Still havent the slightest what to do *sigh*

[ohmylove]

Earlier I created a post about my brother who has shared his homosexuality with us. My father has no idea which has deeply wounded me the most. It is only almost the whole side of my moms family (including my mom) that knows. I'm trying to do the christian thing and accept him as he is.. but is that the right thing? Do you believe it is a choice or do you think without any guidance they will realize it for themselves and try to venture from that lifestyle?

Is it genetic or is it a lifestyle? What do you think?

I am so lost with words. I want to sympathize with him but at the same time he has because verbally angry with everyone in my family that it almost makes me want to give up... Which I shouldn't do. What do you think?

[ServantofTruth]

The first thing you need to do, is go to the bible and find out if homosexuality is acceptable to God. I can tell you both in the Old Testament and Paul's letters in the New Testament that homosexuality is clearly stated as wrong. Add to this that marriage between men and women is promoted and compared even to Christ's love for his church!

Whether it is genetic or a chosen course does not change that acting/ living in a homosexual is wrong in God's eyes. My body and mind may be inclined to do many sins, but I have overcome through the name of Jesus.

You don't say if any members of you family or your brother are self professing Christians.

What should you do? Well certain sins seem to be promoted to a higher status by certain people. I'd treat it like any other. If your brother was sleeping around with lots of women it would be wrong. Or stealing. Or beating people up. All wrong in our Lord's eyes.

You are called to love, love and love some more. You are also called to speak God's truth. So continue to love you brother but at the same time he must be aware that you believe God's Word/ the bible, that homosexuality is wrong and this will NEVER change.

SofTy.

[Oma]

The very best thing you can do is pray for him! Preaching at him will likely only make him angry as it does so many that are in that lifestyle. In order to let him see he is wrong, (if it were my brother )I would not associate with him in any close manner so he could sense my disapproval, but at the same time pray, pray for his deliverance.
I think homosexuality is among the worst of sins because it spoils the picture of Christ and His bride the church.

[Ixthus]

It is a lifestyle, it is a choice. Its just like someone who is hooked on drugs. They made the first choice, therefor it is a decision.

[ohmylove]

You are right, preaching to him does not help. My family actually lives 4 hours away from me so I get a play by play status of what goes on in the house. My brother is refusing to do simple things for my parents (because he doesnt have a job they give him chores to help him get gas money) and he responds to my mother "i've had my talk with you this month.. go away" He has just become this incredibly angry person. And my brother was on the phone while he responded to her like that and he said it was this boy he is talking to that immediately shocked her and thats when he took the car and went to sleep at a friends house.

You're right preaching to him won't help it completely angers him when I tell him he can choose who he is with .. and you aren't born that way ( who brought that myth into society anyway? because I found no proof when he told me he said its a fact ). Ugh I just don't know what to do and it is tearing my mother apart. Maybe I should distance myself from him to show him how much it bothers me because when I went to visit I actually asked him to go to lunch with me.. or go to the movies or shopping.. each time he said no . he refused to hang out with me. Hmm. Love him so, but I hate that he treats me and my mom like this.

[ServantofTruth]

Putting the homosexual issue aside for a minute - there is the question of family discipline/ living in the house under the authority of another person. Your brother is 18 isn't he? But if he is 16 or older, he is a young man.

I had a problem a few months back with my 15 year old son. He started getting violent around the house, with his brothers and even his mother. He has a very bright future, is a straight A student.

I sat him down and said in a few months you'll be 16. If you continue in this behaviour, you will have to leave our house, give up any thoughts of college and university and find a place of your own and get a job. Basically you'll be throwing away that bright future. He knew I was 100% serious, it was no empty threat! Since then I have only had to remind him a couple of times, the behaviour has stopped.

It is time for your parents, father, to assert the same authority. If your brother wants to continue recieving the benefits of your parents house, he starts living by their rules. If he then wants extras like gas money he'll do the chores or not get it. Why can't he work part time to get his own money?

Back to the homosexual issue. We can argue all day whether it is possible to be born that way. I wouldn't discount it. Sin entered the world and like disability physical and mental, why would it be impossible for this imperfection to enter the human genes? But it makes no difference to God saying acting on it, is wrong.

Combining the 2 bits of my post here, should your parents allow your brother to live a homosexual life style from their house? Should they support and give him a comfortable life while he is going and commiting this sin daily? My answer would be 'no.'

If he is old enough to know God's Will in this matter and reject it, he is old enough to move out. You parents need to stop treating him like a 5 year old and start seeing him like a man. It is sad when someone close to us rejects God and says they will deliberately commit sin. But if we have brought them up right, it is not our responsibility.

BTW whose car is it? If it doesn't belong to your brother, I would suggest removing this privilage immediatly.

We all have a choice. To put our family and friends first and break God's Word in the bible, or stand in the name of Jesus for bible truth. SofTy.

[ohmylove]

Thank you for responding!
Yes, my brother is 18 years old.. will be 19 this year. My parents have been forcing him to get a job he has several offers and says he either forgets or doesnt wake up for his interviews. One of his interviews he actually blamed my mom for telling him the wrong date to go to his own interview. The only jobs he will go to apply to are jobs he tells my mom his "friends" can get him into.. alas, he has yet to get an interview from those jobs. My Dad paid for his car which is why I think that they have every right to take it away. And my mother pays for his gas, movie, and food expenses. And really all she asks is take the trash out and do his laundry and not throw it on top of the pool table (which he always does).
I agree I think my dad needs to step in because it isn't fair that this is a constant battle between my mom and my brother every night. But the problem is my Dad has no idea about my brothers lifestyle. She is trying to wait for the right time to say something to him but she never knows what time is the right time because she is afraid of his reaction (my dad strongly opposes homosexuality).

My grandma has been telling her to take his car priveledges... don't talk to him (because he rudely tells her 'ive had my talk of the month with you') , dont give him gas money and maybe he'll pick up his responsibilities because he is 18 yrs old now and there is no excuse for that. However, my moms fear in this is that she thinks my brother will commit suicide because of this? because we don't accept his lifestyle. I told her if he shows signs of this he should get some mental help.. but if he doesn't then why worry?

[ServantofTruth]

There seems to be a problem with the set up of your family. Husbands and wives should not have secrets from each other, they become and stay one flesh. You brother is using this set up to his own advantage, to manipulate your mother.

While your father doesn't know about your brother being homosexual, and your mother is afraid to tell him, this will continue. May I ask what your mother's fear is? How your father strongly opposes homosexuality.

I struggled with my feelings and words about homosexuals for years after coming to faith. I wasn't a very nice person in this area, till I grew in bible knowledge and faith/ love. These days I would be pleased to meet your brother and have a relaxed chat with him. However I would not keep secret the Word of God, but that would not stop me loving him. Perhaps if we become friends I could give you my e mail address privately to pass on to him?

Is your father a Christian? How deep does his faith go? Is it 7 days a week, prayer, bible reading, walking with Jesus or casual. Is there a church? If so could the minister talk to him about this?

I am worried about the general set up of your family - sorry to be so openly honest. My own father is a lay preacher, yet let my brother and his girl friend sleep together under his roof. He also helped them move in together and supported them to stay together when times got hard. This is so unbiblical. So I have first hand experience of Satan getting into a Christian family and causing havoc.

Your father needs telling in the context of biblical faith. At times in my life and with some self professing Christians I would be told to try this would be a joke, the person would laugh in our face. But that shouldn't stop us doing it anyway and making our stand for Jesus.

If your father does call himself a Christian and believes the bible, he should know how to act. He should be able to take this to our Lord in prayer daily, also pray jointly with your mother. His first move should be to bring Jesus into the situation and only move once the Spirit guides him.

I'll be here for you whatever decision you decide to take and the action that follows. You can private message me as well. I can also be there for your brother. I have worked with lesbians & homosexuals before and love in Jesus' name is what is needed first. The gospel message and their Salvation.

If your brother were to focus on Jesus Christ and read the gospels we would be moving in a positive direction. Try to stay positive yourself and know you are not alone in this. Listen for the Spirit's guidance. Go into a quiet room, on your knees (yes on your knees) and pray for our Lord, the Spirit to guide you. Then stay in silence and listen. I believe you will be able to share what you hear and it will encourage and strengthen many, me included. Praise Him! SofTy.

[AngelAuthor]

There seems to be a problem with the set up of your family. Husbands and wives should not have secrets from each other, they become and stay one flesh. You brother is using this set up to his own advantage, to manipulate your mother.

I'm in complete agreement with Servant on this one. Your mother is not handling this situation well or properly at all on her own, she needs to bring her husband into this which will change the dynamics of everything and present the opportunity for your father to redeem this young man. Even if he can't do that, at least the abuse toward your mother will stop.

He is the boy's father, he deserves to know. A secret like this being kept is hurting your mother, hurting your brother, and worst of all, will probably have some damaging effects on their marriage. I counsel you to try to convince your mother to bring her husband in on this ASAP.

[ServantofTruth]

I'm sure Angyl and I would also agree that we say this very much in love and not to be critical. That gentleness needs to be used. Sometimes we think people will react a certain way, perhaps from past experience, but we deny our Lord's power to step into a situation and work His Will.

This is a ''foot hold' situation. The enemy (satan the devil) has a part in this situation. The truth needs to be revealed. A bright light shone, to leave no hidding place. Everyone needs to be in prayer. Ask and you will recieve.

God, I ask you in the name of Jesus, to bless everyone in this family. Our new friend here, her brother and her parents. Shine your light on the situation, on each individual and on the family as a whole. Your Word never goes out and returns undone! Praise You! SofTy.

[Soulangel]

Dear Ohmylove,

I agree with everything that has been said here, very wise words. I believe that your mum hesitates to tell your dad about your brother because she believes if he has an over the top reaction she will lose her son forever, that fear keeps her from telling your dad. It's had for mothers to face the prospect of losing their children, so it's going to take a lot of courage on mums part to tell dad.

I have a brother in law who is in a homosexual relationship and I get along really well with both of them. I stick to my Christian principals and what I do is when something good happens in their life is say something like "God was obviously with you then, or moving in your life." If something has upset them and they need comforting I'll say "God is with you, rely on God's strength to get you through this time, I'll pray for you." Always just small phrases, but doing it this way has opened up a channel with his partner for us to start talking about God more and more, slow and steady won the race is my motto.

So no lectures, they already live with a lot of guilt piled on by society, they face it in their dealings with the public every day, we need to mirror God's love.

My prayers will be with you, God bless, Soulangel

[ohmylove]

You are right I cannot lecture him, when I do he tells me I am completely wrong. He doesn't even have the faith in himself to turn everything around. Just like any other biological characteristic.. you have to overcome it.. like being shy, fearful, or having anger. I will try giving off small phrases.

I am sure that if my Dad does find out he will probably be kicked out of the house, and yes my mom is so afraid of losing her son... not like my brother cares cause he has been wanting to leave the household this whole year and my mom tried to keep convincing him to stay.

You are right he has too much guilt and pressure and I know he tries to hide it by getting extremely angry and being tempermental with us. Hopefully, "this too shall pass" and we can all be a normal happy family again.. but right now it was not expected never thought I'd have to worry about this in my life... but here it is and the family members that do know are trying to deal :\

[ServantofTruth]

:cry:

Your last post makes me sad. It says 'Ive listened to everyone, I liked what you all said, now I'm going to DO nothing.'

Now I would never suggest that you just do whatever strangers on a web site tell you to do, we all know the trouble this leads to. In the UK we have a media story at the moment of a 15 year old girl running away with a man in her 40's that she met on line.

The first thing that needs to be sorted is bringing our Lord into this situation. You need supernatural help. You need a miracle! Do you believe that our God created everything, sustains everything, and often breaks through time and space and acts in response to prayer?

But as my new Pastor says - Active Faith brings results! Pete even wrote a book about it. You are a tool of God. Allow him to use you. Prayer is a good start, but you also need to Act by the power of the Spirit within.

You seem to use scripture within that last post, but it certainly has no scriptural backing that I understand. Sitting back and hoping this mess will sort itself out, leaving your dad out of the picture.

You need to stop worrying and start using bible knowledge to aline this situation with God's Will. Firstly the family needs your father to be the head. With Christ over him. Even if your father is not perfect, makes mistakes, this is his God stated role. For the family to recieve the full blessing of our Lord this is neccessary.

So he needs to be brought up to date with your brother's situation. Now what I say next is important. You must trust our Lord to be in what happens next. Joseph was sold into slavery in Eygpt but it was God's Will. Hagar and Ishmael were sent away, but God kept them safe. If you are praying and living in line with God's Will, you will recieve what you ask for in Jesus name.

The family members that do know the situation, are acting against your father and God's Will and this leads to ..... yes : \ , a sad face because they are blocking the active force of God. A miracle is ready to happen and these people, probably without even knowing it, are putting up barriers.

You are my new friend. Thank you for your kind comments on my topic about having 3 autistic sons. But I would not be a true friend to you, if I read that last post and said I'll pray, now lets move on to the next topic. That post is what I call 'playing for a draw.' You see it when someone is being confronted with a different situation and doesn't want to act.

I am where I am in life because God put me here. My past isn't wasted time, my rebellion again God/ all my sins. It was training. I need it all and I need to see God's hand through my life looking back, even if at the time I'd have laughed at anyone who suggested God loves me and was watching over me.

You are where you are. If you can easily believe I'm in the best place to help my disabled children, that God placed me here - well now look at yourself. God has put you next to your homosexual brother. You are his tool. It's you he has called, it's you he has placed there, it's you he has given his Spirit and yes gifts through that Spirit, it's you he wants to act.

It's not me that needs to tell you how to act. Logic says you need to be in prayer daily/ constantly for your brother and parents, other relatives. But not in a negative, sad way. We already have the victory! Satan is defeated! Jesus has defeated him. Praise the Lord!

Stand up straight. Know that in the name of Jesus, God is waiting to work in this situation and with POWER. People better stand aside, if they want to block the mighty arm of our Lord God. Because they will get hurt, they will be brushed aside, if God is allowed to act in this situation.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Lord I lift my new friend to you today. Open her eyes to your Victory. Allow her to see your Glory and Power. Remove her doubts that you can perform a miracle in her family. I also lift her father to you. He is also your tool, like we all are. May he be allowed to serve you. Your Will be done. Please Lord remove these blocks that people are putting in your way. Amen.

[ohmylove]

Thank you so much for keeping up with my post :) I believe that God gives us obstacles that we can overcome. So I believe my brother can overcome this I will pray for him as I have been doing, I just cannot be repititious about God toward him, I try to but he doesn't believe it in any way.

I talked to my Mom today and said she should try to figure out a way to tell my Dad. She will not allow a homosexual relationship under her roof and he is 18 so if he wants to go down that path he can, while praying for him intensely on his journey hoping Jesus will open his eyes.

Do you think this miracle can actually happen that he will seek a relationship with a woman? I guess I just need to have faith.

My grandma is a Baptist Christian and she has told my mom plenty of times since square one that she should tell my father.. she has even volunteered to be present while she tells him so there is some mediation in the room. She has complete faith in my brother, but it becomes harder to bare as he disrespects her and calls her "the holy woman" It's really sad he used to never be like this, he even said at one point he never wanted to leave home... but highschool changes us all :P

[ServantofTruth]

I'd like to look at a few points in your last post.

Your mother will not allow a homosexual relationship under her roof. Does this mean if you brother does it outside the house, she'll turn a blind eye? That she'll continue to support him, give him privaliges and money and ask no questions?

I am not suggesting that if your brother is following a homosexual life style, he should be cut off, not spoken to etc. Rather that if he is choosing this life style, Christian people should act a certain way IMO. He should NOT be being helped in other ways in this life style. Our enemy satan is looking down and just waiting to get a 'foot hold' in everyones lives here. I don't think it is enough to pray and not ACT. Because your mother will be acting each day, whether she realises it or not and supporting his behaviour.

Your Grandma sounds like a great Christian. She not only has faith in God and your brother and prays, but is also willing to put that faith into ACTION. She is obviously walking daily with our Lord and age and maturity show in the little you tell me about her. I believe she is strong enough to take what you brother says and use it in a positive way. I wish I knew or could meet her. Please find more time to spend with or phone/ write to her.

Do I think a miracle can happen? Yes. But the bigger question is why do you doubt so much? I say in love, what church or Christian has taught you that miracles aren't happening every day of the week?

A word of caution though - you put conditions on the miracle that he will form a relationship with a woman. This may not be God's Will. I don't know. Perhaps he will be given the strength to stay single. God gives to each what God decides. Perhaps your brother has a future ministry working with homosexuals? Your brother is a unique God made individual, who will recieve unique gifts through the Spirit.

Perhaps he will be delivered from homosexuality. Perhaps he will be this way inclined for the rest of his life, but still marry a woman of God's choosing. Perhaps he will never marry and as Paul says, be able to focus so much more on God's work?

If you feel you'd like to, perhaps we could more at how this affects you and your faith? What God might be revealing to you through your brother and family? How do you feel about homosexuals/ lesbians? How do you react when you meet them in daily life or hear things in the media?

It was an area I struggled in and certainly didn't want to 'work' for our Lord in! Now a days I can't turn away and pretend it has nothing to do with me, I have to step forward and get involved. Perhaps our Lord is doing the same in your life? Perhaps it's time to be more proactive, study the Word and find out God's Will?

God bless you today. Please believe in miracles. :hug: SofTy.

[Dauwq]

Keep good faith. Remeber even though he has made this known to you he still has to walk this road. Pray for him daily, but also feed him with God's word and with love.
Do not try to convince him otherwise, leave that in the hands of the Master.

Praying with you...

[ohmylove]

I think if my brother was to be kicked out of the house due to his lifestyle my mom would most definitely want to keep up to date with his life, because she's that way. No matter how much someone has turned their back on her shes always there for them especially family.

My mom isn't cutting him off because of his decision for a homosexual lifestyle, she is cutting him off because he has no respect for the rules in the household... what time to come home(my parents work at 6am), do his chores, use the gas in his car wisely. He answers a simple.. "do the trash" with "ill do it tomorrow" and when she continues to ask he will push and shove and yell . But you are correct regardng his lifestyle we need to pray and act as christians.

My Grandma is an excellent Christian! I go to her with the majority of my day to day questions. I frequently call and write her, luckily she isn't far from my hometown so when I do visit she's 5 minutes away. :) She tries passing on the Lord to my brother but he doesn't want to listen.. but I think something keeps luring him back because when he feels as if he is in a rut he continuously to this day calls her.

I need to have more faith in miracles :\ I just want my Mom to be able to be happy, all of this is tearing her apart I just want it to be lifted from her worries somehow. I believe that whatever obstacles and temptations God throws at us anyone can overcome and I hope she can see this through, He doesn't give us anything we cannot conquer!

As for homosexuals and lesbians... one of my guy friends i have known since 6th grade is gay and it never phased me.. i'd talk about my boy problems and he'd talk about his boy problems.. and it was never like a light bulb went off in my head .. but I guess it is different when it is my brother and I care about him, that is when I feel the need to get involved.. whereas my guy friend.. i didn't feel like I was in the right place to guide him out of homosexuality .. I am not his relative. As for lesbians I work with two of them currently and it weirds me out when they hold hands at work, I guess cause I have never been around that before and I don't understand it... I've only known gay guys. And with them in the media I just turn the other way I don't like to watch movies that involve close homosexual relationships or shows... its just not in my interest.

I just don't know how i'm going to accept my brother and whoever he begins to date.. without aching feeling that this is .. actually happening.. my brother even used to date girls.