A question for parents

[motorcyclesfly]

How would you respond if your child, any age, "came out" to you as a homosexual, or confessed to having had homosexual feelings or experiences?

[hdt]

I think after the initial shock I would educate myself on homosexuality. I honestly don't know to much about it, so I could help them.

The last thing I would do is abandon them. It may rock my world, but I would pray for the strength to do what is right for the child. :pray:

[moonglow]

How would you respond if your child, any age, "came out" to you as a homosexual, or confessed to having had homosexual feelings or experiences?

Continue loving him of course. Reassure him that I do love him and always will no matter what. Listen to him about it and how he came to this conclusion, how he feels about it. My son is already aware of the health dangers of this type of lifestyle so that wouldn't need to be discussed. Answer any questions he had. Be there for him and of course later in private talk to God about and it. And let Him direct me on things. Pray for my son as always.

God bless

[markdrums]

How would you respond if your child, any age, "came out" to you as a homosexual, or confessed to having had homosexual feelings or experiences?

That's a REALLY good question!! It's a very real possibility that some of us may have to deal with that one day.

I'm honestly not sure how I'd react.
BUT... I know for a fact it wouldn't diminish my love for my children in any way.

I think I would just talk with them openly & lovingly to get as much detail about their feelings as I could; as well as the reasons why they think they feel drawn towards that lifestyle.

Definitely a tough situation to think about.

The most important thing to do first, would be to make sure they know they're still loved & cared about. I'd have to be very compassionate, and have patience; But I would also be honest with them about the reasons I feel it's not a "NATURAL" thing.

[sunsetssplendor]

How would you respond if your child, any age, "came out" to you as a homosexual, or confessed to having had homosexual feelings or experiences?

I don't know and I don't want to type a strawberries and cream reply b/c I don't think that's how it would "go down" so to speak. I believe it would be a major major event. Tears, shouts, cussing you name it b/c I'm not that saved and my heart would ache terribly. I do pray over this area in my children's lives though b/c I know the enemy is busy and trying every way possible to seek and destroy.

[Elouise]

I would do my best to shut up and listen, listen some more and then try to respond in compassion according to the childs age and maturity.

[paidforinfull]

Well, I recently found out that my step-brother is gay (has had a relationship with another guy for years). His lover passed away recently, and he wrote me and told me how devastated he was.

Dilemma.

If he should ever ask my opinion on homosexuality, I will tell him that God loves him, but that He condemns his actions. I will also tell him that I love and accept him, but that I believe what he is doing is wrong.

I will continue to lift him up in prayer - God can deliver him.

I have councelled homosexuals before and have come to understand that many sense deep down what they are doing is wrong. They might not always admit that they feel this way, though.

There is some evidence (I don't know if it is true), that some people are born gay. If that should be true in some cases, then I would council these individuals that the same rule applies to them as any unmarried heterosexual -they need to abstain from having intercourse. God will not condemn them for who they are, but for their sinful actions.

God bless.

[tayariswife]

Continue loving him of course. Reassure him that I do love him and always will no matter what. Listen to him about it and how he came to this conclusion, how he feels about it. My son is already aware of the health dangers of this type of lifestyle so that wouldn't need to be discussed. Answer any questions he had. Be there for him and of course later in private talk to God about and it. And let Him direct me on things. Pray for my son as always.

God bless
I would have to agree with this completely. I think, although this is selfish, I would also be sad because my son is my only child. It would make it hurt more for me.....

[cnw]

I would treat it like any other sexual sin. that being said from a former lifestyle of living in sin.

[ServantofTruth]

I'm glad I have matured in faith and many of my unpleasant feelings and comments have been replaced by love and bible truth.

This would be a much easier discussion these days, as for 3 years I have done daily bible study with my eldest teenage sons and covered the whole bible - including the relevent passages. Which are obviously more than those that speak directly of homosexuality/ lesbianism.

God is clear this is a sin. My children are aware of this.

Like other people, I would still love my child. But at the same time they would hear God's opinion regularly from me. I would have no contact with their partner and obviously not lift a finger to help them set up home or support their sin in any way.

I would recommend all parents to be daily in the bible with their children, from as young an age as they can understand. Also to discuss life issues at meal times openly and with bible references.

Don't shy away from using family members, friends or aquaintances in your discussions - if they are living wrongly and setting the wrong example to your children. To look the other way, not speak bible truth, is to show the children it isn't a big matter really. Which it is! SofTy.

[Sandusky]

Well you mentioned children of "any age"...If this happened in my family and the child was still, literally, a child (under 18) I would listen with compassion to what he/she had to say. I'd ask questions as to how they came to this conclusion, etc. Lots of questions. I'd try to reason with them and I'd remind them that homosexuality is intrinsically disordered and that an active homosexual lifestyle is a serious mortal sin. Then, depending how young they were, I'd try like heck to find a good Christian pastor, therapist, priest, I don't know-- whoever I could find who has experience with this kind of thing to speak with my kid about this.

Also, if they were young I think I would immediately restrict any contact they might have with friends who may have influenced them in this area. Obviously, if this ends up being more of a social peer pressure/trendy thing, then it'd be best to have nipped it in the bud early on by making sure my kid wasn't keeping bad company.

I would pray a lot, and I'd go to the Church and see what kind of support/advice I could get there from people who've maybe been through this before.

[elle_kay]

How would you respond if your child, any age, "came out" to you as a homosexual, or confessed to having had homosexual feelings or experiences?


We have actually had this happen. Our oldest daughter (now 28) came to us about 14 months ago to tell us she has a girlfriend.
This was after we were told she's embraced some form of neo-paganism...she's completely lost. (Not to the Lord, of course, just lost.)

We try to love her, although frankly anything short of "whatever makes you happy, honey" just doesn't seem to be enough. We also have 14 and 16 y.o. daughters whom we'd like to shield.
As much as we try to see our daughter (not her girlfriend) and call her, and affirm our love for her, and tell her about the things she does that make us proud, and remind her there's nothing she can do or say that will make us love her less... it isn't good enough.

I never, ever thought I'd be this person, this mother. We raised our children in the Christian faith, and, praise God, have three other adult kiddos who walk with Him, as do our teenagers. :) (yep- six all together ;))
This actually was the topic I wanted to ask for help with...how best to love our Katie- we've tried presenting the Word to her, but she says it no longer means anything to her. I've learned it's best to avoid arguing about it, as it's frustrating to all three of us. (hubby, daughter, me)

There are times God's love for me doesn't feel like love, and yet it's never, ever anything short of perfect love. I hope this can be true of my love for my daughter, too.

[DaniHansen]

"Whatever makes you happy, honey" isn't love, that's permissiveness. So you're right. We have to be able to maintain personal boundaries while being able to give others grace. Just because we disapprove of somebody's behavior, doesn't mean we can't love the person. Often people step into pride and condemnation as reaction to another's sinful behavior, which is just two wrongs, not making a right.

We have to be able to view sin objectively, while loving the person and not stepping into personal offense, to stop the acting-out on their end to push us into being reactionary, which in turn gives them justification to dig in their heels. It's a vicious cycle that can be difficult to break.

Barbara Johnson has been through more devastation a parent should ever have to go through. She's written some books describing her ordeals, and how God supported her in them (lost a son to the Vietnam war, another to an automobile accident, and then a third decided to pursue homosexuality, if I remember correctly). If you google her, one of her books is "Stick a geranium in your hat and be happy" and she has a few others, too. Highly recommended. :)

[tt1106]

Pray, Pray, Pray.

[bs13]

Barbara Johnson has been through more devastation a parent should ever have to go through. She's written some books describing her ordeals, and how God supported her in them (lost a son to the Vietnam war, another to an automobile accident, and then a third decided to pursue homosexuality, if I remember correctly). If you google her, one of her books is "Stick a geranium in your hat and be happy" and she has a few others, too. Highly recommended. :)
I wanted to second the recommendation for this book. While I don't have any experience in this area, Barbara Johnson's book was very inspiring to me.
I actually have read two of her books and they both tell the story in a similar way. My adult daughter put us through a different kind of turmoil and just reading her story helped me.

[ServantofTruth]

I was reminded this week what we Christians are up against. One of my sones, who's 12, had a sex education lesson at school. They had a graph of straight to homosexual and had to put pictures of famous people where they thought they belongs.

He didn't even want to tell me what happened in the lesson. I just hope and pray that daily bible reading will show him God's way, and that a school run by a homosexual who is 'married' to his boy friend, in a politically correct school system is wrong. SofTy.

[BroRog]

How would you respond if your child, any age, "came out" to you as a homosexual, or confessed to having had homosexual feelings or experiences?

Homosexual feelings are normal. It's merely one step in the process of normal human development. To our great shame in America, we have allowed the Gay Rights Agenda to distort this fact into a basis for sexual exploration and to promote the idea that homosexual feelings in early childhood is indicative of gayness. Some Gays attempt to disrupt the normal process at this step in order to fix children at this stage hoping to multiply their ranks.

What Christians need to learn is the fact that in a postmodern society, the only "truth" is simply the consensus of the majority. Those who affirm this philosophy have decided that consensus is impossible with adults who already are set in their beliefs. The only way to change society so that the consensus centers on any particular desired deviation is to indoctrinate the children, who don't have the knowledge or a fully developed set of reasoning skills to think critically about these new ideas.

[ServantofTruth]

The bible tells us homosexuality is a sin. Therefore homosexual feelings are not 'normal.' Niether are they a step in human developement.

However if you mean many are unsure of their sexuality when they get to a certain age, and satan the liar uses every weapon to try to convince them homosexuality is 'normal' then I agree.

Normal developement would be being hetrosexual, getting married and having children. It is satan who is trying to tell us even having confusion over sexuality is normal. That feeling sexual attraction to someone of the same sex is acceptable/ normal.

The thought is sin, the word is sin, even without the act/ deed of homosexual sex. Please don't fall into the trap of telling people, that only the physical manifestation of homosexuality is wrong/ a sin. That is not what the bible says. SofTy.

[sasadear]

so confuse,you are so smart

[RUN2GOD]

Softy, you are telling it exactly like it is! :saint:
It is CLEARLY written in the Holy Bible more than once that homosexuality is a sin. I pray that God guides you forward as He has brought it to your attention for a reason. In Jesus Name, Amen:pray::pray:

[BroRog]

The bible tells us homosexuality is a sin. Therefore homosexual feelings are not 'normal.' Niether are they a step in human developement.

However if you mean many are unsure of their sexuality when they get to a certain age, and satan the liar uses every weapon to try to convince them homosexuality is 'normal' then I agree.

Normal developement would be being hetrosexual, getting married and having children. It is satan who is trying to tell us even having confusion over sexuality is normal. That feeling sexual attraction to someone of the same sex is acceptable/ normal.

The thought is sin, the word is sin, even without the act/ deed of homosexual sex. Please don't fall into the trap of telling people, that only the physical manifestation of homosexuality is wrong/ a sin. That is not what the bible says. SofTy.

My statements assumes, correctly I think, that "homosexual feelings" are not the same thing as "homosexuality." The way I read the Bible, prohibitions against homosexuality are stated as prohibited behaviors, e.g. "a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman" Leviticus 20:13

My point was to say that boys and girls experience strong platonic feelings for children of the same sex, which the Gay Agenda has classified as latent and seminal homosexuality. And this agenda seeks to encourage pubescent children to experiment with homosexual activities to see if these prepubescent feelings were the markers of a latent homosexual orientation.

In my view, in order to counter this agenda, we must allow ourselves to be frank and truthful about early childhood development and not try to suppress certain things and drive our children underground and into the darkness where these folks can get to them. If the subject comes up, we need to explain to our kids that strong platonic (non-sexual) relationships with the same sex are natural and don't indicate latent homosexuality.

[karenoka27]

We have actually had this happen. Our oldest daughter (now 28) came to us about 14 months ago to tell us she has a girlfriend.
This was after we were told she's embraced some form of neo-paganism...she's completely lost. (Not to the Lord, of course, just lost.)

We try to love her, although frankly anything short of "whatever makes you happy, honey" just doesn't seem to be enough. We also have 14 and 16 y.o. daughters whom we'd like to shield.
As much as we try to see our daughter (not her girlfriend) and call her, and affirm our love for her, and tell her about the things she does that make us proud, and remind her there's nothing she can do or say that will make us love her less... it isn't good enough.

I never, ever thought I'd be this person, this mother. We raised our children in the Christian faith, and, praise God, have three other adult kiddos who walk with Him, as do our teenagers. :) (yep- six all together ;))
This actually was the topic I wanted to ask for help with...how best to love our Katie- we've tried presenting the Word to her, but she says it no longer means anything to her. I've learned it's best to avoid arguing about it, as it's frustrating to all three of us. (hubby, daughter, me)

There are times God's love for me doesn't feel like love, and yet it's never, ever anything short of perfect love. I hope this can be true of my love for my daughter, too.

I wanted to thank you for sharing.:hug:

I also wanted to comment at how beautifully mature the responses have been so far. It says a lot about you...:hug:

One thing I've learned in my life is to never say, "that would never happen to me..." because it just might. I haven't had to deal with that with my children but I am very close to my nieces and nephews and who knows.

If you haven't heard this from your children,pray now,don't wait. Ask the Lord to protect them from what the world is telling them out there. There is so much confusion that kids don't know what to think,who to be, or what they are. :cry: