Leave GF/BF Dinner?

[PeterJ]

You just been invited back to your GF/BF place for the first time that you been dating them for 5 months;You notice dinner is all laid out; and they have 3 kids and one is a crying baby; they never mention they had kids and they did not cheat on you while you was dating.

They just never told you they have kids thats all.
Do you stay and eat dinner or leave and break up with them?

[Bethany67]

I'd leave after dinner, then break up soon afterwards. I'd expect to be told about kids on the first date, not 5 months down the line.

[Literalist-Luke]

You left out the option of "stay and decide later". You also don't provide much context, such as why the kids weren't discussed at the beginning. For instance, where is the father? And did you previously make some blanket comment that you would refuse to date anybody that had kids, which could have influenced the host to be hesitant about saying anything at first? More information is needed.

[Ayala]

I'd give her a chance to explain herself first.

[Izdaari]

Stay and decide later. I'd need to know the full context before making any such decisions.

[PeterJ]

You left out the option of "stay and decide later". You also don't provide much context, such as why the kids weren't discussed at the beginning. For instance, where is the father? And did you previously make some blanket comment that you would refuse to date anybody that had kids, which could have influenced the host to be hesitant about saying anything at first? More information is needed.

First options stay can be consided as that; or stay as in stay with them;

This is a situtation i have created for everyone here; There can be a few reasons why they never mention it; maybe did not want to be rejected etc.
The person is single and not marryed anymore.

[Vhayes]

I would stay and eat the meal that was prepared on my behalf. Then I would ask if the children were the persons children or if they were watching them for someone else.

If they answered they were their children, I would ask why they hadn't bothered to tell me and explain that if the person would treat their children as an after-thought, I would fear they might treat me in the same manner.

If there was a "good" reason (although I have no idea what that would be), I would try to get to know the children over time and see if they would accept me into their lives.

V

[PeterJ]

Lets pretend in this situration they was not there before;cause they was looked after in another Country.

[Vhayes]

Lets pretend in this situration they was not there before;cause they was looked after in another Country.
The same would still hold true, at least in my mind. If the children mattered so little to this person that they were literally out of sight, out of mind, I would wonder if "I" would be treated in the same manner.

[PeterJ]

The same would still hold true, at least in my mind. If the children mattered so little to this person that they were literally out of sight, out of mind, I would wonder if "I" would be treated in the same manner.

Well lets say the other parent wanted to take there turn to look after them; which is normal that does happen in real life.

[Vhayes]

Well lets say the other parent wanted to take there turn to look after them; which is normal that does happen in real life.
But Peter, wouldn't the same still hold true? Even if the children had excellent care and was loved by their other parent, wouldn't you expect their parent with whom you have a relationship to have at least mentioned them? If they care about them, they would talk about them constantly, or at least I would think they would.
V

[ElijahTurtle]

How could it be possible that you never would have previously asked the question "Do you have children?" I just don't see how a person could be involved for 5 months & never presented the question. This would have certainly illicited an answer of some sort.

[CoffeeCat]

I'd be asking the "do you have any kids?" question a VERY short time in -- probably while I was getting to know them in the first couple days. If they lied, that would be a warning sign. A big one. Most balanced, mature adults are happy to say "yes, I have kids!" if they actually do. So.... bells would be going off there.

That aside... let's pretend it's NOT five months in. Let's say it's just a couple weeks in, and I'm spending time with this person... and they say "by the way, I need to let you know I have three children, and the youngest is a baby!" -- would I stay with them? At that point, it would depend.... but I might honestly lean towards 'no' in this stage of my life. I'm in my early 20s. I don't think I have the resources to support someone else's three children. If I were 30.... I'm guessing my answer would be different, and at that point, I'd want to meet the kids and see how they reacted to me. If I cared for their father, I'd automatically care for them..... but I also wouldn't want to get involved in their lives until I was pretty sure I had a solid relationship with their parent. The last thing kids need is a string of 'temporary adults' marching through their lives.

Assuming things were going great.... and I was financially set... and it was early on in the relationship, and I was introduced suddenly to kids...

Chances are I'd find myself on the floor playing with the kids. :)

Hypotheticals are interesting.

[PeterJ]

But Peter, wouldn't the same still hold true? Even if the children had excellent care and was loved by their other parent, wouldn't you expect their parent with whom you have a relationship to have at least mentioned them? If they care about them, they would talk about them constantly, or at least I would think they would.
V

Lets say in this situation they did not cause they was scared you would reject them.

Otherwise we can asume there a good reason.

[Vhayes]

Lets say in this situation they did not cause they was scared you would reject them.

Otherwise we can asume there a good reason.
A person having children would obviously change the dynamics of a relationship but it shouldn't change the character of the relationship. If you thought you were developing a love and therefore a long term relationship with a person children shouldn't make a difference one way or the other.

Does that make sense?
V

[PeterJ]

Does :) but this is a interesting topic.