dealing with anger after separation

[dolly123]

Hi, my name is Dolly and I still love my husband even though we are separated due to he told me that he had cheated on me with a friend of ours. I thought that I was pressing forward with my life, I move out now about 9 months but everytime I talk to him it ends with argument. I realize today that I still have so much angry within me. The man that loved for 18 years and was always good to me as well as i was good to him, he was my best friend is now my worst enemy. My heart is so heavy today and I don't know what to do because I don't want to hate him but I am afraid this is how I feel. Please advise me on what to do because I have been praying so hard but today I feel like the first time I left him and I don't like feeling this way.

[Tanya~]

Hi Dolly,

I have moved your thread into counseling requests where you can get some help on this. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. :(

I know you're praying already, but don't quit doing that. :) Pour out to God all that you're feeling, and ask Him to give you wisdom on how to proceed. And I pray that He will comfort your heart and give you peace.

[mcgyver]

Hi Dolly, and welcome! :hug:

First of all, you need to talk with your pastor...if you don't have a church, find one. You need support and Godly counsel.

Secondly, until you find it in your heart to Truly Forgive, to really "cancel the debt", you're not going to have any peace.

You can't change your husband, you can only work on yourself...I will say though, that God can and indeed IS working through all of this.

Colossians 3:13 says: "bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do"

The hardest thing that you will ever have to do, is by an act of your will unconditionally, completely, and absolutely forgive him for all the hurt, anger, and distress he has caused. It's got to be done. Christ has commanded it, and until it happens it will be a festering sore in your life.

Every time you become consciously aware that you are angry, hurt; those pictures and memories come into your mind...You need to right then and there turn to God: "Lord, these thought are not from you, they don't honor you, so take them away!"...and mean it!

I won't be easy...but think about it this way: "Has he done anything worse to you, that what we did to put our Savior on the cross?"

Kinda puts it in perspective...

I will be praying for you...but take hope, Jesus said He'd NEVER leave you or forsake you...and God is still in charge! :hug:

[ConqueredbyLove]

Hi, my name is Dolly and I still love my husband even though we are separated due to he told me that he had cheated on me with a friend of ours. I thought that I was pressing forward with my life, I move out now about 9 months but everytime I talk to him it ends with argument. I realize today that I still have so much angry within me. The man that loved for 18 years and was always good to me as well as i was good to him, he was my best friend is now my worst enemy. My heart is so heavy today and I don't know what to do because I don't want to hate him but I am afraid this is how I feel. Please advise me on what to do because I have been praying so hard but today I feel like the first time I left him and I don't like feeling this way.

My dear precious sister,

I so understand and what you are feeling is natural and to be expected. Your best friend, lover, confidant, partner has betrayed you in the worst way and there is no pain worse than that.

Yes, of course he is now your worst enemy. The man you trusted and loved all those years has broken your heart and caused the deepest grief imaginable; he in essence turned against you by having an affair with another woman.

These are horrible bitter waters your husband has put you through. He, in essence, has disgraced you and devalued you by his actions.

I hesitate to offer any advice...I wish I could just cry with you and hold you :cry:. I am so very grieved this has happened to you.

God knows, dearest one how hard it is to not be angry. Let us remember that Jesus was betrayed also :cry: He so understands the pain we go through when that happens.

The only thing I would say now is to go to our loving, tender, kind Savior and begin pouring your heart out to Him...and...keep pouring your heart out and then just listen for His gentle voice and feel His loving arms around you. Continue going to Him, continue pouring out your heart, spend time in the Psalms, spend time in the Gospel of John, chapters 14-17.

Remember, that is one reason He came to us, to heal our broken hearts.

I go, in a moment, to lift you up in prayer, my dear sister....