I wrote a small piece called "Within This Shell".

[Magnetic]

I recently wrote a small piece called "Within This Shell" and would like to share it here and get your opinion of it. Upfront, I will tell you that it is not optimistic, but is a true statement of where I am at, in terms of a future relationship with the oposite sex.

Within This Shell...
Sometimes I look down at myself, this body dangling from my eye gates. Sometimes I look into a mirror at the reflection starring back at me. Sometimes I wonder why I'm here. . . . why I'm IN here. . . . . in THAT shell I'm looking at in the mirror? I've seen "worse conditions" in my days. Yet, "close but no cigar" seems almost more cruel. And the "once upon a time, that never comes again" IS worse than the "never happened once". It's better to have never loved at all, than to have loved and lost. That's the way that saying should have been said.

When you loved, and it is gone, the silence is far more deafening than before. The room is . . . more empty. The lack of conversation . . . is replaced by a constantly running TV. The lack of physical touch. . . . . . creates an indescribable feeling inside, as if the 'heart' is literally . . . broken. Not because of the past, . . .but because of the future.

My life has been . . . . rough, since October of 2006. I can honestly say that I haven't really been happy since then. The pain of . . . .that pain . . . .has subsided, perhaps even forgiveness given. Heck, I probably would have done the same thing, if I were in her shoes. Oh, I forgot. I have a soul. But I think I DO understand why she did it. I was never a person that someone wanted to REALLY be with. I recognize my own faults from that time. It must be torture to have no feelings for a spouse when a new relationship is possible with someone you care more about. Maybe, as in the topic of 'marriage', perhaps that is its "Achilles' heel ".

At least 50% of marriages end in divorce. I wonder what the number would be if some weren't "stuck"? I wonder how many marriage would be together if divorce was as moral as marriage? If it were the same as changing your cellular phone carrier? I bet the number of divorces would be nearly 90%, if that were the case.

I know that I am no where near the "best guy in the world". I lack in many areas, looks, power, amount of money, drive, even personality. . . . . so it makes sense that I'm where I'm at. I don't blame my ex wife for leaving me. I was amazed that she ever had those feelings. She was the first. True, they ultimately were not sincere. Someone better came along. But that's always going to be the case. Someone "better", . . . or shall I say, . . "new" will always come along. We are hardwired to fail in this area. Not just relationships, but in the area of our own narcissism. Our own fascination with ourselves, and what will bring US the most happiness, and this happens in all aspects of life. God forbid that anyone else stand in the way of our petty narcissism!

I must admit a grave weakness. I am often very jealous. I'm stuck in this shell, and I SO MUCH want to be in another. I look at the extreme fortune of others, now, . . . and even in the future. . . . , with envious eyes. The life that could have been mine. The life that isn't mine. The life that won't be mine in the future. The friend, . . . . the dancer, . . . . the woman I don't really know...., . . . and I have to ask myself why I had to be placed in this shell?

I'm not just interested in companionship, the "any person will do because I'm desperate". I'm not . . . . .at all! I've always wanted extraordinary. I thought I had it before, . . .with the ex wife. . . . . . and I really thought we were "forever". It wasn't extraordinary, as I discovered. It was all too common, I'm afraid. I was just the schmuck that didn't realize it.

I'm stuck in this shell, wanting extraordinary, but realizing that this shell probably won't acquire more than mediocrity. The truth is, people can tell me that "I'm too picky" if they want. I will openly state that it is true! I AM picky. I don't want "just because they're single too". I'm not interested in something that doesn't take my breath away. I have no desire for . . . eventually being in the place my ex found herself in. . . . . . married to someone she didn't love or care about.

I am a lifelong student of logic. Probability would dictate that, within this shell, I will remain alone, not in a solitary sense (there are some people in my life, ...friends, family), but at the end of the day, when I lay my head on my pillow.. . . . . . I am alone. Silence has its place and is useful when you want to go to sleep, but sometimes I would welcome some sleep deprivation. . . .

In this shell, . . . . wishing I was in another. . . . and another. . . .and another . . . Why does THIS shell have to stare back at me in the mirror?

This is an honest look at a part of me that I struggle with everyday. Thoughts? . . . . Opinions? No flaming, please.

[Soulangel]

Very brave, gentle soul, it takes a lot of courage and tenacity to look this deeply at ones self and then to offer it up to the masses and say "hey, what's you'rej input? I'm in pain" There's a lot of people who are in this amount of pain, but not a lot of people who are able to articulate it to this degree so I don't know how many responses you will be likely to get.

My response dear soul would be to stop looking in the mirror and seeing you, your shell through your eyes and begin seeing you your shell as God sees you, his child. He loves you with a deep abiding love, he sees you faults and all and loves you. Unfortunately unless you have known love, had someone love you unconditionally in this life time it will be a challenge for you to understand how much God loves you. So perhaps you can start off by being more gentle on yourself, more forgiving of your ways and less critical of simply who you are today. Then let God into your heart to transform your heart into love.

God bless you ~ Soulangel

[Magnetic]

I really appreciate your words. Thank you!

While reading it, these were my initial thoughts. Where it sounds good to look at it as "how God sees me", . . . . I exist on this earth, where the views and actions of people DO make a difference. Words and actions DO hurt more than "sticks and stones". When it comes to "the desire for an extraordinary relationship", . . . God won't fill it. God can't fill it, because it isn't a "God shaped hole". I am not one who can say [and I cringe at this thought], "Jesus will be my spouse". As far as "my worth in God's eyes", . . . to be honest, all I know about that is what other people tell me. I've not had any conversations with God where he told me that. Sometimes, people need more than "faith" when it comes to how they are seen. And as for what I wrote, . . . this is how I see myself. It is a failing, true, and is something that I am actively working on, but it is a difficult struggle. Many people have struggles and I feel for them.

Again, I do appreciate your post. You are such a sweet soul yourself and you have a wonderful way of reaching out to people! You are someone that I could be friends with! :hug:

[livingwaters]

Magnetic, when you are child of God, you see a better picture in the mirror everyday....eventually, you'll see Jesus...I will be elated when I get to that point...Amen. But, for now, just know that God made man in his image...God can bring "the Christian" that needs to see you for what's on the inside, as well as, what's on the outside. Seems that satan has his foot on your neck, instead of the other way around!!! I don't know...But, as a Christian, just know that you have zillions of other Christians who are here to comfort and encourage you, my friend!!! Focus on "that glorious day" when we go to live for eternity with our LORD and SAVIOR!!! If you seek HIM, HE will come near...Don't forget, HE CAN change what seems like doom and gloom to a loving, Jesus-oriented, Nobody can do me like Jesus, He'll take you through the fire again, and again, and again, child of HIS. I guess I'm rambling, but everyone created by OUR FATHER can be very Worthy of the BEST!!!!

God Bless:hug:

[Soulangel]

I really appreciate your words. Thank you!

While reading it, these were my initial thoughts. Where it sounds good to look at it as "how God sees me", . . . . I exist on this earth, where the views and actions of people DO make a difference. Words and actions DO hurt more than "sticks and stones". When it comes to "the desire for an extraordinary relationship", . . . God won't fill it. God can't fill it, because it isn't a "God shaped hole". I am not one who can say [and I cringe at this thought], "Jesus will be my spouse". As far as "my worth in God's eyes", . . . to be honest, all I know about that is what other people tell me. I've not had any conversations with God where he told me that. Sometimes, people need more than "faith" when it comes to how they are seen. And as for what I wrote, . . . this is how I see myself. It is a failing, true, and is something that I am actively working on, but it is a difficult struggle. Many people have struggles and I feel for them.

Again, I do appreciate your post. You are such a sweet soul yourself and you have a wonderful way of reaching out to people! You are someone that I could be friends with! :hug:
Hello dear friend, It is important to remember that Jesus walked this world too, and he says John 15:18 "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own.. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you and also Matthew 10:34 Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.

Our Lord knows and understands what we are going through, his sword is to defend us from this world, he will protect us, hence as you deepen your relationship with him you will find that the hole that is for an extraordinary relationship can be filled by Him, because its a hole that is to be filled with divine unconditional love. As I mentioned you will need someone in the physical also who is prepared to love you unconditionally, but they also will need to be at one with our Lord for you both to be joined together spiritually by Him. When I married my husband, the experience was amazing as God joined us together spiritually, that's why I understand what you are talking about.

I don't think faith is the main factor in determining how you are seen in God's eyes, I think reading the bible and developing a good working personal relationship with God would be a better approach. Getting answers straight from him is a better approach, because he tells you himself when you're going off track, when your on track, etc. etc. or just likes to have a chat with you. So, again, talking to him and learning to hear him is a better option, faith develops from this point onwards, a working relationship.

You're a great guy, doing great work, to pick yourself up with the Lord in all honesty, keep going and forging ahead. I encourage you every step of the way. Soulangel

[Magnetic]

"....developing a personal relationship with God" has been something that I have never understood, or at least something that I don't see as literally "personal" to me, though. To me, any "personal relationship" is tangible, not something resting on a "faith that it is real". I am far from a good Christian person, I would be the first to admit. And I've been given [and know well] all the advice as to how a "personal relationship" is done, but none of the advice has really . . . . helped. This is a struggling point with me that is secondary from the issue of this post, and what I wrote, though, so that could be another thread. ;)

As far as how I see myself, this has been a life long struggle. I wish it were as easy as it is for some others, but I am a realist, living in a world where my "physical flaws" are undesireable, regardless of how nice of a guy I am.

