Are you ever mad at God or wonder if there even IS a God?

[Emily]

I am really, really discouraged and low. I am wondering if anyone has ever felt so let down by God that you are seriously ticked off at Him or if you even start to wonder, is there really a God? Is this all just a big farce and I've been talking to no one all this time?

This has been the worst year of my life. My boss (who was great) and one of my co-workers (I was very close to both of them, we worked together every single day and talked/laughed all the time) left my job at almost the exact same time, about 5 months ago. Then my dad passed away almost 4 months ago. He was the person that I loved most in the entire world and my heart is completely broken over his passing. He was a Christian, and went to Heaven, if there even is a Heaven, who knows!

My boyfriend and I were living at my parent's house and took care of him while he was dying (he could not do anything for himself at all). After he passed away, my brother (who I used to be VERY close to, and who by the way did not help us AT ALL and visited my dad about 3 times while he was dying even though he lives just down the street) took over everything to do with my mom's life. He kicked me and my boyfriend out of the house about 3 weeks after my dad passed away, returned my car to the dealer without my permission (it was under my dad's name, my dad had bought it for me under his credit but I paid the payments, and it was mine for almost 5 years! and my only way to go to work, I commute 30 miles to work ONE WAY). He also shut off our internet (which we were paying for) just to continue punishing us. This made finding a new apartment extremely difficult AND I was in the middle of the semester for an online class. (And he did more stuff in his attempt to punish me or whatever his intention was, but I won't make this any longer than necessary.)

To top it all off, my new boss is the biggest JERK in the world. I seriously hate his guts. I hate my job, not only am I totally overwhelmed with the endless list of work they expect from me but the fact that I work for people who have no appreciation for me and treat me like a slave is just way too much, and dealing with ALL OF THIS while mourning my dad is way beyond what I can handle.

I have been searching high and low for a new job, thought things were looking up when I got a phone interview from my dream job, which led to a real interview, and I thought for sure I had it. I prayed on it and asked for signs and it seemed God was telling me that this job was mine. I obviously stupidly believed that God would lift me out of this hell on earth, only to find out yesterday that my dream job will NOT be mine. OF COURSE NOT. Not me! I am just so beside myself. I can't believe God has done this to me. Why did He dangle this job in front of me only to pull it away? Why even have them call me at all, only to waste my time putting me through all this garbage for NOTHING? I am so ticked off at God.

My dad's death was sudden, for me. Although he was in the process of dying and we knew it, I STUPIDLY believed that God would save him, heal him, take away his cancer. What an idiot I was. A lot of good my faith does for me, it just lets me down again and again, waiting for God to swoop in and save the day only to be let down time after time after time.

My boyfriend and I have been unable to get married because we are literally just barely scraping by, we literally cannot even afford a flippin' ring, much less a wedding. I wanted my dad to see me get married but my boyfriend could not find a job after he got laid off in January (and actually didn't find one until dad's last month alive). Even though my boyfriend and I share an apartment we are STILL not married and I don't see it happening anytime soon the way our money situation looks. We have kept our relationship pure because we want God to bless our marriage. But in "payment" for trying to follow Him, what I get instead is STILL NO WEDDING, my dad will never walk me down the aisle, my dad will not dance with me at my wedding, my dad will never see me have children, my children will never know my wonderful, loving dad because God took him away! Then I have to deal with all of this other garbage on top of everything else.

Its just like every part of my life has gone to crap and God just doesn't even care!! I am starting to think that maybe this whole thing is a big farce, how do I know there is even really a God? My brother who did all of this to me is supposedly a Christian and is living the high life despite the suffering he inflicted on me. How is this fair? Maybe I'm talking to no one this whole time? I was born again 4 years ago, maybe it was just something I convinced myself had happened and wasn't even real? How could Jesus do this to me? How can Jesus say that if you ask something of Him, He will give it to you? To me this just seems like such a JOKE!!!

There is this lady where I work, her fiancee and her live together (in sin, of course!!), just bought their own house, have a fabulous wedding all planned, her dad is alive and well. She gets some great wedding and her dad alive, she probably isn't even a Christian, but God just showers her with all kinds of blessings, she just does what she wants and gets it all. Does this seem fair? Why do I even bother trying to follow God's ways when He just turns His back on me in my time of need? Life is seriously not even worth living.

[Richard H]

Hi Emily,
I’m sorry you’re really have a hard time of it, lately.
I’m so sorry about your Dad’s passing. I’ve lost both my Mom and my Dad. Even though they were old, it was really difficult for awhile.

Your Brother seems to be striking out in anger. Perhaps he too is hurt by this loss and is taking it out on you.

Don’t feel that God has let you down or done these things to you. He may allow things to happen and we are to learn what we can.
Other things like your Father’s passing are unavoidable. It had to happen sometime. Be glad that He’s no longer in pain.

It’s a shame that many churches and personal “witnesses” preach a FEEL GOOD Christianity. “Get saved and all your problems will be solved.”
It just isn’t so.

I too have thought God was leading me somewhere – only to be disappointed. Actually, it was ME who was trying to make things happen.
We live in a fallen world and so bed things do happen. Faith is about trusting even when we see no evidence.

My best advice: talk to God. Tell Him of your disappointments and sorrow.
Be real with Him and ask Him not so much to change your situation, but to re-invigorate your soul.
Seek first the kingdom…

Remember to read His Word: Psalms, the gospels and Paul’s letters.

When Jesus was on the cross, he cried out (in Hebrew): “My God. My God! Why have you forsaken me?”
The people there thought he was calling to Elijah. “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?”

But he wasn’t He was beginning to quote Psalm 22. Take a moment right now to read it.
It may help you realize that Jesus is well acquainted with sorrow and disappointment.

God IS real and He DOES care for you. Trust in Him even when you see no results.
He’s not a vending machine and sometimes we have to go though really tough times, but He is there with you.

Remember to take time to go sit in the park or take a walk in the woods (if it’s safe) and look at the sky, and the clouds, and the sun on the leaves. Listen to the birds.
And tell yourself, that your time of difficulty will not last forever. Have HOPE. It can really help when faith seems to fade a bit.

I invite you to read my testimony; because it deals with my own conclusion that God is real.
http://bibleforums.org/forum/showthread.php?p=1793138#post1793138 (http://bibleforums.org/forum/showthread.php?p=1793138#post1793138)

Richard

[faroutinmt]

We are all sinners; this is true. We will both sin against others, and others will sin against us. However, God is still good and loving.

I have been angry at God before. I thought that He should have changed some circumstances in my life, and He did not. I must realize that my own understanding is so often warped and darkened by my desire to have things go my way. Likewise, I often want to be loved by others to the degree that, when I feel that I am not, I get angry, resentful, and bitter.

I have come, and am learning to continually come, to the acceptance that God is good; period. He governs His world in His perfect, loving wisdom. He may permit adversities to come my way. He may permit others to sin against me. To be sure, He has permitted me to sin against others. If I want to demand justice for all the wrongs which have been done to me by others, I will soon find that justice will be pursuing me, for I have certainly done my share of wrongs as well.

Jesus was rejected, sinned against, harassed, persecuted, lied about, brutalized, etc. All these things were permitted by His heavenly Father. Yet, He trusted in God. His heart remained without sin, without bitterness, without grumbling. Instead of distrusting His Father, He clung to Him in the midst of all these things.

When trials come our way, we should expect our sinful natures to pull at us, tempting us, and whispering to us of the unkindness of God. Of course, this was Satan's strategy with Eve: to destroy her confidence in the goodness and love of God toward her. She believed this lie and chose to become god of her own life. We are tempted in this way every day ( I certainly am).

Remember that God is good and that circumstances do not change His character. Perhaps one day we will become the targets of others' sin through persecution. As we have received mercy from the Lord for our sins, as we have received His forgiveness (when we deserved His justice), let us run to Him for grace to humble ourselves and give this forgiveness to others.

I need all the grace I can get.

[Gospel-Witness]

Have you ever read the book of the Psalms? It is woven with ups and downs...just like your life. Some days David was cheerful and filled with praise, other times he was humble, begging for forgiveness.

Don't look for some external source for soothing your pain....come to understand the Word of God...get to know it as it is really written. Develop that relationship with Christ that you really long for and don't look back.

If you will let God speak to you through His Word, and if you will hear Him and put your faith in His Son then I think that everything will work out fine.

:pray: I will pray that you find a better job, but remember to put God first. Few employers will want you if you're "mad at the world." Again, put your faith in Christ and don't look back!

[FaithfulSheep]

First I want to say I am so sorry for the loss of your father. It is obvious you loved him very much.:hug: I don't know why your brother would be acting this way, but I do know that everyone handles a great loss differently.

Sometimes what we want for us and others in our life is not what the Lord wants for us. Our will does not always align itself with His will.

The Lord promises us that He will never leave us or forsake us. During the good times and the bad He will be there for us. You know, it's interesting how the Lord works. Yesterday in my quiet time I read a passage in 2 Corinthians that I would like to share with you. Let's look at verses 8-9 of chapter 1. For we don't want you to be unaware brothers, of our affliction that took place in the province of Asia; we were completely overwhelmed - beyond our strength - so that we even despaired of life. However, we personally had a death sentence within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead.

At times our lives gets to the point where we cannot bear everything on our own accord. When you are overwhelmed you need to run to the Lord. Put your faith in Him. Pray to Him. Cry out and tell Him how you feel and let Him know how much you need Him right now. I will be praying for you. :pray:

[Sold Out]

There is this lady where I work, her fiancee and her live together (in sin, of course!!), just bought their own house, have a fabulous wedding all planned, her dad is alive and well. She gets some great wedding and her dad alive, she probably isn't even a Christian, but God just showers her with all kinds of blessings, she just does what she wants and gets it all. Does this seem fair? Why do I even bother trying to follow God's ways when He just turns His back on me in my time of need? Life is seriously not even worth living.

Ok....God is not a slot machine where you pull the handle and get everything you want. That is not how the Christian life works. Jesus NEVER promised us health, wealth & prosperity. In fact, He promised quite the opposite.

We are to give thanks in ALL THINGS - "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." I Thessalonians 5:18

I'm not trying to be a downer here.....but you need to get your eyes off of everyone else and consider what you DO have....you are saved and going to heaven when you die. So what if this co-worker 'has it all' right now...what if she dies and goes to hell? Would it be worth it? NO! When I see the unsaved living it up, I have to remember that this is probably the only heaven they will know. Don't be jealous for her.....and the best way to deal with that is to witness to her!

You obey God because of what He has ALREADY done for you - he saved your soul when you didn't deserve it. He's done His part. You need to be grateful for your salvation and find more ways to serve God because of what He's done for you.

[Literalist-Luke]

Emily, there is an absolutely wonderful book that helped me several years ago through a crisis of my own. From what you've said here, I think it would pretty much hit the bull's eye for you. It's by Philip Yancey, and it's name is Disappointment with God. You should be able to order it off of amazon.com or christianbooks.com or your local Christian bookstore might have it on the shelf.

He tackles the very issues that you have been courageous enough to bring up here. I will tell you this - there are indeed answers to your questions about God, but it's not something that I or anybody else can just "explain" and have you say "Oh, OK, I understand now". It's a process of faith that takes time.

Just to help you maybe get pointed in the right direction, I will tell you this: Life was not intended to be this way by our Father. He created this world and us in a state of perfection. However, since we voluntarily surrendered the title deed to Satan, God will honor that choice.

