How guys view girls?

[Romber]

I know many of you are married already and this stage has passed by already, but I feel bad by not viewing girls by their personality first then what ever else. Often times when I see a girl that isn't my 'standard' for beauty I don't even bother with her. I have been thinking about it and think that it might be a dangerous thing to do but I don't know. It feels so ingrained into every guys programming to go by looks first, personality second. Girls are about the exact opposite.

Anyways, what are your guys thoughts on this? Why is it guys see girls by looks before personalities but girls see personality before looks?(most of the time for both cases)

[HisLeast]

I know many of you are married already and this stage has passed by already, but I feel bad by not viewing girls by their personality first then what ever else. Often times when I see a girl that isn't my 'standard' for beauty I don't even bother with her. I have been thinking about it and think that it might be a dangerous thing to do but I don't know. It feels so ingrained into every guys programming to go by looks first, personality second. Girls are about the exact opposite.

Anyways, what are your guys thoughts on this? Why is it guys see girls by looks before personalities but girls see personality before looks?(most of the time for both cases)

First, I don't believe girls see personality first. I believe personality has a greater impact on the final assessment, but they definitely base a major portion of first impression based on what they see.

Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Saying "I'm physically attracted to this person" is only giving a nod to how we were created. It isn't lust and it isn't a marriage proposal. So in that respect its not "bad" if we make attraction judgments based on what we see. But we all know thats not the end of the story.

I think we all have experienced, or know people who have experienced attraction to a person AFTER getting to know them. So the physical is only one element of the attraction equation.

[amazzin]

As men we are wired to react to physical attractiveness first. Yes, personality is important but the very first reaction is "Wow she's beautiful".

How much does that weigh in the end? Certainly not as much as the very first time because in developing a relationship with a women you begin to see them less of an object of attractiveness and more an attractiveness in how beautiful they are inside and out!

[tt1106]

As an old married guy :), 20 years in February, I can say that most people see beauty and assess it way before any words come out of their mouths.
Fortunately, we are able to overcome our instinct of placing the greatest value on their attributes and balance our assessment. For instance, I'm sure you guys know girls that are OK looking , but a blast to hang out with. Their stock is greater because of their personalities.
I wouldn't kid myself about girls either. They are wired the same way. As far as assessing attractiveness.
I think what you have to remember is that by totally ignoring the ones that don't measure up, you are eliminating alot of potentially awesome people.
I got married when I was 19. My wife was a model. Now we're almost 40ish and I don't lift weights anymore, so I'm thick around the middle, she's changed alot too. Looks is so far down the scale of what has cemented our relationship, it's a non-issue.
People's looks can change dramatically. You should try to see past that. You will find that althoguh she might not be a ten in your book, she golfs with a 12 handicap or bowls perfect games or has a 3 point shot that makes your eyes water.
Women, like men, are way more than the sum of their parts.

[Lefty]

"Survival of the Prettiest: The science of Beauty" by Dr. Nancy Etcoff might enlighten you all, and there are studies going back to the 70's about how we deal with physical beauty to look at that all say the same things; we're all hardwired to be attracted to physical beauty before personality. The saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is false. There is a concrete standard that everyone agrees to, as far as physical beauty.

Basically it goes like this; boys and girls are proportioned both bodily and facially the same until puberty. At that point women's faces remain in the same basic proportions (thin neck, large eyes, small chin, body curves etc..) while boys change; (thick neck, large chin, prominent brows, wide shoulders etc...) These are now identifiably "feminine" or "Masculine" features that attract the opposite sex; men instinctively respond to these feminine features that scream to them "I'm small, weak an childlike looking, so come protect me you big hunk", while women interpret masculine features that speak to them; "big, strong looking protector, world killer of a he-man come support me and care for my babies". The guy could be without any virtues, but as long as he's got these features, he's good to go. Women the same. Sad but true.

The world constantly misjudges people by looking a the outside. "Man judges by the outside, while God looks at the heart" God told that to Samuel when he misjudged Jesse's sons. So IMO I think we ought to look at this natural inclination we've all got as part of our sinful "old man" nature that needs to be overcome by the Holy Spirit that's now in us Christians. Studies show "good looking" people are constantly praised for their looks, get better grades in school, have more friends, more dates, get better and higher paying jobs, better looking (and more:>)) spouses, bigger houses and cars, more vacations, parties and basically everything else in this world.

So, I ask you; do you want to see the "outside" like the world does, or look at the heart as God does?

[tt1106]

I agree with you Dan. Have you seen the Dove beauty video on youtube, where they Photohop the model? It's pretty revealing.

[Lefty]

I agree with you Dan. Have you seen the Dove beauty video on youtube, where they Photohop the model? It's pretty revealing.

It used to be the airbrush, now it's photoshop. Technology has helped our fantasy life, eh?

I know many of you are married already and this stage has passed by already, but I feel bad by not viewing girls by their personality first then what ever else. Often times when I see a girl that isn't my 'standard' for beauty I don't even bother with her. I have been thinking about it and think that it might be a dangerous thing to do but I don't know. It feels so ingrained into every guys programming to go by looks first, personality second. Girls are about the exact opposite.

Anyways, what are your guys thoughts on this? Why is it guys see girls by looks before personalities but girls see personality before looks?(most of the time for both cases)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwpR2-9EvsQ

:)

[HisLeast]

Is anyone watching the new show "True Beauty" where they take a dozen beautiful people and tell them they're on a reality show where they'll judge the most beautiful person?

The gag is that the judges are evaluating INNER beauty, while all the contestants think its how hot they are.

Sometimes I don't know weather to laugh, shake my head, or be sick.

[Revinius]

It used to be the airbrush, now it's photoshop. Technology has helped our fantasy life, eh?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwpR2-9EvsQ

:)

And our sin life..... sigh.

[Romber]

Thanks for the replies guys. It really puts things in a much more reasonable perspective.

[Lefty]

...Technology has helped our fantasy life, eh?
And our sin life..... sigh.

Hmm, that didn't come out the way I wanted. Yeah, I sigh too. I've been having to clean house on my own wayward fantasies lately.