[Soulangel]

"....developing a personal relationship with God" has been something that I have never understood, or at least something that I don't see as literally "personal" to me, though. To me, any "personal relationship" is tangible, not something resting on a "faith that it is real". I am far from a good Christian person, I would be the first to admit. And I've been given [and know well] all the advice as to how a "personal relationship" is done, but none of the advice has really . . . . helped. This is a struggling point with me that is secondary from the issue of this post, and what I wrote, though, so that could be another thread. ;)

As far as how I see myself, this has been a life long struggle. I wish it were as easy as it is for some others, but I am a realist, living in a world where my "physical flaws" are undesireable, regardless of how nice of a guy I am.
Dear friend, I agree we could start another thread, but I don't believe we need to as they are intertwined together these issues. You say you are a realist, the solution is to let go of being in your head so much and let God into your heart, let Him break down the walls you've built up to protect yourself from further pain, slowly but surely, only He can heal you and make you feel whole again. As he enters your heart, you will no longer be a part of this world as the scripture I quoted you already stated, and you will be building a relationship with Him YOUR OWN WAY, not how others have said do this, do that. Your relationship is meant to be you choosing to draw close to him, that's what is says in the bible, you seek him out.

Making a statement of I am a realist is simply just keeping you as part of this world, and you're not really part of this world, if you're a Christian you belong to the Lord, you belong to the Kingdom of The Lord, not of this world. Really think about this, don't let satan cloud you're judgement and keep an illusion running. Yes, i hear you your feelings and thoughs are very real, I've been there too sweetie, it's hard work to let God in and let him break down the pain barrier in your heart so you don't have to have a hard heart. But I promise you it's worth it, every step of the way is worth it, lean on Him, let Him support you, take his hand and tell him how much it hurts, the sticks and stones, and how you don't want to live this way anymore, you want the bright side of life, His way, His blessings on your life.

Align your life to His purpose for your life and the blessings will begin to come. Don't give up, don't give in, you are important in Gods kingdom. This is but a moment in time where more learning is being done and the Holy Spirit is drawing you closer.

God bless you dear friend ~ Soulangel

[Magnetic]

I do wish it were that simple. For me, it really isn't, though. I don't know what it means to "let God in" anymore. Not in a way I can truly understand. Thinking about someone that isn't there, to my own preception, isn't real to me. Even attempting to pray feels like a "lie" to me. I don't know really know if some deity is hearing or caring. I know you'll say that it IS true, and perhaps for you it is, but I don't see it as true for myself. The things you suggest, if I were to do them, would not be me being truthful with myself, or to anyone else.

I'm sorry to be difficult about this, but it is truthful. You are very sweet, though, to care. That means something to me! :)

[Soulangel]

I do wish it were that simple. For me, it really isn't, though. I don't know what it means to "let God in" anymore. Not in a way I can truly understand. Thinking about someone that isn't there, to my own preception, isn't real to me. Even attempting to pray feels like a "lie" to me. I don't know really know if some deity is hearing or caring. I know you'll say that it IS true, and perhaps for you it is, but I don't see it as true for myself. The things you suggest, if I were to do them, would not be me being truthful with myself, or to anyone else.

I'm sorry to be difficult about this, but it is truthful. You are very sweet, though, to care. That means something to me! :)
Dear Magnetic, I really feel for you and your struggle at this time. I too once struggled this deeply with the Lord, throwing demands at him such as "if you're so real, why don't you show up and prove it to me?" I was cranky to say the least with my life and how things had turned out and I wanted a personal appearance to prove he was real and that I wasn't wasting my time on this whole 'pray, relationship, obedience etc. thingy"

Looking back now, I can appreciate I was in so much pain and I know God understood what I was going through. He knew I didn't know where I was going in my life, what was around the next corner, was I ever even going to make it through another day, let alone another week, and I didn't hear to clearly from him. So I just learnt to start writing it all down in a journal every day. Writing down all the good, the bad and the ugly cosistently every day in a letter to God, told him how I felt about him and the whole situation until finally I had said everything I could say. Once it was all finally out I was better off for it, and I began to know God for real, slowly but surely.

Don't rush things, take your time and let things happen how God guides you too. Look for the small things, the small signs leading to how he wants to have a relationship with you when you are ready, and not before, as he will not go against your free will.

God bless you ~ Linda

[Magnetic]

I'll try, Linda, . . . . . . . . . not sure how it will happen, . . . but if God actually DOES care about me, I would hope that someone who is actually interested wouldn't be let down. If I am currently on the right path, after all, that will be good to know.

[Soulangel]

I'll try, Linda, . . . . . . . . . not sure how it will happen, . . . but if God actually DOES care about me, I would hope that someone who is actually interested wouldn't be let down. If I am currently on the right path, after all, that will be good to know.

Dear friend, I encourage you wholeheartedly on this path, this was the exact time when the Lord sent my husband to be to me, when I was busily devoting my entire time to Him and getting everything out of my system, up popped my Husband to be in the middle of it all!!! So he took me on and accepted me and loved me even tho' my relationship with the Lord was interesting to say the least!!:D But I kept on writing every day, and still do, sometimes I write how I am, sometimes I just write out scripture, other times I do both, other times I'm inspired to write an article. You are on the right path, and He will provide for you. If He can do it for me, He can do it for you.

I find it interesting that your reply didn't make it through to me this time, I found this response manually. Obviously satan didn't want me to give you this letter of encouragement, so now you know the Lord truly is on your side. He's watching out for you to make sure you get what you need when you need it.

God bless you dear friend, Linda

[tt1106]

Alas, Magnetic, I too applaud you for for your bravery.
Magnetic, noone can teach you how to hear God and submit to his calling in your life. You have to first be "a chirstian" then you have to do.
Think about Paul's exposiiton on Faith and Works and the evidence of Faith through works. Serve breakfast at a homeless shelter. Take sandwiches to the homeless on skid row. Volunteer at a hospital. These are all things that open your heart to what the Holy Spirit will have you do. Many times, we are unable to submit, because we are still hanging on to things of the flesh. Service to the flesh will only lead to betrayal and sadness whereas service to the spirit will yield everlasting life. Don't forget about the General Revelation. God created every drop of rain, every leaf on every tree. Can you see God in Nature?
So many people misconsture faith. Faith is not just a belief. it is believing when every shred of your being tells you that you should not. Faith is about STAYING in Christ, not just having Faith.
Let me tell you this too. BELIEVE the promise. Magnetic, you are a child of God, there is nothing more beautiful than that. God has plans for your life. God has promised to use you if you will allow him to and he also has promised that if you remain in him, he will remain in you and you will have everlasting life.
Is it enough that you are saved? If you put your faith into action, the Lord WILL reveal himself to you.
Thank You for sharing your work. It was beautiful. I look forward to the writings on your transformation.
God Bless.

-Todd

[Magnetic]

I can appreciate what you are saying. But doing those things do not make you a "holy person". Many non-christians serve in soup kitchens, server the homeless, etc. yet they are not a part of christianity or the christian God.

I have been in christianity all my life (I am 40). I used to believe all of it fully. Dropped a university class because they were promoting an age of the earth that was MUCH older than 6,000 years. But as I look back on that time, it wasn't a "true faith". It was . . . "what I was taught all my life". . . . the indoctrination of my youth. But when I examined NATURE, and various studies of science, humanities, physics, probabilities, etc., I could no longer claim a faith, . . . and realized I never really had a faith at all. I recognize that there are things in the universe (particularly in our world) that are not in the realm of what can be scientifically tested, never the less, what I am looking for, if it exist, may never be found. I can't "give my life wholey" to an unseen, . . . something that ONLY resides in a person's own ability to BELIEVE something that is un-provable. I can't while being true to myself.

I do appreciate the concern you all have, though.

[Magnetic]

Let's get back to the OP of this thread.

It was not about "my lacking relationship with God", but about my realization that I will live the rest of my life outside of a relationship that most people search for. I look at THAT future in a very bleak light. . . in fact, there really IS no light that I see, so I should rephrase that as "I look at THAT future as the darkness it will be".

[Soulangel]

to an unseen, . . . something that ONLY resides in a person's own ability to BELIEVE something that is un-provable. I can't while being true to myself.


Dear friend, my apologies I couldn't be there for you yesterday to support you through the day, I was however praying for what next you needed to know on your journey and it was quite interesting. The Lord made the quote stand out that I have posted above, and I have been hunting through my bible for a particular scripture reference which I'm going to have to ask my husband to help me find that I thought the Lord wanted me to send you. However HE made it abundantly clear that what I thought he wanted me to send to you was not the case at all - naturally, he wants you to know the story i will write below. However just before I get to that story, just before I went to bed I was reading a Christian book and He gave me the scripture reference to go with the story as well, I nearly fell out of bed in amazement how he works! Here's the scripture pertaining to your comment above -

2 Cor 4:16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Dear friend, I'm going to write the outline of the story of Elijah's life out of the NIV study bible as God has convicted me to do so repeatedly. There is something in there that you need to hear from Him, and I'm not sure exactly which bit it is precisely. So read what you need and ignore the rest. God bless, Linda. His story is found in 1 Kings.

"Elijah's single-minded committment to God shocks and challenges us. He was sent to confront, not comfort and he spoke God's words to a king who often rejected his message just because he brough it. Elijah chose to carry out his ministry ofr God alone and paid for that decision by experiencing isolation from others who were also faithful to God.

