Demanding Authority Figures...Grrrr

[*Hope*]

This question would apply to all types of authority figures (parents, bosses, husbands, etc) but it is directed to those who have to suffer under over-controlling, demanding authority figures: how do you handle the pressure? How do you respond when you are commanded to do things rather than being asked? How do you submit yourself to authority and be respectful when you don't feel like you are being respected in return?

[*Hope*]

I'm the only one who deals with this I guess...

[livingwaters]

OH, I don't think so!!!! This was around long before you and me...Amen. I once had a job where my boss was so racist, egotistical, still back in the slavery mentality, but thank God for him, I was saved...Every time I had to do something on this job, I'd say, "OK, Lord, this is for YOU!!!!!" Every time I said that, it made me laugh. :lol::lol: Then I'd just go on about my business...As the Bible says, those in authorative places also, have a Master(named God). They WILL have to give an answer!!!! Just make sure that when God plays your "life," HE will be able to say, well done, my faithful servant!!!! Glory to God...Alleluia...Thank you Father!!!:pray::pray:

Read the Word and do what IT says!!! You can do it!!:pp:pp

[graceforme]

This question would apply to all types of authority figures (parents, bosses, husbands, etc) but it is directed to those who have to suffer under over-controlling, demanding authority figures: how do you handle the pressure? How do you respond when you are commanded to do things rather than being asked? How do you submit yourself to authority and be respectful when you don't feel like you are being respected in return?


There are many who suffer under the very kind of authority figures that you described. I did it for a long time, but the presssure and stress became too much for me (my health was being affected), and I left a really good-paying position just to get away from it. But, just like Romans 8:28, I found that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." One result of that experience was that I was given a wonderful opportunity to minister to nursing home residents through music and I have been blessed by it for almost three years. When one door closes, God opens another one.

God is good ..... all the time.
All the time ..... God is good.

[Lyndie]

I had the same problem at a former job. I left because it got to be too much. It was such a vulgar environment, and I knew in my heart God didn't want me around all the filth anymore. I turned the other cheek for a yr, but it got to a point where others (customers) were becoming involved I said enough.

[ServantofTruth]

May i turn to some obvious biblical examples of authority? Pilate in John's gospel chapter 19. In verse 11 Jesus says to him, 'If God had not given you the power, you couldn't do anything at all to me.'

Obviously we have Romans chapter 13. Obeying leaders.

Today, or was it yesterday, i was reading 2 Samuel chapter 20, when David first puts Amasa, then Abishai in charge of the army. However this isn't good enough for Joab his old army commander who murders Amasa, then assumes command against King David's orders.

I appologise i look at everything biblically or try to. We have 66 books with many examples of leaders and those in authority. How they acted, some good, some bad. How those who suffered under them reacted. Let's try to find more examples to help us. SofTy.

[Mercy4Me]

I think the way to deal with authority may differ according to who the authority figure is. If, as in some of the examples given, the authority is an employer, and you are in a position where you can find another job, then that is certainly easier on you! But if the authority is a husband, whom God has called you to submit to, to honor and respect and love, then the only option you have is to learn to do that, by the grace of God and the strength of the Holy Spirit.

Here are a few pertinent verses regarding authority, no matter who the authority figure is:

"Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men...

Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly...

For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in his mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously...

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior...

To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit, not returning evil for evil or insult fo rinsult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing...

1 Pet. 2:13 and all the way through the rest of the book of 1 Peter...very good reading concerning suffering unjustly and submitting to authority.

Of course, I see these things as something so difficult to do in our flesh...it can only be accomplished through much prayer and submission to God Himself first of all. If there is risk of physical abuse, of course, I don't believe these verses are referring to that...but if it is a matter of one person submitting their will to another, in a sense that's not a bad thing, if we are in the position that God wants us to be. Laying down our own will, our own desires, our own plans for God's will, God's desires, and God's plans is the first step...after that, I believe submission to other authorities in our lives becomes much easier. If you know that God has placed someone in authority over you, and you are walking in His will, then He will give you the strength and courage to submit to that authority. There are certainly times when God will call us out from under an authority figure, as in the examples others have given, but there are also times when His desire is for us to stay, and grow, and learn to trust Him for the outcome.

[*Hope*]

Yeah, I should've clarified that I was primarily referring to familial relationships (i.e. parental figures or husbands). Not like you can "quit" being under their authority like you can quit a job :)

[cnw]

You go to them and talk about it. Tell them you are having a hard time obeying/respecting/submitting etc because you feel under attack. You ask them how you can better obey/submit/respect under their authority and ask for forgiveness if you have been rebellious.
Let them know you feel that they hurt you with their words or actions and that you love them and want to work it out. If it is too hard to talk to them then write it down and read it to them telling them you don't want to offend them so you wrote it down after praying and thinking about it and getting advice on the situation.
Dont use words such as controling, mean, you should.
I hope God blesses you conversation with him/her. I had to do this and wish I did it years before because it could have helped long long ago. for both of us

[*Hope*]

Sometimes I want to just give up trying because it feels like I can't do anything right at all...:(

[Ayala]

To put it as simply as possible...love. When you want to retort and be sharp, show that person love and humility instead. I actually had a moment this morning when I got up for work, where my dad said something that really set me off. I wanted to go at it so badly. But I stopped myself. It's in those moments that we truly need to demonstrate how much the Lord has worked in us. It's easy to love someone when they cause you no grief. It takes strength to show compassion when being mistreated.

You'll also find that over time, it gives people less and less ammunition to hurl at you.

[*Hope*]

I'm trying, but I'm not succeeding. I feel like I can never be good enough to please anyone.

[Ayala]

Sometimes, there are people in life that simply can't be pleased. But despite this, showing them love in return for their ill-treatment will please the one whom we need to please the most. It's definitely hard, but just keep in mind that your efforts aren't going unnoticed to the Almighty. May the Lord work on the hearts of those around you.

[*Hope*]

Thank you for your prayers.

[Soulangel]

:)Dear Hope, you provided the answer yourself, you will be able to love them when you let go of needing their approval for everything you do. The only "approval" you need is God's, so you now need to start training yourself to feel and need acceptance within yourself as an individual from Your Father, Our Lord, and remind yourself no one else's opinion matters. Then you will be able to love these people/person for who they are and go on your way for the day.

People have a need to control others quite obviously have unresolved issues of their own, be it insecurities they are trying to hide, or they don't want you to find out their own faults, or they're just downright bossy or have unresolved pain from their childhood. Whatever it is doesn't mean you have to take on board what is not yours. Lean on God for strength to keep focus on His plan for your life, God bless ~ Soulangel

[*Hope*]

:)Dear Hope, you provided the answer yourself, you will be able to love them when you let go of needing their approval for everything you do. The only "approval" you need is God's, so you now need to start training yourself to feel and need acceptance within yourself as an individual from Your Father, Our Lord, and remind yourself no one else's opinion matters. Then you will be able to love these people/person for who they are and go on your way for the day.

Thank you, I appreciate your encouragement. I'm working on it. I think you're partially right, that I have unrealistic expectations and I'm seeking approval. Although I agree that we should seek God's approval primarily, are we not also to seek the approval of those in authority over us?

People have a need to control others quite obviously have unresolved issues of their own, be it insecurities they are trying to hide, or they don't want you to find out their own faults, or they're just downright bossy or have unresolved pain from their childhood. Whatever it is doesn't mean you have to take on board what is not yours.

Can you explain this part a bit further please? I know there are some people who do have control issues, insecurities of their own, etc., but there are also some that are demanding and strict because they have a desire to protect. How do you know the difference? And does it matter what their motivations are? I mean, from what I've been taught, it's not for me to question the motives of those who are in authority over me (that is between them and God). I'm just supposed to obey. But I must admit, part of the frustration is sometimes wondering if I'm being held to such a high standard out of insecurity or fear, or if it's genuinely all for my own protection.

[Soulangel]

Dear Hope,

The only way you will ever know the true motivation behind someone's controlling attitude is to get them to tell you about their childhood and how they were raised, and how their parents treated them. Thats when you start to put all the pieces of a jigsaw together as to why a person acts they way they do. Many people won't discuss it, and lots more won't even admit the effect it has on them or how it coloured their world, but if you can get them to open up you'll see the patterns and how it effects them today.

Part of the maturing process in life is to be able to separate from your parents and become whole in Christ. So you are able to be proud of yourself for things you do, and know you've done a good job on something and give yourself a pat on the back and praise to the Lord for His strength in helping you get the work done. Teamwork, it's great!! So that if/when you come to raise your own children, you're still not a child relying on approval from your parents, you're able to parent your kids with the Lord and raise them up into whole individuals in the Lord, and so on.

It's lovely to be praised and receive approval, but if the individual has issues themselves and hasn't matured properly, you'll be chasing your tail for some time to come. Best to surround yourself with positive people who give healthy, functioning feedback.

God bless ~ Soulangel

[Soulangel]

The correct thing to do whilst under their authority, is to obey, you just need to pray and have compassion because they have unresolved pain from their earlier life. It should make it easier for you to obey once you know where their pain comes from. My mum kept her pain hidden for over 40 years and it wasn't until she was dying of breast cancer and I told her that she had to have hidden pain and then two doctors told her that breast cancer meant mother issues, that she finally confessed that she had all this bitterness towards her mother! My mother had control issues like you wouldn't believe! She was in control of everyone and everything! But it took a major illness and death before we found out what was really going on behind it all. :cry: So, don't let it get you down, pray for a breakthrough, and know that you are a beloved child of the Lord.

God bless ~ Soulangel

[DaniHansen]

Parents, especially, often "pass down" what they've been given themselves, and what they know, and we can easily fall into behaviors that are familiar to us and pass them on in the way we treat our children. And sometimes it can be very difficult to break the cycle, even though we know inwardly that something isn't quite right. Too often we spend our lives simply reacting and "letting stuff roll downhill" instead of determining that the buck is going to stop with us, so to speak.

I grew up in a dysfunctional home, and when I became a parent, and then a believer, and was struggling with my own upbringing because I could see much of it sneaking into my relationship with my kids, one day God spoke to me and said "You need to let it go; your parents did the best they knew how." And so I did. And after that, I was able to see their positive sides and what they did to provide a home for me and clothing and meals and so forth. I was able to appreciate the sacrifices my mother made to make sure that I was taken care of. I was also able to set aside my resentment over my stepfather's behavior, because he didn't know God but just passed down what he knew. But he worked hard and there was always food on the table, and a solid roof over our heads, and the study discipline I got because of his strictness, still bears fruit today.

The day I let it all go, I was finally able to look at the situation from an adult's point of view, instead of a child's point of view. And that made all the difference to me.

People in authority carry a heavy burden, and as a parent, I would strongly encourage you to pray for your parents, because even at our best, we're really just a weak reflection of who God is as our parent. And none of us are immune to sin and weakness. :)

[*Hope*]

I think I need to clarify a bit. My parents are deceased. They passed away when I was very young and my older brother became my legal guardian. He has raised me, for the most part by himself (although he is married now). He's very godly and wise and I did not mean to imply in any way, shape, or form that he is abusive or that our family is dysfunctional. I apologize if it came across as such. I have compassion and sympathy for anyone who has had to grow up in those types of environments and I know I'm blessed to have been raised in a loving home where I've been well cared for. At the same time, though my brother loves me deeply, he has at times been very over-protective. We are also Italian so I think that plays into it quite a bit.

Anyway, he and I have a close relationship but he sometimes still treats me like I'm 5 or 6 years old and it gets very frustrating. He sometimes doesn't seem to understand that I will not be "under his wing" forever. He can't protect me from everything, and at some point he has to allow me to experience certain things so that I can learn and grow. It is very difficult for me to talk to him about things because when he thinks I'm resisting or rebelling against authority he cuts me off right away. He thinks I'm stubborn and strong-willed, which is true, but those can be good qualities too. I dunno, I just thought I should give a little more insight because I could see there was some misunderstanding. I'm sorry about that...

[ƒσяєяυииєя]

This question would apply to all types of authority figures (parents, bosses, husbands, etc) but it is directed to those who have to suffer under over-controlling, demanding authority figures: how do you handle the pressure? How do you respond when you are commanded to do things rather than being asked? How do you submit yourself to authority and be respectful when you don't feel like you are being respected in return?

Oh dear,

Nope you aren`t the one.

I work with the family and my aunt is kind of boss, and if the request is against any God`s principle or commandment then :

Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. Acts 5.29

And also well when I used to be commanded to do things rather than being asked i found this that i did it but with out the right spirit or mood, but in the Bible we read:

For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:
Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:
Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.1 Peter 2: 21-24.


So we know we are supposed as Christians to give example, to go the second mile, with joy rather than complaining/whiningly.


Then i asked and thanked God for delivering me of the lack of joyful service.



God bless




______________________
Peace and so forth

-"For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation..."[Salvation from what?.]
-Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.

Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominio and power, both now and ever. Amen. (Romans 1:16; John 8:34; Jude 1:24-25.)

http://img112.imageshack.us/img112/5459/natureavyty7.jpg

http://img112.imageshack.us/img112/3020/lifesigyyt9.gif

[DaniHansen]

I think I need to clarify a bit. My parents are deceased. They passed away when I was very young and my older brother became my legal guardian. He has raised me, for the most part by himself (although he is married now). He's very godly and wise and I did not mean to imply in any way, shape, or form that he is abusive or that our family is dysfunctional. I apologize if it came across as such. I have compassion and sympathy for anyone who has had to grow up in those types of environments and I know I'm blessed to have been raised in a loving home where I've been well cared for. At the same time, though my brother loves me deeply, he has at times been very over-protective. We are also Italian so I think that plays into it quite a bit.

Anyway, he and I have a close relationship but he sometimes still treats me like I'm 5 or 6 years old and it gets very frustrating. He sometimes doesn't seem to understand that I will not be "under his wing" forever. He can't protect me from everything, and at some point he has to allow me to experience certain things so that I can learn and grow. It is very difficult for me to talk to him about things because when he thinks I'm resisting or rebelling against authority he cuts me off right away. He thinks I'm stubborn and strong-willed, which is true, but those can be good qualities too. I dunno, I just thought I should give a little more insight because I could see there was some misunderstanding. I'm sorry about that...

You are very, very blessed to have a brother like that. To step up to that kind of responsibility and take the role of dad in your life, that is quite amazing. And, I don't honestly think there is anything you can do about it, except appreciate it. And honestly, from having read your posts, I think he has done an exceptional job with you. The way he treats you is completely normal; it is exceptionally difficult for a parent to let their kids sprout wings and fly off, because somewhere deep within us, we don't want them to fly off; we want them with us, always, and protect and keep them. Of course that can't happen, and so we must let go. It is a process for both of you, and I'm fairly certain he struggles with it also. Because, again, it's a normal thing to do for a parent that really cares about their children (whether adopted or birthed). I'm going through the same thing with my teenage daughter, who just turned 18, and I am still working on trusting her to make adult decisions, and letting go, while at the same time I long for the moments past where she was just a tiny thing in my arms, fully dependent on me. Because she will always be my baby girl. :)

[*Hope*]

Thank you for your encouragement. It can sure be frustrating sometimes though....

[*Hope*]

So..are you saying that if he's too strict, and has unrealistic expectations, this is all normal and I should just live with it?

[Chimon]

I'm trying, but I'm not succeeding. I feel like I can never be good enough to please anyone.

If it makes you feel better, You can never be good enough to please God, but you can please God merely by relying on him and relating to him. You are a beautiful and awesome creation of His, and he takes great delight simply in your existence.

Zephaniah 3

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

[Chimon]

So..are you saying that if he's too strict, and has unrealistic expectations, this is all normal and I should just live with it?

There is a lot you can do to change someone's attitude while still being submissive. However, there is a limit to what is appropriate to submit to. I suggest the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend.

How old are you? How old is he?

Also, I think it would be good for him to understand that, as you get older, you are less and less under his authority, and become more and more is equal.

When you are an adult, you are no longer obligated to submit to your brother as an authority figure.

The Christian life, however, is own where everyone is called to mutual submission, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5.)

[*Hope*]

Well, I've always been taught that as long as I am under his roof (i.e. he provides for me and I'm under his protection), that I am obligated to abide by his rules. I think when I'm 30 he'll still treat me like i'm 6 though, lol.

[LovebirdsFlying]

I struggle with authority, even at my age, because I have seen it misused so many times. I even struggle with my *own* authority. I have a difficult time disciplining my grandchildren when I'm watching them, even though it's my house, and when my children were younger I was overly permissive with them. Put simply, I was so afraid of being like my father that I went too far the opposite direction.

When the Bible said the husband is the head of the family, to my father it meant that my mother had no say about how the house is to be run. He made the rules. She merely enforced them. He had just as much authority over *her* as he did over the children, and he even felt he had the right to punish her. We were not merely spanked. We were beaten to the point of visible marks, leaving neighbor kids asking "What happened to YOU?" We were not merely scolded. We were screamed and sworn at, nose-to-nose, the way a drill sergeant does with a new recruit. Question his tactic, and he would only say, "That's my job."

And it wasn't only my father. My mother married him twice, but in total she was married eight times to seven men. Plus live-in boyfriends between the husbands. The vast majority were equally abusive, many were alcoholics and/or drug addicts, but we were expected to honor all of them as father. Even if they were unemployed and were *not* in fact supporting us.

Growing up like this caused massive confusion over who my authority figures were, and why I had to automatically obey anyone my mother slept with.

[*Hope*]

I struggle with authority, even at my age, because I have seen it misused so many times. I even struggle with my *own* authority. I have a difficult time disciplining my grandchildren when I'm watching them, even though it's my house, and when my children were younger I was overly permissive with them. Put simply, I was so afraid of being like my father that I went too far the opposite direction.

When the Bible said the husband is the head of the family, to my father it meant that my mother had no say about how the house is to be run. He made the rules. She merely enforced them. He had just as much authority over *her* as he did over the children, and he even felt he had the right to punish her. We were not merely spanked. We were beaten to the point of visible marks, leaving neighbor kids asking "What happened to YOU?" We were not merely scolded. We were screamed and sworn at, nose-to-nose, the way a drill sergeant does with a new recruit. Question his tactic, and he would only say, "That's my job."

And it wasn't only my father. My mother married him twice, but in total she was married eight times to seven men. Plus live-in boyfriends between the husbands. The vast majority were equally abusive, many were alcoholics and/or drug addicts, but we were expected to honor all of them as father. Even if they were unemployed and were *not* in fact supporting us.

Growing up like this caused massive confusion over who my authority figures were, and why I had to automatically obey anyone my mother slept with.

That is a really tragic story, I am so sorry for what you went through. I can't even imagine how awful that was. That is definitely not the way God intended authority to behave. My situation is quite a bit different than yours. I've never been abused and I've always known I was loved. The struggle I guess for me has been that he's just so strict, not that he's abusive. When I was really little someone gave him a piece of advice, and it was basically that if he didn't teach me to obey his voice, then I wouldn't learn to obey God's. He seemed to take that to the extreme :) I slammed my door once and he took it off the hinges for a month. One time I didn't clean up my room and he sacked up everything that was on my floor and donated it to charity. And arguing him is not only forbidden, it's impossible (he's a lawyer so I can never win!). I think that's probably where I have most of my frustration right now, in that he doesn't let me express myself. If he tells me to do something, or not to do something and I simply say "Seriously?", he considers that disrespectful. He says he's targeting my attitude (which is expressed in how I respond), but do you know how hard it is not to say anything back?

