Marry young, or risk going to hell?

[missunder]

Well I am going to be be completely honest because I need honest answers from CHRISTIAN people and from the Bible.

I am a young, christian female who, like any other christian, has her struggles. I like sex. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for a little over a year now. The issue is, we both have heaven as our goal and both want to be saved. But at the same time we both like sex...a lot. we talk about getting married but have two totally different outlooks on marriage and have different cultures.

I come from a family where marriage is encouraged and is normal if entered into at a young age. My mother always says that it is better to marry than to live in sin (premarital sex). I totally agree with that but at the same time I see the affects of marrying young. Less people who marry young actually finish college; marriage lifespans are short, money issues are huge...I dont want to be a part of that.

The way I see it is as a life and death situation:marry now = have the marriage blessed by God and have one less sin to struggle with. Or Dont marry, keep having sex= risk going to hell.

I cant get my boyfriend to see it that way though. The only thing it seems like he thinks about is how his family would react or how he isnt prepared financially to support a family.

I would rather be married, poor, and happy in Jesus, than to be sneaking around for a pleasure that could buy me a ticket into hell!

I know it would be easy to say just stop having sex, but we have tried and even prayed...a lot! But it is soooo hard! I know God knows my heart, but I need help!

[Literalist-Luke]

Well I am going to be be completely honest because I need honest answers from CHRISTIAN people and from the Bible.

I am a young, christian female who, like any other christian, has her struggles. I like sex. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for a little over a year now. The issue is, we both have heaven as our goal and both want to be saved. But at the same time we both like sex...a lot. we talk about getting married but have two totally different outlooks on marriage and have different cultures.

I come from a family where marriage is encouraged and is normal if entered into at a young age. My mother always says that it is better to marry than to live in sin (premarital sex). I totally agree with that but at the same time I see the affects of marrying young. Less people who marry young actually finish college; marriage lifespans are short, money issues are huge...I dont want to be a part of that.

The way I see it is as a life and death situation:marry now = have the marriage blessed by God and have one less sin to struggle with. Or Dont marry, keep having sex= risk going to hell.

I cant get my boyfriend to see it that way though. The only thing it seems like he thinks about is how his family would react or how he isnt prepared financially to support a family.

I would rather be married, poor, and happy in Jesus, than to be sneaking around for a pleasure that could buy me a ticket into hell!

I know it would be easy to say just stop having sex, but we have tried and even prayed...a lot! But it is soooo hard! I know God knows my heart, but I need help!Why couldn't you get married and hold off on having any children until you're both ready to get on with your adult lives?

By the way, if you really are already saved, there is nothing in this world that can send you to hell. At the same time, however, if you're really saved, it should be tearing you apart on the inside that you're having an immoral relationship. The indwelling Holy Spirit would not allow one of His own to just get away with something like that without a truckload of conviction.

[missunder]

yes I know!!! it is killing me inside that's why I am looking everywhere for answers. The main issue is getting my boyfriend to put aside his worries about what his family would think and think about it from a spiritual perspective.

[ilovemetal]

Well I am going to be be completely honest because I need honest answers from CHRISTIAN people and from the Bible.

I am a young, christian female who, like any other christian, has her struggles. I like sex. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for a little over a year now. The issue is, we both have heaven as our goal and both want to be saved. But at the same time we both like sex...a lot. we talk about getting married but have two totally different outlooks on marriage and have different cultures.

I come from a family where marriage is encouraged and is normal if entered into at a young age. My mother always says that it is better to marry than to live in sin (premarital sex). I totally agree with that but at the same time I see the affects of marrying young. Less people who marry young actually finish college; marriage lifespans are short, money issues are huge...I dont want to be a part of that.

The way I see it is as a life and death situation:marry now = have the marriage blessed by God and have one less sin to struggle with. Or Dont marry, keep having sex= risk going to hell.



premarital sex won't by it's self send you to hell. living in sin in general will. what this means i guess, would be once we are 'saved' we are no longer bound by sin. we are set free, and God/Jesus will give us the strength to overcome that sin. (see any ex-drug attic's testimony)



I cant get my boyfriend to see it that way though. The only thing it seems like he thinks about is how his family would react or how he isnt prepared financially to support a family.

yeah, when i hear things like this i get huge red flags. first off, does he care more what his family thinks than GOD? that's compleatly oppisit of what is right.

second, if he can't support a family don't have a family. but you can still get married...:P

I would rather be married, poor, and happy in Jesus, than to be sneaking around for a pleasure that could buy me a ticket into hell!

I know it would be easy to say just stop having sex, but we have tried and even prayed...a lot! But it is soooo hard! I know God knows my heart, but I need help!

ok, well. praying is good, but you need to examine the problem further. i myself have been 'into' porn for about 12 years. onyl now am i finally beginning to beat it. ovbiously it's not easy, but it's also not alloud. you must deny the flesh.

Galatians 5:19
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;

Colossians 3:5
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

i believe your heart is in the right spot, for sure. i will pray for you and your situation. but you need to stop. pray for strength. you need to want Jesus more than sex, more that the pleasure of sin. you need God's real love in your life, at lease, that's what it took for me...i had to stop porn to realize how destructive it was.

in the end it really is God or satan. there is no gray area. sin or don't sin. every time you say yes to sin you say no to God. (this is also something we all struggle with (the lust part) so don't get to bummed. your not the only one.

stay strong. and if you decide to stop, and boyf doesn't like it, i'd say....negitive on the relationship!

[Literalist-Luke]

yes I know!!! it is killing me inside that's why I am looking everywhere for answers. The main issue is getting my boyfriend to put aside his worries about what his family would think and think about it from a spiritual perspective.What if you had to choose between your boyfriend and God?

[MyRock]

There is nothing wrong with getting married young. Society will tell you that you'll want to go out, have 'fun', sleep around and then settle down. The underlying view in the World is being married is not fun.

Well I can tell you, I married at 24 and many many people have said "Cor you're married? You're so young!" I'm afraid it really grates on me because it keeps giving off the impression that marriage when young hinders you.

I have never been happier now I have someone to share my life with. It is fun, exciting and really really good. Whether you're young or older, as long as you are going into it with both feet through the door and after much prayer and consideration then it is such a blessing!


EDIT: just found this verse from Paul.

1 Corinthians 7:9

9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

[Xel'Naga]

Well I am going to be be completely honest because I need honest answers from CHRISTIAN people and from the Bible.

I am a young, christian female who, like any other christian, has her struggles. I like sex. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for a little over a year now. The issue is, we both have heaven as our goal and both want to be saved. But at the same time we both like sex...a lot. we talk about getting married but have two totally different outlooks on marriage and have different cultures.

My first question to you is this: how old are you?

Now with that question asked I'll be very clear on sex: it's to be within - and only within - marriage (Mark 10:8, Genesis 2...). When the Bible speaks of sex it firstly speaks of marriage and the commitment that marriage brings. You are enjoying a [diminished] aspect of marriage without first giving yourselves over to the life long commitment that is marriage.

The sex that you're having now, I guarantee you, is nothing like the sex you would have in marriage. There is such a fundamental difference emotionally, spiritually and in terms of commitment that sex before marriage becomes a completely different [monster] than sex within marriage (which is not a monster). You're giving yourself in ways I don't think you fully understand, as if you did understand you would not continue having sex. You're creating a stronger physical, emotional and spiritual bond with your boyfriend than you may realize and, if you don't end up marrying him and breaking up, someone else is going to have to deal with that. His wife is going to have to deal with his broken memories of you and your husband will have to deal with your broken memories of him. It's not just memories, either. They're going to have to deal with that lingering bond, which I believe the Holy Spirit can heal, but it's a process.

I can assure you, you don't want to be married to someone else and awake at night, crying, because you still have memories of all the guys you slept with and you just can't seem to forgive yourself. I'm not trying to guilt trip you, I'm telling you the truth - that's simply how it's going to be.


I come from a family where marriage is encouraged and is normal if entered into at a young age. My mother always says that it is better to marry than to live in sin (premarital sex). I totally agree with that but at the same time I see the affects of marrying young. Less people who marry young actually finish college; marriage lifespans are short, money issues are huge...I dont want to be a part of that.

You're focusing too much on society and not enough on God. Who cares if you struggle financially during the beginning of your marriage? Guess what... That's only going to improve your relationship later on. The marriage doesn't have to be short... But I'll be straight up with you, you're already sleeping with him and that, statistically, does hurt the success rate of marriages (as opposed to couples that don't sleep together). School, well, that's difficult but doable.

I'm 21... I want to marry (and am full well able to get married) even in knowing what sort of struggle is before me.


The way I see it is as a life and death situation:marry now = have the marriage blessed by God and have one less sin to struggle with. Or Dont marry, keep having sex= risk going to hell.

Having sex isn't going to send you to Hell, but maybe you might want to consider the words of John 14:15 and 1 John 1:1-10? Here's the straight up answer: get married, stop having sex or break it off.

If your boyfriend isn't ready for marriage, then you've got two options and if in the end you break it off, it's for the best.

[Duane Morse]

Well I am going to be be completely honest because I need honest answers from CHRISTIAN people and from the Bible.

I am a young, christian female who, like any other christian, has her struggles. I like sex. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for a little over a year now. The issue is, we both have heaven as our goal and both want to be saved. But at the same time we both like sex...a lot. we talk about getting married but have two totally different outlooks on marriage and have different cultures.

I come from a family where marriage is encouraged and is normal if entered into at a young age. My mother always says that it is better to marry than to live in sin (premarital sex). I totally agree with that but at the same time I see the affects of marrying young. Less people who marry young actually finish college; marriage lifespans are short, money issues are huge...I dont want to be a part of that.

The way I see it is as a life and death situation:marry now = have the marriage blessed by God and have one less sin to struggle with. Or Dont marry, keep having sex= risk going to hell.

I cant get my boyfriend to see it that way though. The only thing it seems like he thinks about is how his family would react or how he isnt prepared financially to support a family.

I would rather be married, poor, and happy in Jesus, than to be sneaking around for a pleasure that could buy me a ticket into hell!

I know it would be easy to say just stop having sex, but we have tried and even prayed...a lot! But it is soooo hard! I know God knows my heart, but I need help!

Wow.

You are on an early path to divorce, remarriage, divorce, remarriage, divorce, remarriage...

Or just divorce and then sex with whomever, whenever.

Marriage is not a ticket to free sex.
And free sex should not be the reason for marriage.

[Revinius]

this dude your having sex with doesnt sound like he respects you enough to make an honest woman out of you. If i was his best mate i would be giving him a dressing down on what it means to be a man and have the responsibility of a man to make the right decisions about a woman.

[unkerns]

Whatever we do we will one day have to sit on the judgement seat and give an account for eveything we did. Saved is a very flexible christian word that people try to use to mean a once in always in club.

Living this life and telling people your a christian is very dangerous because people will see what you do and follow your example, which will lead to many divorces, un-expected pregnancies, and many other problems. This ruins alot of lives including the children involved. That is way Revelation says I would rather you be Hot or Cold, but because you are luke warm I will vommit you out of my mouth.

Now at this time you are able to marry him, but realize that he has to stay your husband for the rest of your life (no divorce) is this what you want for yourself? is this what you want for your future kids? will you keep a strong relationship with your Lord?

Getting married young or older is not the real issue, most young marriages fail because of lack of responsibility, and love for stuff, pride, selfishness. Most people still think that college is the most important thing after high school.

fromt the way it sounds you already having a failing mindset of marriage, so think long and hard before you make a very big decision, guess what theres not alot of light at the end of the tunnel with divorce.

May the Lord be with you

[missunder]

Wow.

You are on an early path to divorce, remarriage, divorce, remarriage, divorce, remarriage...

Or just divorce and then sex with whomever, whenever.

Marriage is not a ticket to free sex.
And free sex should not be the reason for marriage.


I'm 20 yrs old, and a junior in College. Oh I'm sorry I forgot to mention that I love this guy so much!!! I dont think of marriage as a ticket to free sex, I value marriage as a bond between me, God, and my spouse. I think that if God remainse in the midst of any marriage (that he puts together) it will last and continue to grow. I am just asking for prayer because I believe the reason why it is so hard for us to stop is because we have that void that is only supposed to be filled by God, but we are filling it shallowly with affection from each other.

[daughter]

Dear Missunder.

I can't contact you via pm, as that privelege hasn't been turned on yet. Hence I'm posting in the wrong place. I'm 37, and this forum, I would like to remind Duane, is for young adults, not oldies like us.

I would also like to say that wanting to marry someone because you love them and hoping to enjoy sex when you are married is not a sin, so please don't take offense at Duane's comments, which are not shared by most people.

This post will have to be deleted, as will any other post that breaks this forum's rules, but I just wanted you to know that nobody is judging you because you want to get married, and plan to have sex with your husband. Regarding premarital sex, that's another issue. If you want advise on this or other issues from people over the age of 25 then you'll have to post in another part of the forum. But please know that while fornication is a sin, sex in marriage is not.

God bless.

[renthead188]

Missunder

We're the same age, and I'm a junior in college as well. I'm a guy though - my name's Chris. Their are a few things that you bring up in your posts that we could talk about, but it's best to start where you ARE and not where you might be heading in the future.

Throughout the Scriptures, God compares His relationship to us (His Church) with the marriage covenant. If we read through the Scripture, we see that it is hurtful (to say the least) to God when we "worship other gods". As seen in the Old Testament, this kind of behavior is destructive to the covenant that exists between us. Compared to the convenant of marriage, we see that sex with someone who is not our husband/wife is devestating to the convenant, regardless of whether it takes place before or after we meet our spouse.

The sin needs to be taken care of before any discussion of future marriage, boyfriend relations or anything else can take place.

The beginning of the Gospel, the first words Jesus says are "Repent, and believe in the Gospel."

Repent (turn from) this sin and face God, He will show you. Seek first The Kingdom and the rest will be added to you.

in love

Christopher

[Revinius]

Jesus said "Go and Sin no more". Tell your bf to be a man and control himself. Us single people do it for many years more than you guys. I understand it becomes an addiction, but that only means you have doubled your sin and should double your mutual desires to repent.

[MyRock]

EDIT

Ah, I see this post has been moved for you.

[daughter]

The thread has been moved, so I can respond properly now. :idea:

There are a few issues to consider here. As you are twenty you are old enough to get married. It may be young in terms of Western Society's norms, but it's not necessarily "too" young. If you love each other and build your marriage on the word of God, then there is no reason for a marriage to fail. The reason most marriages fail in the world is because they are in the world.

However, the fact is you have already behaved as though you are in the world. I'm not having a go at you here... I did the same thing. But I wasn't considering myself a Christian at the time. And my first marriage failed, even though we did "get married in the church" (to please my Dad.)

If your first concern in marriage is what other people will think, then that's a bad start. It says way back in Genesis, that a man should grow up before he takes a wife... "for this reason a man shall LEAVE his father and mother..." How can you and your partner be truly united if he's not really left his father and mother? If he's still enough their little boy that he doesn't want to displease them? If he wants to honour them while under their authority, he should do it properly, and not sleep with you. If he wants to be a man, and enjoy the priveleges of the marriage bed, he should grow up and marry you. That is, be a man.

Unfortunately lust has clouded both your judgements. I can see that the Holy Spirit is convicting you of sin. Your only way through this is to pray, and ask God to give you the strength to obey Him. Tell Him how weak you are, and how desperately you need Him to help you resist temptation. If this means that you will break up with your partner, that is the price you must pay. A previous poster said it well... if it comes to a choice between your boyfriend and God, who will you choose? If your boyfriend is leading you into sin - and if you are leading HIM into sin - then you have to cut it out.

You know we're praying for you. :hug:

[starlitskie]

Me and my partner have been together four years and are now engaged (since about a week ago). We've been having sex and have been trying to give it up until our wedding (less than a year and a half away) and struggle.

Your boyfriend sounds a bit like mine. You say he is not ready 'financially' and my partner was the same. He isn't committed enough and ready to take that step from what I understand. But then i don't know you.

Im 20, he is 19, and we are engaged and it is wonderful. But you know what, he would have never left me if i had of said that i didn't want to have sex until marriage...ever. Would your boyfriend get sick of waiting? Don't push him into marriage, it may be the worst mistake you ever make. And i don't think you are too young, but you have only been together just over a year... In a book i was reading it talked about marriage is supposed to be about two people sharing their lives in a way to SERVE God... do you see the two of you being able to share your lives with God and see a successful marriage?

I seriously would be careful not to make your partner do something that he isn't ready to do. Give up if you want to that bad. You have to stop putting yourself in situations where it happens. i.e. don't be alone together in your bedrooms.

One thing i always think of is one day my children are going to struggle with their christianity (as i hope to bring them up to live Godly lives) and i know that it will be hard for my children to respect no sex before marriage if they know that i had no respect for it! In the past when i was on the start of my path with the right God i judged my partner's parents (for hearing that they werent perfect when they were younger but not actually knowing what they did).

Also, just think about how special that first night will be when you can say that you waited. It isn't too late for that. Before you get married show God that you love him and that this marriage is built on the right foundation. That is what i am trying to do despite my wrongs in the past and despite that it is still a struggle up ahead.

[starlitskie]

I should note that we have not been married yet because he was not ready and now is. Girls mature faster than guys too, ya know? Guys usually have a tendancy to make sure they have all the security and solid foundation for marriage and a family. A decent job, deposit for a house, etc. For example, my fiancee is now ready because his parents are giving him land and we are saving to build our house.

[Magnetic]

Don't get married right now. Don't have sex with him. If his thoughts for you are beyond the possibility of sex, he'll stay with you until you are both READY for the responsibilities of marriage. This is less about whether or not premarital sex is wrong, and more about YOUR conviction. If you have a conviction about something (not having sex until you're married), then by all means live up to it and don't be weak about it. It doesn't take any strength or courage to give in to a weakness, does it?! Figure out what matters to you and live it. If your boyfriend can't accept your feelings on it, then he isn't husband material anyway.

Remember, "love" ebs and flows. Your "love" today may be different than in 5 years.

