To be married or to stay single...

[JesusMySavior]

Obviously God's input is so much more important, however some extra change tossed into the bucket of question usually doesn't hurt.

I've been in many relationships in my past - both Christian and non-Christian (when I was backslidden). I have had my share in sexual immorality and the pain and weirdness of past relationships and hurts.

I'm very very content in my life right now because my focus and my heart is on Jesus Christ. He's my everything, as the Tim Hughes song goes. I live on my own, and I'm doing very well financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally. My life is pretty consistent, mainly due to the constant of Christ in my life.

Over the years I had been addicted to porn and women and self-gratification. When I was an unbeliever and backslidden, I would view porn almost daily and sleep with anyone. Christ has set me free from that lifestyle and though I occasionally slip up (I'm not perfect) I have my heart set on Him and what He has for my life.

I'm an evangelist at heart and have a strong desire to see the people come to know Christ. I want to lay down every burden that hinders me and I actually feel as if I'm running free now. Christ is my victory and my song.

My question is, since I'm such a romantic, I'm wondering if I shouldn't start looking for a future mate. For me, she has to be SOLD OUT to God, to have a rock-solid testimony (where it's not just that she said some prayer at a crusade), but that she has experienced life and sin at its fullest and realized there was nothing more she could do but embrace Christ. I'd like her to be a prayer warrior and foremost a sister and a friend. So many relationships I've had has been about the lust and the passion of the flesh. It was all unsatisfying and redundant. I'm looking for meaning now.

So, even though I'm totally and completely content with Jesus Christ, should I look for a mate or should I just forget about it and embrace the cross all the more? Would I be hindering my relationship with God by worrying about family and my (possible) wife and all that stuff? Part of me wants to get married but most of me wants to run to Christ.

[liefm]

Hello brother,
If part of you wants to get married, than I suggest you should. It's a very rare gift (celibacy) that God gives to people like St.Paul. I was reading an article about the 2 gifts that God gives to people in this world- Marriage and Celibacy. And that people who have been given the gift of celibacy haven't had a sexual inclination from birth (about 1 percent of the population); celibacy can be a gradual process as well, it may not be easy, but God will make it possible with His gifts, and the man will still have to battle with lust; or that they are completely fine and happy that they are single that they may serve God alone, without ANY doubt or sadness of not being married. Take this with a grain of salt it's been a while since I read the article.
Both are good gifts that bring glory to God.
Pray and read the Bible about marriage, singleness, and celibacy. Also use a concordance, it may be helpful. :)

[Literalist-Luke]

If God had meant for us to stay single, he wouldn't have given Eve to Adam. If you desire Godly companionship, then go for it.

[unkerns]

in order to have a whole relationship you must have 2 whole people

[baxpack7]

in order to have a whole relationship you must have 2 whole people
...or, have a relationship with God!
...but going back to the op, I'm sure that there is someone out there for you and the best way to find her is not to look. God will direct your paths as you walk with him and he will put the right people in your path to help you in your quest. Remember though, don't focus on the desires of your heart-focus on the things of the kingdom and His will, and He will bless you for it!
God bless from the Baxpack!

[unkerns]

Check out the book "the unguide to dating" finding a good wife is kinda like finding a job, you'll never get one if you never look.

[MrAnteater]

This is a good post and since I am in the exact same situation, I can definitely add a relevant perspective to the question.

I am in my late 30's and have never been married. I've only been a Christian since age 33 and most of the relationships I have had were superficial and based more on friendship, drinking and drugs, or sex. As an unsaved sinner interested in relationships for all the wrong reasons, I wasn't equipped to have a good one and thank God I never got married previously because I would have been divorced for sure. Now that I have the truth of God in my life, I think about relationships for the right reasons and not just to satisfy my own desires.

It's a difficult decision because in today's fallen world, where just as many Christians get divorced as non Christians, it seems like a risky proposition.

As already pointed out, celibacy is a gift from God that many people don't possess. So for most people it would be difficult to remain single and not fall into sexual sins. I know I can't do it either.

Like myself, if you find yourself thinking about being with a woman (not just sexually) than it's a good idea to seek out a Christian woman. If you find one and really love her than getting married is the right way to go.

I think the most important points to remember are:

- Seek fulfillment from God first and foremost and don't think a woman will fulfill you. Only when your joy flows from the Lord will you be equipped to have a good relationship.
- Pray daily for God's direction and ask him to provide the right person for you
- Don't become yolked with an unbeliever or even date one hoping she will become Christian. It rarely works. A committed Christian woman who walks the walk is what you want.
- Pray and study scripture together. It's so critical to be on the same page when it comes to understanding truth.
- Don't be in a hurry to get married! The longer you know the person the better chance you have avoiding issues later.

I hope some of this helps. We are to live in the world but not to be of the world. Finding the right person and living according to God's plan will yield good results.

[Ekeak]

I'm very very content in my life right now because my focus and my heart is on Jesus Christ. He's my everything, as the Tim Hughes song goes. I live on my own, and I'm doing very well financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally. My life is pretty consistent, mainly due to the constant of Christ in my life.

Over the years I had been addicted to porn and women and self-gratification. When I was an unbeliever and backslidden, I would view porn almost daily and sleep with anyone. Christ has set me free from that lifestyle and though I occasionally slip up (I'm not perfect) I have my heart set on Him and what He has for my life.
"He who gains his life through me loses it. He who loses his life through me finds it."

Of course that is a quote of Jesus.

[JesusMySavior]

"He who gains his life through me loses it. He who loses his life through me finds it."

Of course that is a quote of Jesus.

I think it was more to the effect of, "whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it".

that's more to the tune of what Christ said in Matthew 16:25.

but I think I know what you're saying. maybe? :confused

[winwun]

In a more secular and practical, worldly if you will, view of the subject, being married is better from a number of aspects.

What you do for yourself often takes the same effort and time as if you were doing it for two.

Washing a load of clothes, cooking a pot of beans, baking biscuits, vacuuming, changing oil in the car, mowing the lawn, etc, etc, etc . . .

Having a spouse lets you work half as hard and you get twice the enjoyment from life, PLUS, all studies show that married people live longer.

Being married gives you that precious commodity that cannot be purchased, more time, because there is someone doing half the tasks that take up so much of your precious time.

Oh, did I mention, you also have a cuddle-buddy . . .:kiss:

Hey, being married is a win-win-win-win-win . . . .ad infinitem . . .

[RedBird777]

1 Corinthians 7
It is, for me, the ultimate "should I marry?" guide. Personally, I would "burn with passion" if I do not marry.

[Warrior4God]

It is a natural, God created desire for a man to want to be with a woman in a marriage relationship. In the book of Genesis, God said it was not good for man to be alone, therefore that is why God created Eve for Adam. Very few people can maintain a celibate life for all their existence, and if it happens it is by God's direct intervention. I say if you desire to be married, ask God to help you find the right woman and keep your eyes open for her. It may take awhile, but it will happen. :D

[Ekeak]

I meant what I believed.

[newvalor]

Ephesians 5: 22-30

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30 because we are members of His body.
31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.



This is a fantastic description of what marriage is like through God's eyes. It is a beautiful thing that we must sacrificially love our wives, and the same goes for our wives.


1 Corinthians 7:1

1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.


1 Corinthians 7:9

9 But if they do not have self-control, (I (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=53&chapter=7&version=49#cen-NASB-28497I))let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.



Like earlier posted, 1 Corinthians chapter 7 is a great study as to whether or not you should marry. The very first verse points out that it is good to stay single. But being single is not the main point of this chapter. Paul makes some strong arguments for being single, in the light of your service to God. You may have opportunities for witness that you would not have being married. He also states that marriage is truly a sacrificial relationship. And points out several things I encourage you to read. I wanted to point out one last thing dealing specifically with 1 Corinthians 7:9 Paul point out that it is better to marry if you don't have the self control. But he did not say it was the best thing to do. If you marry because of self control issues, you are, in a way, putting yourself before your spouse. This will cause issues later in your marriage because that sacrificial love is not there.


My ultimate encouragement to you is to follow Christ and do what He wills of you. And if He puts someone in your life that you know with out a doubt in your mind that you can sacrificially love that Christ did for the Church (every day of your life) then, pursue her with a God focused heart. Because if it is His will that you marry, then the more you two focus on His will.... the closer the two of you will become!

Many blessing!