Some guy kissed my girlfriend at work = MAD

[xsellaunt]

Hey guys, here is my issue.

I am beyond angry right now. Last night I got home late, around 11:30 and my girlfriend was on msn. She had to work early in the morning so I asked her why she was still awake. I know she sometimes has problems sleeping and was concerned. Then she begins to tell me that there is something that is keeping her awake and that it has been the worst day of her life. Right away I am thinking it must be fairly serious. Then she tells me that she she would never do anything on purpose to hurt me and that she is so sorry. I figured maybe she is ending it, we have had some small issues lately.

THEN she asks me not to hate her and tells me that a guy kissed her today...at work :mad:. I was in complete shock and never expected that. She tells me that he kissed her in the parking lot as they were talking and she didn't expect it, and that she didn';t push him away right away. She said she was in shock and it took a minute to figure out what just happened. I asked her if she kissed him back and she said yes ...:(. She told me it only lasted a few seconds and she pushed him away and then got in her car and wen home. Now I know what some of you are thinking, but she is not a bad person. She's the best woman I have been in a relationship with ever. We are both Christian and have had our struggles (long distance relationship) but we work them out always. Amazing woman. The guy is some guy 7 years younger than her who just started maybe 2 months ago, from what I hear he is also a Christian and they have good convos about God etc. As soon as she old me I knew it was him. My girl is not a flirt she is actually quite shy, but she is very beautiful (I am not just saying it because I love her) and has a awesome personality which is a bad combo. This isn't the first time a guy has tried this, but she shut them down right away. What kills me is who the duce is this guy??? Who does he think he is? Does he think he can do something like this and get away with it because her bf is not around??

So yeah I have been mad for much of the day, that and extremely hurt. I know she is in pain, last night she was balling on the phone, we talked at work today, she went out to her car and was balling on the phone again there. She's a good woman and I don't want to lose her. My issue is where can I take my anger and frustration to? This clown lives too far away ( I wouldn't go fight him, but I would definitely go talk to him), I won't see her until Oct 8th and I am just stuck here knowing this. I feel violated. We have recently decided to stop all sexual touching etc until marriage and only kiss. This will be the first time since deciding this, that I will see her and things were going to be different, a new start. And now I have to deal with the thought of this guy taking that first kiss from me :mad:. I may be acting dumb but that first kiss was something very special to me, especially since she wasn't thrilled with this new lifestyle of ours but was willing to try because she loved me and loves God. Although I may have made a mistake, last night I went on facebook and found this guy. I wrote him a LONG note stating my anger and frustration towards him ("I can't respect you as a man" "I have to forgive you not because I want to but because God says so" etc etc) I wasn't mean but I laid into him HARD. I told him the least he can do is respond. We will see is he does.

Anyways, I am just brewing in my anger and frustration and I want to forgive her so badly but I can;t get it out of my mind. She is dying emotionally and so am I (apparently this guy feels really bad...:hmm:). Now there are going to be trust issues too. granted she told me right away when all of her friends told her not to and for that I can respect and appreciate her, not something to do knowing that I see kissing as cheating and thus there was a chance I would leave.

if it has just been him who kissed her I would get over it easier, but man she kissed him back...... what do I do??? I love her and one day would like to marry her but how do I get over this? I know I need to pray to God to put forgiveness on my heart for her (and for him :mad:) but man it's just so hard.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to put it out there.

[TrustingFollower]

I see many things that are so wrong with this entire situation here. Pride, admitted fornication, lack of repentance, and lack of forgiveness. First repent for your past sins committed with this girl. Get over the pride that is showing through like you own her. Forgive her, forgive the other guy, and forgive yourself. All of you are to blame here, if you guys were living a real Christian relationship chances are this would not have even happened. Getting angry is only going to draw this out and eventually drive her away from you. If you love this girl Forgiveness should be the easiest of all these things for you to do. If you want this relationship to work you need to move on and start over with her and live it the way the bible teaches. You and her need to put God right smack in the middle of your relationship. It will not work if God is not there to be the glue that holds things together, remember all things are possible for God.

[renthead188]

You must be hurting right now. As a man, I can understand and respect that. I've been in situations like this before, and it's not easy. The first thing that you need to do, is to pray for this man. God says that if two of us agree on earth, about something for God, He will grant it. I ask that you and your girlfriend forgive this man before God and before this man. Ask The Lord to give you a merciful heart. Ask Him to make you merciful as He is merciful. All that I ask you to do, I am praying as well.



"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust."
Matthew 5: 43-45


Why must we forgive? Not only because God says we have to... because after what we've been forgiven... it's inconceivable that we should think of holding any sort of grudge.


Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.
“So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
Matthew 18:21-35


I know that it's hard right now, but God can really grow you through this experience.

[ilovemetal]

well, can't say i've been there, so....


"I have to forgive you not because I want to but because God says so" etc etc)

but this part is what stuck out the most. i can fully understand the frustration. something like that would kill me, and i get M.A.D. sometimes. it's a problem...but anyways, God is helping me with that. which he will help you with.

now, as far as this quote, let's look at it. it basically says you don't want to forgive him. tha'ts a problem because, we, as christians forgive. that's what we do.

Matthew 18
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

it's not a reccomendation but, basically a command. like the Lord's prayer, 'forgive us as we forgive those'. How will God forgive us if we can't forgive other people.

don't get me wrong, i'm not bashing you, or pulling the old, 'chill out' when your mad, which in turn makes one madder. i'm merley pointing out, that we, as christians should want to forgive. it was hard for me, and only though God's grace can i forgive people now. before, i couldn't. i held grudges, and wanted to punch faces.

and facebook is like, just ruining our generation. i use it alot too, but anything relating to feelings i never write via message. it's a cop-out i think. (eventhough, i prolly would have done the saem thing man!;))

so i really, don't have much general advice as far as the relationship. i seriously don't think she would have kissed him back with the intention of hurting you. unless she has no heart. and she pushed him off too. i bet it was fast, and i for one am so bad at dealing with spur of the monent things, i might have done the same thing. in the matter of a second it would have had to comput: woah, this person is kissing me, wait a sec, this is bad. and then the push away....

anyways bud, i'll be praying for you, and the relationship. i do honestly hope you three can work it out, and talk it out too.

brother in Christ.
kev

[baxpack7]

I see many things that are so wrong with this entire situation here. Pride, admitted fornication, lack of repentance, and lack of forgiveness. First repent for your past sins committed with this girl. Get over the pride that is showing through like you own her. Forgive her, forgive the other guy, and forgive yourself. All of you are to blame here, if you guys were living a real Christian relationship chances are this would not have even happened. Getting angry is only going to draw this out and eventually drive her away from you. If you love this girl Forgiveness should be the easiest of all these things for you to do. If you want this relationship to work you need to move on and start over with her and live it the way the bible teaches. You and her need to put God right smack in the middle of your relationship. It will not work if God is not there to be the glue that holds things together, remember all things are possible for God.

I agree with my colleague here, with a couple of additions...

First, you must realize that anger is a VERY destructive emotion. Not only can it cause you to want to fight with someone, it can make you take it out on people who have nothing to do with your situation, not to mention make you feel physically and emotionally ill.

Secondly, according to your words, it seems that both guilty parties are wanting TRUE forgiveness from you and in order to set things right, you must first get yourself right with God and then forgive them. Not just because God said so, but because you WANT to. Remember that even our past sins have consequences and it seems that you may have contributed to this situation in a way.

Pray first-then talk with her. Tell her that you forgive her and ask her forgiveness too. Then, even talk to him and forgive him too. Release that burden of anger and cast it away. It'll make you feel so much better and it will also make your relationship stronger.

I'll even pray for and with you on this situation. I don't wish to see a Christian brother angry when there's so much that life still has to offer you. Life is much too short to walk around with anger in your heart.