[Revinius]

remember love is more like an action than the temporary emotional high some people label love to be.

[Whispering Grace]

You have to stop putting yourself in situations where it happens. i.e. don't be alone together in your bedrooms.

I'm going to be radical here and say they shouldn't be alone together period.

If you truly want to stop having sex outside of marriage (which you SHOULD considering it is a sin), you need to take a stand and say "no more", regardless of when you choose to marry.

If you are not ready to marry, don't marry. If your boyfriend is not willing to forgo sex outside of marriage and in any way pressures you, I am going to be blunt and tell you that he is not someone you would want to marry anyway, because he obviously does not have your best interests at heart. A man you will want to marry is someone who is willing to lay down his own life for you as Christ laid down his life for the Church.

[Whispering Grace]

The way I see it is as a life and death situation:marry now = have the marriage blessed by God and have one less sin to struggle with. Or Dont marry, keep having sex= risk going to hell.

By the way, trust me when I say that marriage is not a ticket to sinlessness. You may not struggle with the sin of fornication anymore, but you sure enough are going to struggle with other sins that you didn't struggle with when you were not in a binding marital relationship. You will just be giving up one struggle for another.

[Dragonfighter1]

Why couldn't you get married and hold off on having any children until you're both ready to get on with your adult lives?

By the way, if you really are already saved, there is nothing in this world that can send you to hell. At the same time, however, if you're really saved, it should be tearing you apart on the inside that you're having an immoral relationship. The indwelling Holy Spirit would not allow one of His own to just get away with something like that without a truckload of conviction.

I think its pretty obvious that she is posting here BECAUSE of conviction

[Dragonfighter1]

Love, the word we use LOVE, comes fomr three distinct words in the Greek

Eros- an emotional drive for sex. The word 'erotic' comes from this.

Philos- An emotion for friendship- Philadelphia 'city of brotherly love", or philosophy love of knowledge both share the root "philos". Your boyfriend is your special friend (philos) you like to fellowship with him.

Storge- an emotion of fondness- as you may have for a favorite pet, or a memory of something special. Storge is what you frequently feel for you boyfriend when you are not thinking of Eros.

Agape- a commitment NEVER an emotion. It is a decision and a commitment all in one. It is present tense and future tense rolled into one. It has no emotion as such because it means "I am committed to do what is best for this person no matter what". "Even if you spit in my face I will remain commited to doing what is best for you no matter what, I love/agape you and thats all there is to it."

'God Love' is AGAPE love. It is unbending permenant and secure. He will not break his AGAPE commitment because he is God and keeps his word.

The confusion comes into marriage discussion when we mix emotions with commitments. You are super chemically loaded as a young girl in her prime. The pressure you feel to have sex is 100% normal. The guilt you feel for sexually active and not being married is 100% Godly. But you are trying to answer a commitment question with emotion responses.

Look at it this was. You are fond/Storge of him(emotion), like to be with/philos him(emotion), and want sex/eros with him(emotion). What has any of this to do with commitment/AGAPE LOVE? Here is where you spot the problem I hope.

He cant commit to you I believe you said. SO he doesn't AGAPE LOVE you. He isnt being evil he is being honest. So are you. You want to make a commitment and agape him but think because he can't do it back something is wrong. You are right!

[By the way as a quick side bar: You can agape lots of people all Christians are called to AGAPE everyone. I agape you but that doesnt mean anything other than what is proper.]

Truthfully I think you are so overwhelmed by the emotions involved that you are willing to invoke Agape where it doesnt exist. STOP. Dont marry for emotion. Emotions are VERY important, but they are not the reason alone.

I said in another thread earlier today that emotions give value to life, I believe that. Thats why your question is so hard for you.

May God bless your efforts to resolve this matter.

[Sold Out]

I know it would be easy to say just stop having sex, but we have tried and even prayed...a lot! But it is soooo hard! I know God knows my heart, but I need help!

Not to turn this into a OSAS debate, but if you are saved, having premarital sex will not send you to hell. Jesus already paid for that sin. It was covered the moment you accepted Christ as your Savior.

BUT (and that's a big but)....God will discipline you if you guys don't cut it out. When God says don't do something, it's for your protection. When my mom told me not to put keys in a light socket, it was to protect me. The same goes here. Exercise some biblical faith. Faith is not feelings...faith is taking God's Word over your own. Let God have the last say here. Learn to do this while you are young!

And as for marrying young....it's not a marriage death sentence. My husband and I married at 18 and next year will celebrate our 20th anniversary. We did struggle in the early years, but it was all worth it. God blessed us with 3 amazing kids (one called into ministry) and we are young enough to enjoy them! We are more in love now than ever.