Agoraphobic, best person to visit people!

[ServantofTruth]

If you have ever thought no one understands you. If you have even thought you know yourself best. Please read on.

At 16, my parents split up and I was left a year or so later with so much fear and stress that I became Agoraphobic. If you don't know what agoraphobia is, basically you become housebound with a fear of leaving the house, and of everyone/ people especially but also every noise etc.

For about 6 years I hardly left the house. The phone ringing or a knock at the door brought me out in a sweat.

For most of that time noone told me what was wrong with me and I thought I'd cracked up. I believed I would die without leaving the house again. One night, in the middle of the night, I left the house sweating from panic and went to the top of the local multi storey car park intending to commit suicide. I stood there and looked down - my fear of living as a very disabled person if it didn't kill me was what stopped me.

Soon after I did get various treatment and was able to go out. But I have lived as a Social phobic ever since - 17 years. About 10 years ago I found Christ.

Social, at times still Agoraphobia, has ruled my life. Despite getting a job and meeting my wife and having 5 sons. (See other posts in the family forum on autism)

However 18 months ago our Lord started calling me to do his work. First with John's gospels, then with tracts/ christian leaflets. An easy job, because you just deliver them and that's it! Noone ever responds.

Wrong. I firmly believe our Lord knew me, much better than I know myself. People do respond and then you have to visit them. Well God must have chosen the wrong person, because the last thing I wanted to do was meet new people in public places like cafes or visit their houses.

Let me tell you He had chosen the right person! I have a 'gift' for visiting people. It's a total contradiction to my Phobia. I now visit new people most weeks, and still visit the people who have become my friends who I'd never met before.

I still have my phobia. I don't even pray for it to be lifted from me, it is a blessing infact in understanding weaknesses in others.

Please never question what God calls you to do, even if your weakness means it is impossible. How often have I heard the preaching, all things are possible for our Mighty God and Saviour Jesus Christ and thought that's alright for you to say BUT I .......

Mission, outreach, ministry in the wider sense, is an area most Christians I know say they could never do. Well may I add here the affect this has had on my mother of 73. She is a church goer of 60 years, me only 6 months regularly. She has one story of mission in those 60 years of singing in a shopping centre and handing out leaflets on a single day.

For the last year she has worked with me. Under my leadership/ following my lead. My money, my transport, our Lord leading me and me leading her. Her friends at church are against our work, the church authority are against our work, but she continues.

She has grown in faith and her heart has opened to people in need, in the same way I have. My need is still greater, the call stronger.

If an Agoraphic is the right person for mission - so are you? If a 73 year old can do it, so can you! She has arthritus. She has fallen while delivering in the cold and rain and got up and continued.

SofTy.

[Seeker of truth]

If you have ever thought no one understands you. If you have even thought you know yourself best. Please read on.

At 16, my parents split up and I was left a year or so later with so much fear and stress that I became Agoraphobic. If you don't know what agoraphobia is, basically you become housebound with a fear of leaving the house, and of everyone/ people especially but also every noise etc.

For about 6 years I hardly left the house. The phone ringing or a knock at the door brought me out in a sweat.

For most of that time noone told me what was wrong with me and I thought I'd cracked up. I believed I would die without leaving the house again. One night, in the middle of the night, I left the house sweating from panic and went to the top of the local multi storey car park intending to commit suicide. I stood there and looked down - my fear of living as a very disabled person if it didn't kill me was what stopped me.

Soon after I did get various treatment and was able to go out. But I have lived as a Social phobic ever since - 17 years. About 10 years ago I found Christ.

Social, at times still Agoraphobia, has ruled my life. Despite getting a job and meeting my wife and having 5 sons. (See other posts in the family forum on autism)

However 18 months ago our Lord started calling me to do his work. First with John's gospels, then with tracts/ christian leaflets. An easy job, because you just deliver them and that's it! Noone ever responds.

Wrong. I firmly believe our Lord knew me, much better than I know myself. People do respond and then you have to visit them. Well God must have chosen the wrong person, because the last thing I wanted to do was meet new people in public places like cafes or visit their houses.

Let me tell you He had chosen the right person! I have a 'gift' for visiting people. It's a total contradiction to my Phobia. I now visit new people most weeks, and still visit the people who have become my friends who I'd never met before.

I still have my phobia. I don't even pray for it to be lifted from me, it is a blessing infact in understanding weaknesses in others.

Please never question what God calls you to do, even if your weakness means it is impossible. How often have I heard the preaching, all things are possible for our Mighty God and Saviour Jesus Christ and thought that's alright for you to say BUT I .......

Mission, outreach, ministry in the wider sense, is an area most Christians I know say they could never do. Well may I add here the affect this has had on my mother of 73. She is a church goer of 60 years, me only 6 months regularly. She has one story of mission in those 60 years of singing in a shopping centre and handing out leaflets on a single day.

For the last year she has worked with me. Under my leadership/ following my lead. My money, my transport, our Lord leading me and me leading her. Her friends at church are against our work, the church authority are against our work, but she continues.

She has grown in faith and her heart has opened to people in need, in the same way I have. My need is still greater, the call stronger.

If an Agoraphic is the right person for mission - so are you? If a 73 year old can do it, so can you! She has arthritus. She has fallen while delivering in the cold and rain and got up and continued.

SofTy.

Wow, thanks for sharing this SofTy :hug: It's a wonderful testimony of what He can do for us and may inspire others :)

[ilovemetal]

yes! that's an amazing story. i had slight agoraphobia for a while. couple years. i still do sometimes breakout in mean sweat when i have to get off the bus, or go to the beach. i freaked out last summer and had to stare at my feet meanwhile swearing like a sailor. i like my house.

God does indeed have the power to change us.
thanks for the story.
kev

[JaneA]

I had agoraphobia too. It is lots better now. I have been on Antidepressants since 1998. I would like to get off them. I think with Gods help I can. I feel that He has healed me of my agoraphobia. I was afraid to go in stores alone, and afraid to be alone at home. Its a rotten disease!:hmm:

[DaniHansen]

I think your testimony gives credence to the fact how hard the enemy tries to keep us from doing God's work and the blocks he tosses in our way to counteract what we're called to do, to keep us from doing it.

"Oh God wants this guy to head outdoors and witness to people? Let's try and make him agoraphobic."

"Oh God wants this lady to intercede for people and invade my kingdom and rob it of souls? Let's try and make her paranoid about spiritual things and bind her up with fear."

Fine post, brother, keep on keeping on. :hug:

[My heart's Desire]

I also had agoraphobia, panic disorder and all that goes with it. I know the feeling. 3 yrs ago, almost 4 now the Lord dwelt with me about my Really trusting Him. I've been off meds for PD for 4 yrs and my doctor probably wonders where i went. (I hardly ever get sick now, if I think about it).
The Bonus: You can witness to others who have it, cuz you've been there! You get to tell them that getting well from it requires stepping out in sheer faith, and I know you know what I mean. People with this when they get well they get better than well!
Meds help but faith in Christ is really the answer! Your story is an encouragement. Thank you.

[ServantofTruth]

Thank you, may our lord continue to bless you. SofTy. :pray:

[paidforinfull]

I am very blessed and encouraged by your wonderful testimony, SofTy. God is indeed our strength, especially in the areas where we are weak.

May God bless you and your mother's ministry so that it may bear much fruit.

[Dravenhawk]

I too have trust issues with people. It is so hard for me to take that risk. I cringe in crouds and would perfer to stay at home. Noises outside freak me out and someone knocking at the door can send me into a panic. Like you I go to work and when the weekend comes I bar the door and hide inside trying not to venture out. Thank you for your testimony as I have found strength from your words.

Dravenhawk

[ServantofTruth]

Do you recognise any of your behaviour in members of your family? Either of your parents? Grandparents. Your own children, if you have any? In my case, both my parents had/ still have social interaction problems and so do a couple of my children, who are autistic.

I have long suspected there is a link between MILD autism and Social phobia/ Agoraphobia. Looking at it from the autistic side, social interaction is a major symptom.

Therefore, to me at least, it would be logical to look at the many social phobic people and test for autism.

Of course many people who are happy to say, yes I have social phobia problems in some situations, would not be prepared to say I'm mildly autistic. Well actually every human being is somewhere on the Autistic scale. :) It's only when it affects your life severely or other people that you get the label.

It's like all mental illness. We are ALL mentally ill. :o Some people live the weirdest lives and are allowed to as long as they don't hurt other people. We all know they are mentally ill. Other people end up in therapy, who are much more stable, but the person they are near is ill and won't go into therapy themselves.

A therapist will tell you, for every person in therapy, there is another person who damaged them who needs therapy a lot more. :cry:

Please don't be offended - but perhaps you could read on social interaction problems connected with mild autism. You can do this 100% privately, noone needs to know. You can also private message me. I believe part of my own problems are due to autistic tendancys that run biolicoly in my family. SofTy.

[GodsamazingGrace77]

Thanks and God bless you for your testimony, SofTy! :hug: I have felt 'strange' ever since I can remember. I always wondered why I was so shy and 'different'. Later on, I thought that alcohol and drugs were the answer. Boy, was I wrong about that! It only leads to addictions and opens up all kinds of horrible things (the enemy thrives on this kind of stuff). I realize now, that all my fear did was drive me away from the Lord. I am still dealing with all kinds of fear but the Lord out of mercy and grace started tugging at my heart a few years ago. Only in the last few mos or so have I been able to step out in faith because of His love for me. Now I trust Him with all my heart and just know that He has a better life for me and wants me to be His servant! :pp This board has been such a tremendous blessing to me! My thoughts and prayers are with you, SofTy. :pray: You have blessed me with your testimony! :hug:

[Jerome1]

Amazing story ServantofTruth, i've read your posts on here before and would never have suspected you had those types of problems.

[tayariswife]

THANK YOU! I am in tears as this reminds me of my Grammie who died delivering meals on wheels at 80 years old. No one could understand those folks better then her and she was in the midst of what she loved when she was called home!

[Partaker of Christ]

Hi Softy!
I was going to PM this to you, but your PM is off.

I just finished reading your great testimony. I am not sure if it is Social Phobia that my wife suffers from. She has suffered with this illness for about 5 years now, and she is taking medication for it.

She had also suffered a sever depression a few years before this, and was prescribed Prozac. This lasted about a year or so, and she pulled through.
Her mother died at a young age with a liver disease, due to alcohol. I think she drank heavily, because she also suffered from depression.
It could be hereditary, as I know of two of her brothers with similar issues.

Her symptoms are:
In the early stages she was not exactly suicidal, but she sure wanted to die, and she would pray that God would let her die. She had some counselling that had zero effect. After trying different tablets, she eventually found one that helped.
Her fear is people, and in particular authorities. I truly believe that the work we both did, was the trigger of her fears. We both worked for Social Services, looking after young people in residential care. I worked in a Secure Unit for young offenders.

My wife was a 100 percenter. In nine years she never had a day off with sickness. Although she would never apply for a senior post, she was often given that responsibility.
One day, one of the young girls made a false allegation against my wife and two other colleges. The rules are, that the department has a legal duty to investigate such matters. It is one of those jobs, were you are guilty until you can prove your innocence. It was not the first time this girl has made false allegations, and two weeks later, she admitted that she lied.

The case was closed, and there was great relief, but from there on, my wife became more and more paranoid. The stress built up and up, until she could no longer do her job.
Five years on, and she will hardly venture out of the home. Perhaps once every two months. She fears doing or even saying something wrong. If she has said something to someone (even family) that may be misunderstood, I have to contact them on her behalf to make sure it is made clear.
Our home is her castle and her prison. She will not answer a knock at the door, and she will not answer the phone, unless she knows who it is.