Sex in a marriage--Warning: Fairly graphic questions

[TransformedSon]

I apologize if these questions are inappropriate...I tried to tone them down as much as possible, but this is a real issue I am curious about and would love some good, Christian advice on it. Mods, let me know if anything needs to be changed.

So, what things are "ok" to do in a marriage? I know that scripture says "the marriage bed is undefiled"...Some people take that to mean anything goes as long as it is just between you and your wife, while others take it to mean you should only do things that don't defile the wedding bed.

These are graphic questions, but I'd really like to know these answers to these because I do NOT want to do anything that dishonors God, but I do have some kind of wild ideas that I would love to do with my wife. :D

1. Sex in "other places" (as in on her body)
2. Videotaping,
a) then re-watching while having sex another time
b) using for #3
3. "Serving ones' self" as long as you're thinking ONLY of her

Here is my knee jerk reaction on them

1. Probably OK, but God's condemnation of sodomy (i.e. anal and oral sex) in the OT kinda freaks me out...Don't know if that only applies to male-male contact or to male-female, also.

2. I feel pretty good about A being OK, not sure about the 2nd part of it...

3. I doubt this would be a smart thing to do. I think masturbation is wrong, and this is the only scenario I could see for it being argued that it's "OK", but I think it would be real hard to keep your mind on one woman while you're doing that. Even if you were able to keep your mind ONLY on her, something about it still doesn't feel quite right to me.

[RANGER65]

That which is done in doubt is sin. If you doubt God will be pleased, you're right. The movie gig? Drop it for a # of reasons. Masterbation is not healthy from a spiritual stand point but your going to do it anyway. (Depending on your age) Yes your right "sodomy' is not a good program with the Big Man upstairs. Oral is non-determined scripturally. I think you're ok there. Hope this has helped. remember the marriage bed is undefiled so don't introduce something into it to defile it like a perverse heart. Kepp it clean and exceptable. Jeramiah says "The heart is deceptivly wicked above all things".

[TransformedSon]

That which is done in doubt is sin. If you doubt God will be pleased, you're right. The movie gig? Drop it for a # of reasons. Masterbation is not healthy from a spiritual stand point but your going to do it anyway. (Depending on your age) Yes your right "sodomy' is not a good program with the Big Man upstairs. Oral is non-determined scripturally. I think you're ok there. Hope this has helped. remember the marriage bed is undefiled so don't introduce something into it to defile it like a perverse heart. Kepp it clean and exceptable. Jeramiah says "The heart is deceptivly wicked above all things".
Thank you for the response!

A bit confused towards the beginning: just to be clear, I do not support masturbation at all. This was the only possible way I could see it justified, but even so, I don't think it's OK.

[Buck shot]

I apologize if these questions are inappropriate...I tried to tone them down as much as possible, but this is a real issue I am curious about and would love some good, Christian advice on it. Mods, let me know if anything needs to be changed.
you can know we will watch this one closely, i would prefer to shut it down before it gets started but this is a topic that many struggle with so we need to try to help each other through it and here at Solomon's Porch is the best place...
1. Sex in "other places" (as in on her body)
You are already one body but remember she is not your slave, she gets her opinion on ALL ideas you might want to try
2. Videotaping,
a) then re-watching while having sex another time
the part that scares me is how can you keep these tapes safe from someone else seeing them? did you hear about the guy that forgot his cell phone at McDonald's and then his wife's nude pics made it on the internet?
3. "Serving ones' self" as long as you're thinking ONLY of her

.
That one would be hard to ever give the okay because as you said your mind would wander where you would not want it to go :B

[TransformedSon]

That one would be hard to ever give the okay because as you said your mind would wander where you would not want it to go :B

Thanks, Buckshot...I am completely in favor of you keeping an eye on this because I don't want it to cross the line of being inappropriate, but I REALLY want some godly guidance on this stuff. I will be getting married in 6 months, and to be honest, I really want to COMPLETELY take all the pleasure God affords me in my wife sexually; because I truly believe that pleasure is a gift from God.

So, here's what I got from your opinions...Correct me if I'm wrong:

1. Any other non-vaginal sex (oral, anal) is OK as long as it's OK with her
2. Videotaping and re-watching is OK as long as you are super-super sure to never let it get in other people's hands (I would be very vigilant about this).
3. I think we agree on this one...I doubt I'd even mess with it.


Another question:

So, once you're married, is it ok to "lust" after your wife when you're not around her? Not masturbate, but I guess really look forward to and think about having sex with her?

[TrustingFollower]

I am only going to address one issue here. The video tape idea is a bad idea in every way you try to look at it. One of Satan's biggest tools against mankind, both women and men, is porn. Do not fall into the trap and condone the practice regardless of whether it just for your own private use. This is still porn and in my opinion it matters not whether it is you watching yourself or someone else on the screen. It is still porn and that is of the enemy.

[andrew_no_one]

I am only going to address one issue here. The video tape idea is a bad idea in every way you try to look at it. One of Satan's biggest tools against mankind, both women and men, is porn. Do not fall into the trap and condone the practice regardless of whether it just for your own private use. This is still porn and in my opinion it matters not whether it is you watching yourself or someone else on the screen. It is still porn and that is of the enemy.

I am going to have to agree with Trusting on this. If you're watcing a video, you are giving your attention to an image of your wife, not your wife.

[newdaddy1223]

here is an old thread on this very subject.

http://bibleforums.org/forum/showthread.php?t=39680

some very good advice here. i would offer these 4 "guidelines" or "rules"

1) LM must remain within the marriage- one man one woman
2) No p*rn allowed- violates rule 1
3) Respect your spouses limits- do not coerce them for anything.
4) Should be pleasurable not painful.

beyond this it is between you, your spouse and God. Never be afraid to pray about ANY issue, position or activity. The Holy Spirit will lead you and He is our final authority. There are also some very good resources on the web. one is called The Marriage Bed.

[HisLeast]

Don't let that video camera anywhere near the bedroom. There's just a million things that could go wrong with that scenario even if we first assumed it was permissible. All it takes is one break-in and you're the next unwilling internet sensation. Or you forget about the media and years later your kids (being kids) stumble upon it while exploring mom & dad's stuff while they're away.

[Buck shot]

So, here's what I got from your opinions...Correct me if I'm wrong:

1. Any other non-vaginal sex (oral, anal) is OK as long as it's OK with her
try to show her some respect, i would think most would not care for the trashy stuff
2. Videotaping and re-watching is OK as long as you are super-super sure to never let it get in other people's hands (I would be very vigilant about this).
My recommendation is that you do not because there is no way you can be careful enough with that, remember this is your wife that you would be recording. You should charish and protect her virtue with everything that is within you
3. I think we agree on this one...I doubt I'd even mess with it.


Another question:

So, once you're married, is it ok to "lust" after your wife when you're not around her? Not masturbate, but I guess really look forward to and think about having sex with her?yes, that's okay but you will need to learn to love her, not just lust her. You should want to be with her (lust after the time with her) more than lusting after her body.
...................

[TransformedSon]

Thanks guys, that is some great advice...And I agree with just about everything that's been said.

[Buck shot]

Since ya got your answers I am going to go ahead and close this one. If you have another question like this maybe a better place to ask is in the Chat to the Mods area ;)

http://bibleforums.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=84

or the Chat to the Ministers area

http://bibleforums.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=143

Thanks