It is interesting to think about the amaxing miracles God accomplished through Elijah, but we would do well to focus on the relationship they shared. All that happened in theElijah's life bgan witht ehsame miracles that is available to us - he respnded tot he miracle of being able to know God.
For example, after God worked and overwhelming miracle through Elijah in defeating the prohets of Baal, Queen Jezebel retaliated by treatening Elijah's life. And Elijah ran. He felt afraid, depressed and abandoned. Despite God's provision fo food and shelter in the desert. Elijah wanted to die. So God presented Elijah with an "audio-visual display" and a messge he needed to hear Elijah witnessed a windstorm, an earthwuake and a fire. But the Lord was oto in any of those powerfulngs. Instead, God displayed his presence in a gentle whisper.

Elijah, like us, struggled with his feeling even after this comfrting message from God. So God confrnted Elijah's emotions and commanded action. He toldElijah what to donext and informed him that part of his loneliness wa sbased on ignorance. 7,000 others in Israel wer estill faithful to God.

Even today, god often speak through the gentle and obvious rather than the spectacular and unusual. God has work for us to do even when we feel fear and failure. And God always had more resources and people than we know about. Although we might wish to do amazing miracles for God, we should instead focus on developing a relationship with him. The real miracle of Elijah's life was his very personal relationship with God. And that miracle is available to us.

I understand you didn't want to talk about your relationship with God so you'll have to forgive me that this was in this particular article and look for what else God is trying to get across to you, there's heaps of other interesting information here that the Lord can use to lay on your heart for your particular circumstances.

God bless you, Linda:pray:

[Magnetic]

I don't know what you mean by the "gentle and obvious". It seems to me that LIFE just happens. Both good and bad. If it is good, the you can assume that God is blessing. If things are going wrong, then Job will be brought up. As I see it, and as I said, . . . LIFE just happens. It makes no difference whether or not someone is religious or not, or which religious affiliation they're with. Good things happen, . . . .bad things happen. How would we ever know that there is anything divine behind it? How would a Christian know that God is "directing their steps", under these circumstances? The truth is, no one does, . . . and it is yet another "action of faith", when it . . . .is just LIFE happening.

As with my OP, my "LIFE happening" is me being less of a man in the eyes of the opposite sex. This isn't "just me putting myself down". This is a literal thing that I have lived through all my life. Some brought upon myself by me, . . . others because I am not a "normal male figure". God didn't MAKE me look the way I do. It is a product of the genetic code of my parents, so I generally ignore the "but God made you as you are" arguments. Thus, I admit to having the failing of "jealousy" as I look at others. And as I put it, in the OP post, yes there are others who are worse off than me, . . . but if I'm JUST on the south side of "good enough to be seen as a good person to date", then I'm in the same boat as those who are "worse off". This is a clear example of "LIFE happening".

I'm sorry that I can't share your same religious outlook on life, Linda. You are a precious soul and I know you care. There is no doubt in that. However, I think I may be too far gone to be helped, if I'm serious with you and myself.

[Soulangel]

:)First of all lets get one thing straight between you and me, I am not and never will be religious. No religious group can lay claim to my spirit/soul, only Jesus Christ. I live my life according to the word and what God tells me the next thing I have to do with my life one day at a time, just as Jesus was experienced in the word and deed, I live my life this way.

Life doesn't just happen, God is in full control - psalm 139:13-16 "For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, our works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when i was made n the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

God has given you free will to decide which side of the fence you want to sit on and if you don't want to sit on God's side of the fence and believe His word for you, than that's okay too. You can't have it both way's. You are precious to Him and continually comparing yourself to others is as a previous scripture I sent you making you part of this world. You have to make a conscious choice whether or not to lean on him, and as the scripture says in previous email, look more to the unseen than that which is seen.

Magnetic, we all struggle, but God is not unseen, God does send Angels as his messengers, Jesus is alive and you can seek him out to speak to, and you are worthy of no less than a great love like all of us. Perhaps it's time to seek some counselling for the pain you are going through so you can process it and see the real truth of who you are, a child of God, not a person filled with pain? You don't need to spend life filled with such a deep wound dear friend, especially when it is not truth.

God bless ~ Linda

[Magnetic]

Linda, . . . I don't feel like I have really been given all the information necessary to MAKE a monumental decision such as which of the many gods and religions is the right one, . . . in order to comfortably make a "free will decision".

Okay, you say that Jesus will speak to me if I seek him out. The problem with that is (as well as the 'God is not unseen') these are just frames of mind and my ability to accept that it is true and I honestly don't know how to accomplish that. :confused

As for how I feel about myself, . . . . there are others who are in "worse conditions". I'm not all that bad. I'm even liked. However, most everyone wants to be loved, from someone that is doing so out of their own desire. If I look at my future, I don't see that happening. Being "almost good enough" is as painful as any other state of failure.

I am, however, not a SAD person. I have a great family and a few close friends. I can exist for the rest of my life in a relative state of happiness, which, if I am honest, is more than some can say. For that, I am grateful.

[Soulangel]

Linda, . . . I don't feel like I have really been given all the information necessary to MAKE a monumental decision such as which of the many gods and religions is the right one, . . . in order to comfortably make a "free will decision".

If this is so then why do you say that you are a Christian on this board? You're currently running your own belief system of be true to yourself only, so you can't be a practising Christian, also a practising Christian only believes in the one true God, and knows that all others are false idols.

Okay, you say that Jesus will speak to me if I seek him out. The problem with that is (as well as the 'God is not unseen') these are just frames of mind and my ability to accept that it is true and I honestly don't know how to accomplish that. :confused Well I'm a bit confused here Magnetic, you previously said in another response that you've had heaps of advise on how to have a relationship with God..... I could take offence at your frames of mind reference but it's not the truth and God is greater than that.

As for how I feel about myself, . . . . there are others who are in "worse conditions". I'm not all that bad. I'm even liked. However, most everyone wants to be loved, from someone that is doing so out of their own desire. If I look at my future, I don't see that happening. Being "almost good enough" is as painful as any other state of failure. [COLOR="Red"]There is a reason why we make God the focus of our lives and not our self, one day you might want to consider it.

I am, however, not a SAD person. I have a great family and a few close friends. I can exist for the rest of my life in a relative state of happiness, which, if I am honest, is more than some can say. For that, I am grateful.
Thanks for the chat Magnetic, I think you have a lot to consider in your life still, pain to heal, questions still left unanswered and beliefs that need clarification. Yesterday as I prayed and the Lord told me to give you the example of Elisha's life I couldn't find the exact scripture reference that i wanted to send to you, I had to get help from my husband. Read 2Kings6:17 It's about how God is doing morefor us than we can ever realise through sight alone.

May you find His peace in His time, Linda

[livingwaters]

Well, Magnetic, it sounds like you are having and have had some rough times!!! The way that we know God loves us, is that HE chose US!!! Jesus calls us friend. Jesus said to love thy God with all thy heart, soul, mind, and strength; and love thy neighbor as thyself!!! The only way we can "love" like God wants us to is to ask for HIS kind of love, the agape love. It's not based on how good, bad or ugly you are, but on "that you are!!!!"

The Lord said to "seek first the kingdom," and everything else will be added. Maybe do some research on seeking the kingdom. God can fix anything. There is NO job TOO large for our Heavenly Father...You continue to seek and understand HIS ways, and HE will give you the knowledge and wisdom you desire.

Just remember, Hebrews 11:1 (http://bibleresources.bible.com/passagesearchresults.php?passage1=Hebrews+11:1&version=9) (Whole Chapter) (http://bibleresources.bible.com/passagesearchresults.php?passage1=Hebrews+11&version=9)
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

May God bless you and give you peace and joy!!! It's what's on the inside that counts and God knows your heart. :hug:

[Magnetic]

I appreciate the posts from the both of you. A few things to consider:

Perhaps it IS presumptuous of me to claim christianity. I go to a christian church and have done so all my life. I have sought MUCH. . . . . never found anything outside of the "faith" I'm supposed to have ABOUT it. Not sure what that means. I'm still going to my church and hoping, but all indications seem to suggest that I will not actually find what I am HOPING to find.

The "subsance of hope", for me, and "faith" doesn't really comfort me. People can hope for a million dollar win in the lottery. It is equally empty. And I have never understood what "evidence of the unseen" IS evidence that is found. "Evidence" means that you have something substantial to show. I have no evidence that I can have any meaningful relationship with an invisible, unheard, unfelt deity that I'm supposed to have something PERSONAL with.

I'm not focused on myself in my search, not unless it is selfish to desire what REALLY is true and not doctrines of old and the dogma of a religious institution. Linda, you said that you are not interested in "religion". Neither am I. What I am interested in is to find a connection with that which is divine. I really am searching "the kingdom of God". I am trusting that. . . . . . that which is real . . . . . will be made known in a meaningful way to me.

Again, thank you all for your concern.

[ƒσяєяυииєя]

Hi Mangnetic,

Rightly as it`s written:

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Heb. 11:1

"So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God." Romans 10:17

"For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:"Romans 1.20

Oh and I was wondering what does it mean" I will not actually find what I am HOPING to find. or rather what are you hoping to find?

God bless


______________________
Peace and so forth

-"For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation..."[Salvation from what?.]
-Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.

Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen. (Romans 1:16; John 8:34; Jude 1:24-25.)

http://img112.imageshack.us/img112/5459/natureavyty7.jpg

http://img112.imageshack.us/img112/3020/lifesigyyt9.gif

[ddmor]

Hey Magnetic,

After reading this thread I just need to ask this question, please don't take it the wrong way, I'm not intending to 'flame' you. You can't pray, because you can't imagine a deity hearing or caring?

Do you believe that there is a God?

Okay I lied. There are more questions I'm bursting to ask:

You also said: I can't "give my life wholey" to an unseen, . . . something that ONLY resides in a person's own ability to BELIEVE something that is un-provable. I can't while being true to myself.

You don't think we can prove either way that there is a God?

So if you're not sure about God, do you believe that the Bible is God's words to us?

[Magnetic]

I once did, ddmor, sincerely. I think there are many great truths found there as well. I also believe that much of it was the words of man. The only inspiration would be them writing down words while thinking about the God they serve, but for me, that doesn't equate to it being "God's own words". But regardless, they are often words of wisdom and can lift a person's spirit, even give guidance in specific circumstances. However, I can no longer hold to the Christian tradition of this topic.

To answer your other question, I choose to hold to the belief in the divine agent, and even in the work that is done in some people's lives. I have come to the realization that my "goal", my search for "something real beyond myself" and the "evidence of it without question" . . . . will doubtfully come, so I have to achieve a resemblance of "faith" that who is "up there" cares for me and my life, here and afterwards. I just need to begin cultivating it and perhaps one day I will no longer have doubts.

Thanks!

[ddmor]

Faith is believing in what we can't see. Heb 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Do you believe Jesus came from Heaven and died for us, rose from the dead and is now at the Right Hand of God? We read all of this in the Bible. If Jesus isn't who He said He was, then He was a liar, the Bible is a lie - and we can't trust any of it. It's an all or nothing deal.

As for your Within this Shell - I'm sorry, but it sounds like you're wishing you were someone else, just so you could get someone who's extraordinary. Sounds like a bit like covetousness to me; something we humans need to work ourselves out of.

The truth is - the guys and the girls who are extraordinary in looks? They're a small part of the population. Most people - the average person just has average looks ... they're not Hollywood material. You don't want anyone but someone extraordinary? Then you wonder why they picked you, because you're not extraordinary? Then you deserve to be lonely. To me the extraordinary people aren't the ones with looks - the ones with looks are often very shallow selfish people.

I'm sure I've told you this before - but I think my husband is great looking, to me he's very extraordinary. My brothers think he's ugly, I don't know what they're talking about - I think they're blind. And that's when they tell me that I prove the old addage that love is blind. If he isn't as good looking as I think, then logically - there was something else that attracted me to him. I assure you - I'm not unusual.

My advice to you is: find and read the book I Believe Because... by Batsell Barret Baxter Jr. - he gives 4 very logical reasons for belief. Work on your faith in God; forget about finding a mate for right now. You want a extraordinary christian girl? You learn what it is to become an extraordinary Christian man; then you'll attract someone worth finding.

[ƒσяєяυииєя]

Hey Magnetic,

...that who is "up there" cares for me and my life, here and afterwards. I just need to begin cultivating it and perhaps one day I will no longer have doubts.

I hope for this day to come soon, but there`s another point, maybe not all doubts be cleared but now there`s a peace (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Juan%2014:27;&version=9;) which fills where before there were doubts.

Go well


______________________
Peace and so forth

-"For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation..."[Salvation from what?.]
-Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.

Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominio and power, both now and ever. Amen. (Romans 1:16; John 8:34; Jude 1:24-25.)

http://img112.imageshack.us/img112/5459/natureavyty7.jpg

http://img112.imageshack.us/img112/3020/lifesigyyt9.gif

[Magnetic]

As I said before, . . .I can have FAITH that there is a divine being who is present in our universe and maybe even cares about me. . . . but it isn't personal, and I feel nothing when I "assume" any time of "faith relationship/communication". :dunno:

[FaithfulSheep]

I have two questions to start off.... How often are you reading your Bible? How often are you praying?

[Magnetic]

Well, I was expecting this . . . quite common question. Thanks for bringing it up. I have read the bible many times, and prayed like any other christian. . . . . . until I realized that it wasn't much more than me talking to myself in my own head. I only mention that because "reading the bible" and "praying" are the two commonly used "media" that the christian church uses as "our way to have a relationship with Jesus". To me, . . . not so much. But to answer your question, . . . I have read a lot and prayed often in my past.

[FaithfulSheep]

Not so much? How come? You have done both in the past... why did you stop.

I promise there is a reason to all the questions and I will actually say more soon... but I am learning more about you so I will be better able to answer. :hug:

[Magnetic]

Got tired of reading about people from a few thousand years ago. Reading the same things I've read in the past over and over. Tired of reading about Israel and the Israelites.

As for praying, as I said, . . . it was as if I was just reciting my thoughts in my own head. No communion with anyone there. No conversations.

[ƒσяєяυииєя]

About chatting/conversations:

You can ask and get the anwer from the Scriptures (http://www.biblegateway.com/)

Be good

[FaithfulSheep]

Were any of your prayers answered? Any of them at all... even if they were small?

[Magnetic]

None that I recall. And as for "the small ones", . . . simple chance could see those "answered". But God isn't just a "God of the small". My huge concerns were never answered and would be impossible to be answered now, so the "not now" answer wouldn't even work with my main one. My "prayers" were apparently beyond God's ability, since they weren't answered.

[ƒσяєяυииєя]

Hi Magnetic,

I don`t know if you have read this story:

So Jesus came again into Cana of Galilee, where he made the water wine. And there was a certain nobleman, whose son was sick at Capernaum.

47When he heard that Jesus was come out of Judaea into Galilee, he went unto him, and besought him that he would come down, and heal his son: for he was at the point of death.

Then said Jesus unto him, Except ye see signs and wonders, ye will not believe.

The nobleman saith unto him, Sir, come down ere my child die.

Jesus saith unto him, Go thy way; thy son liveth. And the man believed the word that Jesus had spoken unto him, and he went his way. John 4:46-50.

So this noble believed before to get the blessing/prayer answered, and follows:

"And as he was now going down, his servants met him, and told him, saying, Thy son liveth.

Then enquired he of them the hour when he began to amend. And they said unto him, Yesterday at the seventh hour the fever left him.

So the father knew that it was at the same hour, in the which Jesus said unto him, Thy son liveth: and himself believed, and his whole house.

Fareyewell

[FaithfulSheep]

None that I recall. And as for "the small ones", . . . simple chance could see those "answered". But God isn't just a "God of the small". My huge concerns were never answered and would be impossible to be answered now, so the "not now" answer wouldn't even work with my main one. My "prayers" were apparently beyond God's ability, since they weren't answered.

God created this world and everything in it. Nothing is beyond His ability. But many things lay beyond His will for us and our lives.

What kinds of things did you pray for that you feel went unanswered?

[Magnetic]

Oh, . . . .just the restoration of my marriage. I prayed devoutly and earnestly, for 7 months, that God would convict her and bring her back to correct living. Divorced in May of 2007. Not even a small possiblity of her changing during that 7 months. I realize that a person has to be willing to hear the conviction. . . . . . . but during that time of praying, going to the alter, seeking God's will, . . . .which was for the marriage to remain intact, . . . I realized that "God's will" has no power over a stubborn selfish will of a human being. . . . . . .

But even more than that, I went to the alter many times, went forward for prayer, . . . One day I wondered to myself why I received no help. . . then I wondered why I really didn't even hear . . . . . anything, really. God is silent to me. I don't even have any conviction about my current state. . . . strangly. I suppose I could be one of those people who God has chosen to "harden the heart of", such as he did in a few places in the Bible. :dunno:

[FaithfulSheep]

The Lord has led me to Jeremiah 29:11-13. For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

I understand now that you are seeking to restore your marriage... but first you need to seek the Lord. I know you are having trouble believing this right now, but He does have something good planned for your future. Now it may not be a restored marriage... but there is SOMETHING. But look to the last verse to see what you must do to find what it is... You must seek the Lord above all else.

[Magnetic]

Actually, I am not seeking to restore the marriage. That bridge was already burned long ago, by my ex. And I have BEEN seeking God, in a REAL way, ever since, . . . . but have not found anything recognizable.

I appreciate the verse. I know it well. . . . . . as it is a verse that is often given to those who are going through a struggle. I even had it on my office wall during the seperation. They are good words, truly. But as for any "hope for the future", in terms of another relationship, there really is no hope.

Another verse would be, "With God, all things are possible." And people would reword that as, "God is the God of the impossible." If I were to look at that, in my circumstance, what would be "the impossibe happening for me" (a person I would want to be involved with) . . . .wouldn't be HER "impossible for God to come through for her with". I hope you can understand what I'm saying here.

I've reworded that verse too, . . . "With God, all things are POSSIBLE, . . . but most likely improbable."

[ddmor]

Mag - you don't know the future period. To say there will be no relationship in the future is putting yourself in God's place. You know the hearts of people?? No you don't; therefore you can't know there will be no relationship for you in the future.

Have you tried asking your pastor about how to get a relationship with God? Have you told him that you're having trouble with faith and believing now? This is something he needs to know so he can help you. One of the pastor's jobs is to help his flock to heaven, how can he do that if we aren't forth coming with him?

[Magnetic]

Thank you for your reply, ddmor. I'll address the second part of your post first.

I already know what my pastor would say about me and a closer relationship with God. It basically revolves around my own level of faith that my prayer life and bible study is my connection and communication. There really isn't any other "road map" . . . . . . . . . . which has been my problem for quite a while now.

As for "not knowing the minds of other people", . . . that is true. However, with that in mind, . . . I see how they act around me. Where it is true that I don't know their minds, . . . I DO know that, as far as a "normal guy" goes, I fall short of that mark. And unfortunately for me, . . . I would like to be somewhat attracted to any girl before wanting to begin a relationship. But, as I look at, specifically my own appearance, . . . I am not . . . "equipped". . . to attracted even a slightly attractive person. And before someone says that "beauty is inside", . . . you still have to find them attractive on SOME level if you want to get to the point that you want to kiss them. I can't argue with my desires.