I pray that you have a God-blessed day!!!:pray:

[xsellaunt]

Thanks a lot guys! I really appreciate all of your comments. I know that some of this is my fault, if our relationship was on the right track spiritually this could have been avoided. I genuinely want to forgive them so I know I need to put the work in with God. If anything this can be used as an opportunity to bring myself closer to God, as well as her, and better yet the two of us together, closer to God. I ask that you all will pray for us and the other guy too, and specifically pray for me that I will be able to come to terms and forgive them both. This has definitely caused me to see some of my weaknesses spiritually, so in all things good and bad, Praise God.

Thank you brothers

[TrustingFollower]

2 Peter 2

4 ¶For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them to pits of darkness, reserved for judgment;
5 and did not spare the ancient world, but preserved Noah, a preacher of righteousness, with seven others, when He brought a flood upon the world of the ungodly;
6 and if He condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah to destruction by reducing them to ashes, having made them an example to those who would live ungodly lives thereafter;
7 and if He rescued righteous Lot, oppressed by the sensual conduct of unprincipled men
8 (for by what he saw and heard that righteous man, while living among them, felt his righteous soul tormented day after day by their lawless deeds),
9 then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from temptation, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment for the day of judgment,
10 and especially those who indulge the flesh in its corrupt desires and despise authority.

Look at the scripture I posted here. The Lord impressed it on my heart to post this for you. Meditate on this and turn to the Lord through all this. I will pray for you and the others involved in all this. God can use this to bring each of you closer to him, but you have to submit to him in order for it to happen. Remain steadfast and true to the faith, and remember you are not alone in any of this.

[Buck shot]

if it has just been him who kissed her I would get over it easier, but man she kissed him back...... what do I do??? I love her and one day would like to marry her but how do I get over this? I know I need to pray to God to put forgiveness on my heart for her (and for him :mad:) but man it's just so hard.
.
Don't worry about the rant, i would have been fuming too...as a matter of fact I was over twenty years ago when something like this happened with Gina and I when we were dating. (looking forward to our 20th anniv in June)

The thing is, with this happening you found out how much she respects you. She not only told you the truth about the kiss but also that she kissed back. Don't get stuck on the kissing back part but look at what she did next. She pushed him away and left.

TRUTH- She did not want that, or she would not have left. Nor would she have told you, or be so upset by it.

Man it is time for you to step up and let her know how much you love here for being honest with you! This is a quality that is rare now-a-days.

Would you have instantly pushed a girl (that you talked to regularly) away surprised you in this way? I honestly don't know how i would handle it if i had been in her shoes (only with a girl ;)). She did what most would not today in nipping it in the bud. If you don't stand beside her now though, she will not be able to be honest with you in the future because of fear of you disowning her.

Sounds like you have a real catch there to me! In my opinion you should praise her for her honesty and get things going on the right tract so that you can both focus on the Lord and not worry about the distractions of this world. Chock it up as a lesson learned by both of you and forget about it. Don't bring it up again. Clean slate for a new start in the Lord!

[JK18]

I know it's hard trust me But if you repent, and ask God to help you He will.

[xsellaunt]

Don't worry about the rant, i would have been fuming too...as a matter of fact I was over twenty years ago when something like this happened with Gina and I when we were dating. (looking forward to our 20th anniv in June)

The thing is, with this happening you found out how much she respects you. She not only told you the truth about the kiss but also that she kissed back. Don't get stuck on the kissing back part but look at what she did next. She pushed him away and left.

TRUTH- She did not want that, or she would not have left. Nor would she have told you, or be so upset by it.

Man it is time for you to step up and let her know how much you love here for being honest with you! This is a quality that is rare now-a-days.

Would you have instantly pushed a girl (that you talked to regularly) away surprised you in this way? I honestly don't know how i would handle it if i had been in her shoes (only with a girl ;)). She did what most would not today in nipping it in the bud. If you don't stand beside her now though, she will not be able to be honest with you in the future because of fear of you disowning her.

Sounds like you have a real catch there to me! In my opinion you should praise her for her honesty and get things going on the right tract so that you can both focus on the Lord and not worry about the distractions of this world. Chock it up as a lesson learned by both of you and forget about it. Don't bring it up again. Clean slate for a new start in the Lord!


Yeah man, she really is an amazing girl, definitely something very special. I know she didn't have to say anything, or turn away, and I know that she's missing a physical touch (not sexual, but just hugs etc) and to have this guy do that and her turn away shows a lot about her character. I am definitely doing a lot better now and I owe a lot of that you all of you, so thank you. And hearing your story and how it's coming on 20 years is a great inspiration, especially as you are a christian man, so thank you. Your testimony means a lot ot me.

[JK18]

I really do hope everything works out for you.

[Buck shot]

Yeah man, she really is an amazing girl, definitely something very special. I know she didn't have to say anything, or turn away, and I know that she's missing a physical touch (not sexual, but just hugs etc) and to have this guy do that and her turn away shows a lot about her character. I am definitely doing a lot better now and I owe a lot of that you all of you, so thank you. And hearing your story and how it's coming on 20 years is a great inspiration, especially as you are a christian man, so thank you. Your testimony means a lot ot me.

No problem, glad to share. I have looked to many before me for inspirationa nd if the Lord tarry there will be those that come after us that will be looking to you...

Today our daughter turned 17... I've got some gun cleaning to do after church tonight :lol:

[xsellaunt]

I really do hope everything works out for you.


Yeah thanks, so do I :P. Things are getting better slowly so any progress is good progress.

[JK18]

Yeah thanks, so do I :P. Things are getting better slowly so any progress is good progress.
And you said before It's along distance relationship?

[xsellaunt]

And you said before It's along distance relationship?


Yeah it's long distance. She lives in Calgary, Alberta and I live in Hamilton, Ontario. She is coming here on the 8th of Oct so I am pretty pumped :D

[ilovemetal]

yeah canada.

well, hope it works out man. for real. been keepin you guys in the prayers. keep er real buddy.

[xsellaunt]

yeah canada.

well, hope it works out man. for real. been keepin you guys in the prayers. keep er real buddy.


Thanks a lot chief! I hope so too, any prayers are always welcome!! :pp Actually she's from B.C. too, she used to live in Vancouver and Coquitlam!

[JK18]

I'm praying.
Maybe we can talk some time.

[Ekeak]

Well, first of all, forgive her instantly. If you don't, you'll be sorry. Trust me. And also, I don't think that guy's much of a Christian. What would do you believe a Christian is? Someone who loves Jesus? Take it from me, as Simon Peter loved Jesus, and Jesus loved John, this guy is not a Christian if he's taking liberties with ladies that he's barely met. Oh, how far we've gone into corruption. And the women used to cover their heads, for "Man is the image of God, but woman is the image of man." I know I sound old fashioned, but...

[xsellaunt]

I'm praying.
Maybe we can talk some time.


Sure! I'll pm you my msn.

[TruthFaith]

Hi, you are probably going to say,"I can't believe this bloke has the audacity to say this" but I am saying unequivocally to cut the relationship right now.

First and foremost, if you have ever read a great work of literature by William Shakespeare called Othello, let it be guideline for the warning of jealousy and being unfoolishly dotting upon one's wife/girlfriend.

I had a similar situation to you, but I saw it in person. I never thought I woud see the way she kissed in third person. Sick :o I can't believe the amount of comfort she felt with him and theoverall fact that the guy was a weene.

But from experience, the best way to handle it is apathetically, say you are done. See how she reacts, that is the best test

[TrustingFollower]

Hi, you are probably going to say,"I can't believe this bloke has the audacity to say this" but I am saying unequivocally to cut the relationship right now.

First and foremost, if you have ever read a great work of literature by William Shakespeare called Othello, let it be guideline for the warning of jealousy and being unfoolishly dotting upon one's wife/girlfriend.

I had a similar situation to you, but I saw it in person. I never thought I woud see the way she kissed in third person. Sick :o I can't believe the amount of comfort she felt with him and theoverall fact that the guy was a weene.

But from experience, the best way to handle it is apathetically, say you are done. See how she reacts, that is the best test

I have to disagree with your advise here. I have experience in this area that needs to be given voice here.

