I saw some of the topics and I think this will

[Oregongrown]

be ok here. I would not want men to read it though.

I am 55 years old and still long for a christian relationship with a man. I have not ever had that. I was saved in 93 but no dating/relationships turned out because either I was not sticking to the "road less travelled" or the man wasn't and we just didn't get together.

I met someone and it isn't the first time I have met a man I am not AT ALL physically attracted to. Talk about a nice, christian man though. I mean I know he will have his faults. I am asking here, that women will come forward, even in private pm if you want, and tell me if I am the only one that suffers from this "thing" that I feel stands in the way of me having a wonderful relationships with a man of God. That physical attraction. Does it HAVE TO BE THERE:(?? Can love grow if you just like someone? Im 55 and 16 in my mind:( I grew up filled with fairy tails of handsome princes, and movies with handsome guys. So that's what I always look for, atleast a guy I THINK is handsome. I don't want to pass up a man of God that might be "sent" by God. I think God wants me to learn about this, maybe. :help: Please know that I realize I am no raving beauty. In fact, I have really quit worrying about my looks so much. I've gained a little weight and really don't care that much. Im not a slob and I still try to look nice always. I've never been attracted to movie star handsome either, but in my minds eye, a guy has to sort of, give me a tingle when I meet him?? Is that normal or is that a fantasy cause I want the real thing if God allows it.

Ok, I'll shut up and listen. Except I would like to know if anyone has ever had a good marriage to someone they just didn't feel that zing for, and maybe, even felt not physical attraction at all??

Forgive me if I sound like an idiot, chances are I am:(

love to all, ysic, denise

[karenoka27]

First of all, welcome to the board!
I was much like you when I was young..I wanted the fairy tale life. When I married my husband 25 years ago and was soon realizing that this marriage was not like Cinderella and Prince Charming, my husband said to me, "I never promised to ride you off into the sunset."
I was devastated but he was right.

What I have learned about love is that it is in the giving to one another. The world has distorted our thinking regarding love with sex.
I think of love in:
Philippians 2:2-3-"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves; Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others."


What the Word of God says and what the world says are two different things. The world says to be vain, seek ways to please ones self, and look at what you want.


I am not saying that you should make yourself be attracted to this man. But I would suggest trying something.Write down everything you want in a man and everything you think love is. Then give the list to the Lord..burn it, shred it whatever. Let the Lord show you what He created love to be.


Praying for you.:hug:

[Oregongrown]

First of all, welcome to the board!
I was much like you when I was young..I wanted the fairy tale life. When I married my husband 25 years ago and was soon realizing that this marriage was not like Cinderella and Prince Charming, my husband said to me, "I never promised to ride you off into the sunset."
I was devastated but he was right.

What I have learned about love is that it is in the giving to one another. The world has distorted our thinking regarding love with sex.
I think of love in:
Philippians 2:2-3-"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves; Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others."


What the Word of God says and what the world says are two different things. The world says to be vain, seek ways to please ones self, and look at what you want.


I am not saying that you should make yourself be attracted to this man. But I would suggest trying something.Write down everything you want in a man and everything you think love is. Then give the list to the Lord..burn it, shred it whatever. Let the Lord show you what He created love to be.


Praying for you.:hug:

That "no" relationship with a man is going to be easy, it will be hard, more difficult than being alone. But when you said "you don't want me to "make" myself be attracted" that means there should be an attraction? Physical? I will do what you say. It's just I can't, or won't even go out with a guy unless theres some sort of "zing" there:( I know that goes away, so I wonder does it have to be there in the first place to get us stay??? Did you have it in the beginning? Maybe you still do when all the "adversities" are cleared away? When you "remember" how you feel about him? Hope this makes sense and thank you for replying. This forum is so huge and I feel like I am alone in NY City and there is no one else really there.

God bless, ysic, denise

[karenoka27]

Denise, I am so glad you found us!

The reason I said write everything down and give it to the Lord, is just a way of surrender.

Isaiah 55:8-9-"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the LORD.For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."

Honestly, I did not get all tingly when I met my husband. I wasn't saved at the time. What drew me to him was that he had a protective way about him, and I needed that. He still does. I was not physically attracted to him, which is why I turned him down the first time he asked me to marry him. Five years later, I realized that physical relationships were not all that (I got pregnant.)
He married me along with my little girl.

[Oregongrown]

Denise, I am so glad you found us!

The reason I said write everything down and give it to the Lord, is just a way of surrender.

Isaiah 55:8-9-"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the LORD.For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."

Honestly, I did not get all tingly when I met my husband. I wasn't saved at the time. What drew me to him was that he had a protective way about him, and I needed that. He still does. I was not physically attracted to him, which is why I turned him down the first time he asked me to marry him. Five years later, I realized that physical relationships were not all that (I got pregnant.)
He married me along with my little girl.

believe, that physical should not be the first thing in a man/woman(attraction I mean) and physical relations, certainly not. Anymore than in Gods and ours. What I mean is, we are first supposed to seek the kingdom of God, that's spiritual. So the way I am maybe hearing it from God, is to seek a spiritual connection first, with a man. Then, maybe the other stuff can follow:) I grew up with physical, mental, emotional and then spiritual when I got saved. But, again I think it should be the other way around. I am really looking hard at this. Being 55 and looking at all the failures at relationships, really makes me want to sit down and pay attention:) More will be revealed:) Thank you again and maybe talk to you more tomorrow. I need to sign off, just tired:) Love you, ysic, denise:hug:

[moonglow]

When love grows the physical attraction does too.

I dated a guy once that was very homely...very. But he was such a charmer! His personality was attractive...too bad he turned out to be some con artist...:cool: That was back before I was saved days...but the point is I looked beyond his looks and I have dated other guys that were not attractive at all...found out they can be as much as a jerk as the handsome ones too! :lol: My point is here, looks mean very little if anything! Some people get more attractive as they get older (I am not one of those..lol)...but looks change over the years! When I look at my mom's high school picture I would have never know she was even my mom...looks change that much over time. Gravity is so much fun! lol.

There is a passage in the bible where God tells Samuel that He doesn't go by appearance but what is in the heart. This is when God chose David to be the next king.

1 Samuel 16
6 When they arrived, Samuel took one look at Eliab and thought, “Surely this is the Lord’s anointed!”

7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

you can read it in content here:http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=9&chapter=16&version=51&context=chapter

Just scroll down to verse 7.

I think that is what He wants from us...not to judge by appearance but by what is in the heart and that takes time to see. the problem with instance physical attraction is it tends to be lustful more then anything and that isn't a good way to start out any relationship (in my opinion) because that attraction ..that tingling feeling leads both people to think about sex first! Is in the back of the mind while trying to get to know the person. Not a good way to start out at all. But when you take time to really get to know that person and build a relationship without that distraction...then true love can grow. :) And when the love comes the physically attraction come then too.

God bless

[Oregongrown]

Denise, I am so glad you found us!

The reason I said write everything down and give it to the Lord, is just a way of surrender.

Isaiah 55:8-9-"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the LORD.For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."

