Lost and hurting

[Sleepless1001]

Hi,

I just saw this site today for the first time, and I could relate to many of the posts. I'm struggling with my faith/lack thereof right now, and I thought I'd try seeking advice here because I feel too pressured to be honest with my family. I also have very few close Christian friends.

I grew up in a Christian family. I was the "perfect Christian girl" for most of my life, and then I got fed up with living by rules that had stopped having any meaning to me. It had become fake. And I felt invisible and lonely, so I decided that I was going to allow myself to make mistakes, even if that meant having regrets.

Fast forward 5 years, and I'm lost. From a worldly standpoint, actually, I have nearly it all. I've always done well in school and am at a great law school; I have good friends and am well-liked; Job prospects are great. But I'm lost. Part of my struggle is that my parents have always put very high expectations on me. They wanted me to end up where I am today - and I'm the golden child for it - but they also wanted me to end up living my life for God and having all that goes with that - and I feel like a failure. My younger sister, in contrast, is the opposite - she feels like she's failed them at school, but she's got a solid relationship with God and is actively seeking His plan for her life. I don't know that I believe that meeting all of my parents' expectations is even possible...

Adding to that, and the real reason I came here seeking something - I have terrible self-esteem. I always have. Lately my feelings of no self-worth have been back with a vengeance. Just last week, I decided that the only way I could feel ok in life was with God. I believe that God loves me, but I think my extreme dislike of myself - irrational as I know it is - has kept me from ever trusting that He had a plan for me that involved me being happy. And how can I thank God for all that He is and all that He's given me when I hate myself? So I'm stuck in this place where I kind of want God back in my life - I say kind of because I think if I saw another way out of feeling so low I would prefer it, hypocritical as I am showing myself to be - but I also just can't trust Him.

This was an extremely babbling post, and I don't even know what question I think I could get an answer to - I guess I'm just wondering how someone can turn to God when she feels so very unlovable.

Thank you for being there, whoever you are!

[ynnedenny]

Well, the great thing about God is that He loves you no matter WHAT you have done. Nobody on Earth is beyond God's grace and love. If He can love somebody who has killed a man, or committed adultery, or raped another human being, then SURELY he loves YOU! You're parents may have a hundred expectations of you, but the Lord only has one... to trust in Him as your Lord and Saviour. He doesn't need you, he WANTS you.

I used to have zero self esteem. I thought I was worthless, that nobody could possibly love me. I didn't even have faith to comfort me... I was an atheist. Then one day, I just said "Forget what everybody else thinks. I am worthy of love. I am intelligent, I am funny, I have many good qualities." Don't live your life for anybody but the Lord. He will lift you if you let him. He will love you whether you let him or not.

[turtledove]

Hey, Sleepless, welcome to the forum! :)You may want to post "hello" in our Introductions section so others can welcome you there..

Seems to me your feeling about yourself and your own lack of self worth, which you have descibed to us. (thanks for that and the honesty there!) has a lot to do with the expectations which were put upon you by your own parents. Sounds like you are also an achiever who has gone way beyond what most people ever accomplish. And yet, I am hearing that you feel you have this strong lack of self-esteem and are not getting comfort from these accomplishments. In fact the way you feel about yourself seems to be a stumgling block to your own happiness..

Well, first let me say that we aren't really pro's here. We just give advice, some of our experiences; as we try to respond from a biblical point of view. So, you may also need to seek pastoral counseling about what you have shared here with a pastor or a Christian counselor who can talk to you on a regular basis and face to face.

First though, I want to point out that>>> no matter how your parents have treated you nor what expectations they put upon you..God wants you to see yourself as God sees you. You are His child.

Godly self esteem doesn't depend on what all you can accomplish... but rather on what you come to believe is really true about God and how He sees you. Folks here will be repeating over and over.."God loves you." and for good reason cause they want you to know that is true about God. And you can say, "How do I know that when I feel this way?"

This compassionate and unconditional love of your heavenly Father for you has to go through your mind to your heart so that changes can take place in how you feel. It is healing, growth, and transformation.

What has always helped me besides prayer is reading the Word..and letting it sink in. The bible is full of places which express this wonderful, all powerful, and embracing care and love God has for us His children.


We may feel like we have not met parental expectations (whether those were right or not) or let ourselves and others down but... The Good News is that God loves us anyway.

I learned about my own real worth..and the depth of His love for me some years ago when I discovered I had cancer and surgery and chemotherapy for months was necessary. At that time I had to step down from various postions in my church and community where I had been achieving a great deal.and where I thought they wouldn't get along with out me. But, they did just fine :)..meanwhile..

During that time of my recovery and treatment I had lots of time to really reflect and pray. Each day as I prayed and dealt with the treatment..I began to sense His love, peace, and joy..His Presence. I was being healed in body as well as spirit. And as the months went by I realized that even as a marginal one..a cancer patient who could accomplish little...God really loved me..such as I am and such as I was in that condition then. And that truth has never left me. During that time when I couldn't do much at all to prove my self-worth to myself or others I began to realize that God loved me just because I was me. And, so, I began to love me more and more too just because I was me.

