monergist
Jan 1st 2009, 03:28 PM
Galatians 3:19-20, 23-25
“What, then, was the purpose of the law? It was added because of transgressions until the Seed to whom the promise referred had come. ..Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.”
I was reared in a Roman Catholic home. For 9 years, I attended Catholic school, and learned the teaching of the church. After 9 years of education in the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church, I still had no idea what I was supposed to do for salvation. On one hand, I was being taught that I could go to heaven because of the atoning work of Jesus Christ. On the other hand, that atoning work of Christ could be rendered meaningless because of my sin. On yet another hand, God’s grace could be returned to me via the sacraments. Finally, the church was telling me that God was 3 in 1, a mystery, and left the explanation of how God has revealed himself as trinity to that “mystery”. I found these teachings to be lacking in many areas. They were logically inconsistent and, in my mind, removed Christ’s work of any efficacy. Why couldn’t I just go to God? Why do I need Jesus if I still have to “be good” to stay out of hell?
During high school, I lost any faith I had as a younger person. I felt that God owed me and had abandoned me. My family life was turbulent. We were constantly moving, my father had confessed to me his infidelity, my mother was suffering from depression, and my brother was involved with drugs. Not the “Leave It to Beaver” existence I had been taught via television that I should expect in life. So, I concluded it must be God’s fault. My hatred for God, and especially his Son, grew in my heart until my conversion.
After high school, I spent a couple of unsuccessful years in college at Western Michigan University. I was immature, enjoyed the party scene, and let my girlfriend run my life. I came to realize that unless I did something different, that I would probably end up in a gutter, passed out drunk, or dead. So, seeking discipline, guidance, and a family, I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps.
During my 5 years in the Marine Corps, I increased in my hatred of God, and happily sinned. I was proud of my sin. I loved my sin. I lived for my sin.
Toward the end of my enlistment, I met my beautiful wife. We dated for about 5 months before I proposed to her. She moved to Michigan with me after my enlistment was up and I went back to college. Things were looking up. I was doing very well in school and was engaged to a beautiful, smart, and loving woman. Then things took a turn for the worse.
I clearly remember sitting in my living room of my apartment watching television with my younger sister. Out of nowhere, I felt the desire to find God. So, I sat down at my computer and started looking for information on any god other than the one I had learned about in Catholic school. That god had let me down. He was supposed to give me my heart’s desire and all I got was heartbreak. I would never bend my knee to that god, and I certainly would not bend a knee to the weak, effeminate Jesus I had learned about.
Shopping around for the best religion was made remarkably easy by the world-wide-web. Like most technically minded people, I enjoy looking for the “best solution.” In this case, I was looking for the best solution to my self-hatred that was perpetuated by my love of sin. What religion could change me? What religion could make me good and stop hating myself? What religion would give me the guidance I needed to be a man worthy of the love of God? Beyond the changes in character I desired, which religion made sense? In my mind, the trinity was the epitome of confusion.
One god makes sense. If god is all-powerful, then there can only be 1 god. Religion should also provide clear doctrine. Christianity had thousands of denominations, so obviously there was no clear Christian doctrine. While shopping for my new religion, I attended Judaism classes with a rabbi. Reformed Judaism fit in well with my post-modern Universalist worldview. The only problem with it was that they would not convert me without my wife coming along. My wife was a Christian and wanted no part of denying Jesus Christ. So, I kept shopping.
Islam was very close to Judaism in many ways. Belief in 1 god, that god has revealed himself via scripture, and your works determine your afterlife. Islam incorporated belief in 1 god, who Muslims call “Allah,” but anyone at anytime in anyplace who believed in Allah would find favor in the eyes of this god. Universalism, in the sense that anyone can find favor with God, was a very important criterion on my list of “must-haves” for the religion I was seeking to find.
After about 6 months of study, I converted to Islam. It was an emotional time. On one hand I felt I had found the truth and was overjoyed to have found favor with god. On the other hand, my wife had a very good reason to leave me to my god.
Does prayer 5 times a day make one righteous? Does fasting for a month make one righteous? Does going to Mecca on a pilgrimage, or giving to charity, or believing in 1 god make one righteous? I can answer with a resounding NO. One of the main reasons I chose Islam was so that it would change my heart through my outward actions of righteousness. However, my love of sin remained, and that love combined with the certainty of an Islamic hell make my life a living hell. There were weeks where I thought I was doing OK. I thought I might make it to paradise, or at least only have to spend a few years with my skin being burned off and growing back repeatedly. During this time, I began having email conversations with Dave.
Dave, myself, and a few other guys at work would go out to lunch frequently. It was a good group. We had many different backgrounds and worldviews present, and usually we could talk about religion and politics without anyone getting too upset. One day we were eating lunch at Sammy’s and talking about religion. I’d always thought that the Christian claim that we are saved apart from works to be self-contradictory because Christians also claimed that to be saved one must, “accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.” In my mind, that was a work. Additionally, I’d heard that “Jesus loves you.” Ok, that’s great, but if he loves me how could he send anyone to hell? At lunch that day, Dave said that the idea that we have to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior to get salvation was indeed a work. I wasn’t sure Dave was a Christian after he said that, so started emailing him questions. I thought maybe I could convert a weak Christian to Islam.
Needless to say, I was surprised. Not only Dave believe that accepting Christ for salvation was a work, but he pulled no punches in telling me that Jesus doesn’t love me, a sinner, but in fact HATES me. Wow! I attacked the integrity of the Bible, which I saw as 66 books of confusion and contradiction. Dave would have nothing of it. Dave claimed to believe in the Bible, not because it was so obviously the word of God and passed some set of criterion he had established for what the word of God should be, but rather because God had convicted him of the truth of the Bible through his purpose, through Grace. So if God convicted Dave, but not me, then that must mean that God chooses whom he saves and doesn’t rely on us to save ourselves. Dave told me that a natural man could not choose God because of his sin and hatred of God. The doctrine of the depravity of man, while offensive to a good Muslim like myself, was ringing a bell with me. I was not righteous and couldn’t make myself righteous through prayer, fasting or anything else in Islam.
We talked a lot about the character of the God of the Bible and the differences between Him and Allah. Islam claims that Allah has many of the same attributes as those of the God of the Bible. In my mind, Allah’s justice and mercy were of greatest importance. Yes, Allah is just, but he’s also merciful, and his mercy outweighs his justice. So, the Muslim has to have hope for Allah’s mercy. Allah would forget one’s sins out of his mercy. While talking to Dave, he told me that the Justice of the God of the Bible is not negotiable. The God of the Bible, to be Holy, MUST punish and destroy sin. Through Jesus Christ, God indeed punishes the sins of his people, and at the same time was merciful to his people. The God of the Bible is able to maintain both Justice and Mercy, without compromising either. Allah just can’t do that. Through his mercy, Allah compromises his justice, and thus his holiness. Wow.
It was this final argument that made a huge impression on me. The God of the Bible could do what the god of Islam cannot do. I thought about these ideas constantly, and knew at some point that Dave worshiped a truly all-powerful God. I told Dave at work and we prayed together. I’m so grateful that God put Dave in my path. He spoke the truth, even if it was offensive. But this story isn’t about Dave’s great eloquence, or the fact that he knows his scripture, or that I was finally smart enough to embrace the God of the Bible. This story is about GRACE. God saved me, and had determined this path of salvation in eternity past. That God determined this path in eternity past and used an imperfect human to bring His Word to a sinful man, who hated Him, is truly humbling. May His name be praised forever!
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what God had planned for me after my strange life experiences. When I spoke with the elders of my church, I asked that they never put me up in front of people to talk about my past. It was too painful to recall and I was honsetly embarassed about it. Two Ramadaans ago, my pastor asked me to speak to the congregation at our Sunday evening service, and give my testimony and a beginner class on Islam. I was reluctant. But then remembered that Jesus didn’t call us to a life of comfort, but a life that glorifies HIM. So, I agreed to speak.
Afterwards, I was approached by a number of people who encouraged me to continue my studying and speaking on the subject. After a year of prayer I finally determined that God was calling me into ministry. I applied to seminary, and was surprised that I was not only admitted, but given a full ride scholarship. Currently I’m in my second quarter of study at Calvin Theological Seminary where I’m pursing a Mdiv., and growing in the knowledge and love of God.
“What, then, was the purpose of the law? It was added because of transgressions until the Seed to whom the promise referred had come. ..Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.”
I was reared in a Roman Catholic home. For 9 years, I attended Catholic school, and learned the teaching of the church. After 9 years of education in the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church, I still had no idea what I was supposed to do for salvation. On one hand, I was being taught that I could go to heaven because of the atoning work of Jesus Christ. On the other hand, that atoning work of Christ could be rendered meaningless because of my sin. On yet another hand, God’s grace could be returned to me via the sacraments. Finally, the church was telling me that God was 3 in 1, a mystery, and left the explanation of how God has revealed himself as trinity to that “mystery”. I found these teachings to be lacking in many areas. They were logically inconsistent and, in my mind, removed Christ’s work of any efficacy. Why couldn’t I just go to God? Why do I need Jesus if I still have to “be good” to stay out of hell?
During high school, I lost any faith I had as a younger person. I felt that God owed me and had abandoned me. My family life was turbulent. We were constantly moving, my father had confessed to me his infidelity, my mother was suffering from depression, and my brother was involved with drugs. Not the “Leave It to Beaver” existence I had been taught via television that I should expect in life. So, I concluded it must be God’s fault. My hatred for God, and especially his Son, grew in my heart until my conversion.
After high school, I spent a couple of unsuccessful years in college at Western Michigan University. I was immature, enjoyed the party scene, and let my girlfriend run my life. I came to realize that unless I did something different, that I would probably end up in a gutter, passed out drunk, or dead. So, seeking discipline, guidance, and a family, I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps.
During my 5 years in the Marine Corps, I increased in my hatred of God, and happily sinned. I was proud of my sin. I loved my sin. I lived for my sin.
Toward the end of my enlistment, I met my beautiful wife. We dated for about 5 months before I proposed to her. She moved to Michigan with me after my enlistment was up and I went back to college. Things were looking up. I was doing very well in school and was engaged to a beautiful, smart, and loving woman. Then things took a turn for the worse.
I clearly remember sitting in my living room of my apartment watching television with my younger sister. Out of nowhere, I felt the desire to find God. So, I sat down at my computer and started looking for information on any god other than the one I had learned about in Catholic school. That god had let me down. He was supposed to give me my heart’s desire and all I got was heartbreak. I would never bend my knee to that god, and I certainly would not bend a knee to the weak, effeminate Jesus I had learned about.
Shopping around for the best religion was made remarkably easy by the world-wide-web. Like most technically minded people, I enjoy looking for the “best solution.” In this case, I was looking for the best solution to my self-hatred that was perpetuated by my love of sin. What religion could change me? What religion could make me good and stop hating myself? What religion would give me the guidance I needed to be a man worthy of the love of God? Beyond the changes in character I desired, which religion made sense? In my mind, the trinity was the epitome of confusion.
One god makes sense. If god is all-powerful, then there can only be 1 god. Religion should also provide clear doctrine. Christianity had thousands of denominations, so obviously there was no clear Christian doctrine. While shopping for my new religion, I attended Judaism classes with a rabbi. Reformed Judaism fit in well with my post-modern Universalist worldview. The only problem with it was that they would not convert me without my wife coming along. My wife was a Christian and wanted no part of denying Jesus Christ. So, I kept shopping.
Islam was very close to Judaism in many ways. Belief in 1 god, that god has revealed himself via scripture, and your works determine your afterlife. Islam incorporated belief in 1 god, who Muslims call “Allah,” but anyone at anytime in anyplace who believed in Allah would find favor in the eyes of this god. Universalism, in the sense that anyone can find favor with God, was a very important criterion on my list of “must-haves” for the religion I was seeking to find.
After about 6 months of study, I converted to Islam. It was an emotional time. On one hand I felt I had found the truth and was overjoyed to have found favor with god. On the other hand, my wife had a very good reason to leave me to my god.
Does prayer 5 times a day make one righteous? Does fasting for a month make one righteous? Does going to Mecca on a pilgrimage, or giving to charity, or believing in 1 god make one righteous? I can answer with a resounding NO. One of the main reasons I chose Islam was so that it would change my heart through my outward actions of righteousness. However, my love of sin remained, and that love combined with the certainty of an Islamic hell make my life a living hell. There were weeks where I thought I was doing OK. I thought I might make it to paradise, or at least only have to spend a few years with my skin being burned off and growing back repeatedly. During this time, I began having email conversations with Dave.
Dave, myself, and a few other guys at work would go out to lunch frequently. It was a good group. We had many different backgrounds and worldviews present, and usually we could talk about religion and politics without anyone getting too upset. One day we were eating lunch at Sammy’s and talking about religion. I’d always thought that the Christian claim that we are saved apart from works to be self-contradictory because Christians also claimed that to be saved one must, “accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.” In my mind, that was a work. Additionally, I’d heard that “Jesus loves you.” Ok, that’s great, but if he loves me how could he send anyone to hell? At lunch that day, Dave said that the idea that we have to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior to get salvation was indeed a work. I wasn’t sure Dave was a Christian after he said that, so started emailing him questions. I thought maybe I could convert a weak Christian to Islam.
Needless to say, I was surprised. Not only Dave believe that accepting Christ for salvation was a work, but he pulled no punches in telling me that Jesus doesn’t love me, a sinner, but in fact HATES me. Wow! I attacked the integrity of the Bible, which I saw as 66 books of confusion and contradiction. Dave would have nothing of it. Dave claimed to believe in the Bible, not because it was so obviously the word of God and passed some set of criterion he had established for what the word of God should be, but rather because God had convicted him of the truth of the Bible through his purpose, through Grace. So if God convicted Dave, but not me, then that must mean that God chooses whom he saves and doesn’t rely on us to save ourselves. Dave told me that a natural man could not choose God because of his sin and hatred of God. The doctrine of the depravity of man, while offensive to a good Muslim like myself, was ringing a bell with me. I was not righteous and couldn’t make myself righteous through prayer, fasting or anything else in Islam.
We talked a lot about the character of the God of the Bible and the differences between Him and Allah. Islam claims that Allah has many of the same attributes as those of the God of the Bible. In my mind, Allah’s justice and mercy were of greatest importance. Yes, Allah is just, but he’s also merciful, and his mercy outweighs his justice. So, the Muslim has to have hope for Allah’s mercy. Allah would forget one’s sins out of his mercy. While talking to Dave, he told me that the Justice of the God of the Bible is not negotiable. The God of the Bible, to be Holy, MUST punish and destroy sin. Through Jesus Christ, God indeed punishes the sins of his people, and at the same time was merciful to his people. The God of the Bible is able to maintain both Justice and Mercy, without compromising either. Allah just can’t do that. Through his mercy, Allah compromises his justice, and thus his holiness. Wow.
It was this final argument that made a huge impression on me. The God of the Bible could do what the god of Islam cannot do. I thought about these ideas constantly, and knew at some point that Dave worshiped a truly all-powerful God. I told Dave at work and we prayed together. I’m so grateful that God put Dave in my path. He spoke the truth, even if it was offensive. But this story isn’t about Dave’s great eloquence, or the fact that he knows his scripture, or that I was finally smart enough to embrace the God of the Bible. This story is about GRACE. God saved me, and had determined this path of salvation in eternity past. That God determined this path in eternity past and used an imperfect human to bring His Word to a sinful man, who hated Him, is truly humbling. May His name be praised forever!
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what God had planned for me after my strange life experiences. When I spoke with the elders of my church, I asked that they never put me up in front of people to talk about my past. It was too painful to recall and I was honsetly embarassed about it. Two Ramadaans ago, my pastor asked me to speak to the congregation at our Sunday evening service, and give my testimony and a beginner class on Islam. I was reluctant. But then remembered that Jesus didn’t call us to a life of comfort, but a life that glorifies HIM. So, I agreed to speak.
Afterwards, I was approached by a number of people who encouraged me to continue my studying and speaking on the subject. After a year of prayer I finally determined that God was calling me into ministry. I applied to seminary, and was surprised that I was not only admitted, but given a full ride scholarship. Currently I’m in my second quarter of study at Calvin Theological Seminary where I’m pursing a Mdiv., and growing in the knowledge and love of God.