Honestly, I did not get all tingly when I met my husband. I wasn't saved at the time. What drew me to him was that he had a protective way about him, and I needed that. He still does. I was not physically attracted to him, which is why I turned him down the first time he asked me to marry him. Five years later, I realized that physical relationships were not all that (I got pregnant.)
He married me along with my little girl.
your username:rofl:how cute "oh to be a stick" LOL:)

Yes, I believe getting all my thoughts about it on paper is a great way to be able to really get a good look at it, sorted out. And the "give" it to Him to handle. When I start getting my mind on the things of God, this sort of stuff just doesn't come up. I've been off-track for a few weeks now and spend too much time wondering "why I am off track" instead of letting Him get me back on. I don't know if you gals, any of you, experience this or not, but I realized just in the last year, when I turn into a sponge for His Word and busy in prayer and worshipping Him, it has nothing to do with "what I did to get there"??? I cannot get there on my own, I don't believe that anyway. Because I've been struggling to get there, and not, it seems I have to somehow "surrender" and then, voila, I am walking with Him again, so close that nothing else truly matters, nothing. I don't worry, I don't get depressed, I go to bed excited, and wake up excited, all about being with Him. I have my bibles "open" in every room of the house because things just keep coming to me I must look up, read again, or maybe find and understand for the first time!! Im babbling but Im convinced my little "wanderings" aren't just my chosing. I believe He is atleast "using" them to grow me more. In the meantime, all I want is to be back in that place of peace and joy, when all the things of the "world" are still going on, but they aren't derailing me from my purpose. I don't know, it's hard to know if it's self-inflicted misery, or satan, or maybe Gods Way of using me for His Kingdom.

Love to all, and so appreciate this forum. I am glad God showed it to me. I saw it a few times but didn't feel led to come in. Yesterday I just did, and I think that was ALL Him:)

ysic, denise:hug:

[Oregongrown]

When love grows the physical attraction does too.

I dated a guy once that was very homely...very. But he was such a charmer! His personality was attractive...too bad he turned out to be some con artist...:cool: That was back before I was saved days...but the point is I looked beyond his looks and I have dated other guys that were not attractive at all...found out they can be as much as a jerk as the handsome ones too! :lol: My point is here, looks mean very little if anything! Some people get more attractive as they get older (I am not one of those..lol)...but looks change over the years! When I look at my mom's high school picture I would have never know she was even my mom...looks change that much over time. Gravity is so much fun! lol.

There is a passage in the bible where God tells Samuel that He doesn't go by appearance but what is in the heart. This is when God chose David to be the next king.

1 Samuel 16
6 When they arrived, Samuel took one look at Eliab and thought, “Surely this is the Lord’s anointed!”

7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

you can read it in content here:http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=9&chapter=16&version=51&context=chapter

Just scroll down to verse 7.

I think that is what He wants from us...not to judge by appearance but by what is in the heart and that takes time to see. the problem with instance physical attraction is it tends to be lustful more then anything and that isn't a good way to start out any relationship (in my opinion) because that attraction ..that tingling feeling leads both people to think about sex first! Is in the back of the mind while trying to get to know the person. Not a good way to start out at all. But when you take time to really get to know that person and build a relationship without that distraction...then true love can grow. :) And when the love comes the physically attraction come then too.

God bless

I read this lastnight but didn't have a reply ready. What I did do was go to bed and read much of Samual on when God told him to go find the new "king":) and also previous to that, I read some on Saul and why exactly he was dethroned, or to be. Isn't that like, well me anyway, to do part of what God says but use excuses why I didn't follow ALL His instruction and........to make it worse, in my mind I can find it in the bible that it is "ok" to do it. Like Saul used the "tithe" thing to justify "keeping" certain things that were the Amalokites. Loved that reading. The only thing that got me, this a.m., when I was thinking about what I read, was even in Gods Word, it said "ruddy" and "handsome" about David, LOL!! So there I go again on having to hear about good looks:) But........I suspect if I look up handsome, in the original text, it may mean something a little different than the "world" has made it to mean?? That is going to be one of my first projects today:)

I wanted to thank you also because I know that you are right in the physical attraction growing if you first do the action of love. And also, when someone doesn't look "appealling at first" getting to know their personality and antics(body language??)they can be absolutely lovable:) I have a darling friend. She is 22 and they say "retarded" as she thinks like a 4 year old. When I met katie I felt she was awfully homely. And bad skin to make it worse. I've known Katie almost 2 years now and I can say there is not a person alive that is more precious to me, or, is there anyone more beautiful! I saw pics of her when she was a baby and that same smile, that lights up a whole room is still there. To me it is a blessing to know someone that has not lost that childlike love, happiness, excitement, and enthusiasm for life:)

I can also relate to "men" or "women" that appear homely and end up being stinkers on the inside as well:( Or, the guy that is homely, but so wonderfully fun, I want to just love him to pieces but he can't let me because of the pain in his past he can't let go of and give to God. Same with women friends I know.

But that all brings me back to me. What is it in me that needs to be given to Jesus to heal:) I know lots, still lots more to go:) Love you gals, denise:hug:

[Bethany67]

To be honest, I didn't find my husband attractive when I first met him. I dismissed him outright. Wrong colour hair, a bit short, very ordinary-looking (and actually he thought the same about me). But he kind of grew on me as we became friends, to the point where we started dating, and voila - now I think he's gorgeous and still fancy the pants off him 10 years later. It was character that did it for me, specifically when he sat on the livingroom carpet and clipped his grandmother's toenails. I figured any guy who'd do that must have a kind heart. He does my Mum's feet in a big bowl of soapy water when she comes over, and she thinks he's absolutely wonderful.

No I couldn't be with someone I found so hideous that I had to put a bag over their head, but going primarily for good looks has just brought me trouble in the past.

[Rocking horse]

I married my first husband when I was 21 and he was 23. I married him because he came from a good Christian family, I'd known him all my life, he had a good steady job, he had a kind nature and I liked him very much. We had 2 children, we were married for 17 years, and pretty much as soon as my babies were born I knew I should have loved him, not just liked him. I had 17 years of living with a man who needed a "mother" more than a "wife". When I was 40, I fell passionately in love with a man 16 yrs older than me, I still adore him, he still gives me tingles, we've been married since 1991 and I can't imagine life without him. Would I ever marry a man I didn't love....no way....but then at 21 I don't think I knew what love was anyway. That's just my experience......

Happy hunting........

[Christian_lady]

I think attraction is important. Maybe I'm saying this because I'm 29 and not married yet (but looking).

The reason I'm saying this is because of the book Songs of Solomon. There are some versus in there that describe the "high" you feel when you find your spouse physically attractive.

That being said, when I was younger and not saved I met some VERY good looking men and used my "player" techniques to get their attention (which backfired as it always does and left me flat on my face - so don't get the impression that it's worth it).

When I met these guys, the closer I got to them, they turned out to be the biggest babies! They spent most of their time whining to me about their past, present and future. I finally got bored and moved on....(and maybe they felt the same about me).

That turned me off from quote, unquote "hot" men. I'm sure there are very good looking men who are not disappointing, but at this point I'm not interested in getting to know a guy romantically who is not saved.

On the flip side to this coin, I have met one or two average looking men and have fallen madly in love with them. Other women might argue WHY but the reason is because I saw who they were on the inside and was attracted to their brains (no joke).

For me, intectually stimulation is a BIG turn on and if it's about the Bible, you have got me wrapped around your little finger. :cool: From there, I find everything (toes, nose, hands, ears) attractive....

