The tween age! Ack!

[WonderWoman4Jesus]

I really could use some advice on my niece. She's turned twelve and she's already got the "teen attitude" thing down. When she was at our house I told her I didn't want her watching "slasher" flicks because they were gory and had too much violence in them. She said "Everyone does!" and sort of sassed me! She's already asking me questions about sex and "being gay" it sort of scares me! She does have some interest in church and God, so help me. I've never raised a child or been around teens much (or tweens).:help:

[Mercy4Me]

Hey, WonderWoman...hang in there! It seems to me that "kids" are becoming "adults" much earlier all the time. Are either of your niece's parents Christians? Does anyone take an interest in her spiritual life? That's the best hope for her, or any of today's youth, in this confusing age and era. I would definitely keep your standards at your home, and if she asks why, that might open a door for you to share some things from the Word of God.

At this age, kids can be a lot of fun to be with! Maybe you can spend some time with her doing things she enjoys (other than watching slasher movies...), healthy things that can help you both build a relationship together. Do you remember when you were her age? Who were your heroes? Lots of kids just need someone to take an interest in their lives, to talk and laugh and play games...they're pretty heavily influenced by peer pressure, and have the daunting prospect of high school in their near future, and sometimes I think they just like to be kids for a while longer, with someone who loves and accepts them for who they are. Don't be afraid of them! Pray and God will give you opportunities to reach out to your niece...maybe you can be a "hero" in her life, and give her an example to look up to that will make a lasting difference for eternity.

[cheech]

Yeah, I can see your concern. I remember having to explain things to a degree to my daughter when she was between 6 and 12 and thought man, I hate the fact that I have to talk about this stuff with her and she's 19 now. Thankfully she was never one for the gory movies. Anything scary and she'd have nightmares or go running in the other room :lol:.

Stick to your guns about the movies. As for the other stuff she asks...her parents really need to answer those questions so direct her to them.

[daughter]

What is a "slasher" film? (I think I know, but need it spelled out.) Could you name the movie being watched?

If she asks again about being gay, tell her you know a woman who was gay when she was younger, then realised why it was wrong. With your permission, and you vetting the conversation from her end, and seeing my end, I can talk to her about it. It was about her age that the world started to confuse me.

If she really wants to talk to someone who knows about it, next time she asks, just say, "I have a friend who used to be in a gay relationship. She knows more about it than I do, you can talk to her."

Then start a thread in C2M, type in her questions, and I'll answer, in a manner that's appropriate for a twelve year old.

My own son is twelve, so I'm used to the horrible tweeny thing... a lot of it is peer pressure and bullying from school. (Not that my son sasses me... I'm still half a foot taller than him!)

[ƒσяєяυииєя]

Hi WW4Jesus,


I wish I would have been risen in a Christian family with the true gospel, you know, for if my parents prohibited me to do something then, I would try to get it under the table you know with friends, etc, to be un-noticed.

Now in your case, knowing the that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. would be easier to know how to act/help/start.

God bless you

[CoffeeCat]

Tweens are at that REALLY awkward age where they're dealing with peer pressure and the need to fit in... while at the same time, they're looking for an identity... they know high school is coming, and they're desperate to make some kind of sense of the world. They are awkward, physically... when I was 12 and 13, I remember feeling like a stumbling colt everywhere I went :lol:... a lot of them are trying to grow into their bodies, as well as to figure out how the heck their bodies work! For the first time, they're also forming their own ideas about life, and those ideas might be different from the ones the adults in their lives put forward. Tweens can be a LOT of fun, though... so many of them can get very chatty, and goofy, when you just talk to them comfortably the way you'd talk to a friend. They hate being talked down TO, especially when there isn't a TON of difference between your ages (they feel closer to people in their 20s; they really only consider people 30 or over "old" ;) )

I know it can be a little nervewracking dealing with questions and "attitudes". Just try and remember that attitudes aren't generally directed AT YOU -- most of the time, they're a front for what a tween really wants to say, which is "I need some power in this adult world". They like to be listened to rather than lectured at. And the questions they ask... a huge chunk of that is just them trying to figure out how the world works, and whether or not that makes some sense to them. A lot of stuff, they're encountering for the first time, and they're not sure what to think.

I think that, more than teens even (who have had a little more experience), tweens need patience and a friendly ally, extra reassurance, some silliness... but they also need the loving adults in their lives to stick to their guns and be a rock in a shaky world. They pout, and they can whine, but they appreciate stability more than they let you know. Overall, I think they're a wonderful age group. People call me nuts for enjoying them so much, but so many kids are creative and they've got such great ideas, and such kind hearts. Many also feel lost and alone, and vulnerable, and they're searching for something to feel safe with.

God bless you and your niece. Just do your best, and it'll be okay! I have two teenaged cousins (one an older teen, one a brand new teen) and a tween cousin myself, and love them dearly..... wouldn't trade them for the world... even though occasionally there's the odd day where the whole family wishes for a handy window to jump out of. :lol:

[cnw]

she is 12, she is getting a lot of knowledge from public school that is a lot of lies. so tell her the truth. talk openly to her about s*x and don't be secritive and fearful, but do it with love and truth. Tell about how God made men and women and about the great things about it. if you don't, then Satan will, or is, and it will be ungodly. We as Christians have to be open with s*x because the world is and if we don't put things in the right light it will be a sin issue. love this girl, find a hobby with her, talk about what God says about homosexuality and use Scripture...it is after all Gods word not yours, and tell her what God thinks of her, that he cares about her inermost feelings etc. Talk about pg and abstinance and let her know that not everybody in real life is having s*x, but that the media wants us to think that and movies do to. Her reality is still misconstrued with a childness. May God bless you with courage and the right words to say

[ServantofTruth]

Children need discipline and to respect you - this leads to them loving you and doing what you say.

I have 5 sons, 15 1/2, 14, 12, 6 & 3. I know parents tearing their hair out with only 1 child. My eldest 2 are autistic.

When ANYONE enters your house, they should do it knowing your rules. For example we don't smoke or drink. Therefore noone else does at our house, or would come over the doorstep if they had been drinking.
We are vegetarian - therefore if someone comes round they eat like us.

A child actually wants discipline and hard love. They push you by how they act, what they say, opinions, language etc. You decide the line and if they cross it you punish them. If it's not your child this may be limited, to them not coming round, you not giving them extra treats or similar.

Children when in real trouble, go to the adult they know is wise and tells the truth - not what they want to hear and is weak.

So firstly she doesn't watch anything on your tv that you think she shouldn't. Full stop. No debate. If you want to discuss it do, if not tell her that's the decision, no discussion.

As for talking about sex or being gay - either she is testing if you actually do have a biblical faith and answering could be a great witness. Or as most young people trying to shock you to get a reaction. Any attention is better than no attention. She probably wants someone to TOTALLY stop what they are doing and focus TOTALLY on her. Try to find time to do this with her, and feel flattered she's chosen you.

If you take one thing away from reading this post let it please be this - you are the adult/ she is a child and will be for many years. Never try to be like sisters or friends. Think of every adult/ child relationship in scripture. The set up of the family with God/ Christ as the head. Bless you for caring, SofTy.

[gpmosely]

I really could use some advice on my niece. She's turned twelve and she's already got the "teen attitude" thing down. When she was at our house I told her I didn't want her watching "slasher" flicks because they were gory and had too much violence in them. She said "Everyone does!" and sort of sassed me! She's already asking me questions about sex and "being gay" it sort of scares me! She does have some interest in church and God, so help me. I've never raised a child or been around teens much (or tweens).:help:

Ahhahaha good ol Tweens. Well the thing is most kids are very smart- they will rebel. If she decides she wants to use the "Everyone does" remark reply to her simply not everyone is staying with me now are they?

If she is asking these questions then you need to first collaborate with the parents to see if you can answer these questions. our culture has given a great amount of information that is a little uneasy for people. Basically if she is asking you she feels comfortable with you therefore she is asking you to get a feel and information. So really answer her. If she has a question about being gay answer her but do it in a way that is unbiased.

For example: If she asks about sex and with the moms consent you tell her about sex and tell her all the options, then tell her about the consequences that she will have to deal with if they arise (Pregnancy, STD's etc)

The more information you give them the more they can decide for themselves what is best for them but also the more they will come to you and look up to you and respect you and then the more they will start questioning if it really is a good idea....and then they will start saying maybe sex before marriage isnt the best idea... and then you planted a seed :)

[WonderWoman4Jesus]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the advise. Well, my mother and I are Christians. She has some interest in church and I have talked to her about Christ. Her home life is well, yuck to put it lightly. Her brother is a wild child (19) now. There's always been a lot of permissive behavior at her home. Her brother had a child at fourteen, there's been drugs and s*x. I try to set a good example by helping her with homework, letting her call me to ask me anything and telling her how much I love her!

She goes to a public middle school, so I think she's exposed to a lot of this s*x and stuff like that there. Right now she's not interested in boys (Thank God :)) so I think we're safe for a bit. But I will do my best to answer questions.