text in 2 Corinthians as negative because it divides people into goodies and baddies, which I regard as childish and silly.

Of course there are greater chances of disagreement when people come from different backgrounds. However, many people make a success of the most unlikely unions while others, who apparently have everything going for them, still end up divorcing. Life's like that, sometimes.

Of course, it is better if fervent believers do not marry out of their faith, but others are more flexible. Many wear their faith quite lightly and can take religious differences in their stride. Besides, as my sister said, every marriage is a mixed marriage.

Tanya~

Sep 14th 2008, 05:25 AM

Many wear their faith quite lightly and can take religious differences in their stride.

If someone is not committed to Christ, they are a Christian in name only, and it will not matter much if they marry a nonbeliever. The spiritual difference wouldn't matter so much because there may not be much spiritual difference and as you say, it would be no different than any other marriage.

But your attitude about this is the very reason why it is not wise for a Christian to marry a nonbeliever. The nonbeliever doesn't have the same understanding about the spiritual difference between a believer and an unbeliever. The unbeliever really doesn't care about the spiritual life of the other, so why should they care how it would affect the Christian they want to bind to themselves in marriage? The Christian may not understand how important this matter will become as time goes on. What about children? How will they be raised? How will this spiritual division affect them? The unbeliever will not see it as an issue, but from believer's point of view, it is a very big issue. Or it should be.

Olddad

Sep 14th 2008, 07:04 AM

What about children? How will they be raised? How will this spiritual division affect them?

What effect does an interfaith household have on the children? If there is any degree of love and respect between the parents, then the children will grow up with the knowledge that people can love and respect one another even though they do have differences. That example is something that will stay with them all their lives. The knowledge that people don't all think alike, don't all feel alike and don't all see things alike but can still get on will be an inspiration for them for as long as they live.

Tanya~

Sep 14th 2008, 04:29 PM

Hello Olddad,

From your perspective the above makes perfect sense, but from the perspective of the Christian in a mixed marriage, this is a source of much heartache. The children observe the parents, and the influence of the father in the childrens' lives cannot be discounted. From your point of view it is no big deal. But it is a big deal, and that is why the Lord doesn't encourage believers to marry unbelievers.

Bethany67

Sep 14th 2008, 04:38 PM

Olddad - I'm in a mixed-faith marriage. I married a fellow Pagan and a year later I followed Jesus. Let me tell you it's not easy. It's got nothing to do with considering myself superior to my husband. There is no spiritual link between us, although we have a happy marriage in all other respects. But yes there is something missing for us; I feel it and I know DH too mourns the fact that we do not share anything spiritually. Sure, we discuss quite happily, and his kids have observed firsthand how people with differing viewpoints can live in relative harmony. But a vital component that God intends for marriage is not in our marriage, and won't ever be unless DH becomes a Christian.

I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone; I long for the day when we can pray together, study together, love Jesus together, walk together the path that God intended. A wishywashy Christian wouldn't care, but someone who is passionate about Jesus has an area of life that cannot be shared with the person closest to them, and that's a source of grief. Take it from us who know.

karenoka27

Sep 14th 2008, 05:36 PM

Hi! And welcome to the board!
I was married before I was saved-born again. I accepted Jesus Christ one year into my marriage. My husband did not. We are in what the Bible would call an unequally yoked marriage. Simply means that we don't see things the same way. He sees things from a worldly perspective and I see them through a spiritual one. However! We have been married for 25 years! We have three children, all of which have accepted Jesus Christ as Savior and one of them is in ministry.

I pray for my husband's salvation always, but I still love him just for who he is.

I just need to add this. I encouraged my children not to marry an unbeliever, because it is better to be like minded when it comes to spiritual matters.
The only differences one of my daughters has with her husband is that she is a NE Patriots fan and he is a Browns fan! When it comes to football they are not evenly yoked!:D

Olddad

Sep 14th 2008, 08:53 PM

I can quite understand that fervent Christians would regret that they do not share their faith with their life partner. Nevertheless, for the children, the knowledge that people of different religious persuasions can love and respect each other can be a great blessing. All their lives they will deal with people who have different ideas about religion, politics, and anything else. The example of their parents, who demonstrated that people of different persuasions can get along, will stay with them all their lives.

No marriage is perfect, whether or not the husband and wife agree on spiritual matters. However, there is no religious problem in husbands and wives loving each other. That's the way it should be.

Tanya~

Sep 14th 2008, 09:12 PM

That's very true and good news for believers who are married to nonbelievers. Some people who are Christians actually seek to use the fact that their spouse is not a believer as an excuse for divorce, and of course 1 Cor 7 should put that idea to rest.

But a Christian should still not marry a nonbeliever, and Christians will consistently counsel against that.

thestarofthesea

Sep 14th 2008, 09:28 PM

I regard the text in 2 Corinthians as negative because it divides people into goodies and baddies, which I regard as childish and silly.