Since I have been off my meds, my thoughts are scattered and I can't express myself as well (sorry). If my post does not make sense, it's my fault (not yours).

The point of my post is to inform you, for myself physical appearance doesn't turn me on, it's the chemistry between brains that does...maybe it's the same for every female. If that's the case, I would suggest you question yourself if there is a 'bond' that is suppose to be there when a woman and man unite (get married). That bond mimics the relationship Jesus has with us (His Church).

When you think about it logically, every Christian man and every Christian woman can marry each other. Just put them into a group with blindfolds on and have them marry the first person they shake hands with....why isn't that the case though?

I think the reason is because love is a choice, not a feeling, and that choice comes from the statement, "I choose you".

Unfortunately people choose the wrong partners because they are driven by their emotional and/or financial world, or other forces. Fortunately for Christians, we choose our partners based on our spirituality.

I can't get along with every Christian female on a friendship basis. Does that mean they are not Christian or I am not Christian? I don't think so. I think the reason is because different people mesh with different folks.

CL

[Oregongrown]

To be honest, I didn't find my husband attractive when I first met him. I dismissed him outright. Wrong colour hair, a bit short, very ordinary-looking (and actually he thought the same about me). But he kind of grew on me as we became friends, to the point where we started dating, and voila - now I think he's gorgeous and still fancy the pants off him 10 years later. It was character that did it for me, specifically when he sat on the livingroom carpet and clipped his grandmother's toenails. I figured any guy who'd do that must have a kind heart. He does my Mum's feet in a big bowl of soapy water when she comes over, and she thinks he's absolutely wonderful.

No I couldn't be with someone I found so hideous that I had to put a bag over their head, but going primarily for good looks has just brought me trouble in the past.

Oh bethany, thank you so much for the wonderful note:) I laughed hard, LOL:) I know this is the way God meant it to be. Character, love for the Lord first and foremost, toenail clipper being a must, LOL:) Love you sis, denise:hug:

[Oregongrown]

I married my first husband when I was 21 and he was 23. I married him because he came from a good Christian family, I'd known him all my life, he had a good steady job, he had a kind nature and I liked him very much. We had 2 children, we were married for 17 years, and pretty much as soon as my babies were born I knew I should have loved him, not just liked him. I had 17 years of living with a man who needed a "mother" more than a "wife". When I was 40, I fell passionately in love with a man 16 yrs older than me, I still adore him, he still gives me tingles, we've been married since 1991 and I can't imagine life without him. Would I ever marry a man I didn't love....no way....but then at 21 I don't think I knew what love was anyway. That's just my experience......

Happy hunting........

For me, and remember, I am 55 now and did not grow up as a christian. Nor were any of my relationships "christian". One thing for me personally, is to watch out for "feelings". They have lied to me all my life until Jesus. I know now that God wants me to learn the "action" of loving. I hardly think love is a feeling at all anymore. I don't know for anyone else. God bless you and I am so glad you are happy:) God bless,ysic, denise:hug:

[Oregongrown]

I think attraction is important. Maybe I'm saying this because I'm 29 and not married yet (but looking).

The reason I'm saying this is because of the book Songs of Solomon. There are some versus in there that describe the "high" you feel when you find your spouse physically attractive.

That being said, when I was younger and not saved I met some VERY good looking men and used my "player" techniques to get their attention (which backfired as it always does and left me flat on my face - so don't get the impression that it's worth it).

When I met these guys, the closer I got to them, they turned out to be the biggest babies! They spent most of their time whining to me about their past, present and future. I finally got bored and moved on....(and maybe they felt the same about me).

That turned me off from quote, unquote "hot" men. I'm sure there are very good looking men who are not disappointing, but at this point I'm not interested in getting to know a guy romantically who is not saved.

On the flip side to this coin, I have met one or two average looking men and have fallen madly in love with them. Other women might argue WHY but the reason is because I saw who they were on the inside and was attracted to their brains (no joke).

For me, intectually stimulation is a BIG turn on and if it's about the Bible, you have got me wrapped around your little finger. :cool: From there, I find everything (toes, nose, hands, ears) attractive....

Since I have been off my meds, my thoughts are scattered and I can't express myself as well (sorry). If my post does not make sense, it's my fault (not yours).

The point of my post is to inform you, for myself physical appearance doesn't turn me on, it's the chemistry between brains that does...maybe it's the same for every female. If that's the case, I would suggest you question yourself if there is a 'bond' that is suppose to be there when a woman and man unite (get married). That bond mimics the relationship Jesus has with us (His Church).

When you think about it logically, every Christian man and every Christian woman can marry each other. Just put them into a group with blindfolds on and have them marry the first person they shake hands with....why isn't that the case though?

I think the reason is because love is a choice, not a feeling, and that choice comes from the statement, "I choose you".

Unfortunately people choose the wrong partners because they are driven by their emotional and/or financial world, or other forces. Fortunately for Christians, we choose our partners based on our spirituality.

I can't get along with every Christian female on a friendship basis. Does that mean they are not Christian or I am not Christian? I don't think so. I think the reason is because different people mesh with different folks.

CL

thank you darlin, one of the neatest things God has shown me is how much I can learn from a younger person, mostly women but there have been some younger pastors or posters(LOL)that have taught me lots:) I just related so much to what you wrote and understood it perfectly:) I am so with you on it all, especially about the chemistry. It isn't "looks" it's an inside job that makes the outside attractive. So you said it so well. I am looking for chemistry, not "pretty boy". They do seem to be well, not my type anyway:) The guys I have been attracted to always look like "trouble" and they usually are, LOL!! Im sick, I must be sick:cry: Ok, but that's why Im here. To get help from my sisters on this:)

Love to all, denise:)
PS You will all be glad to know that I have grown to the point now though, if he isn't addicted to Jesus, I won't even visit with him. If he wants to "know" Jesus, I send him over to a brother in Christ;)

[daughter]

When I was a young woman I had this notion of what my perfect man would be like. He was over six foot (I'm five foot ten, so I wanted a tall man) and he had striking features, dark brown eyes, black curly hair. (When I think of it, a bit like my Dad, who, when I was little, was the perfect man.)

When I went to university I thought I met this perfect man. He was six foot five, as much taller than me as my father was taller than my mother. Like my Dad he was very intelligent, read widely, had a great sense of humour etc. Black curly hair, strong features, dark eyes. I thought he was the bees knees.

Took a while for him to realise that I wasn't his mother, and for me to realise that he wasn't my father. We split, not as amicably at the time as we could have done, but things have settled since. Just as well. We have a kid.

Thing is, later on, I met a man of five foot five, blue eyed, sandy blond hair, disabled (he ended up in a wheel chair) with a snub nose, jutting jaw, slightly balding. Rather pugnacious looking, vivid and intense gaze, but not quite handsome. (Not ugly either.)

I'd already fallen in love with his character when I met him. He was this guy who kept getting knocked down by life, but got up again. Who never felt sorry for himself, but campaigned for others, time and again, trying to make the world a better place.

When I saw him the first time, my physical expectation fell way short of what he actually looked like.

But that is the man I married, who I loved, and who loved me, and I can honestly tell you, that being married to a good, brave, honest and honourable man is a far greater thing than being with someone who has "zing", whatever that is.

I do know that I had a different kind of "zing" with my husband than I did with my ex, we were utterly right together, even if I was taller than him, and even if he didn't match my previous ideas of beauty.

My advise would be, don't ever let externals blind you to the real truth of a man. The physical is the least important thing.

Everyone at some point gets old, gets sick, and dies. When the "zing" dies with physical health, does the marriage die? Of course not. The "zing" doesn't matter. It's just popcorn. Life isn't a movie.

[Oregongrown]

When I was a young woman I had this notion of what my perfect man would be like. He was over six foot (I'm five foot ten, so I wanted a tall man) and he had striking features, dark brown eyes, black curly hair. (When I think of it, a bit like my Dad, who, when I was little, was the perfect man.)

When I went to university I thought I met this perfect man. He was six foot five, as much taller than me as my father was taller than my mother. Like my Dad he was very intelligent, read widely, had a great sense of humour etc. Black curly hair, strong features, dark eyes. I thought he was the bees knees.

Took a while for him to realise that I wasn't his mother, and for me to realise that he wasn't my father. We split, not as amicably at the time as we could have done, but things have settled since. Just as well. We have a kid.

Thing is, later on, I met a man of five foot five, blue eyed, sandy blond hair, disabled (he ended up in a wheel chair) with a snub nose, jutting jaw, slightly balding. Rather pugnacious looking, vivid and intense gaze, but not quite handsome. (Not ugly either.)

I'd already fallen in love with his character when I met him. He was this guy who kept getting knocked down by life, but got up again. Who never felt sorry for himself, but campaigned for others, time and again, trying to make the world a better place.

When I saw him the first time, my physical expectation fell way short of what he actually looked like.

But that is the man I married, who I loved, and who loved me, and I can honestly tell you, that being married to a good, brave, honest and honourable man is a far greater thing than being with someone who has "zing", whatever that is.

I do know that I had a different kind of "zing" with my husband than I did with my ex, we were utterly right together, even if I was taller than him, and even if he didn't match my previous ideas of beauty.

My advise would be, don't ever let externals blind you to the real truth of a man. The physical is the least important thing.

Everyone at some point gets old, gets sick, and dies. When the "zing" dies with physical health, does the marriage die? Of course not. The "zing" doesn't matter. It's just popcorn. Life isn't a movie.

What a wonderful read, thank you sister. You are so right, God spoke through you clearly:) I will continue to pray to just keep my eyes on Jesus. I will continue to learn from you gals and pray to recognize Gods man if He truly sends him to me:):hug: denise

[cnw]

lol when I met my husband I thought he was a dog, but he was so much fun. I didn't fall in love with his looks, I fell in love with the way he treated me. It was years and years before I fell in love with how handsome he was. funny thing is he is getting fat and I am not enamoured with his looks, but I still love the way he trats me and now we have a the Lord as we didn't back then and I really love this man for who he is. I stay in shape for him though and he treats me like a princess.

I guess I am saying ya know how when a girl is young she may be a looker but that is all the guys got...her looks because she has no personality, but if a girl has personality she has that forever even when her looks vanish with the age. Lust is all about looks I think. If ya got a winner then grab him cause not many men treat women right. God will help you see past the shell and you will fall in love with the real him.

If anyone tells my dh I said he is fat your dead meat.:B:D

[Oregongrown]

lol when I met my husband I thought he was a dog, but he was so much fun. I didn't fall in love with his looks, I fell in love with the way he treated me. It was years and years before I fell in love with how handsome he was. funny thing is he is getting fat and I am not enamoured with his looks, but I still love the way he trats me and now we have a the Lord as we didn't back then and I really love this man for who he is. I stay in shape for him though and he treats me like a princess.

I guess I am saying ya know how when a girl is young she may be a looker but that is all the guys got...her looks because she has no personality, but if a girl has personality she has that forever even when her looks vanish with the age. Lust is all about looks I think. If ya got a winner then grab him cause not many men treat women right. God will help you see past the shell and you will fall in love with the real him.

If anyone tells my dh I said he is fat your dead meat.:B:D

I guess I haven't met anyone afterall since they haven't written me back. I don't like the idea of meeting anyone online. It's exciting sometimes when someone writes you but still, I would rather meet someone at church or a friend of a friend:)

God bless and thank you for sharing with me:) I feel so much better having talked to you gals. Gettin it out in the open:) God bless, denise:hug:

[Rocking horse]

I think an important thing to remember also is that "beauty" or "attraction" is in the eye of the beholder. My wonderful husband, as I said in my previous post, is 16 yrs older than me, he has crooked teeth (but white) :-) he now walks with a stick as he may have to have a knee reconstruction, and I remember my daughter certainly didn't think he was "handsome"....but that's age difference and personal preference. Brian has a white neatly trimmed beard and white hair, he's got quite a stocky build. To me that is all just "candy"....even at his 73 yrs of age. No, we're not on a "high" all the time, physically now we're...just good friends....age has taken it's toll on that part of our lives, but it hasn't stopped our deep love for each other, because love is far more than "physical". Common interests, common sense of humour and morality, I think all these things are very important too. Brian is my soul mate, my best friend in the world and we hate having even a few hours out of each others company. Love has no age limit or barrier, when we fell in love we felt like silly teenagers........

Good hunting, Anne

[Saved7]

First of all, welcome to the board!
I was much like you when I was young..I wanted the fairy tale life. When I married my husband 25 years ago and was soon realizing that this marriage was not like Cinderella and Prince Charming, my husband said to me, "I never promised to ride you off into the sunset."
I was devastated but he was right.

What I have learned about love is that it is in the giving to one another. The world has distorted our thinking regarding love with sex.
I think of love in:
Philippians 2:2-3-"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves; Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others."


What the Word of God says and what the world says are two different things. The world says to be vain, seek ways to please ones self, and look at what you want.


I am not saying that you should make yourself be attracted to this man. But I would suggest trying something.Write down everything you want in a man and everything you think love is. Then give the list to the Lord..burn it, shred it whatever. Let the Lord show you what He created love to be.


Praying for you.:hug:



Amen and amen!!!:D

[Oregongrown]

I think an important thing to remember also is that "beauty" or "attraction" is in the eye of the beholder. My wonderful husband, as I said in my previous post, is 16 yrs older than me, he has crooked teeth (but white) :-) he now walks with a stick as he may have to have a knee reconstruction, and I remember my daughter certainly didn't think he was "handsome"....but that's age difference and personal preference. Brian has a white neatly trimmed beard and white hair, he's got quite a stocky build. To me that is all just "candy"....even at his 73 yrs of age. No, we're not on a "high" all the time, physically now we're...just good friends....age has taken it's toll on that part of our lives, but it hasn't stopped our deep love for each other, because love is far more than "physical". Common interests, common sense of humour and morality, I think all these things are very important too. Brian is my soul mate, my best friend in the world and we hate having even a few hours out of each others company. Love has no age limit or barrier, when we fell in love we felt like silly teenagers........

Good hunting, Anne

you gals may never know how much help you have been to me, as well as comfort. I know that sometime people have something that stands in the way of their relationship with Christ really blossoming and this is atleast one thing that has for me:( I just haven't let go of the "being on my own and wanting a mate". I look over the last 10+ years and I just did fine 90% of the time, but that 10% of whining or feeling I just can't do this alone or why should I have to. Why do other gals have mates. I have heard it said over and over, give it ALL to God. Not be perfect, I know I can't be perfect but truly be content with what I have, not snivel about what I don't. The other thing is, God is not going to put a Godly man in my life until He knows I will be a Godly wife. I mean if it is in His plan for me to have a mate at all. 10 years ago I would have just blown it. Ive been a runner and ran from things when they got tough. I always expected to much of the men in my life(which yes, they needed God as well)and didn't bother to look at what denise needed to do to clean up her own side of the street. God has allowed this alone time so I have no one to look at, or focus on but myself, and it has been hard and ugly and it isn't over yet. This topic is coming sort of "full-circle" for me. Turning into what it is REALLY about. Meeting someone for a date, or chemistry is scratching the surface, or not the issue at all. It's me. I believe meeting a man is something that would "fix" me, for a little while, take the focus off things I need to be doing and facing. Take my focus off the Husband I have now. When I write this I almost feel like an adulturous because God is my Man now and He is leading me. He's my Father and He is teaching me so that if I am to have a mate, I will be a Godly wife. Lots on my mind this a.m. Lastnight I had dinner with my unsaved friends and landlords. He drinks a lot and likes to attack my belief in Christ. He is a sweetheart when he's sober, but that just means he isn't saying what he thinks. He was basically giving me the stuff on Christians think they are right and everyone else is wrong and he brought up the mormons. Well anyway, I tried to explain again my beliefs, very non-threatening like I always try to be then I gave up because he knows everything already.

Sorry I changed the topic. It just hurt and got me into some fear. I live here part of the time without paying rent as I have zero income. Tomorrow is my appt to see if I am indeed disabled from an injury at work Summer before last. Ive been in here 6 months and payed 4 months rent from my Income Tax return. I work as much as I can around here, pets, lawncare, 6 acres of mowing, housecleaning, gardening. But these people are not christians and even christians can turn on you sometimes. I feel really trapped sometimes but I know God brought all the people out in the bible. Like Joseph, Jonah, all those in prisons, and then some like Paul were always poor. But I am blessed too. I don't want to sign off on a sad note because I am blessed. I have a beautiful little trailer, beautiful country, free internet(praise Jesus!!!)this site, and the folks are really really good to me even with their faults. Oh, and they put up with mine:)

Love to all, denise, ysic:hug:

[Oregongrown]

spoke to me so loudly lastnight when I opened my bible to read before going to sleep. I was smiling and crying through much of it. A little background on me for those that don't know. I am divorced over 10 years, had 4 marriages, but only 6 years of my life, no children because abortion was the "in" thing to do, plus the fact I didn't want children to be drug into this crummy world. I was not saved until 93, not christian upbringing. Plus, I was so stupid I thought that when you first are pregnant its just an egg that hasn't developed into a "chicken" yet. After I was saved, I broke down in church when they showed the film "The Silent Scream". I went into christian counseling where I was helped to some extent. The counselor prayed a lot with me and told me that naming my children that were killed would be helpful he thought. So we did. The bible is sitting beside me with their names in it still. I didn't know of course if they were boys or girls. I have 3 abortions:( satan has used guilt and shame over my past life. I still can't tell anyone truthfully I have forgiven myself completely. But I know God has and He wants me to know that if He has, I must too. Another thing that has blocked my relationship with Him. Ok, back to my reading:) I opened up to Isaiah 50:6 It spoke to me in that I had such a rough time handed to me for being a christian lastnight at dinner. By my drinking landlord. I purposely left out the first part of 6 because I wanted to show you what I actually read at first:
Isaiah 50:part of 6-11

I did not hide my face
from mocking and spitting.
7 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=50&translation=nivp#) Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,
I will not be disgraced.
Therefore have I set my face like flint,
and I know I will not be put to shame.
8 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=50&translation=nivp#) He who vindicates me is near.
Who then will bring charges against me?
Let us face each other!
Who is my accuser?
Let him confront me!
9 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=50&translation=nivp#) It is the Sovereign Lord who helps me.
Who is he that will condemn me?
They will all wear out like a garment;
the moths will eat them up.
10 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=50&translation=nivp#) Who among you fears the Lord
and obeys the word of his servant?
Let him who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the Lord
and rely on his God.
11 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=50&translation=nivp#) But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment.
trust in the name of the Lord
and rely on his God.

Then I went back and started reading at Isaiah 50, verse 1 to get the whole scope of His Word. I read through to chapter 57:14 and was too tired for any more but what a read. The verses that got me the most were these(regarding what I've shared here with you gals) I do understand that God is talking about other things but I believe with all my heart, He is also talking to me. I know He does the same with other christians. I just believe with all my heart He was comforting me. I hope I don't sound like a nutcase. Love to all, denise:hug:

Isaiah 54:1-17

1 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) “Sing, O barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.
2 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.

4 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
5 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) For your Maker is your husband—
the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
6 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) The Lord will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God.
7 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
8 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the Lord your Redeemer.

9 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) “To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.
10 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

11 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) “O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will build you with stones of turquoise, [fn1] (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#_fnt_1)
your foundations with sapphires. [fn2] (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#_fnt_2)
12 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.
13 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) All your sons will be taught by the Lord,
and great will be your children's peace.
14 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
15 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.

16 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc;
17 (http://www.blueletterbible.org/cgi-bin/tools/printer-friendly.pl?book=Isa&chapter=054&version=nivp#) no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
and this is their vindication from me,”
declares the Lord

[Emily]

I know how you feel! I used to feel that way too. Don't let that physical attraction be a stumbling block to having a relationship. Give the guy a chance, no matter how he looks, and get to know him, the real man under the facade of appearance. You really CAN fall in love with someone you don't feel an immediate physical attraction to. There is a lot to love about a person: their love of the Lord, their sense of humor, their intelligence, their kindness, their smile or laugh, etc. Give him a chance to wow you. :)

[Emily]

I'm sorry Denise, I didn't read page 2, I hope my reply didn't seem insensitive to everything you have gone through. :(

[Oregongrown]

I'm sorry Denise, I didn't read page 2, I hope my reply didn't seem insensitive to everything you have gone through. :( I needed to hear your input:) You and the others He has sent are such a blessing to me today. I cried over everything today, LOL! I had a Universal heartache and really unloaded:) My friend edie came over and although I do not think she is born-again, she is a nurturererrererere, LOL, can't spell that:rofl:She came over and just hugged me while I cried. It was hard for me to let her hug me a long time but it was a "good" thing:) for me to let her:)

You are so right and I feel maybe now that I am learning this, about a mate, I might meet someone:) Maybe God has been waiting for me to learn this stuff:) I am ok on my own but I can't deny my hearts desire to have a christian mate before I leave this Earth. A best friend with skin on him, ya know:) Love and hugs, denise, ysic always:) :hug:

