I feel injured by a fellow believer...

[chinacat]

I was dating a member of the Assemblies of God church (I'm a baptist.) We recently broke off the relationship because we were soooo different. During our relationship, I found him to be very mean and critical of me - I've always had great faith in the Lord and always saw myself as a sinner saved by Grace. His words have just really broken me and I'm starting to really question myself (not really my relationship with Jesus, but I'm shaken nonetheless.)


he felt I wasn't "Godly" enough for him, I didnt go to church with him because I was intimidated by his frequent/random speaking in tongues and judgemental attitude, (which he defended whole-heartedly as he says it's not wrong to judge.)
He didn't like that I liked secular music. He didn't want me to have friends who didn't know God. He believed that a person should be instantly changed upon accepting Christ and sanctification wasn't a lifelong process but more instantaneous.. So the fact that I am still such a failure really proved to him that I just fall so short. He believed that it's possible to live a sinless life and that he goes many days without ever sinning. He feels we dont have to sin once we have the holy spirit in us and we should all strive to attain sinlessness while on earth. He believes continuing in sin will send one to hell and that there is no eternal salvation doctrine. He also doesn't believe that God is all knowing. (which truly blows my mind.)

He emailed me the following today:
"I pray that you too go on to do great things for God, but I doubt you'll ever make the leap of faith to do so...just as Paul said about Mark"


all in all I just feel damaged by the relationship and that he in so many ways hindered my walk rather than helping it. Is this a problem with his actions or mine? I'm calling myself and him into question here. Can you tell me your thoughts on this? Are his words unreasonable or do I need to take a good hard look at myself?

[ConqueredbyLove]

He emailed me the following today:
"I pray that you too go on to do great things for God, but I doubt you'll ever make the leap of faith to do so...just as Paul said about Mark"


all in all I just feel damaged by the relationship and that he in so many ways hindered my walk rather than helping it. Is this a problem with his actions or mine? I'm calling myself and him into question here. Can you tell me your thoughts on this? Are his words unreasonable or do I need to take a good hard look at myself?


His words are very unreasonable. This person is not displaying Christ to you. This person is tearing you down and not building you up. That is soooo un-Christlike and it angers me. You do not need people in your life that tear you down. Christian? They do not represent Christ and make a poor witness to Him and do damage to the cause of Christ. Jesus always said the best about His disciples and said about them what He knew they would become in the future.

Regarding His comment about what Paul said about Mark:

He neglects to add that Paul, later in his ministry, asked that Mark be sent to him because Mark was profitable to him.

And lets not forget...Jesus gave the most honored privledge of writing the very first gospel to.....Mark :hug:

That's my Jesus!!! :hug: :kiss:

[flybaby]

I hope that you will realize that this was not a good relationship for you to be in. You are better off now that he is not in your life. I know that you can and will do great things for God in your life.

[livingword26]

I know peoples words, especially those who claim to speak on Gods behalf, can really cause wounds, it has happened to me. Throw it all out the window. This person only understands certain kinds of sins, he is not aware of his own pride, and that is a sin also. Satan will continue to use this persons words and face to bring condemnation to you. Throw it all out the window, and begin to try to forgive and pray for him, that will help. Go back to the Jesus that has given you His grace. He is still there.

[chinacat]

Thank you for your responses. I feel you're right, because, I could only relate the circumstances to the tax collector and the pharisee.

I KNOW I am a terrible sinner. I know even on my best day, I'm a sinner saved by grace and i will mess up. I know there are so many days I dont even try like I should and it makes me sad. There is nothing good in me aside from the love of Christ Jesus, my best friend in the entire world. Though I live so so so imperfectly, I do love the Lord so much. He just had such a way of making me feel like I was just kidding myself and all of a sudden I was calling so much into question. I'm sad that Id let anyone do that, and I need to learn from this and let this strengthen me.

To me, I feel the love of God the most, when I look at myself in all of my sin and weakness, see how completely 100% undeserving I am, and yet realize that Jesus loves me despite myself. That Jesus died for me, that Jesus goes out of His way to communicate with me, to express His love for me, to give me so much and allow me a relationship with HIM. I am so undeserving! Yet so so so tremendously grateful!!! I could not experience the love that I do, if I had to earn it and work for it and fear it would evaporate at any given moment based on my actions. It is only because it is so freely given when I am so undeserving that it means so very much.

[ConqueredbyLove]

To me, I feel the love of God the most, when I look at myself in all of my sin and weakness, see how completely 100% undeserving I am, and yet realize that Jesus loves me despite myself. That Jesus died for me, that Jesus goes out of His way to communicate with me, to express His love for me, to give me so much and allow me a relationship with HIM. I am so undeserving! Yet so so so tremendously grateful!!! I could not experience the love that I do, if I had to earn it and work for it and fear it would evaporate at any given moment based on my actions. It is only because it is so freely given when I am so undeserving that it means so very much.

That is sooo beautiful! What a precious response! Thank you!

[Bethany67]

I think you should thank God that you're no longer in this relationship. No-one needs an arrogant Pharisee with dodgy doctrine like that. Leave him in peace, keep praying for him that he will truly understand grace, and continue your walk with Jesus.

[Soulangel]

You know when you have nothing nice to say you should just be quiet, well when it come to the AOG religion my experiences have not been nice......sshhhh. My girlfriend committed suicide and left behind three beautiful children because of their doctrine, sooooooo, Bethany, you have put into precise words what I would say, thank you very much, China Cat you are a beautiful soul who is on the right path with Jesus, have no doubt. Congratulations for having the courage to stand your ground in Him. Grace and blessings to you ~ Soulangel xo:pray:

[Emily]

Praise the Lord that He took this horrible person out of your life. Anyone who thinks they can live a sinless life is truly deluded. Very, very dangerous thinking!! I pity that man and hope his eyes are opened to the Truth before it is too late for him. Actually I think I found the piece to this puzzle:

He also doesn't believe that God is all knowing.

Well no wonder he can go so many days without even sinning. :rofl: He thinks God can't see anything he's done! :hmm: Very, very strange. And actually I think this goes back to being "equally yoked". I could never be involved with a man who didn't believe in what THE BIBLE SAID, or didnt believe in the authority of the Bible. So, another reason to be glad he's out of the picture.

Men are supposed to love women as Christ loved the church. That means its a sacrificial love. Being cruel and critical is not how Christ loved the church. Seems to me he just wanted a whipping post! You're well rid of him.

My two-cents, don't ever let a man treat you without respect. Its one thing for there to be a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, or he's used to joking in a way you don't like, and agrees to work to correct it. Its another to be the kind of man who puts a woman down and tries to control her with NO Biblical basis (not "allowing" non-Christian friends?? We are the light of the world!! We need to be sharing the gospel with non-believers, thats our call!). Also, when you're not married, you do NOT have to tolerate any kind of controlling behavior.

It sounds like you're feeling better now, but if the bad feelings come back, you might want to get some Christian counseling or participate in some Christian women's groups to help bolster your self-esteem. :hug:

[chinacat]

thank you guys so very much for your support. I can't tell you how valuable i've found these boards. I really thank the Lord for you all, you've become such a blessing for me with your help and guidance.

thankyou again :)

[Emily]

I'm so glad you are feeling better Chinacat. I pray the Lord lifts the burden of sadness you must feel from this relationship being over. You will find a Godly man that's just for you!