Christians don't view non-Christians are bad or inferior. The only difference between the two groups is the path that we are on. As a Christian, I'm supposed to be striving to improve my relationship with the Lord, and making decisions about my life that will best glorify him and serve his purposes. If I marry somebody who isn't a Christian, we will probably have very dissimilar goals. We may also have very different perspectives on important issues. While I happen to believe that excellent communication skills and a true dedication to making marriage work can overcome some of these obstacles, it's a big risk to take. Furthermore, a non-Christian has no vested interest in encouraging me on my walk, and may have personal reasons for wanting me to discontinue seeking Christ. A spouse who feels like church-going and Bible study are a waste of time might hinder these things rather then remind me to go and encourage me in them. If my spouse was not dedicated to helping me in my walk, there is a chance he might discourage me from doing so, and it's simply easier to avoid that. But really, it has nothing to do with nonbelievers being bad. We are all sinners. I hope someday you will make the choice to accept Christ's forgiveness for your own sins, but you're no worse a person than me, not at all. :hug:

Midyrvette

Sep 14th 2008, 10:58 PM

I was disturbed to read a thread where marriages of Christians and non-Christians were described as an unequal yoke (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). If that's the way Christians feel, it's a recipe for discord, division and divorce. It would be better to apply the clear teaching of marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, which deals explicitly with marriage between a believer and an unbeliever. This text gives a far more positive picture, making it clear that there can be harmony in a mixed marriage.

Why do Christians run to a negative text of indeterminate application and ignore a more positive text that explicitly deals with mixed marriages?

In 1 Corinthians 7:12-14, the word tells us that even though a beliver is married to an unbeliever, the believer cannot divorce if the unbliever is willing to stay in the marriage and be santified by the believer. So an unbeliever and believer can stay and live fairly agreeable in a marriage. Perhaps the unbleiver might come to Christ.

1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart, a brother or sister is not under bondage isn such cases. But God has called us to peace.

I was in a situation where I became a Christian and my wife packed up and left me to move across country with the kids. It wasn't all because of my Christianity, there were other problems, but she was adamant against Christianity and teaching it to the kids. She often told me that if I was a Christian, she would not have married me in the first place.

Olddad

Sep 15th 2008, 01:22 AM

I was in a situation where I became a Christian and my wife packed up and left me to move across country with the kids. It wasn't all because of my Christianity, there were other problems, but she was adamant against Christianity and teaching it to the kids. She often told me that if I was a Christian, she would not have married me in the first place.

I'm sorry that you went through such an ordeal. All I hope is that you are able to keep in touch with your children.

ServantofTruth

Sep 16th 2008, 04:52 PM

If someone is not committed to Christ, they are a Christian in name only, and it will not matter much if they marry a nonbeliever. The spiritual difference wouldn't matter so much because there may not be much spiritual difference and as you say, it would be no different than any other marriage.

But your attitude about this is the very reason why it is not wise for a Christian to marry a nonbeliever. The nonbeliever doesn't have the same understanding about the spiritual difference between a believer and an unbeliever. The unbeliever really doesn't care about the spiritual life of the other, so why should they care how it would affect the Christian they want to bind to themselves in marriage? The Christian may not understand how important this matter will become as time goes on. What about children? How will they be raised? How will this spiritual division affect them? The unbeliever will not see it as an issue, but from believer's point of view, it is a very big issue. Or it should be.

OldDad, Tanya has spoken well.

This is my experience of interfaith or believer/ non believer marriages where the marriage has occured when one person is a christian already.

My wife is not a christian and when we met and married niether was I. At times we have struggled, even seperated - before i became a christian, but the way forward is together.

I believe only those who proclaim faith with their mouth, but don't have Jesus Christ in their heart and the Holy Spirit, would marry a non believer. SofTy.

Olddad

Sep 17th 2008, 11:34 AM

In reviewing the postings it is pretty obvious that despite a fair degree of agreement about marriage we are still on different wavelengths. For some, this is an intolerable situation; for others like me, this is just part of the human condition. Many things divide people: gender, nationality, political ideas and religious differences are just some of them. For me, these differences are part of the spice of life, challenging us, sometimes infuriating us, often enlightening us, making us think and re-examining our own preconceptions and making us grow in understanding and wisdom.

I believe that it's sometimes very valuable to be shocked, to be forced to rethink our ideas, to change our minds and to examine our consciences and find that some things we always accepted or rejected may need to be re-examined. But a situation that forces one person to grow and change may be the undoing of another person. We are all different, but we can still learn from one another.

However, I would offer a word of caution to some of those who posted here. Just because a believer is happily married to an unbeliever doesn't have to mean that their faith is any the less. In any case, none of us are in the position to judge another person's faith or to look down on those who succeed where we would fail.

dljc

Sep 17th 2008, 12:51 PM

Hi OldDad,

You speak of wisdom and examining ones self, but what do you examine yourself by? We are reminded in the first chapter of Proverbs.

2 To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding;

3 To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity;

4 To give subtilty to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion.

5 A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:

6 To understand a proverb, and the interpretation; the words of the wise, and their dark sayings.

7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

In 2 Corinthians 13:5 we are instructed to examine ourselves to see if we are in the faith, and not a reprobate.

5 Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?

We are to examine ourselves in the Light of God's Word. What do you examine yourself by? The standards of the world?

Iliana

Sep 20th 2008, 07:55 PM

Besides, as my sister said, every marriage is a mixed marriage.

Exactly. You can be of the same faith and be able to share in your beliefs and pray with one other etc, and still have troubles in marriage simply because everyone is different! You do not have to be of different religious backgrounds to teach your children tolerance for those who are different(be it religion or whatever the case-and there are many cases). In fact from all my experiences in school and life religious tolerance was never a problem among children-they've got a lot of other tolerance issues they need to learn however!(ie. cliks in school, etc)

What is stated in the Bible really is the right thing to do-just ask any Christian who is "unequally yoked" with someone just how hard it is to go through life with someone everyday who you can't share the things that mean the most to you in life.