[Saved7]

you gals may never know how much help you have been to me, as well as comfort. I know that sometime people have something that stands in the way of their relationship with Christ really blossoming and this is atleast one thing that has for me:( I just haven't let go of the "being on my own and wanting a mate". I look over the last 10+ years and I just did fine 90% of the time, but that 10% of whining or feeling I just can't do this alone or why should I have to. Why do other gals have mates. I have heard it said over and over, give it ALL to God. Not be perfect, I know I can't be perfect but truly be content with what I have, not snivel about what I don't. The other thing is, God is not going to put a Godly man in my life until He knows I will be a Godly wife. I mean if it is in His plan for me to have a mate at all. 10 years ago I would have just blown it. Ive been a runner and ran from things when they got tough. I always expected to much of the men in my life(which yes, they needed God as well)and didn't bother to look at what denise needed to do to clean up her own side of the street. God has allowed this alone time so I have no one to look at, or focus on but myself, and it has been hard and ugly and it isn't over yet. This topic is coming sort of "full-circle" for me. Turning into what it is REALLY about. Meeting someone for a date, or chemistry is scratching the surface, or not the issue at all. It's me. I believe meeting a man is something that would "fix" me, for a little while, take the focus off things I need to be doing and facing. Take my focus off the Husband I have now. When I write this I almost feel like an adulturous because God is my Man now and He is leading me. He's my Father and He is teaching me so that if I am to have a mate, I will be a Godly wife. Lots on my mind this a.m. Lastnight I had dinner with my unsaved friends and landlords. He drinks a lot and likes to attack my belief in Christ. He is a sweetheart when he's sober, but that just means he isn't saying what he thinks. He was basically giving me the stuff on Christians think they are right and everyone else is wrong and he brought up the mormons. Well anyway, I tried to explain again my beliefs, very non-threatening like I always try to be then I gave up because he knows everything already.




By george, I think she's got it!!!:pp It wasn't until I had reached a point of not even wanting a man in my life, because I didn't want a man to come between me and the Lord, it was then that the Lord brought my husband.:)

[karenoka27]

Denise, again, I am so glad you found us. I can see by reading these posts, you are getting some different views. That's good!

I am much like you that I always have a Bible around. When I was raising my three children, I would always keep it open on the kitchen counter, and just a read a few verses whenever I could.

Praying for you and when you are with the one that God has for you...I'm sure there will be an "attraction!":hug:

[Oregongrown]

By george, I think she's got it!!!:pp It wasn't until I had reached a point of not even wanting a man in my life, because I didn't want a man to come between me and the Lord, it was then that the Lord brought my husband.:)

If it took a guy a lot of work to get me to go out with him if things keep getting better being on my own with the Lord;) If things are so good why would I want to take the chance of messing them up, like you say, the possibility of getting me offtrack again:) I guess more will be revealed as time goes by:) Thanks again sis:) denise:hug:

[*Hope*]

I may be in the minority here, but.....I think that physical attraction is highly important. Of course, it is secondary to the person's character and spiritual maturity. HOWEVER, there must be physical attraction for you to have a complete, intimate union. Sexual intimacy is vitally important to a relationship to develop a healthy bond. How are you to fulfill this call to sexual intimacy if you are not "turned on" by your mate? Without physical attraction you'd just be living with a buddy. I actually think it could be dangerous to marry someone you don't find highly attractive because it leaves you open to temptation. Sexual needs are real and created by God. Your spouse is supposed to fill that need. If they aren't capable of doing that, then your union will be incomplete.

[Oregongrown]

I may be in the minority here, but.....I think that physical attraction is highly important. Of course, it is secondary to the person's character and spiritual maturity. HOWEVER, there must be physical attraction for you to have a complete, intimate union. Sexual intimacy is vitally important to a relationship to develop a healthy bond. How are you to fulfill this call to sexual intimacy if you are not "turned on" by your mate? Without physical attraction you'd just be living with a buddy. I actually think it could be dangerous to marry someone you don't find highly attractive because it leaves you open to temptation. Sexual needs are real and created by God. Your spouse is supposed to fill that need. If they aren't capable of doing that, then your union will be incomplete. Ok, nothing about me is perfect, but I do think I hear you. What I see coming out of this discussion is that we will be better off if we don't put the "cart before the horse". I am convinced because of those that have shared here and in other places, that physical intimacy(and attraction)will come if we have the other 3 first. Spiritual, emotional, mental. The world says "oh, we best make sure we like eachother in bed(or atleast have that "turn on" feeling)or we are sure to fail". But God says, if we have the other 3 elements of a relationship the physical will just be there, no problem:) I can say from my own experience, I have always "had" to have a physical attraction first. I am 55, divorced and no man in my life. Hmm, wonder if I might try it another way. That is what is happening for me here. I truly believe God is showing me His Way. More will be revealed and I hope I get to keep all you gals up to date on my "progress" or, lack there of, LOL:)

God bless, ysic, denise;)

[Saved7]

I may be in the minority here, but.....I think that physical attraction is highly important. Of course, it is secondary to the person's character and spiritual maturity. HOWEVER, there must be physical attraction for you to have a complete, intimate union. Sexual intimacy is vitally important to a relationship to develop a healthy bond. How are you to fulfill this call to sexual intimacy if you are not "turned on" by your mate? Without physical attraction you'd just be living with a buddy. I actually think it could be dangerous to marry someone you don't find highly attractive because it leaves you open to temptation. Sexual needs are real and created by God. Your spouse is supposed to fill that need. If they aren't capable of doing that, then your union will be incomplete.


HOpe, when you are truely in love with someone....the attraction is there, and you have no desire for others. I used to feel just like you, until I fell in love with my husband. It took me nearly 38 years to really love someone for the first time. And you know what??? Because I know his(my husband's) character, and understand that a man like him is rare, I find him incredibly more attractive than the most physically attractive men I've seen. Why? Because the body is just the outer shell, you don't know what lurks beneath, it may be dark and scary, or quite empty inside..but inside my husband there is great beauty.:) He may not be the most handsome man on the planet, he may be just quite average, but then so am I and I am blessed to be loved by him and to love him back!:pp

[*Hope*]

HOpe, when you are truely in love with someone....the attraction is there, and you have no desire for others. I used to feel just like you, until I fell in love with my husband. It took me nearly 38 years to really love someone for the first time. And you know what??? Because I know his(my husband's) character, and understand that a man like him is rare, I find him incredibly more attractive than the most physically attractive men I've seen. Why? Because the body is just the outer shell, you don't know what lurks beneath, it may be dark and scary, or quite empty inside..but inside my husband there is great beauty.:) He may not be the most handsome man on the planet, he may be just quite average, but then so am I and I am blessed to be loved by him and to love him back!:pp

I understand what you're saying. And I agree, that loving someone and loving their character does make them more attractive. However, I'm a little concerned that some people keep suggesting that physical attraction isn't necessary or even that important....because that just isn't true. Yes, the more you love someone the more attractive they become. BUT, there are some people you love dearly but would never have sex with (thank goodness!). Finding someone attractive and being sexually attracted to them are two different things. Sexual intimacy is HIGHLY important in a marriage. So much so that Paul says it is wrong to abstain from sex within marriage unless it's for prayer, and even then it should be brief. If anyone goes into a marriage thinking they won't need to be sexually attracted to their spouse, then they are in for trouble. Neither should they go into a relationship hoping that they will eventually be sexually attracted to someone. This is dangerous because it is likely they will come in contact with numerous others that ARE physically attracted to, which will pose a great temptation. Does that make sense?

[Oregongrown]

I understand what you're saying. And I agree, that loving someone and loving their character does make them more attractive. However, I'm a little concerned that some people keep suggesting that physical attraction isn't necessary or even that important....because that just isn't true. Yes, the more you love someone the more attractive they become. BUT, there are some people you love dearly but would never have sex with (thank goodness!). Finding someone attractive and being sexually attracted to them are two different things. Sexual intimacy is HIGHLY important in a marriage. So much so that Paul says it is wrong to abstain from sex within marriage unless it's for prayer, and even then it should be brief. If anyone goes into a marriage thinking they won't need to be sexually attracted to their spouse, then they are in for trouble. Neither should they go into a relationship hoping that they will eventually be sexually attracted to someone. This is dangerous because it is likely they will come in contact with numerous others that ARE physically attracted to, which will pose a great temptation. Does that make sense?

important, the physical attraction, I just am looking at it a little different now, just for myself that is. I am hearing women say that they were not physically attracted at first, but, after getting to know the fellers spiritual, emotional and mental characters, the gals fell for them physically as well. That is the way I have believed even before I knew the Lord, but I continued putting the physical as top priority. I just don't want to do that anymore. If I dated a guy and we hit it off spiritually, emotionally and mentally, I just can't imagine falling in Love with them in "every" way. I mean, maybe that is what happens to some folks. Again, I just truly believe if I have the first 3, we would have the 4th:) Anyway, I am holding onto that since I have failed doing it the other way round:) God bless, denise:hug:

[Saved7]

I understand what you're saying. And I agree, that loving someone and loving their character does make them more attractive. However, I'm a little concerned that some people keep suggesting that physical attraction isn't necessary or even that important....because that just isn't true. Yes, the more you love someone the more attractive they become. BUT, there are some people you love dearly but would never have sex with (thank goodness!). Finding someone attractive and being sexually attracted to them are two different things. Sexual intimacy is HIGHLY important in a marriage. So much so that Paul says it is wrong to abstain from sex within marriage unless it's for prayer, and even then it should be brief. If anyone goes into a marriage thinking they won't need to be sexually attracted to their spouse, then they are in for trouble. Neither should they go into a relationship hoping that they will eventually be sexually attracted to someone. This is dangerous because it is likely they will come in contact with numerous others that ARE physically attracted to, which will pose a great temptation. Does that make sense?

I think you are reading too much into what we are saying. WE said nothing about being with someone we find repulsive.;) YOu just need to put that much further down on your list of priorities when choosing a mate.
But I guess you are just going to have to find out what we are talking about on your own....it appears you just aren't ready to accept this just yet. That's ok, eventually you will.:saint:

[Christian_lady]

Hope,

I've fallen MADLY in love with 1 or 2 average looking men.
I've been INCREDIBLY repulsed by dozens of GQ (cover of mag) looking men.

The reason is because I saw who they were and discovered their character.

I am sure there are MANY beautiful men with a tender heart, it's just in my experience, I have found that tender heart in average looking.

But when I discovered their heart, no joke, it was like fireworks, thunder and lightening.

I found EVERYTHING attractive about them - toes, nose, navel, ears, you name it.

I would even find myself dreaming about them during the day...

Do you kind of see our point here honey? Yes, sexual attraction is important, but where is that attraction coming from?

[Oregongrown]

Hope,

I've fallen MADLY in love with 1 or 2 average looking men.
I've been INCREDIBLY repulsed by dozens of GQ (cover of mag) looking men.

The reason is because I saw who they were and discovered their character.

I am sure there are MANY beautiful men with a tender heart, it's just in my experience, I have found that tender heart in average looking.

But when I discovered their heart, no joke, it was like fireworks, thunder and lightening.

I found EVERYTHING attractive about them - toes, nose, navel, ears, you name it.

I would even find myself dreaming about them during the day...

Do you kind of see our point here honey? Yes, sexual attraction is important, but where is that attraction coming from?

Thank you for this lady!! I am realizing my problem is not just "wanting" the ruggedly handsome looks, it is "not" checking into the character closer before I commit. This is hard to admit but I know that God is with me, and, there are others that will understand. I have "literally" put the cart before the horse with every single man I have fell for in my life. What I mean is, I have slept with them out of wedlock. It was just back in Sept 2007 when I made that same mistake again:( The consequences almost destroyed me, or atleast I felt destroyed:( God bless everyone here for your input. This thread has blessed me and now I've unloaded yet another "thing" that stands between me and growing closer to God. ysic, denise

[*Hope*]

I think you are reading too much into what we are saying. WE said nothing about being with someone we find repulsive.;) YOu just need to put that much further down on your list of priorities when choosing a mate.

Like I said earlier, this I can agree with. I also agree that when you love someone and love their character they become more attractive in your eyes.

But I guess you are just going to have to find out what we are talking about on your own....it appears you just aren't ready to accept this just yet. That's ok, eventually you will.:saint:No offense, but this came across rather condescending. Because I have a slightly different view (and it is slight), it means I'm wrong? Your statement implies that you are right, that I'm unwilling to accept it, but that I eventually will. Do you see how that could come across?

In truth, I already *have* experienced what many of you are discussing. I may be young, but I've had many experiences (some of which I wish I could forget). I know what it's like to be pursued by "handsome" men. I know what it's like to be attracted to men who are considered physically handsome. And I know that none of that means anything if they do not have a godly character. However, the man I'm going to marry (we've known eachother for 7 years) is someone I immediately considered physically attractive. I was attracted to him physically first, and then as I got to know him I discovered he is also spiritually strong, godly, wise, etc....my attraction only grew. As we get closer and closer to becoming man and wife, my attraction for him grows ever more intensely. Do I believe that some people experience this differently? Of course. But my concern was that it sounded like some people were suggesting that physical attraction was not important at all.

Part of my concern comes from having grown up in the "True Love Waits" generation. Of course I believe in sexual purity (I'm a virgin myself), but I think that in our haste to encourage kids to abstain from sex, we tainted what God deemed as holy. I can't even count the number of Christian girls I know who think sex is gross, unnecessary or consider it a "duty" (something they have to endure, rather than enjoy). So when I see/hear anyone downplaying the role of sexual attraction within a godly marriage, it concerns me. I think we're seeing a generation of young married, Christian couples who are having unnecessary struggles in the marriage bed largely due to what churches and other believers have told them about the physical side of marriage. Is sex the most important thing? No, of course not. But neither is it the least. All I was saying is that in order to have a fulfilling, well-rounded union with someone it MUST include physical/sexual intimacy.

[Saved7]

Like I said earlier, this I can agree with. I also agree that when you love someone and love their character they become more attractive in your eyes.

No offense, but this came across rather condescending. Because I have a slightly different view (and it is slight), it means I'm wrong? Your statement implies that you are right, that I'm unwilling to accept it, but that I eventually will. Do you see how that could come across?
.

No condescension intended, it's just fact, and I was simply letting you know that I think your advise is dangerous and I'm not going to argue with you about it; and simply I accept that you are not there yet. But you will be one day. When you realize that you are getting older and losing your looks and so are the men within your age group; your perspective will change....we all do.
I do not see your perspective as a "slight" difference, I see a major focus on physical appearance coming from you, that seems to be the major point of all that you have said here.
Now, this is where I will end my discussion with you as I seem to have offended you.
I apologize.:)

[Oregongrown]

No condescension intended, it's just fact, and I was simply letting you know that I think your advise is dangerous and I'm not going to argue with you about it; and simply I accept that you are not there yet. But you will be one day. When you realize that you are getting older and losing your looks and so are the men within your age group; your perspective will change....we all do.
I do not see your perspective as a "slight" difference, I see a major focus on physical appearance coming from you, that seems to be the major point of all that you have said here.
Now, this is where I will end my discussion with you as I seem to have offended you.
I apologize.:)

You and I talked about this Saved so I don't feel out of line to speak up. I too felt your post was condescending. Felt being the keyword, doen't make it truth.

*Hope*, what I have learned about people(including moi's)input is this. All have opinions, but because one person has one and another, a different opinion, doen't make them wrong or right, it is simply where they come from. Their personality, the way they see things. Just remember it is about our personal relationship with Christ. All I care about is being ok with Him. If I am ok with others, bonus. Im glad youre here and welcome ALL input. I learn from it all. I again commend you on your boldness to speak what your opinion is as well. I think when we share these things, we get them out in the open and get feedback. Then, we can take it to the Lord(His Word)and see if it is reconcilable with that Word:)

God bless and have a great day!! your sister in Christ, denise

[Oregongrown]

Like I said earlier, this I can agree with. I also agree that when you love someone and love their character they become more attractive in your eyes.

No offense, but this came across rather condescending. Because I have a slightly different view (and it is slight), it means I'm wrong? Your statement implies that you are right, that I'm unwilling to accept it, but that I eventually will. Do you see how that could come across?

In truth, I already *have* experienced what many of you are discussing. I may be young, but I've had many experiences (some of which I wish I could forget). I know what it's like to be pursued by "handsome" men. I know what it's like to be attracted to men who are considered physically handsome. And I know that none of that means anything if they do not have a godly character. However, the man I'm going to marry (we've known eachother for 7 years) is someone I immediately considered physically attractive. I was attracted to him physically first, and then as I got to know him I discovered he is also spiritually strong, godly, wise, etc....my attraction only grew. As we get closer and closer to becoming man and wife, my attraction for him grows ever more intensely. Do I believe that some people experience this differently? Of course. But my concern was that it sounded like some people were suggesting that physical attraction was not important at all.

Part of my concern comes from having grown up in the "True Love Waits" generation. Of course I believe in sexual purity (I'm a virgin myself), but I think that in our haste to encourage kids to abstain from sex, we tainted what God deemed as holy. I can't even count the number of Christian girls I know who think sex is gross, unnecessary or consider it a "duty" (something they have to endure, rather than enjoy). So when I see/hear anyone downplaying the role of sexual attraction within a godly marriage, it concerns me. I think we're seeing a generation of young married, Christian couples who are having unnecessary struggles in the marriage bed largely due to what churches and other believers have told them about the physical side of marriage. Is sex the most important thing? No, of course not. But neither is it the least. All I was saying is that in order to have a fulfilling, well-rounded union with someone it MUST include physical/sexual intimacy.

I'll go one step further and say that God created us to be attracted, to one man, one woman:) I do believe that we can be attracted to more than one, obviously in cases of being widowed. Or divorced. God bless and keep seeking Him, I learn something new every day! He teaches me just what He's ready to teach me. I sure want to learn everything yesterday though, sorta:rofl:your sister in Christ, denise

[Christian_lady]

However, the man I'm going to marry (we've known eachother for 7 years) is someone I immediately considered physically attractive. I was attracted to him physically first, and then as I got to know him I discovered he is also spiritually strong, godly, wise, etc....my attraction only grew. As we get closer and closer to becoming man and wife, my attraction for him grows ever more intensely. Do I believe that some people experience this differently? Of course. But my concern was that it sounded like some people were suggesting that physical attraction was not important at all.

Part of my concern comes from having grown up in the "True Love Waits" generation. Of course I believe in sexual purity (I'm a virgin myself), but I think that in our haste to encourage kids to abstain from sex, we tainted what God deemed as holy. I can't even count the number of Christian girls I know who think sex is gross, unnecessary or consider it a "duty" (something they have to endure, rather than enjoy). So when I see/hear anyone downplaying the role of sexual attraction within a godly marriage, it concerns me. I think we're seeing a generation of young married, Christian couples who are having unnecessary struggles in the marriage bed largely due to what churches and other believers have told them about the physical side of marriage. Is sex the most important thing? No, of course not. But neither is it the least. All I was saying is that in order to have a fulfilling, well-rounded union with someone it MUST include physical/sexual intimacy.

Hope, I learned a lot from your post. I have prevented myself from feeling attraction when I meet guys (at least, at first) because in my past that is what got me into hot water...

Reading your post, I sensed that initial attraction you felt about the guy you are with now, came from the Holy Spirit, maybe God's way of telling you - go for it!

That is REALLY cool, especially since the more you got to know him, the more you discovered he's Christian!

I'm afraid of feeling attraction at first, because I make poor decisions when I get my emotions involved. But everyone is different and who knows, as my walk strengthens with God, maybe He will nudge me the same way He has nudged you.

Good luck to you, and as your sister, I do not sense any concern about the relationship you have with this guy (from what I know).

There's nothing wrong with starting off a relationship with the cliche "attraction at first sight", especially since he turned out to be the type of guy God wants you to be with.
:kiss:

[Oregongrown]

Hope, I learned a lot from your post. I have prevented myself from feeling attraction when I meet guys (at least, at first) because in my past that is what got me into hot water...

Reading your post, I sensed that initial attraction you felt about the guy you are with now, came from the Holy Spirit, maybe God's way of telling you - go for it!

That is REALLY cool, especially since the more you got to know him, the more you discovered he's Christian!

I'm afraid of feeling attraction at first, because I make poor decisions when I get my emotions involved. But everyone is different and who knows, as my walk strengthens with God, maybe He will nudge me the same way He has nudged you.

Good luck to you, and as your sister, I do not sense any concern about the relationship you have with this guy (from what I know).

There's nothing wrong with starting off a relationship with the cliche "attraction at first sight", especially since he turned out to be the type of guy God wants you to be with.
:kiss:

I've heard of it happening both ways, good post Lady!! God bless your day:) ysic, denise

[Emily]

Well, to be logical on the physical attraction issue, what one person finds physically attractive is not the same for everyone. Even the supposed "greatest looking" people are not universally attractive to all. Take George Clooney for instance. I think most women find him extremely attractive. Hasn't he been often dubbed "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE"?? I beg to differ. :rolleyes: Personally, I don't find him attractive at all! I find him even more distasteful because he is much older and is still not settled down. What's that about?? :confused This actually repulses me to be totally blunt. (lol) :lol:

I think its important for women to "step out of their box" when it comes to realistic expectations in a potential mate. In my experience, initial physical attraction is lust, and lust fades (fast), especially when difficult times hit in a relationship, which is a recurring theme in any marriage, its just the ups and downs of life.

I dated someone about 4 years ago who (I thought) had everything I wanted but I felt absolutely nothing for him. It was extremely awkward when he told me "I love you" and I would reciprocate but I didn't really feel it. I didn't understand why I hadn't felt love like I had felt for others before, I kept waiting for love to happen. He wanted to get married right away but I was just not feeling it! Then I met my current boyfriend and realized that I had found someone special--we "clicked". That unseen, unknown thing that is what true "attraction" is about.

My point, looks aren't everything. Physical attraction is much less important than Christian morals and values, integrity, character, personality match, kindness, humor, and all of the things that a woman might find attractive. If you go by initial physical attraction, you could possibly miss out on the love of your life, and that would be a very sad thing!