To me it just seems that if someone in authority is too strict then it will backfire because they are almost provoking rebellion. But I could be wrong...

[DaniHansen]

So..are you saying that if he's too strict, and has unrealistic expectations, this is all normal and I should just live with it?

No, I'm saying that you should try and see things from his "end of the stick," and understand where he is coming from, so that the two of you can have open communication instead of butting heads.

Communication isn't always possible unless both sides understand where the other is coming from. Just trying to give you some insight, as a parent, is all.

And yes, when you're 70 and have bunches of grandkids running around, you're still going to be his little sister. Some things cannot be helped. :)

[*Hope*]

No, I'm saying that you should try and see things from his "end of the stick," and understand where he is coming from, so that the two of you can have open communication instead of butting heads.

Communication isn't always possible unless both sides understand where the other is coming from. Just trying to give you some insight, as a parent, is all.

And yes, when you're 70 and have bunches of grandkids running around, you're still going to be his little sister. Some things cannot be helped. :)

I understand what you're saying, and I do appreciate hearing your perspective. It's sometimes hard for me to see things from his side. I think there is a breakdown in communication between us because he seems to cut me off. I mean, we talk about a lot of things and on some things we have great communication. But when it comes to getting permission for something, or a rule about something, there's no discussion to it at all. And THAT drives me crazy. That's why I think he almost provokes me to rebel because it's so frustrating!

Isn't there a verse about fathers not provoking their children to wrath? Would that apply to something like this?

[DaniHansen]

I understand what you're saying, and I do appreciate hearing your perspective. It's sometimes hard for me to see things from his side. I think there is a breakdown in communication between us because he seems to cut me off. I mean, we talk about a lot of things and on some things we have great communication. But when it comes to getting permission for something, or a rule about something, there's no discussion to it at all. And THAT drives me crazy. That's why I think he almost provokes me to rebel because it's so frustrating!

Isn't there a verse about fathers not provoking their children to wrath? Would that apply to something like this?

Yes, there is, and no, I don't think it does. Provoking a child to wrath goes a lot further than allowing our kids to become frustrated with boundaries that we have set in place for their benefit, and for the good of the whole family to operate as a unit, keeping everyone's needs in mind.

[*Hope*]

Yes, there is, and no, I don't think it does. Provoking a child to wrath goes a lot further than allowing our kids to become frustrated with boundaries that we have set in place for their benefit, and for the good of the whole family to operate as a unit, keeping everyone's needs in mind.

Darn! So how do I get him to listen to my frustrations? Obviously I'm choosing the wrong time and doing it in the wrong way. I'd like to talk to him about how sensitive he seems to be about being "disrespected". I know he learned this from my grandfather who is VERY conservative and strict (military background), so he is very "old school" when it comes to how you speak to someone who is older than yourself or who has authority. Sometimes I feel like we're speaking different languages. I will say something and he will take it totally the wrong way. I also don't like it when he says no about something without giving a good reason. I think he does it on purpose to frustrate me :rolleyes:

[DaniHansen]

Respect is the language of men. To them, respect is equal to love. If he feels disrespected, he's probably going to shut down, or at least become defensive. Just like us womenfolk do when we feel unloved. This is why God said, "Wives, respect your husband ... husbands, love your wives." It's in our makeup, because He designed us that way.

So badgering him about how oversensitive he is about being disrespected is going to have to be a big NO-NO. Again, he can't help reacting that way, as he is male. So you can't fault him for the way God made him.

The first step to you communicating with him would be to remain respectful at all times, even when you disagree, and to voice your opinion in such a way that he can accept.

Yes, you are, in fact, speaking different languages. He's a guy, you're a gal, it comes with the territory. So you're going to have to put your "guy goggles" on and relate to him in a way that he can understand, and won't misinterpret.

Might be good training ground for some day in the future when you consider getting married to that swell fellow of your dreams. Because he, too, is going to speak the "respect" language.

:)

[*Hope*]

You are a very wise lady!

Respect is the language of men. To them, respect is equal to love. If he feels disrespected, he's probably going to shut down, or at least become defensive. Just like us womenfolk do when we feel unloved. This is why God said, "Wives, respect your husband ... husbands, love your wives." It's in our makeup, because He designed us that way.

So badgering him about how oversensitive he is about being disrespected is going to have to be a big NO-NO. Again, he can't help reacting that way, as he is male. So you can't fault him for the way God made him.

I never thought of it that way. I do sometimes blame him for being so pig-headed. Now I know I should blame God instead! Just kidding. I wonder why God made us so different like that.

The first step to you communicating with him would be to remain respectful at all times, even when you disagree, and to voice your opinion in such a way that he can accept.

Yes, you are, in fact, speaking different languages. He's a guy, you're a gal, it comes with the territory. So you're going to have to put your "guy goggles" on and relate to him in a way that he can understand, and won't misinterpret.I've found that it's usually better for me to approach him later, after the fact, when the matter is settled before I tell him how I feel. I still don't think it's entirely fair that I have to be so careful, but if he thinks I'm challenging him he won't listen at all so it's the only choice that I have.

Might be good training ground for some day in the future when you consider getting married to that swell fellow of your dreams. Because he, too, is going to speak the "respect" language. :)


Funny you should say that, they are EXACTLY alike! Clones. Between the two of them, I get away with nothing. What is up with that?

[*Hope*]

Sorry for screwing up the quotes, I did that all wrong...

[DaniHansen]

You are a very wise lady!

Who has learned some very hard-earned, painful lessons. But thanks. :)

I never thought of it that way. I do sometimes blame him for being so pig-headed. Now I know I should blame God instead! Just kidding. I wonder why God made us so different like that.
Because He likes to give Himself a good laugh at our expense once in a while? I'm kidding too ... Never a dull moment though, that's for sure.

I've found that it's usually better for me to approach him later, after the fact, when the matter is settled before I tell him how I feel. I still don't think it's entirely fair that I have to be so careful, but if he thinks I'm challenging him he won't listen at all so it's the only choice that I have.

I don't think it's fair either. But from what I understand, the menfolk do a great deal of tip-toeing around us too. Which, in my book, brings balance to the Force. Tee hee. :D

Funny you should say that, they are EXACTLY alike! Clones. Between the two of them, I get away with nothing. What is up with that?

Sistergirl, between God and my husband, I get away with not so much as a speck of dust. I've no clue what's up with that either.

But I think God gave us chocolate to at least make it bearable. :lol:

[kbm0329]

Here is a great link on some verses relating to your issue. They are on verses relating to Jesus and authority. They were found it using Nave's Topical Bible.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2026:39,42;%20Mark%2014:36;%20Luke %2022:42;%20Hebrews%205:8

[LovebirdsFlying]

There is such a thing as too strict.

I heard it said that raising a child is like holding a wet bar of soap. Of course if you don't hold it firmly enough it's going to slide downward. But if you hold it *too* tight, one of two things will happen. Either it will go shooting sproingggg right out of your grasp, or it will become misshapen.

Almost immediately after I turned 18, I moved in with a man I had just met the day before. He was 10 years older, an alcoholic living on social security disability, and had nothing good to offer me. Not that he cared about offering me anything. I existed to please him and meet his needs; it didn't matter what I needed or wanted. In fact, to put it as politely as I can, I became both his booty call and his punching bag. Why did I move in with him? Because I was 18 and nobody could tell me not to. Because I thought so low of myself that I was sure he was the best I could get; if I didn't grab a hold of him, I'd never find another man willing to have me. And because, given the parade of men my mother expected me to revere and honor as a father, I really didn't have anything better to compare him to.

I was never taught to make wise decisions. I was always told what to do, or else. Therefore, when I became an adult, I could not make decisions that were best for me. It took years--make that decades--of therapy for me to learn to do what needed to be done, without waiting for someone to tell me what to do.

Something authoritarians might want to think about.