Fireproof and Acting

[LutheranDude]

Poll and or question of the forum. (please pardon me...I am new here.)

I am in a performance at my local community theatre. We are doing the play South Pacific and I am very excited to be a part, as I haven't acted in years.

Once problem however, my character shares a kiss with another on stage. It is a brief kiss during a funny musical number. This is causing issues for my wife who is saying she will not attend the performance if I don't prevent this from occurring by getting the director to make changes.

Personally, I see no issues with this and am trying to reach a compromise. My wife feels differently and will not compromise. So, my questions:

1. Is this somehow emotionally cheating? The other actress is also married with children. I have no emotional involvement in the moment and honestly cannot see what the fuss is and view is as no different than kissing my sister.

2. However, as a Christian husband, should I just take the position that it doesn't matter what my feeling on the matter are and demand changes despite my feelings on the issue?

Add to this I am now hearing Kirk Cameron, in the one kiss he has in "Fireproof" demanded his actual wife replace the actress. Well, now I am just that much worse. I am interested in the forums feedback?

Thank you.

[Duane Morse]

I think you should respect your wife.
After all, which is more important? A play, or your wife's happiness.

Perhaps the kiss could be modified so that there is no actual physical contact.

If the director won't make a change, then personally, I would excuse myself from the production.

[LutheranDude]

Ok..maybe I am simply stubborn, but if that is the path I follow, where does that path end? If she is afraid of me being on the internet, do I shut off the computer, even though I am simply posting to this message board? If speaking to a neighbor across the street, who is an attractive young woman and that makes her uncomfortable do I ignore that neighbor? If I work for a woman, do I ask to be transferred to another division if she is an attractive woman and that makes my wife uncomfortable?

I have viewed sin and lust as a component of intent...not solely action. Am I incorrect in this assessment?

[Vhayes]

Is it possible your wife is feeling a bit insecure? Hear me out - I am not judging you at all, just trying to see if there's a way to work through the dilemma instead of accommodating.

You say you are "very excited" to be in the theater group and acting again. Is it possible your wife is actually jealous of the excitement this has brought you and she feels as though she is taking a back seat to the production? When was the last time you showed enthusiasm for an activity in which you and your wife both participated?

It's just a thought but it may be hard for her to say she is jealous or angered or even afraid about you being happy in a situation she isn't an active part of so she may be transferring her anger to something more tangible - another human.

Not sure of that makes sense or not... I hope it helps a bit.
V

[LutheranDude]

No...what you say makes perfect sense. However, I also asked her to participate in this. My daughter is already in the production as well. She chose not to participate.

Also, I do show enthusiam for her activities...but you do make a good point of the jealousy issue never the less. Any suggestions?

[Duane Morse]

Ok..maybe I am simply stubborn, but if that is the path I follow, where does that path end? If she is afraid of me being on the internet, do I shut off the computer, even though I am simply posting to this message board? If speaking to a neighbor across the street, who is an attractive young woman and that makes her uncomfortable do I ignore that neighbor? If I work for a woman, do I ask to be transferred to another division if she is an attractive woman and that makes my wife uncomfortable?

I have viewed sin and lust as a component of intent...not solely action. Am I incorrect in this assessment?
Perhaps, but the situations you describe do not have you kissing another woman.

If you remain stubborn on this point, it may come back around to bite you very hard in the future. Your wife's feelings, especially when it comes to kissing another woman (who is not your mother are actual sister), should not be taken that lightly. You may end up putting up a wall between you that will only grow over time.

[SFASH]

Dude, respect your wife here, whatever the cost. In fact, I thank our Lord that you have such a wife.:)

[LutheranDude]

You make a good point and I do not disagree. However, I am also wanting a compromise of some sort. Is the wall created because she is disturbed by the kiss any less than the wall of resentment I could feel for leaving a play for reason I do not agree with?

I am asking on this forum as I am hoping there is biblical guidance that perhaps I am missing. Again, the reasons for my examples were specific to her feelings. Where is the line and why don't context and intent matter? My heart is not in this. I is merely an action being undertaken in the play. Similarly, were the situation reversed, I can honestly answer that I would not feel as she does. That is because I trust her and understand the context. While I cannot know her heart in this situation, I trust her and what she would tell me. However, I seem to be guilty until proven innocent on this issue.

I guess I am just heartless or dense on this issue? Or in the words of the Bard, "I doth protest too much."??

[LutheranDude]

I do respect my wife.

I have on many occasions taken actions/declined opportunities in defference to her concerns, insecurities or requests. I have not taken lucrative jobs because she was uncomfortable with moving to a new community. I do not go out "with the guys" and instead come home and spend time with my family. I have kicked friends from my home, because she was uncomfortable with their presence. All of this out of respect for her wishes as my wife.

As it applies to this play, is it the opinion of the collective then that this is different because it is a kiss? What if my character hugged another female. If that also made her uncomfortable, is that also reason to quit? Holding hands? Looking at one another? The fact that there are females in the production in swim suits? That there are females at all?

Again, perhaps I protest too much...but where in your opinion (anyone, please) is there a cut off, if there is one, relative to what is reasonable and what is unreasonable? Is it simply the kiss that is the issue? Thoughts?

[SFASH]

You make a good point and I do not disagree. However, I am also wanting a compromise of some sort. Is the wall created because she is disturbed by the kiss any less than the wall of resentment I could feel for leaving a play for reason I do not agree with?

I am asking on this forum as I am hoping there is biblical guidance that perhaps I am missing. Again, the reasons for my examples were specific to her feelings. Where is the line and why don't context and intent matter? My heart is not in this. I is merely an action being undertaken in the play. Similarly, were the situation reversed, I can honestly answer that I would not feel as she does. That is because I trust her and understand the context. While I cannot know her heart in this situation, I trust her and what she would tell me. However, I seem to be guilty until proven innocent on this issue.

I guess I am just heartless or dense on this issue? Or in the words of the Bard, "I doth protest too much."??

LOL! No, I don't think so Dude, and I know you have good sensibilities about this... But her sensibilities about your kissing another woman, no matter what the circumstances, are actually valid and endearing.

If she had a jealousy problem in other areas, which you had mentioned hypothetically, well that would be something that needed working on.
She knows how much this play means to you and I believe she trusts you, but she is not willing for you to kiss another woman. She has got to be the only one you ever kiss, Dude.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" Eph 5:25

[HisLeast]

Deleted...........

[Duane Morse]

However, I am also wanting a compromise of some sort.
I offered the only compromise that I thought might be appropriate, and that I thought your wife would accept, in my first post.

Get the director to adjust the kissing style to one that is more symbolic than actual.

Your lips do not have to touch, after all, to portray the meaning.

A "brief kiss during a funny musical number" is how you put it.
So, why not simulate the kiss from several inches away from each other?



And, as HisLeast has mentioned, how would you feel if it were reversed?

Personally, I would be uncomfortable with it either way. And if I was in that production I would insist on a fake kiss - or I would not do it at all.

[LutheranDude]

I offered the only compromise that I thought might be appropriate, and that I thought your wife would accept, in my first post.

Get the director to adjust the kissing style to one that is more symbolic than actual.

Your lips do not have to touch, after all, to portray the meaning.

A "brief kiss during a funny musical number" is how you put it.
So, why not simulate the kiss from several inches away from each other?



And, as HisLeast has mentioned, how would you feel if it were reversed?

Personally, I would be uncomfortable with it either way. And if I was in that production I would insist on a fake kiss - or I would not do it at all.

What you suggest may simply be the compromise I should pursue. I appreciate the points. However, no one has offered suggestions to the other items I indicate. Thoughts?

[LutheranDude]

And honestly, no it wouldn't bother me were the roles reversed. I suppose that would be seen as a shortcoming by the masses??

[Reynolds357]

Poll and or question of the forum. (please pardon me...I am new here.)

I am in a performance at my local community theatre. We are doing the play South Pacific and I am very excited to be a part, as I haven't acted in years.

Once problem however, my character shares a kiss with another on stage. It is a brief kiss during a funny musical number. This is causing issues for my wife who is saying she will not attend the performance if I don't prevent this from occurring by getting the director to make changes.

Personally, I see no issues with this and am trying to reach a compromise. My wife feels differently and will not compromise. So, my questions:

1. Is this somehow emotionally cheating? The other actress is also married with children. I have no emotional involvement in the moment and honestly cannot see what the fuss is and view is as no different than kissing my sister.

2. However, as a Christian husband, should I just take the position that it doesn't matter what my feeling on the matter are and demand changes despite my feelings on the issue?

Add to this I am now hearing Kirk Cameron, in the one kiss he has in "Fireproof" demanded his actual wife replace the actress. Well, now I am just that much worse. I am interested in the forums feedback?

Thank you.

If your wife is uncomfortable with it, it is wrong for you to do it.

[HisLeast]

Deleted........

[winwun]

This question hasn't been asked, but I feel it bears greatly on the issue:

Has there been any rehearsals for your part yet ?

[VerticalReality]

Simply put . . . is denying the request of your wife in this case a loving thing to do? Are you causing her to stumble by insisting on doing such a thing that bothers her? Will it create in her hostility, anger, jealousy, etc.?

Considering all these things, would it then be appropriate to deliberately continue on in this knowing full well that it would cause your wife to stumble?

In Romans 14 a simple matter of food and drink is spoken of as an issue that could cause another to stumble in their faith. We are not to even eat certain foods or drink certain drinks around folks we know are offended or weak in faith about. So to me the decision is VERY simple. Love your wife as Christ loves the church and do what would be edifying to her. You know such a thing would hurt her. You know such a thing would cause her to sin. Therefore, be the leader of the household you are called to be and direct her in righteousness being the support and encouragement she needs.

I honestly do not think the Lord would approve of you going through with this even though you know it would hurt her.