Finding women attractive?

[ph33r]

Is it wrong when your married to find other women attractive? Now I am not talking about lusting there is a clear separation here. I notice women are attractive just like I notice the color of a car, or that its raining outside. There is no thought process to it. It used to be before where I would lust after women but since turning truly to God that has gone away. However, the finding women attractive issue I just don't see as an issue its not even a conscious thing. This is a big debate my wife and I are having. She thinks I should find no other women attractive. I tell her there is nothing to it I mean I think hey that guy would probably be considered attractive but I am far from having any desire for men so I look at this the same way I find other women attractive but I don't have any desire for them.

That being said, thoughts comments?

[Ayala]

Your ability to recognize the physical attractiveness of others is not going to magically disappear after you're married. That being said, if and when your eyes cross someone they find attractive, the important thing is not to let them lock.

[baxpack7]

As far as my wife and I are concerned, she has no problem with me making a comment that "She's quite pretty" or "attractive". Reason being, she's quite secure in knowing that though I recognize an attractive female when I see one, that I'm not going to pursue this woman whether I can or not. Security is built through trust and trust takes time to build. We've been married for over 23 years, so trust is not an issue. As time passes, she'll become more secure and comments like those won't bother her.

[Orendorf]

It is exceptionally naive to expect a man to no longer find other women attractive once he is married. I could go into detail on this subject but Dennis Prager has said a great deal on this topic and can certainly explain everything far greater than I. Maybe check out his website or google him on the subject.

[Literalist-Luke]

At the same time, if your wife is not comfortable with it, why would it be necessary to make her see you finding other women attractive? In her mind, that would be automatically putting her next to the other woman for a comparison. That will put pressure on her that she is feeling compared with the other woman in her mind. I know I would not appreciate being married to a woman who was doing that to me with other men.

Have some consideration for your wife. Just because the other woman might be admittedly attractive does not mean it needs to be brought to your wife's attention.

[Slug1]

If I were you, instead of thinking it's a non issue, I'd be asking my wife for an open heart to heart to find out what her insecureties are. Your marriage will be stronger for it and you will have a better understanding of your wife and she will have a better trust in you that you will take the time to meet her concerns.

Just my opinion based on putting my wife through what you're about to put yours through.

Yes, I can appreciate the beauty of another women but at the cost of hurting my wife... not good.

[Jehu10842]

You've probably never stared directly at the sun but you know it's round. That's about how you should look at attractive women. Don't stare. You can't help but notice that they're attractive.

What does Job 31:1 mean? If you think you've found a way to dwell on the beauty of a woman without lusting then I think you're fooling yourself. Don't look for temptation. It'll find you often enough.

I have several text books on photography. You can't seem to find one without "glamor" shots. Just because it's art doesn't make it right.

jmho

[Revinius]

As long as you realise that your wife is now the benchmark for beauty, just like God is the benchmark for Good i see no problem. Don't take the 'second look' though, cos that is the look of lust. :)

[Literalist-Luke]

Is it wrong when your married to find other women attractive? Now I am not talking about lusting there is a clear separation here. I notice women are attractive just like I notice the color of a car, or that its raining outside. There is no thought process to it. It used to be before where I would lust after women but since turning truly to God that has gone away. However, the finding women attractive issue I just don't see as an issue its not even a conscious thing. This is a big debate my wife and I are having. She thinks I should find no other women attractive. I tell her there is nothing to it I mean I think hey that guy would probably be considered attractive but I am far from having any desire for men so I look at this the same way I find other women attractive but I don't have any desire for them.

That being said, thoughts comments?How does your wife know you find other women attractive? Did you volunteer that information? If so, bad move.

[IBWatching]

Is it wrong when your married to find other women attractive? Now I am not talking about lusting there is a clear separation here. I notice women are attractive just like I notice the color of a car, or that its raining outside. There is no thought process to it. It used to be before where I would lust after women but since turning truly to God that has gone away. However, the finding women attractive issue I just don't see as an issue its not even a conscious thing. This is a big debate my wife and I are having. She thinks I should find no other women attractive. I tell her there is nothing to it I mean I think hey that guy would probably be considered attractive but I am far from having any desire for men so I look at this the same way I find other women attractive but I don't have any desire for them.

That being said, thoughts comments?

It's all about tact. If your wife disapproves, it's better to lock on to her sensitivity than to "stand your own ground" on the issue. It won't hurt your marriage that way.

Your wife views any comment or "ogling" as a risk to her marriage. She should. When my wife was younger, I ignored most other women. If I found one attractive, I did what the first responder/poster suggested. I didn't "lock on" and I didn't "look twice". And I most certainly didn't comment on them.

With age, the problem will disappear, as trust in your relationship grows. Today if I tell my wife a young gal looks attractive, she just laughs and says, "She's too young for you." :lol: Thirty years of marriage will do that for you.

[MrAnteater]

Every woman is different!

Some are highly insecure and jealous. Even a stray look will cause a major battle. Others could care less if you comment on the hot chick across the room and will sometimes will even point out the hotties before you do!

I think what your wife is really asking for is reassurance that she is beautiful in your eyes and your faithfulness is above reproach. I think it's a good opportunity to work some scripture into the conversation. Remind each other how God created you. Men are to love their wives. Wives are to respect their husbands. Take some time to explore these scriptures and really go into detail about how you love her.

There is a difference between noticing an attractive person and lusting after them. So just let her know that those women don't measure up in your book to her. Make sure she knows she's on top of the pedestal. ;)

[paradiseinn]

i'll look but not stare,sometimes i take a second look.I know in my heart when i have lust in the look. After i look i just think= there is a beautiful woman! I try to keep GOD in my mind, not lust. GOD makes beautiful people!:)

[Scottizzle]

Ok the simplest way I can explain this is below...


I think Jessica Biel in this shape is beautiful, I love it when people take care of their bodies and are so into fitness and being natural at that.

http://www.afterellen.com/archive/ellen/blog/uploads/Guns-Biel.jpg



But I also think that Ryan Reynolds has a nice body and appreciate that he takes the time to achieve a body like this.

http://www.drabbuh.com/chadsspace/images/misc/Ryan_Reynolds_blade3.jpg

[Revinius]

he needs to work more around his shoulders and a little more on the pecks to give the illusion of buff'ness, like Edward Norton in American History X. Ryan at the moment just looks like a skinny guy trying to look buff.

[Scottizzle]

he needs to work more around his shoulders and a little more on the pecks to give the illusion of buff'ness, like Edward Norton in American History X. Ryan at the moment just looks like a skinny guy trying to look buff.

Really? I think his shoulders over power his biceps and he needs to work on his back to give him a bit more width.

[Revinius]

Really? I think his shoulders over power his biceps and he needs to work on his back to give him a bit more width.

perhaps more bulk over all. :)

[Scottizzle]

perhaps more bulk over all. :)

I think he is in shape and good to go. Any bigger and he would be more bodybuilder esk...

[baxpack7]

Let's stay on topic please, ok guys?
Thanks and God bless!!

[Revinius]

I think he is in shape and good to go. Any bigger and he would be more bodybuilder esk...

tis nothing wrong with looking like a body builder. He would look better less cut and more bulky i reckon.

[wrldstrman]

you know sometimes its like a train wreck and you cant help but look.

[Literalist-Luke]

you know sometimes its like a train wreck and you cant help but look.Looking is OK, lusting is not.

[winwun]

I have always, even as a child, found women to be attractive, well, maybe that isn't totally accurate, I guess what I mean, is that I have always liked women more than men.

I never gave it much thought as to why, maybe their "attraction" was on a more subliminal level, but then and now, given a choice, I would rather spend time with a female than a male.

I don't think it is sexual in nature, either, at least I don't perceive it that way.

Like, if I had to spend a year on a desert island and had the choice of a partner, either some famous, educated, well-known man or some ordinary 80 year-old grandmother, I would choose the grandmother, hands down.

I find women more interesting in every respect, but let me state, without reservation, with the exception of my wife, I have no interest in other women except on a strictly platonic level, and am totally satisfied with that.

At church, when Betty (my wife) looks for me, she says she most often will look for a gang of women, and I am usually there, talking with them.

I would suggest that there is in our make-up, forces driving us that we aren't entirely aware of, and as long as we don't make "bores" or "nuisances" of ourself, there is nothing wrong in recognizing these "forces", after all, they are God-given, and as long as we keep foremost in mind that He is watching our every move, I see no harm in my relationship with women in general.

I will state unequivocally, that there is NOTHING that I am ashamed of, or that I feel I have to keep from Betty.

I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it would be to have to keep a "secret" and be forever aware that if I weren't careful, someone might discover my shame.

[Literalist-Luke]

I have always, even as a child, found women to be attractive, well, maybe that isn't totally accurate, I guess what I mean, is that I have always liked women more than men.

I never gave it much thought as to why, maybe their "attraction" was on a more subliminal level, but then and now, given a choice, I would rather spend time with a female than a male.

I don't think it is sexual in nature, either, at least I don't perceive it that way.

Like, if I had to spend a year on a desert island and had the choice of a partner, either some famous, educated, well-known man or some ordinary 80 year-old grandmother, I would choose the grandmother, hands down.

I find women more interesting in every respect, but let me state, without reservation, with the exception of my wife, I have no interest in other women except on a strictly platonic level, and am totally satisfied with that.

At church, when Betty (my wife) looks for me, she says she most often will look for a gang of women, and I am usually there, talking with them.

I would suggest that there is in our make-up, forces driving us that we aren't entirely aware of, and as long as we don't make "bores" or "nuisances" of ourself, there is nothing wrong in recognizing these "forces", after all, they are God-given, and as long as we keep foremost in mind that He is watching our every move, I see no harm in my relationship with women in general.

I will state unequivocally, that there is NOTHING that I am ashamed of, or that I feel I have to keep from Betty.

I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it would be to have to keep a "secret" and be forever aware that if I weren't careful, someone might discover my shame.As long as you're being up front with your wife about it and as long as she's OK with it, I don't see that it's anything to get worked up about. http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w40/litluke/noidea.gif