Twenty years now and the cancer never returned. There are days when I can get stressed out, down, and over challenged, and I can start to think lowly of myself..but then I remember that time in my life and it always helps. I not only am better able to "love my neighbor as myself." But I can love myself now too.

But not everyone has to go through something like I did to know God loves them.

Here are some scriptures which have ministered to me: Hope they help.

John 5:6When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he alrady had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, "Do you want to be made well?"

Psalm 23:3a ...he restores my soul.

:hug:God bless you.

[graceforme]

There are a couple of books I'd like to recommend to you. One is "Victory Over The Darkness" by Neil T. Anderson and the other one is "Complete In Christ" by Bob George.

Sounds to me like you are suffering from the results of being raised in a severely legalistic church experience. In legalism, we are never good enough, no matter what we do. We continue to "work, work, work", trying to make ourselves more acceptable to God. Problem is, we're NEVER good enough - not on this lifetime. That's why God's grace is so amazing. He knows we can't measure up to His standard in our humanity, so He provided a way for us to be righteous and holy, even though we're humans. The way He provided for us was Jesus Christ, who died for all our sins. That means if you have accepted Christ as your Savior, you are a child of God - forgiven. Nothing can take that away from you.

I've seen lots of people with low self-esteeem who have a legalistic religious background.

I have posted the following list of "What Is True of Christ Is True of You" before, but I think it well-worth posting again. It is a quote from "Victory Over the Darkness" by Neil T. Anderson.

'Since you are a saint in Christ by God's calling, you share in Christ's inheritance. That which is true of Christ is now true of you, because you are IN Christ. It's part of your identity.

The following list itemized in first-person language who you really are in Christ. These are some of the scriptural traits which reflect who you became at spiritual birth. You can't earn them or buy them with good works. They are guaranteed to you because you by the Word of God simply because you were born into God's holy nation by faith in Christ.

WHO AM I?

I am the salt of the earth (Mt. 5:13).
I am the light of the world (Mt. 5:14.
I am a child of God (John 1:12)
I am part of the true vine, a channel of Christ's life (John 15:1,5)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15)
I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit (John 15:16)
I am a son of God; God is spiritually my Father (Rom. 8:14, 15; Gal. 3:26; 4:6)
I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him (Rom. 8:17)
I am a temple - a dwelling place - of God. His Spirit and His life dwells in me (1 Cor. 3:16; 6:19)
I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with Him (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am a member of Christ's Body (1 Cor. 12:27; Eph. 5:30)
I am a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17)
I am a son of God and one in Christ (Gal. 3:26, 28)
I am a saint (Eph 1:1; 1 Cor. 1:2; Phil. 1:1; Col. 1:2)
I am God's workmanship 0 His handiwork - born anew in Christ to do His work (Eph. 2:19-0)
I am righteous and holy (Eph. 4:24)
I am a citizen of heaven (Phil. 3:20; Eph. 2:6)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col 3:3)
I am an expression of the life of Christ because He is my life (Col 3:4)
I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved (Col 3:12; 1 Thess. 1:4)
I am a child of God and I will resemble Christ when He returns (1 John 3:1,2)

The two that I think are extremely important are:

I am born of God, and the evil one - the devil - cannot touch me! (1 John 5:18)
I am NOT the great "I am" (Exodus 3:14; John 8:24, 28, 58), but by the grace of God, I am what I am (1 Cor. 15:10)'

The book contains an even more complete list of Scriptures.

'Because you are in Christ, every one of those characteristics is completely true of you, and there's nothing you can do to make them more true. But you can make these traits more meaningful and productive in your life by simply choosing to believe what God has said about you. One of the greatest ways to help yourself grow into maturity in Christ is to continually remind yourself who you are in Him. Go back and read the list aloud to yourself. Read the list once or twice a day for a week or two. Read it when you think that Satan is trying to deceive you into believing you are a
worthless failure. The more you reaffirm who you are in Christ, the more your behavior will begin to reflect your true identity.

If you're beginning to think you are someone special as a Christian, you're thinking right - you ARE special! Your specialness is not the result of anything you have done, of course. It's all God's doing. All you did was respond to God's invitation to be His child. But as a child of God, in union with God by being in Christ, you have every right to enjoy your special relationship with your heavenly Father.

How important is it to know who you are in Christ? There are countless numbers of Christians who struggle with day-to-day behavior because they labor under a false perception of who they are. They see themselves as sinners who hope to make it into heaven by God's grace, but they can't seem to live above their sinful tendencies. Why can't they live the victorious Christian life? Because they have a misperception of who they are in Christ.

But look again at the hope-filled words of 1 John 3:1-3: "Behold what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure."

What is the believer's hope? That he will someday be changed into Christ's image? That's part of it, but that's only a future hope. What is your hope for today and tomorrow? That you're a child of God NOW! And the person
whose confidence is in being a child of God "purifieth himself" - he begins to live according to his perception. Let me state this again: No person can consistently live in a manner that is inconsistent with how he perceives himself. You must see yourself as a child of God in order to live like a child of God. The blessed hope for the believer this side of the rapture is "Christ in you, the hope of glory." (Col 1:27)'

You are a righteous, accepted child of God. No matter what else you have been taught or believe about yourself, your identity in Christ is solid Bible truth. Read the identity statements and see yourself in them. Believe them. Walk in them. And your behavior as a Christian will conform to what you believe as you walk by faith. As a result, your faith will grow, and so will your confidence in your relationship with the Lord.

Keep looking up!
God Bless.

[unkerns]

The 12 diciples where ordinary men, in fact they were at the bottom of the barrel during their time. All that they had hopes for was to take up their fathers trades, this was during a time when all Jewish boys wanted to grow up to be a Rabbi. Jeshua(Jesus) picked them because he knew how imperfect they were, they were weak so he could be strong through them.

In the emerging American Church - people have taken the focus off of Yahwehs(Gods) people and put it on a building where everyone relys on one man (the pastor) for their salvation and learning, they follow all these religeous laws and try to be independent from everyone else.

Jeshua apposed religion, We follow the things in the bible because they are a better way of living not because there laws.

You dont need to be anything perfect for Yahweh to be in your life, you need to realize that you need him and that your life is broken without him, that you cant do it alone, that you dont need to be a Big Shot to be used by him.

Yahweh be with you on your journey

[Literalist-Luke]

I just saw this site today for the first time, and I could relate to many of the posts. I'm struggling with my faith/lack thereof right now, and I thought I'd try seeking advice here because I feel too pressured to be honest with my family. I also have very few close Christian friends.

I grew up in a Christian family. I was the "perfect Christian girl" for most of my life, and then I got fed up with living by rules that had stopped having any meaning to me. It had become fake. And I felt invisible and lonely, so I decided that I was going to allow myself to make mistakes, even if that meant having regrets.

Fast forward 5 years, and I'm lost. From a worldly standpoint, actually, I have nearly it all. I've always done well in school and am at a great law school; I have good friends and am well-liked; Job prospects are great. But I'm lost. Part of my struggle is that my parents have always put very high expectations on me. They wanted me to end up where I am today - and I'm the golden child for it - but they also wanted me to end up living my life for God and having all that goes with that - and I feel like a failure. My younger sister, in contrast, is the opposite - she feels like she's failed them at school, but she's got a solid relationship with God and is actively seeking His plan for her life. I don't know that I believe that meeting all of my parents' expectations is even possible...

Adding to that, and the real reason I came here seeking something - I have terrible self-esteem. I always have. Lately my feelings of no self-worth have been back with a vengeance. Just last week, I decided that the only way I could feel ok in life was with God. I believe that God loves me, but I think my extreme dislike of myself - irrational as I know it is - has kept me from ever trusting that He had a plan for me that involved me being happy. And how can I thank God for all that He is and all that He's given me when I hate myself? So I'm stuck in this place where I kind of want God back in my life - I say kind of because I think if I saw another way out of feeling so low I would prefer it, hypocritical as I am showing myself to be - but I also just can't trust Him.

This was an extremely babbling post, and I don't even know what question I think I could get an answer to - I guess I'm just wondering how someone can turn to God when she feels so very unlovable.

Thank you for being there, whoever you are!Are you into reading books? If you are, I want to recommend a book that I think will change your life: Max Lucado's The Applause of Heaven. Your post sounds exactly like something I would have said about 15 years ago, give or take. I was really struggling to get some sort of concept of where I stand with God. Then I read The Applause of Heaven because I saw it on a lot of bestseller displays in the local Christian bookstore. I do not exaggerate when I tell you it completely changed my life.

I have a rich, deep, meaningful daily relationship with my Father in heaven now, because I am able to recognize that He sees me not for what I've done or what I do, but rather He sees me (and you also) as the pinnacle, the masterpiece of His creation. We are the most important thing He has ever created. We are so valuable to Him that He would rather set His divinity aside and be born and live as a lowly human, die the most horrible death imaginable on our behalf, and then visit the grave for us, when instead He could have sat around comfortably in Heaven in peace for eternity.

It's that important to Him that you be there with Him - He needs you so badly that He allowed Himself to be murdered on your behalf so He can take you to heaven with Him.

That's the message of The Applause of Heaven, except Max Lucado puts it much more eloquently than I do, plus he also develops the idea much, much more fully. I strongly recommend that book to you. I saw a copy of it posted on Amazon just the other day for as little as $0.99.

My prayers will be with you. :hug: