marraige in danger

[forgiven84]

I am new to the whole forum thing and i am pretty much searching for advice. My husband and i are both new christians. We have been married for 6 yrs and found jesus about 2 yrs ago and my husband its been about a year. I feel that i am blessed in so many ways. we have 2 wonderful children that we are able to put through christian school and i am very thankful for so many things god has blessed us with. Unfortunately i have a terrible past with drug and sexual addictions, among other things. our marraige started off a little rocky. i got pregnant with my first child very shortly after we were engaged. i was 18. we have been through so many struggles with him drinking alcohol, me being a jealous wife and so on. we went through a seperation about 8 months ago that lasted about 4 months. while we were seperated he had temporary custondy of the children and i felt like i would die without my family. i pretty much gave up on christ and everything else. i was unfaithful throughout the seperation after he filed for divorce. i was headed no where. i needed my family. well we were able to work things out and get back together and i have never felt closer to christ. but heres where the problem is... it seems like he is riding the fence. he has no interest in going to church or bible study with me and he is drinking again and im terrified. he wont talk to me and all i feel like i can do is pray. but i feel helpless. any time i try and talk to him about his actions he brings up my past and tells me im not one to talk. but i have changed. i have re-devoted my life to jesus christ and i feel like he doesnt have faith anymore. i don't feel strong enough to carry my family alone. i feel so much hurt inside when i see this. please help.
thanks and god bless

[cnw]

I can't pm you yet but would like to say first of all, there is hope. God is our refuge and strength. I was at the same place you are 3 years ago. God changed me and my marriage upsidedown...or should I say rightside up. I invite you to go to this website and read it with your husband.
http://iblp.org/iblp/discipleship/conferences/whateverittakes/
there are several pages on there site that give many couples the answers to crying out and restoration in marriage. I hope you don't give up.
You are welcome to pm me. I am here for a listening ear.
praying
Cynthia

[Annelle]

I am brand new to the forum "thing" and I see your message was posted in October 2008. I'm not sure where you and your husband and your marriage is at the moment, but I want to assure you that our Lord's loving kindness prevails and He strengthens us to do much more than we are capable of on our own.
I have been married for ten years, my second marriage, my first one was marked with unfaithfulness, alcohol abuse and terrible behaviour (by me). My husband turned his back on God for most of the ten years of our marriage and only recently decided to involve Christ in his life again.
For the ten years i suffered under his emotional abuse without even knowing it and looking back it took everything out of me to stay on course. God enabled me to stick to my commitment to love my husband no matter what and this unconditional love that I gave him through Christ that strengthened me made the difference in the end.
We have been separated for eight months now after I fell apart and insisted that he move out until he learns or decides to treat me with respect and love. He has made his decision and we are working towards healing our relationship and reconciling. I am also learning to set boundaries and working on my own healing in Christ - not sure what that means and how it works yet though, just feeling my way through it.
The point I wanted to make is leave your husband alone if he does not want to read scriptures, do bible study, go to church or pray with you. Any insistence on your part will only drive him away. Lift your eyes to Jesus and find your joy in Him. Focus on praying for your husband and asking Jesus to make you a shining light for him so that he will be encouraged by your example. Live the love of Jesus in your house with your husband and children and He will honor the good seed that you sow. In my mind the love of Jesus is not an emotional issue but that of commitment. See your husband through Jesus' eyes and ask the Lord to give him time to come around.
I pray that the Lord will give you peace, strength and grace to walk this road that you are on and complete the race to the end.
with lots of love and compassion in Christ Jesus our Lord

[Followtheway]

You will not be judged for his actions, but for your own. Continue to be an obedient wife most importantly to the Lord he comes before you kids and husband.

[inluvwjesus]

You must give your husband into the Lord's hands. You must give your family into the Lord's hands, you must trust that the Lord will take care as you continue to walk with Him in love and pray over your family. God is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we ask or think, He will take you through this valley, but you must trust Him no matter what you see, for we do not walk by sight, but by faith. Those who put their trust in Him will not be ashamed. Jer. 29:11 is so true as with Romans 8:28.

[skidmark1027]

So when is it a good time to call it quits? My wife has given up on our marriage. And I'm really getting tired of watering a dead plant. I pray and pray and our relationship is good one minute and then something snaps inside of her head and the marriage is "only on paper."

I'm at the end of my rope and am ready to file for a no-fault divorce. We've only been married for 11 months and have no children. Just cats. And a very cute dog. Her dog. Anyway, she claims to be a christian, yet reading scripture is of no interest to her at all. I used to put scripture verses on cards that I would give her, but she actually asked me to stop doing it because it was starting to turn her off because she thought I was trying to shove it down her throat. She attends Sunday services at a church that never speaks of repentance (at least not on a regular basis) and seems to me to be a mostly "feel good" kind of place. I like it there, too, and I asked God to come into my life shortly after a very stirring Easter service there this year. My wife will sit there during the sermon and write down verse references on the notes section of the bulletin, but I never see her pick up a Bible and refer back to her notes. I considered becoming a member there, but my wife and I started fighting and I found a local church that I prefer going to, and I don't have to drive 100 miles a day to go there.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of not getting respect, honor or unconditional love from her. I tend to always be wrong in her eyes - she thinks I make up facts - and I seem to just be a hindrance to everything she does. She's a very postmodern feminist with major father issues. She's made up some kind of non-biblical God in her head, too, I think. I'm not sure what to think any more. Maybe *I* am the one that's wrong.

God, give me the guidance and strength to go on. Give me the insight and wisdom to see what I cannot. Give me understanding and a soft heart to love unconditionally, yet give me your armor so that I am not hurt by another's indiscretion. Amen.

I really want to stay married, but I can't let myself be miserable because she's bent on making everyone else miserable. I feel like I'm the only one pulling the cart most of the time these days. There were times early in the marriage when I couldn't pull my own weight, but now I'm much stronger but it seems too late. It seems that I'm pulling teeth to get an apology for the right things rather than the wrong things. "I'm sorry I hurt you and will try to not do it again" would be so much better than "I'm sorry that you're upset." Yeah, I made a choice to be upset, but she was the cause and I have a right to be angry when she shows me no consideration. Or am I just wrong again?

[firstpeterone]

Lawsuits Among Believers
1 Cor 6:1-7
1If any of you has a dispute with another, dare he take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the saints? 2Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? 3Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! 4Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church![a] 5I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? 6But instead, one brother goes to law against another—and this in front of unbelievers!
7The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? 8Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers.
I have been married twenty years and have been a follower of Christ for about 10. I could go through all of the ups and downs of my marriage, but really it's about God, and our walk with His Son Jesus Christ with the help of His Holy Spirit every day of our life. You have to walk through everyday with the Holy Spirit, through whatever God has set before you to accomplish in His name. God has called you to a difficult experience, for a reason. Do you want to walk through a weak and unchallenged life for Christ? I pray everyday for strength to love when I'm not loved, for victory, not defeat, for fruits of the Spirit, not unbelief. God is our hope. Honor your vows you spoke before God, trust in God who knows everything you're going through, listen for His direction. Seek Godly counsel. God will never divorce you, no matter how poorly you treat Him. He is our excellent example.
Phil 4:6-13,Prov 3:5,Eph 2:8,Gal 5:22-23,Gal 2:20,Rom 3:23,Rom 15:13,Heb 11:6,Jas 1:12,Col 3:23,Mat 5:16,John 13:35

[skidmark1027]

Oh well...she sent off the divorce paperwork on Monday. We're through. 90-day waiting period in PA, blah blah blah.

I guess I can take solace in 1 Cor 7:15. I know I'm saved.

[Lynbob]

I am so sorry to hear this Skidmark. You can not change the actions of another you can only remain true to your Saviour. Remember, keep praying, pray for the outcome that will glorify our Father whether that be the reconcilation of your marriage or your journey through this difficult time as a believer. Having gone through this myself I have to say I was unable to make it through on my own power. If it had not been for my faith, my friends and my Father literally and spiritually carrying me through the heartache and loss I would not have survived. I am praying for you and your wife :hug:

[skidmark1027]

I am so sorry to hear this Skidmark. You can not change the actions of another you can only remain true to your Saviour. Remember, keep praying, pray for the outcome that will glorify our Father whether that be the reconcilation of your marriage or your journey through this difficult time as a believer. Having gone through this myself I have to say I was unable to make it through on my own power. If it had not been for my faith, my friends and my Father literally and spiritually carrying me through the heartache and loss I would not have survived. I am praying for you and your wife :hug:

Thank you for your prayers. I feel the same way. Every time I feel rejected from my wife, I instantly turn to Our Father and I know I'm accepted.

His strength is helping me through this tough time. And it's small talks with Him and my family that are getting me through this, as well. I'm also going through counseling at my church.

It helps.

Thanks!