Just over five years ago my wife and I went through some very tough times. We separated for about 8 months at that time. While we were separated we filed for divorce and were only about 4 weeks away from divorce. Any way she went out and dated while we were apart and going through the divorce proceedings. She gave into her desires and did engage in sexual relations with another guy. Now we were not believers as we are today, but at the time we considered ourselves believers. God reached out to us during that difficult time in our lives and drew us to him.

Long story made short here, but we both did start reading our bibles and turned to God. We brought God into our lives and God was able to restore our marriage. We put God in the middle of our lives and our relationship and I can tell you that life has never been better. My wife and I both had to go before God and ask forgiveness as well as ask to be taught how to forgive. I can tell you that when she first told me about her cheating on me while we were separated it hurt, but like the bible teaches us all things are possible with God. I was able to forgive her as well as be able to receive forgiveness for the things I did wrong.

Throwing her to the wayside is not the answer. Going to God with all of this is the answer. Get with her and put God in the middle of your relationship and ask for forgiveness and learn how to forgive. We are commanded to forgive, if we don't then our sins will not be forgiven either. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful things we can do and also one of the most powerful things we can receive. It is one of the most humbling things that is available to all of us, all we have to do is let it go and give it to God.

[TruthFaith]

yeah, that is different. You were separated.

Your wife did not have an obligation to stay devoted at the time.

What I am saying is that this man's girlfriend felt a platonic love that prompted a kiss.

How then would she deal with future moments when he is not around?

All I am saying is watch your back. I just don't want your heart to be broken. If you really love her, stay with her and don't be jealous :kiss:.

[TrustingFollower]

yeah, that is different. You were separated.

Your wife did not have an obligation to stay devoted at the time.
Separated or not does not negate the obligation of marriage. We were still married and what she did was a sin. We went to God with it as the OP should do. God does not say anywhere in his word that if we separate that we are not still under obligation to our spouse. In fact God's word tells us just the opposite of what you are stating here. We are to remain faithful to our spouse regardless of legal marital status except to the subject of adultery.

[TruthFaith]

okay, I guess I was wron (if that really was what God said and you are not bluffing)

[TrustingFollower]

Don't take my word for it, go to the bible and see if I am telling the truth here.

Mark 10

6 "But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE.
7 "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER,
8 AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9 "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
10 ¶In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again.
11 And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her;
12 and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery."

[wrldstrman]

I would be in agreement about forgiving. But also Im sure most all of us have been in love with someone and it didnt work out. we felt crushed at the time. Marriage is susposed to be forever but the divorce rate is very high. Love is very powerful but a relationship also has to have trust. What happens if he would get married and the same thing happens down the road. another divorce. Im not trying to be a drag, I would just take things very very slow and if God meant for you to be together you will.

[winwun]

A hound is chasing a rabbit and the next day, both are recounting the experience:

Hound: "Boy, what fun, I mean it was the greatest thing in the world, even when the fuzz-tail darted into a hole, I had to admit it had all been one of the greatest experiences of my life!"

Same event, different perceptions . . .

Rabbit: "I can't begin to tell you the terror, the stark fear that I was about die a horrible death, and even after gaining the safety of a hole, I couldn't move for over an hour, I was so scared -- probably the worst experience of my life"

Perception is everything, and when we tell or hear a story, even if every word of the story is truth, we must understand that we are hearing only half the story, and to attempt to make a judgement or to give counsel based on this half-story is as futile as it is unwise.

Sadly, we will never hear "the rest of the story", but be advised, it is there, different, and were we to know its particulars, I daresay our counseling might be significantly altered.

I am not doubting the pain this young man is obviously going through, and to suggest that he make any attempt to view the situation from "the other side", is as ludicrous as it is futile, for he cannot possibly experience the pereception of his girl-friend.

I would suggest that she told him what she wanted him to know and that she had her reasons for doing so, and also that her reasons just might not be the reasons perceived by her boy-friend.

The advice I would give is to pray, " . . .forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us . . ."