In addition, there are examples throughout the Bible where God intervened in a mighty way in people's lives, especially in the Exodus, yet it did no good whatsoever. Look at all the incredible things God did for the Hebrew slaves, yet when the time came, they still built the golden calf and they also refused to enter the Promised Land. (I think Numbers 14 is the most tragic chapter in the entire Bible, even over the Crucifixion accounts.)

God is more concerned with our response of faith to the adversity that we go through than He is in swooping in to the rescue and keeping us from that adversity. The reason is because He's looking at things from an eternal viewpoint. This life that we are living is but a puff of wind. It's only an eyeblink compared to eternity. That's hard for us to comprehend, because we are limited in our perspective. So we have to respond in faith.

That faith in our response will yield benefits for eternity, long after the problems that generated that faith are gone and forgotten.

Philip Yancey's book explains and explores all this in much greater detail and more fluently than I can. I would strongly recommend that you read it.

I was going through a crisis of faith at one point to the point that I told God that I was suspending my daily Bible study time for a few days to read that book and make a decision about whether or not to continue in my journey with Him. To this day, I believe He had absolutely no problem with that, because I was at least honest enough with Him about my feelings that I was willing to face them and deal with them, rather than just write Him off. In the end, I came out with my faith stronger than ever. Today, having been able to journey even further down the road that Philip Yancey helped me find, I would defy anybody to get me to question the reality or the lovingkindness of my Father in heaven. You can imprison me, you can take all my belongings, you can even kill me. My only request will be that you just kill me quick so I can get it over with. But I absolutely will NOT turn my back on the God who was patient enough with me to allow me to find my own way to Him, and who had also been gracious enough to me beforehand to pave the road for me to walk on.

The exact same experience is waiting for you, as long as you are willing to make the journey. My prayers are with you. :thumbsup:

[Literalist-Luke]

Ok....God is not a slot machine where you pull the handle and get everything you want. That is not how the Christian life works. Jesus NEVER promised us health, wealth & prosperity. In fact, He promised quite the opposite.

We are to give thanks in ALL THINGS - "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." I Thessalonians 5:18

I'm not trying to be a downer here.....but you need to get your eyes off of everyone else and consider what you DO have....you are saved and going to heaven when you die. So what if this co-worker 'has it all' right now...what if she dies and goes to hell? Would it be worth it? NO! When I see the unsaved living it up, I have to remember that this is probably the only heaven they will know. Don't be jealous for her.....and the best way to deal with that is to witness to her!

You obey God because of what He has ALREADY done for you - he saved your soul when you didn't deserve it. He's done His part. You need to be grateful for your salvation and find more ways to serve God because of what He's done for you.It appears to me that Emily needs something a little more than just the "get over it" approach.

[livingwaters]

:pray::pray:ing for you Emily.....Read your bible, hon!!! Ask the Lord God for wisdom and knowledge...HIS Word says, HE will give it liberally to those who ask....I know I have to ask for it every single day!!!!! HE will see you through this....put your faith and trust in HIM, no matter what the circumstances look like...Amen.

God Bless:hug:

[OneofHis777]

First, don't take this the wrong way because it will help you and I have been where your at wondering why God why have you done this to me when I do so much for you. You might ask yourself this am I thinking the wrong way who is in charge here God or me. Is God there just to fulfill what I want. Don't get mad becuase the next thing you will be thinking is why then serve God if He is in charge and wants to hurt me. Well on the contrary in His word He says He knows the thoughts He thinks toward you thoughts of peace not to harm you but to give you hope and a future. You have made the mistake that we all make as Christians we think once we get saved that everything is going to be perfect, On the contrary we are in a war a spirtual war and Christians are the prime target. Most problems come in a series and it is all designed to get you to quit to give up on God to question whether He is real or not, and I believe if you look around for a moment you can see that God is very real and so is Heaven and so is Hell and the next time you see your Dad you will have him for eternity. God said He is a Father to the Fatherless lean on him. When you see people prospering that are not believers just remember you get to go to Heaven you have hope. This time of trail you are in will not last forever and God will give you periods of rest. As long as you try to see this life for what it is not and that is a paradise you are always going to be miserable. But if you see this world for what it is and that is fallen, and know that you are in a war zone you will understand and be able to take advantage of the times that God gives you peace and good times and He will in abundance. Lastly, don't beat yourself up for being mad at God or doubting it's ok to fail God will pick you up remember we win and the only thing that will last is what we do for Jesus. Your Dad went to Heaven you are going to Heaven do your best to make sure others get to go...

[Richard H]

First, don't take this the wrong way because it will help you and I have been where your at wondering why God why have you done this to me when I do so much for you. You might ask yourself this am I thinking the wrong way who is in charge here God or me. Is God there just to fulfill what I want. Don't get mad becuase the next thing you will be thinking is why then serve God if He is in charge and wants to hurt me. Well on the contrary in His word He says He knows the thoughts He thinks toward you thoughts of peace not to harm you but to give you hope and a future. You have made the mistake that we all make as Christians we think once we get saved that everything is going to be perfect, On the contrary we are in a war a spirtual war and Christians are the prime target. Most problems come in a series and it is all designed to get you to quit to give up on God to question whether He is real or not, and I believe if you look around for a moment you can see that God is very real and so is Heaven and so is Hell and the next time you see your Dad you will have him for eternity. God said He is a Father to the Fatherless lean on him. When you see people prospering that are not believers just remember you get to go to Heaven you have hope. This time of trail you are in will not last forever and God will give you periods of rest. As long as you try to see this life for what it is not and that is a paradise you are always going to be miserable. But if you see this world for what it is and that is fallen, and know that you are in a war zone you will understand and be able to take advantage of the times that God gives you peace and good times and He will in abundance. Lastly, don't beat yourself up for being mad at God or doubting it's ok to fail God will pick you up remember we win and the only thing that will last is what we do for Jesus. Your Dad went to Heaven you are going to Heaven do your best to make sure others get to go...

Good advice.

...a request: Paragraph breaks.
My old eyes have trouble. :cool:

Richard

[steelerbabe]

Emily: I am sorry for the loss of your dad. You are still early in the grief process. When my dad passed away, I was an angry person for a while. Life in general seemed so unfair. You need to allow yourself time to grieve and heal. To answer your question, have I ever been mad at God or doubted his existence the answer is yes. When my mom died of breast cancer when I was 22 I was mad at God for not healing her and taking her away before I got married and had my children. Soon after my dad developed alzhiemers. In between were my best friend's death, bankruptcy, health issues and one set back after another. I have learned through the years to be honest with God about heartbreak and disappointments. The words thy will be done can be hard to say and walk out. Please free to pm if you feel like talking. I will be praying for you.

[Emily]

I wanted to thank all of you for responding to my post and for offering your Godly advice. I really and sincerely appreciate it. I did order a couple of books from Yancey on Amazon.

To be honest I have not had the heart to open up the bible. I read the psalms as recommended and I felt discouraged. I remember when I used to read the bible and cry because it was so beautiful. Now I read and think ... these are just lies. Empty promises. I'm embarassed to admit it but that's how I feel. I can't even pray. All I can think is how Jesus is not really listening or just doesn't care about my pain or how I feel.

I heard this psalm on the radio today: "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." I read the psalm. I just think, wow, really? :confused Because I don't feel close to the Lord at all. I feel abandoned and forgotten and betrayed. I am crushed in spirit and He hasn't saved me.

[Emily]

Just wanted to update. I'm feeling better today. :) I read a lot of the encouragement and support posted all over this forum and it's actually been very uplifting (even though directed at other people and many different situations.) Not coincidentally I've been also hearing applicable sermons on the radio (KWAVE for anyone familiar with Calvary Chapel's radio station).

I keep getting a recurring theme: Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

Actually reading something really disturbing here on this website yesterday posted by a Christian made me realize some things about my doubt. Someone posted, regarding Christian movies, that they don't care about the message, they just want to be entertained. I just thought--WOW. Even as low as I have been lately, as let down and forgotten and abandoned I have felt/feel, I still care about the message that Jesus Christ came to earth to save us from our sins. I still care about the great commission, about non-believers being saved from going to hell. So to me, that confirmed that I'm not falling away at all, that my doubt was just a passing thing, and that my heart will always belong to God. :)

Something Farout posted elsewhere I kept as a reminder for myself :) It was so beautifully and perfectly written. Here's part of her post:

"Don't allow discouragement to make you think that God is far away. Don't trust in what you feel and don't think that it is only when all these things have left you that you will be close to God. You can draw near to Him even though everything within you is telling you to run the other way. That's what He is trying to bring you to. Your relationship with God is not deepest when you are doing great things for Him. Rather it is deepest when you are facing temptations of many kinds and have to not rely on yourself, your feelings or your great spirituality, but only on the Lord."

WOW. Powerful. :) And that's totally where I am. My dad always protected me, helped me, was always there for me, and now that I am at probably the lowest point of my life (for the most part because he is gone) he isn't here. I know that God is the "father of the fatherless" but its not the same as having a REAL dad you can hug and laugh with. That's me, now. It's hard to rely on someone I not only can't see but can't feel like I used to. And when I feel that sorrow that I have nowhere to turn (because I feel like I can't turn to the Lord) I just feel overwhelmed with grief. I miss dad's laugh, I miss his smile, those dimples! He was my rock. I wish I could hug him, talk to him, get his advice. I still can't believe he's really gone. I don't know why God took him from me, I don't know why God has put so much turmoil in my life and why God is allowing me to go through all this at the worst possible time in my life. But I know I have to wait on the Lord and trust Him to get me through all of this somehow.

Thanks again everyone for your replies and advice and support. :) It really has meant SO much.

[Emily]

Another update. I know no one asked :blush: but thought maybe this would encourage someone who feels they are at the depths of despair and that life could not possibly get worse.

God, being the awesome mighty God that He is, has plucked me from the flames once again. Undeserving of it, God has answered my prayer. I got a new job, I start on Monday. The circumstances surrounding everything, the job I leave and the job I go to, are so extraordinary I can clearly see my God's Hand in all of it. I feel ashamed and worthless that I doubted Him so much. :cry: Forgive me God for my blasphemy, even though I don't deserve Your forgiveness. God amazes me, in the words of one of my favorite pastors, He gives us the very breath we use to curse Him. Why He loves me I'll never know. But I will not let this be a stumbling block. God forgives me, I must forgive myself and press on. :)

I have also started attending bereavement classes at my church and it has helped tremendously, already. Really, its all the LORD. Before I even took the classes I got this epiphany one day as I was driving home, even in the midst of tears of grief over my dad, that everything was going to be okay and God was going to get me through this ... and I would feel peace again. Its GOOD to feel that again. I know my dad would have wanted me to be happy anyway, not moping over him being gone. And on the way to work today, I just felt it again, that presence of Jesus in my heart. I just wanted to say, where were you Jesus?? Don't ever leave me again!! But I know He would say, I was here all along, and I never left... I will never leave you nor forsake you. :rolleyes:

I am even feeling forgiveness towards the people who have caused me so much hurt. That is the most amazing of all, because I am not a forgiving person, I'm a grudge holder to the extreme, but I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me. Only through and because of Jesus can I even begin to forgive these people and move on.

I have to confess as I leave my current job I feel very guilty. Because to be honest I have not been a good witness over the years. I haven't done anything outrageously bad (or I don't think so anyway, lol) but I haven't always worked as unto the LORD. :cry: I just have not measured up as His servant here, not by a long shot, but even through someone like ME :(God can still work. He has no limitations. And I see now as I leave that God has been working through me all along, and He is still working. And I am glad that He answered my prayer, and used me for His purposes and His Glory, and I pray He continues to use me. It is hard to endure the trials but to be used by the LORD for His Glory is both humbling and beautiful.

:pp God is great. :pp

And He is greater than the darkest storm, the deepest pain, the biggest fears, and every "worst case scenario" the enemy can dream up. God is greater than them all. He never ceases to prove to me His incredible faithfulness. Thank You Jesus for being my God. :hug:

[Literalist-Luke]

Another update. I know no one asked :blush: but thought maybe this would encourage someone who feels they are at the depths of despair and that life could not possibly get worse.

God, being the awesome mighty God that He is, has plucked me from the flames once again. Undeserving of it, God has answered my prayer. I got a new job, I start on Monday. The circumstances surrounding everything, the job I leave and the job I go to, are so extraordinary I can clearly see my God's Hand in all of it. I feel ashamed and worthless that I doubted Him so much. :cry: Forgive me God for my blasphemy, even though I don't deserve Your forgiveness. God amazes me, in the words of one of my favorite pastors, He gives us the very breath we use to curse Him. Why He loves me I'll never know. But I will not let this be a stumbling block. God forgives me, I must forgive myself and press on. :)

I have also started attending bereavement classes at my church and it has helped tremendously, already. Really, its all the LORD. Before I even took the classes I got this epiphany one day as I was driving home, even in the midst of tears of grief over my dad, that everything was going to be okay and God was going to get me through this ... and I would feel peace again. Its GOOD to feel that again. I know my dad would have wanted me to be happy anyway, not moping over him being gone. And on the way to work today, I just felt it again, that presence of Jesus in my heart. I just wanted to say, where were you Jesus?? Don't ever leave me again!! But I know He would say, I was here all along, and I never left... I will never leave you nor forsake you. :rolleyes:

I am even feeling forgiveness towards the people who have caused me so much hurt. That is the most amazing of all, because I am not a forgiving person, I'm a grudge holder to the extreme, but I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me. Only through and because of Jesus can I even begin to forgive these people and move on.

I have to confess as I leave my current job I feel very guilty. Because to be honest I have not been a good witness over the years. I haven't done anything outrageously bad (or I don't think so anyway, lol) but I haven't always worked as unto the LORD. :cry: I just have not measured up as His servant here, not by a long shot, but even through someone like ME :(God can still work. He has no limitations. And I see now as I leave that God has been working through me all along, and He is still working. And I am glad that He answered my prayer, and used me for His purposes and His Glory, and I pray He continues to use me. It is hard to endure the trials but to be used by the LORD for His Glory is both humbling and beautiful.

:pp God is great. :pp

And He is greater than the darkest storm, the deepest pain, the biggest fears, and every "worst case scenario" the enemy can dream up. God is greater than them all. He never ceases to prove to me His incredible faithfulness. Thank You Jesus for being my God. :hug:This is great stuff, Emily, you're obviously headed in the right direction. :thumbsup: I praise our Father for what He has done in your life and also for allowing you the time to find your way back to Him. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I suspect that now that you have found your way back to Him, your faith will be stronger than ever. :yes:

Just keep plugging along. I promise you, every step forward you take makes your earthly father and your heavenly Father both very proud of you every day. :hug:

[DaniHansen]

I've learned that when I feel anger towards God or my faith gets clouded, that there is usually some degree of pain underneath.

We often think that it's God's job to spare us from pain and hurtful times, but He never promised to. He promised to never leave us, regardless. We can't avoid pain, or pray it away. It's a completely natural part of human life. Jesus Himself experienced it, all of it, so He could carry it with us and be there for us in it. He is the Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. We can't do anything with pain, except feel it, and let the Lord bring us through it.

I'm really happy to read of your recovery. What a difference between your first post, and your most recent one. :hug: