Definition of Adultery

[kaylin]

I have to admit after reading the rules for this forum I'm a bit nervous about posting this and getting torn to shreds, but I really want to know people's input on this, especially those in relationships or married:

How do you define adultery?

My boyfriend of 2 years and I have been confronting this question lately, trying to decide where exactly the line lays, and after weeks of prayer, reading scripture on the matter, and even Internet research, we're no closer to a good definition for adultery. Any help?

Thanks,
Kaylin

[Lyndie]

In my opinion, it is anything (except God) that that you put before your husband or wife. One definition of adultery is also idolatry. Unfaithfulness comes in many different forms.

[looking4jesus]

I have to admit after reading the rules for this forum I'm a bit nervous about posting this and getting torn to shreds, but I really want to know people's input on this, especially those in relationships or married:

How do you define adultery?

My boyfriend of 2 years and I have been confronting this question lately, trying to decide where exactly the line lays, and after weeks of prayer, reading scripture on the matter, and even Internet research, we're no closer to a good definition for adultery. Any help?

Thanks,
Kaylin


Here is the definition according to Eastons Dicitionary
God bless
Randy
Adultery conjugal infidelity. An adulterer was a man who had illicit intercourse with a married or a betrothed woman, and such a woman was an adulteress. Intercourse between a married man and an unmarried woman was fornication. Adultery was regarded as a great social wrong, as well as a great sin.
The Mosaic law (Num. 5:11-31) prescribed that the suspected wife should be tried by the ordeal of the "water of jealousy." There is, however, no recorded instance of the application of this law. In subsequent times the Rabbis made various regulations with the view of discovering the guilty party, and of bringing about a divorce. It has been inferred from John 8:1-11 that this sin became very common during the age preceding the destruction of Jerusalem.
Idolatry, covetousness, and apostasy are spoken of as adultery spiritually (Jer. 3:6, 8, 9; Ezek. 16:32; Hos. 1:2:3; Rev. 2:22). An apostate church is an adulteress (Isa. 1:21; Ezek. 23:4, 7, 37), and the Jews are styled "an adulterous generation" (Matt. 12:39). (Comp. Rev. 12.)

[minnesotaice]

I have to admit after reading the rules for this forum I'm a bit nervous about posting this and getting torn to shreds, but I really want to know people's input on this, especially those in relationships or married:

How do you define adultery?

My boyfriend of 2 years and I have been confronting this question lately, trying to decide where exactly the line lays, and after weeks of prayer, reading scripture on the matter, and even Internet research, we're no closer to a good definition for adultery. Any help?

Thanks,
Kaylin

I am not sure what you and your boyfriend in particular, are trying to clear up. But to me, adultery is hiding things from my husband or getting too close to a member of the opposite sex. I personally think it is wrong to be alone with someone of the opposite sex (other than relatives) because it can invite both physical and emotional adultery. I find that my husband should fulfill any emotional and physical needs that I have.

[looking4jesus]

I am not sure what you and your boyfriend in particular, are trying to clear up. But to me, adultery is hiding things from my husband or getting too close to a member of the opposite sex. I personally think it is wrong to be alone with someone of the opposite sex (other than relatives) because it can invite both physical and emotional adultery. I find that my husband should fulfill any emotional and physical needs that I have.

Yes there is such a thing called emotional cheating but you need to be careful it is not correct to lay everything on your husband to fullfill your setting yourself up for a big fall if you do. That is why women who have sucessful marriages also have close women friends that they can share with
No onee person will ever meet all your needs except of course Jesus
God Bless
Randy

[livingwaters]

This is what the Bible says:


Adultery is the voluntary sexual intercourse (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_intercourse) between a married person (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage) and another person who is not his or her spouse (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spouse)

However, you'll notice that Jesus said to even look at a man/woman with lust in your heart is adultery.

Matthew 5:27 (http://bibleresources.bible.com/passagesearchresults.php?passage1=Matthew+5:27&version=9)
Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
Matthew 5:28 (http://bibleresources.bible.com/passagesearchresults.php?passage1=Matthew+5:28&version=9)
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Fornication, or simple fornication, is a term which typically refers to voluntary sexual intercourse (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_intercourse) between persons not married to each other.

1 Corinthians 6:18 (http://bibleresources.bible.com/passagesearchresults.php?passage1=1 Corinthians+6:18&version=9) Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body

Hope this helps!:)

[ServantofTruth]

Perhaps it might be easier to not concentrate on one word - Adultery - with dictionary definitions, whether biblical or otherwise. Can i assume you are planning to move from 'dating' to marriage? Therefore you are trying together to see what God wants from each of you, and how your individual positions before our Lord will be affected by becoming one.

May i ask if you consider both your person position before God to be good at this time and whether your 2 year relationship has proceeded in a way you considers honours our Lord. I don't wish to judge or for you to say anything you are not happy to share. But the last 2 years may affect advice people give on the present and future.

God bless, SofTy.

[daughter]

Are you and your boyfriend in a sexual relationship now? If so, that is not adultery (assuming neither of you is married) but fornication.

Something I've been guilty of, so I'm not trying to cast stones here. But if you're sleeping together, you can sort the problem out by getting married.

Is there anything we should know about your situation that would help us answer your question?

[ServantofTruth]

Are you and your boyfriend in a sexual relationship now? If so, that is not adultery (assuming neither of you is married) but fornication.

Something I've been guilty of, so I'm not trying to cast stones here. But if you're sleeping together, you can sort the problem out by getting married.

Is there anything we should know about your situation that would help us answer your question?

I really don't think you can sort out a problem by marriage. Part of the solution may be marriage, but there is certainly more to it than that. A change of heart and mind. A learning of God's Will through scripture. Repentance. So much more. Too many people think a marriage ceremony is the total solution. SofTy.

[MrAnteater]

Adultery is the intent to gain gratification from someone besides your partner.

Jesus said in the sermon on the mount that if you lust after another then you've already committed adultery in your heart. I think this is accurate because if you are longing to be with someone else than you committing adultery and not being commited to your partner.

We are to be satisfied with our relationships, not lusting after others.

[kaylin]

First of all, thanks everyone for your replies... very helpful!

So, what I got out of all this is that there's a difference between adultery and fornication, and that in general it's not adultery unless you're married (but I'm still confused about where Matt 5:28 fits in with that- can anyone enlighten me there?). Both are sins, though I'm getting the vibe from you guys that fornication is 'less bad' than adultery- I don't think I'd go so far as to say that.

I also wouldn't say that the 'problem of fornication' can be fixed through marriage. Even if it could, what a horrible reason to be married.

As for your questions to me:
-Yes we are moving towards marriage, but taking it slowly, I'm only 22, he's 24, and we want to make sure we're supposed to be married and mature enough to handle it.
-I do think that I have a good relationship with God and that my relationship with my boyfriend is honorable to God and we have a good relationship between us as well.
-We have not had intercourse but have done other sexual things (is this fornication as well? I suppose this would be the core of my question, and something I've been unable to answer myself through prayer and study)

Thanks all for your advice.

[paidforinfull]

Are you and your boyfriend in a sexual relationship now? If so, that is not adultery (assuming neither of you is married) but fornication.

Something I've been guilty of, so I'm not trying to cast stones here. But if you're sleeping together, you can sort the problem out by getting married.

Is there anything we should know about your situation that would help us answer your question?

I have to agree with Daughter here - rather get married, since it seems as if you are at a 'dangerous' point in your relations as far as intimacy is concerned.

If you love one another, are both Christians, and are already experiencing an intimate relationship, why wait? You are not too young. What will you gain by waiting?

God bless.

[daughter]

So, what I got out of all this is that there's a difference between adultery and fornication, and that in general it's not adultery unless you're married (but I'm still confused about where Matt 5:28 fits in with that- can anyone enlighten me there?). Both are sins, though I'm getting the vibe from you guys that fornication is 'less bad' than adultery- I don't think I'd go so far as to say that.
Actually, in God's eyes fornication is just as bad as adultery, is just as bad as any other sin. Fornication is acting in a sexual way that would be innocent in marriage, but outside of marriage is dishonourable. It's like spending your wages before you've earned them... Humm. I'm not sure if that makes sense...

What I mean is, we shouldn't be sexually intimate with people before marriage, because marriage is a sacred covenant.

I also wouldn't say that the 'problem of fornication' can be fixed through marriage. Even if it could, what a horrible reason to be married.Well, technically the sexual acts would not be fornication in marriage. But I agree, if the ONLY reason someone wants to marry is in order to legitimise sex acts, then it's a very poor reason indeed. The sex acts simply shouldn't happen outside of marriage. And believe me, I sympathise with your position... I've been there myself. I wasn't a Christian at the time, and I still felt insecure, and used, and quite simply wrong about it.
Paul says on this topic, "better to marry than to burn." (I believe he's talking about "burning with lust" rather than damnation, so it's not quite as alarming as it sounds. But still, I believe, sound advice.)

As for your questions to me:
-Yes we are moving towards marriage, but taking it slowly, I'm only 22, he's 24, and we want to make sure we're supposed to be married and mature enough to handle it.
How long have you known each other? Previous generations didn't extend childhood into the twenties, and if a couple fell in love they would get married with far less caveats than nowadays. Is there any reason other than societal pressure (the Western world thinks that 22 and 24 is "too young", so it must be) that is keeping you from marriage? If you distrust your commitment to each other now, then any sexual behaviour is a fulfilment of a false promise. (One of the many risks of fornication.)

I do think that I have a good relationship with God and that my relationship with my boyfriend is honorable to God and we have a good relationship between us as well.
-We have not had intercourse but have done other sexual things (is this fornication as well? I suppose this would be the core of my question, and something I've been unable to answer myself through prayer and study)

Easy enough to answer though... are they things you would be ashamed of if your father found out? :rolleyes: That was my standard of proof anyway. I don't need to know what sexual things you're doing to know that whatever it is, it's causing confusion, because you say so yourself. You say that you've been unable to answer yourself through prayer and study. You can't answer, because these acts (whatever they happen to be, and we don't need to know) are clouding your judgement. Am I right that you enjoy them, but they make you feel obscurely guilty? Well then, stop.

Much easier said than done, and you really have my sympathy. But here's some advice Paul gave in the Bible. He said, "let the marriage bed be pure and undefiled..." Something which is sinful outside of marriage becomes pure within the covenant of marriage.

Thanks all for your advice.

You're welcome. I hope I don't come across as too harsh. I am the last person in the world to judge you for your troubles... I wasn't even a Christian at your age, and had made all sorts of mistakes.

[SethElijah]

I also wouldn't say that the 'problem of fornication' can be fixed through marriage. Even if it could, what a horrible reason to be married.


I think this was addressed specific to your situation, not in general. If you, as a Christian, are having sex outside of marriage that is wrong. If you are having sex outside of marriage with someone you are not in love with there are serious problems there. The assumption was that you would be having these relations with someone you loved and planned to marry and, in this situation, marriage would solve this issue that is obviously bothering you. It would not correct what has already happened, but would prevent future occurances from being fornication, if that makes sense.

[ServantofTruth]

kaylin - the problem with any relationship that is beyond friendship, is what if you don't marry that person - even if at the time you believe you will. Are honoring your future partner?

Think of it this way - if God eventually puts you in marriage with someone else - would you like them to be experimenting (even if with no sex) with a few other people first.

I have also been there many years ago (though i didn't sleep with anyone else before my wife) and the acts i did, do not add to my marriage. Rather they are always there, perhaps a part of my heart always belongs to other people? Which is awful, however much i fight it.

Sadly too many Christians argue with me about 'dating' as non christians date. They are of the opinion that as long as you don't have full sex, what's wrong with anything else.

My advise is go back to being friends, if you aren't ready to marry this man. Stop any and ALL behaviour that you would not do with a female friend. Stop being alone with him.

Your God given concience and bible reading know i am right. The devil wants us to take one path, God the pure path. It's not too late, to begin again. Come to the foot of the cross and pray. Then hold your head up high as new woman who is spotless before God. SofTy.

[daughter]

Good points have been made here.

I've realised from Servant of Truth and SethElijah's contribution that the problem with fornication is more complicated than I'd thought. I assumed that the reason you were being tempted in this way was that you were planning to marry the man, and couldn't wait. But thinking about it, there seems to be some doubt in your mind as to whether marriage is the right thing to do...

In other words, you're not sure you're mature enough, you're not sure you're right for each other, although you really hope so, you're not prepared to say so with one hundred percent certainty.

In which case you're fornicating with someone who you are not even sure you want to make that marriage commitment with.

If so this is more serious than I had at first understood, and you need to get in prayer about it, quite urgently.

And stop doing anything with your boyfriend that would upset you, as a married woman, if your husband was doing them with anyone else.

[kaylin]

Ok, I think some things have been wrongly assumed in my words. We are in love, I do intend to marry him... I'm just not ready for that at this time. I have some personal issues I want to address first before I'm ready to marry him and tie our lives together.

I just graduated college and will be going to grad school in the Fall, which means I've got over $60,000 in debt to pay back. I want to get a good job and be in a financial position to begin repaying my loans on my own before we have to consider how to deal with that as a married couple.

I also have medical issues that I need to stabilize because it wouldn't be right to saddle him with that, and I want to find a church home and be baptized before I am married. I've only been a Christian for about a year and I live 3 hours from my family's church, so my boyfriend and I have been looking together for a congregation.

I also want to make sure both of us are emotionally mature enough to handle marriage. Yes, people 30 years ago married quicker and got along just fine, but I also see my 20-something friends jumping on the marriage bandwagon because they think that's what they're supposed to do at this point in their lives and I know from observing that a lot of them should be slowing down and thinking first. I want to make sure my boyfriend and I are ready and not going to fall into that peer pressure trap.

Hope that clears some things up.

[SethElijah]

Sin is sin in God's eyes. If you want to wait for marriage for whatever reason, then you should also wait to have sex. If you are not emotionally, financially, or medically mature enough or ready for marriage then I would venture that you are also not ready for sex, as that is designed for married couples. We all think we are invincible and nothing bad would really happen to us, but we have to weigh the consequences...they affect not only us. Not to mention that we are to obey, there are reasons we do not always understand until it is too late. That is the magnificance of God, He knows all and we do not. If you are not amrried then it is fornication and you should wait, a sin is a sin.

[kaylin]

And we are waiting.

[Tanya~]

Hi Kaylin,

It's good you're waiting for intercourse, but any kind of sexual activity outside of marriage is fornication. Sexual activity can be simply defined by any activity that stimulates sexually.

Not said in condemnation, but just to have the truth out there. Do you remember a certain U.S. President who claimed "I did no have sex with that woman" because he didn't have intercourse with her? But everyone knew, including himself, that even absent intercourse, they did have sexual contact and that in doing this, he humbled the intern and betrayed his wife.

[kaylin]

Ok, thanks everyone... I've got my answer.